A BRIEF Trip Home

Yesterday, we had a mandatory all staff in-service. Because all of the staff had to be at camp on Saturday, I didn't have anyone to ride the bus. It happened to be my BFs birthday on Friday, so I decided to ride the bus home from (the first time I've ridden the bus in 6 summers) and then have him drive me back up to camp.

I rode the bus back to the office where my mom picked me up. I made some photocopies in the office and then we headed to my house. I grabbed a few things from around my house, changed my clothes and then the BF and I went out for sushi. We made a quick trip to the grocery store and then headed back to camp.

We got back to camp around 10:30pm and Assistant Director 'A' had baked the BF his favorite cake for his birthday. 'A' has the best memory for details of anyone I have ever met. I can mention something one time and she will remember it and reference it later. I'm not sure how she knew that was his favorite cake, but she remembered.

Tomorrow we begin our biggest week of the summer. I think it will be a great week.

Can't Rain on My Parade

We've had gorgeous, hot, sunny weather all week- until last night. The talent show is the last activity of the night, and just as we were heading down to the fire circle/stage, it started pouring. The rain only lasted about 15 minutes and then it went back to beautiful weather, but the power went out a few minutes into the storm and when the rain ended, the power didn't quite get the message.

We decided to hold the talent show anyway and managed to find all of the songs the kids needed for their acts on our phones. The music was a little quieter without speakers, but we managed. The kids loved the show- they laughed at all the skits and sang along with the songs. The counselors sang a song together and put their arms around each other and rocked while they sang.

There have been so many moments this week that I have just been overcome with happiness and wanted to burst into tears of joy. The counselors this year are the best I have worked with. The kids are enthusiastic. The weather has been perfect. I feel healthy and strong and energetic. Life is amazing.

The parents arrived yesterday and were friendly and complimentary and said wonderful, kind things. Everyone was seated at the fire circle/stage and ready for the closing program. Except that the sky was getting darker and darker and I was worried that it would start raining while we were sitting there. In my experience, parents do not find fleeing from the rain very charming. So at the last minute, I moved everyone into the chapel where we had a slightly altered closing program. It started POURING midway through the ceremony, so I was happy we moved.

A little bit of rain, but still, a great week!

One Wet Shoe

It is Christmas week and so last night, all of the kids and staff left one show on their cabin porches because St. Nick was rumored to be making a visit.

At 3am, the crashing thunder woke me up and as I sat up in bed, I said out loud, "they're all going to have one wet shoe!"

The power went out but the lightning was bright. The winds were shaking my camper. I was frantically checking all of the weather apps I have on my phone. There weren't any alerts and when I looked out my front door, it looked like a normal rain storm, nothing major.

I was wide awake in bed. As I lay in bed worrying, I realized that I wasn't worried about a tornado or severe weather. That is always a concern, but my real fear was that a huge tree would fall on one of my flimsy little cabins and crush a bunch of campers. There is not an app to predict that or a warning system to alert me to get them to safety.

Eventually I fell back to sleep and when I went to breakfast this morning, many kids told me they had slept through the storm and hadn't heard anything. Everyone had one wet shoe, but no one seemed concerned about it.

I am enjoying myself immensely this summer but my sleepless night was a reminder of how much responsibility this job is. Even if everyone else at camp sleeps through the storm, I will not be able to relax until the last camper and staff have made it safely home at the end of the summer. I guess I can sleep then...

Camp Magic

Camp magic is the special something that sets camp apart from any other place in the world. I can think of dozens of memories where I forgot I was in charge of everything and got swept into the excitement and fun with equal enthusiasm to the kids- THAT is camp magic.

Yesterday was HOT. All day long, it was just hot and sticky everywhere. By the time we got to the campfire, I was drained and sick of being hot. We sang some songs, made s'mores and watched some counselor skits. But I was OVER it.

"Hey, I have an idea!" Both the kids and the counselors weren't sure what I was going to say. "Who wants to do a spontaneous, fully clothed, nighttime polar bear plunge with me?!" (Polar bear plunge is usually at 7:15am and the kids LOVE it!) All of the kids and most of the counselors started cheering.

One of the kids said, "but we don't have our towels". I told him it was still hot outside so he would dry. Plus, we were going to showers in a little while anyway, so it didn't really matter if their clothes got wet. We all ran down to the beach and jumped in the water in our clothes. It was still light out and there are MANY lifeguards on staff, so we were safe. And even though it was the evening, the water was warm. Anything that is different than the schedule feels a little exciting to the kids and I know the counselors (and I!) appreciated cooling down.

Tonight was the dance party. I used to LOVE the dance party, but I skipped most of them last year. I was planning on skipping this one too, but I started talking with a few of the kids sitting off to the side and pretty soon we were all dancing and I got swept into the party.

I was so dreading camp before I arrived for the summer, but I've been overcome by camp magic and find myself swept into the fun more often than not. There will always be emails and paperwork, but this summer, I can't tear myself away from playing, kayaking, hanging out, and general camp life. It is wonderful.

Praying For a Miracle

Today the Bishop came to say mass. I was nervous. I met with this bishop last year to try to get him on board with camp and he basically shot me down. Our camp happens to be in this diocese, so you would think we would get a lot of kids from around here, but it turns out, the schools and churches don't promote us because of this bishop. When we met, he offered to come to camp to say mass but he put me off all last summer. So I basically stalked him, emailing about once a month since last summer until we arranged it for this summer. I am determined to win him over.

He came to camp and he was very pleasant. During mass, I said a prayer for God to save camp. I'm not particularly religious despite the fact that I run a religiously based camp, but I don't want camp to close. "Dear God, please send me a million dollars and help me save camp. I am sorry for praying for money, I know that's sort of tacky, but it's not for my personal benefit, so it's not quite a sin- right?"

We can't close- there is too much good and this summer is going so well. How can we close something that is so pure and so good? We can't. And yet, at this point, something big will have to happen for me to go back to the board and say, "Never mind, I actually want to keep it going. Forget all of the concerns I presented a few months ago."

So I am praying for a miracle. Well, no, not a miracle- money. I don't need anything mysterious from the heavens, I just need some cash, plain and simple money. It might take a miracle to find that money, but it's a pretty straightforward need. Hopefully I don't get myself sent to hell by praying for it.

Christmas!

The theme this week is "Christmas in June". On Saturday, Property Manager T cut down a huge pine tree and brought it into the dining hall. It was about 12 feet tall and almost touches the ceiling. It could be a bit wider for me, but it's not bad...

This evening, campers rotated between 5 different stations- Christmas cookie decorating, Christmas bingo, Christmas charades, Christmas caroling and Christmas ornament making.

The kids were so excited and everyone was in a festive, happy mood. I walked from station to station just overwhelmed with happiness. It was such a perfect, happy, wonderful activity.

Gradually, my feelings of impending doom around every corner are fading. Every day, about 100 times a day, in small moments, when I watch the counselors with the kids, when I observe activities, when I interact with the kids- over and over, I am overcome with happiness and pride.

Last summer, I was still in a cloud of grief from the loss of my dad. Camp flooded. I had a new business manager, a new property manager, new cook, and new program directors. Everything was difficult. So perhaps this summer, everything feels so much easier because last summer was so hard.

Whatever it is, this summer is starting off it a beautiful, amazing, fun, enjoyable, fabulous way and I am enjoying every minute of it.

I feel like a kid at Christmas... apropos for this week I suppose...

Needy Parents

This morning, I opened my email first thing while still laying in bed. There were three emails (each progressively more hysterical) from a mom who was dropping her two daughters off today. Last year, when she dropped off the older of the two, she cried (a lot), so I wasn't surprised she was feeling nervous again. I emailed her back and then we exchanged 5 more emails over the next half hour. The younger daughter had been nervous last night and started to cry so she was panicking.

When she arrived at camp, as they all got out of the car and she already had tears in her eyes. The older daughter ran off immediately to her three friends who were already at camp. When the younger camper started crying, the mom wrapped her in her arms, and was crying above her head.

Eventually I managed to separate them and distract the camper enough to get her over to the opening program. I was surprised when, as we introduced the staff, that the mom drove away. She hadn't actually left though. She had just driven down the road and around the corner to finish writing out notes to attach to the care packages she'd made for each day.

An hour later, I drove the golf cart down to check on her. She wasn't crying and we talked for a while. She eventually finished and left nearly two hours after she dropped off the girls. I emailed her this morning and let her know the girls were doing well.

In addition to that needy mom, there was another that I emailed with in the days leading up to camp. This is her older son's third year of camp, but her younger son's first. Her husband died unexpectedly two years ago and she has had some health problems, so I know everything is just a bit more dramatic, but she was very worried. When the younger camper took the swim test today, he didn't pass. Later, he re-took the test and when everyone in the group found out her was taking it, they started cheering him on. By the end of the two minute swim, they were counting down 10 seconds, 9 seconds, 8, 7... and when he passed, they all cheered. The lifeguard told me that when he finished and everyone cheered, he raised his arms above his head and his face lit up with a huge triumphant smile.

I emailed his mom to tell her that story and encourage her.

Today there was a sick camper. He and three of his siblings are at camp this week. When I called the parents to let them know he was sick, the mom's first question was, "yes, but how is Harry?" (Harry is the youngest of the 4 kids).

I think my week is going to include a lot of hand holding with the parents, but we're off to a strong start.

Just A Typical Day

I thought "Executive Director" would
include more business suits and power lunches...

The first week of camp continues to go well and we are definitely into the swing of things.

Here's a run down of my day:

7:05- Wake up
7:15- Go for a run with Assistant Director 'A'
7:45- wake up dogs, feed them, make breakfast
8:15- go to the dining hall where kids are WIDE awake, singing, asking questions and READY for the day!
8:45- grab some shovels and a pitch fork and head to the mud pit with 'A'. Once a week, the kids compete in tu-o-war and then jump in the mud pit. To get the mud pit ready, you have to dig and turn up the dirt, while mixing it with your feet. Eventually, it ends up sticky and muddy and about knee deep, but it takes at least an hour to get it that way.
10:00- the kids tug-o-war and then jump in the mud. At the end, inevitably, they all start chanting my name and I make a big production about not wanting to go in, shouting no and looking surprised they would ask. I dip a toe in and ask if that is enough. And then of course I go in face first and the kids go wild. It is actually pretty fun, despite the mud in my teeth and eyes.

11:00- wash off at the beach with the kids and then head to my house to SCRUB the rest of the mud off my body.

11:25- One of our board members and a potential donor show up unannounced. Spend the next hour showing them around camp. All of the activities were going SO well and I was very proud.

12:30- lunch (still entertaining board member and guest)- kids are SO loud. The guests love it and are very impressed.

1:30- Thank board member for coming. I have not yet actually been near my computer today, my phone has been ringing the entire visit and rest period is almost over so I don't have much time before I have to go help lifeguard. I am starving and my head hurts. I have given up gluten, dairy and yeast this summer, so I don't actually eat in the dining hall. I eat before or after. I rush to my house to eat quickly and my dogs are upset that they haven't gotten to play yet.

1:50- Head to the beach to lifeguard. Get stopped on the way there by 'A' who has been trying to mediate two campers and their very unhappy counselor. She has been unsuccessful and so I bring the girls into my office (first I switch around some staff to take my place at the beach) and then we talk about behavior.

2:15- bring the kids to their activity. Quickly check my voicemail (there are 8 phone calls that need to be returned) and my email (there are about 17 of them).

2:50- The third period canoe group has been struggling this week, so I have decided to take over and get them organized. I take half of the group and head out in kayaks. It is a gorgeous day, they are slow enough that I am able to mostly kick back and work on my tan in between short bursts of paddling.

3:50- Meet with the 2 counselors and two campers from earlier to mediate the behavior situation from the morning.

4:00- The housekeeper's phone went missing this morning and I have been doing some detective work to recover it. 'A' and I go into the oldest male cabin to do some secret searching.

4:15- Finally take the dogs out to play for a little bit while answering some phone calls.

5:00- Cook dinner while discussing evening programming and cabin assignments for next week with 'A'.

5:30- Dining hall. Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays I have "staff dinner" where groups of counselors join me at the lead staff table for dinner and check in.

6:00- Bring the oldest male cabin to my office to interrogate each camper one by one for information about the missing phone. No luck with the phone but I learn that I am scary enough to intimidate 15 year old boys.

6:45- Work on emails and phone calls. Get interrupted by SCREAMING. There are ants in one of the girls' cabin. The counselor is HORRIFIED because it is ATROCIOUS and she has never seen such an infestation. The girls move to an empty cabin in full on crisis mode. If the building was burning to the ground and they were trying to save all of their most prized possessions, several kittens and a few orphan babies, I imagine the reaction would be similar to what they were doing. I hurry to the cabin, expecting to see the walls black, covered and crawling, but there were about 20 ants in one area and 10 in another area. It was a decent amount of ants, but I personally would have swept them into a dust pan and told the girls to chill, but I take their crisis very seriously, help them frantically grab everything and RUN out of the cabin and promise to alert our property manager first thing in the morning.... No, I do not think it is necessary to call him at home and have him return this evening.

7:50- set up for the dance party and dance for a few minutes.

8:15- back to my office to write 12 elf letters (camp has an elf- if you write him a letter and put it inside his tiny door, he will write you a tiny little letter back. A very fun idea and the kids love it, but it requires me to write tiny letters to put into tiny envelopes which takes more time than one would imagine). 2 of the letters are in spanish and require translation- apparently the elf is bi-lingual this week.

8:45- start camper showers. This process involves me sitting in the bathroom, reminding every single girl to brush her teeth, go to the bathroom and then stand in line, making sure she has her towel, soap, pjs, etc. We have 6 showers, so getting 45 girls through the bathroom requires efficiency and a lot of me yelling, "ladies in the shower, you have 3 minutes left.... ladies in the shower, you have 30 seconds.... ladies in the shower, if you don't hurry up, I am going to turn the water to this building off and you can go to bed covered in soap...." I don't actually have that ability, but it sounds less creepy than, "I am going to drag you out of there" which I also have never done- I actually can't really do anything to them if they are in the shower past my time limit warning, so it's a bit of an empty threat, but overall, it keeps them moving.

10:15- The last few oldest girls get into the shower and so I leave the bathroom. Their counselor can deal with getting them to hurry up and finish. I go to the office to pick up my computer and go home. I try to answer a few more emails, write the daily blog post for our website while brushing my teeth.

10:30- talk to my boyfriend on the phone. I get terrible reception in my house, so I have to call him back several times through the 10 minute conversation.

11:00- turn off the light.

There were a few other things in between all of that, but that's a pretty typical day. During the rest of the year, I generally work 9am-3:30pm and get flack from friends for having a cake job. But I make up those hours during the summer, so it evens out compared to their 9-5 jobs.

Bring on the next day of adventure.

Beautiful Moment in Counseling

Yesterday we did an activity called CHAOS (http://sunshineandrainbowdreams.blogspot.com/2013/06/day-1.html) and one of the activities was building boats out of recycled materials. The majority of the group was 7 year old boys- a tough age to get to focus on anything, and yet, they were incredibly focused and worked hard the whole time.

Towards the end of the period, I headed over to the art barn to see their final projects. Counselor M was leading the kids towards sunset beach to see if the boats could float. Counselor B was still in the art barn with one of the kids. I walked in and stood off to the side to observe.

The camper was crying and I could see that his boat was only half finished. But instead of rushing the camper or telling him, "tough luck- we ran out of time" Counselor B was sitting next to him, quietly and patiently telling him not to worry, he would make sure that the camper got to finish his boat. He didn't rush- he calmly worked as if they had all the time in the world.

In staff training, we talk about building relationships, about treating every child as if they were the only child here, about meeting kids where they are at. But so often in the hustle and bustle of getting a big group of kids from one place to another, or when we get tired or frustrated, the ability to be patient, to take your time and to give the one-on-one attention each kid needs gets forgotten.

Eventually the camper and Counselor B completed the boat and took it to the beach. The moment that the boat went into the water and floated was exceptional. The camper and Counselor B looked at each other in pure joy- both of their eyes lighting up with surprise, pride and excitement.

It doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things whether or not kids finish building their boat or if they float. And with so many kids and so many activities, it is easy to rush through things to get the whole group on to the next thing. But these small moments mean something to the kids. And the extra time and effort was so worth it. It was a good reminder for me and I am so proud of Counselor B.

Day 1!!

The first full day is over and I am exhausted, but filled with joy. It was an absolutely perfect first day. Hopefully I will get used to things going so well and I won't be skeptical or fear that it is the calm before the storm. I just can't quite believe that this summer will be as easy and wonderful as it has been so far, but I think this is how a camp is SUPPOSED to run, so maybe I will adjust.

The group of kids that arrived yesterday were 75% (or maybe more) return campers. A group of nuns from the city send neighborhood kids to camp every year and this is the group. For the past few years it has rained the ENTIRE week they have been at camp, so I was happily shocked when they arrived to sunshine yesterday.

Everyone got off the bus smiling, excited, happy and ready for camp. After 12 days of talking about camp, practicing activities and getting ready for camp, counselors were SO eager for actual kids to be here. They looked a little nervous when actually put in charge of wiggling 7 year olds, giggling 10 year olds, and eye rolling 13 year olds, but they found their groove quickly.

This morning, the kids were eager to start activities and I was really impressed with the counselors. They were mostly on time (which is IMPRESSIVE for the first day), they were organized, and they lead the activities just as we taught them.

There weren't any homesick kids, behavior issues, and every activity I saw was filled with happy, engaged kids and counselors who were camper-focused and having fun. I felt a little like I was walking around a real life promotional video.

In the evening, we ran an activity called CHAOS which stands for "counselors have another outstanding skill". Counselors get to lead a one hour activity of their choice outside of camp activities. As I walked around camp watching each activity, I was actually choking back tears.

I watched a very engaged group of kids learning yoga poses.

I walked into a building where all of the kids were huddled together- happy but focused on learning Swahili.

A group building tiny boats out of recycled materials and another group building bridges out of toothpicks. I was amazed that even the older boys were smiling and participating (sometimes it is tough to convince 15 year old boys to craft).

There was a group on the field who were "horizontal rock climbing". The counselor had set out paper plates and other "rocks" and the kids had to put their hands and feet in certain places to get from one side to the other. To "repel" back down, they rolled through the grass. It was mostly little girls and they were giggling so loudly I couldn't help myself but to laugh as I watched.

The final group was beat boxing, rapping and learning to harmonize. As they sand their song, my mouth actually dropped open. I could NOT believe how incredible they sounded. I could NOT believe that two counselors could get 15 kids to sound like that in less than an hour. I nearly burst into tears of joy.

Every single child was engaged and happy. Every counselor was not just effectively leading, but they were smiling and happy too. It was pure magic- camp at its absolute best.

Day one= success. I can't wait to see what the rest of the summer brings...

Staff Training

June 2 began the marathon with lifeguard training. This year I had 8 people go through the class (I usually have 3 or 4). I sort of hate "pre-camp" training. They are at camp and getting to know each other, but they aren't officially at camp yet. We don't play get to know you games or go over the policies of camp. So it's just sort of an awkward in between time. But the staff did a great job with lifeguard class and settled into camp and so it all worked out. CPR/First aid was all day on June 6. There were only a few in that class because so many had been part of lifeguarding. The lifeguards spent the day helping out with projects around camp.

June 7 was the first full day of staff training. Training is 8am-9pm every day. There are a few scheduled breaks, but for the most part, it is nonstop activity. The first few days involve a lot of sitting and listening. I break up the day with frequent songs and games, so that the days don't get too long as we cover the important things like camp rules, safety, child development, etc.

By the third or fourth day of training days become much more interactive and hands on with staff actually learning and practicing the activities. The staff members are all 19 years old. Last year, we had mostly seniors in college or recent college grads. Consequently, they seem INCREDIBLY young this year.

Overall, training went really well. I had 3 come to me crying, unsure if they were cut out to be a counselor. I actually worry less about those kinds of staff- I knew they were listening to me and taking the seriousness of this job to heart. We talked through it and they all bounced back and ended training with excitement for the summer. I think some of the other staff are a bit overconfident right now. I think actual children are going to be surprisingly more difficult to manage than just talking about campers, but they'll get the hang out if.

Usually when staff training ends, I just want to lay on my couch and not move. The BF usually comes up for the weekend and we hang out. But there were about a million different things I wanted from my house and 7 different stores I wanted to visit to buy specific items. It was too much for him to bring me- it would have been like a scavenger hunt. So I decided to go home for 24 hours.

Training ended at 12 and I was in the car by 1:30. I got home, dropped off the dogs and ran around to all of the different places I needed to go. BF and I went out to a nice dinner, relaxed and watched a movie on the couch and went to bed early. This morning, I planned to sleep in, but was awake by 8am.

It looks like I got into a fight
(my leg looks similar)

My voice is scratchy and sounds terrible from 12 days of talking and singing loudly. My body is bruised from moving things around and getting camp ready, as well as some particularly gross looking bruises from canoe tipping. My allergies have kicked in and my eyes are dry and red. So overall, I wasn't feeling my prettiest. So I went to get my nails done. They were broken and jagged and ordinarily I wouldn't bother, but I needed a little pampering.

I had a nice lunch with my mom, stopped at my office to make a few copies and was back to camp by dinnertime. It was a whirlwind, but I am happy I made the trip.

Usually I think nail art is tacky,
but I figured it would be fun fo camp

As we begin the summer, I feel... good... I hesitate to say that, but I feel GOOD. I came to camp feeling  SO negative and apprehensive. And last summer was SO difficult. The business manager 'S' was new and even though she is smart and works hard, everything was so new for her, it was difficult. This year, she is totally self sufficient and she makes my life so easy.

Property Manager 'T' was new last summer. I was nervous about him and we were still figuring each other out. This summer, he is confident, knows exactly what needs to be done and makes my life so easy.

My cooks last year were terrible. The head cook was a basket case, the assistant cook went crazy because she was trying to make up for the head cook. It was a battle all summer. This summer, I have two new cooks and a new housekeeper who are all FABULOUS. The cooks work together as school cooks, and have transformed the kitchen. They are competent, hard working, confident and make my life easy! The new housekeeper has scrubbed every inch of camp and I have never seen this place so clean. It is amazing.

Assistant Director 'A' is amazing as always, but this year, as a full time staff member, she is more confident, more independent and is making my life easy. My summer program director is new to the role, but she is so confident, so easy going, and so good- she reminds me of PDS (who was my program director for 4 years and the greatest staff member/human being of all time!).

Last summer's unofficial theme was "struggle"- everything was just DIFFICULT. And then it flooded. And so the fact that everything is going so smooth this year, that everything is so easy, is making me a little nervous. I think I'm a little scarred from last year. This is the way camp is SUPPOSED to run- a group of competent people doing their jobs well to operate efficiently and successfully. I know this is normal. But I am not quite used to it and so I've been cautiously peering around corners, and fear there is something dramatic waiting to crush me as soon as I let my guard down.

I'm hopeful though. I'm hopeful that last year was a fluke. I'm hopeful that this is a sign of the summer ahead. I am hopeful that we will have sunshine and happy campers and an amazing summer!! Bring on the campers....

Idealism

In high school and college, I found my place with the "youth group crowd" and spent a lot of time volunteering, attending retreats, and talking about faith. We all wore a lot of cross necklaces, spent time discussing our favorite Bible/Gandhi/Mother Theresa quotes and there was nothing better if someone had a guitar and we could sing faith-based songs while sitting in a circle. We all believed that we were going to change the world.

At 31, I'm still pretty idealistic. I believe in the possibility of change. I believe in the goodness of people. I volunteer. But sometime between then and in my 20s, I've developed a healthy level of cynicism and have a better grasp on reality. The inspirational stories and quotes of my youth seem cliche.

Yes, I still aspire to be the change I wish to see in the world and I don't doubt that a small group of thoughtful citizens can change the world. But these days I find that I spend more energy on goals like "lose 10 pounds" or "get around to googling refinancing my mortgage."

Me from 15 years ago would be so disappointed. I vowed I would never lose my idealism.

--

Every year the camp staff seem a little younger and I feel significantly older. This year in particular, I have almost all new, almost all 19 year old staff. 7 of 15 were campers while I was the director!

One of the girls is the niece of my board vice president 'M'. 'M' is in her late 40s or maybe early 50s. So when the counselor asked me, "how do you know my aunt? Did you go to high school together?" I realized I am officially old enough that they don't have a concept of my age. I am just "an adult"- 30, 50, 90? What does it matter- old people are just old.

I'm happy to be at that point with the staff. By being "old" I know that I am FAR more credible than when I was close in age to the staff I was supervising. Those first few years were difficult because they knew (and so did I) that the only reason I was "in charge" was because I had the whistle and a better job title.

Today was a full day of lifeguard training. It was 8 hours straight of talking, demonstrating and trying to get 19 year olds to appreciate the level of responsibility they are taking on. I was drained and they seemed to have gained energy as the day progressed. I went into the staff house to pick up my computer before heading home and could have sworn I'd entered a cliche camp movie (the kind that anyone who has ever been to camp says, "yeah, it's not really like that"). There they were, sitting in a circle, singing and swaying (many with eyes closed).

As they belted out "Lord I Life Your Name on High...." All I could think was, "I wish I had some wine." But I stopped myself from rolling my eyes and realized that, cynicism aside, it was a sweet and lovely scene. This is a particularly innocent, conservative group, which I should be thankful for, not judgmental of. I thought about the horror stories I've heard from so many other camp directors- sex, drugs, alcohol, parties, firing large groups of staff at once. I am happy to have my youth groupers.

I stood for a moment and appreciated their spirit and thought about my younger self. I said a short prayer, "dear God, please take away some of my cynicism and let me enjoy this summer with carefree innocence." If this is the last year (or even if it's not), let me enjoy every moment, laugh more, set aside paperwork and emails and try to play more often.

The Tin Can

I still don't have water or septic in the trailer, but it has become home and I am definitely enjoying having my own quiet space once again. Once I am able to pee in the middle of the night and shower and cook, it will be everything I could have dreamed of... ya know, for a camper...

Kitchen/Dining

Kitchen/Living (you can see my chair and couch covered in blankets to "dog-proof")

 The checkered linoleum is what we used to cover the white carpet. We duct taped it to itself and also to the linoleum that was in the kitchen. It isn't perfectly flat, but it looks pretty good. And so far, it is working well.

Bedroom (mirrored closet)

 There are two small steps that lead to the little hall outside the bathroom and into my bedroom. We used plastic covering (the kind people usually have on steps or in halls). It was a perfect width and is staying in place quite well.

This is the hall outside the bathroom looking down the steps

There is a lot of storage and it is a nice little house for one person (and two fat dogs). It has everything I need and is a quiet place away from the staff. Wireless internet works and there is even air conditioning for when it gets hot and I need to keep the bulldogs cool. 

I think I am going to like living in a tin can this summer. 

Positive Attitude

This is the view out of my new bedroom window.

“Whenever you hold on to anger or resentment or negative feelings, you’re basically taking a part of yourself and rendering it to that… Life is struggle, life is suffering, but life is also joy and you get to decide, to a certain extent, your own personal happiness by your attitude and what motivates you to get up in the morning. And I like to think I get up in the morning to look forward to another day of happiness. And if I’m stuck in the past, I’m certainly not going to get happiness.” -Phillip Sheppard

Summer #6

Summer 2008- I excitedly packed my bags and headed into the woods for my first summer away. I was ready for the adventure of a lifetime, ready to change lives, ready for fun. I was nervous, but excited, sure it would be the best job of my life.

I arrived at an empty, dirty, rainy, creepy camp. I was by myself. I walked around camp, made a long to- do list and by the time I got back to my house, I was more overwhelmed than I'd ever been. I laid down on the dirty couch in a strange house and cried.

I started a blog. http://sunshineandrainbowdreams.blogspot.com/2008/05/day-1-dumbfounded.html

There were more tears the next day. Camp wasn't home yet and I remember whimpering on the phone, telling my best friend that I felt like I was in the Box Car Children book.
http://sunshineandrainbowdreams.blogspot.com/2008/05/pitcher-of-pasta.html

Eventually the sun came out, the staff arrived, I stopped crying and camp turned into the wonderful adventure that I'd dreamed of. I had just turned 26 and I was running my own camp!

Six years later, I have once again arrived in the woods. Once again, it was raining when I arrived (it seems to do that every year).

Once again, I don't quite feel home yet. My fancy new trailer doesn't have water or septic yet. Also, it has white carpet (in what scenario would that EVER be a good idea for a camper?!) and we are planning on covering it with plastic to "dog proof" and "camp proof" it. But that isn't done yet, so I don't feel comfortable even stepping a foot inside since the rain has turned camp into one big sand/mud pit. So right now, my stuff is everywhere and I am displaced.

I am apprehensive and a bit hesitant about this summer ahead. But I am trying to remind myself of the hope and excitement and rainbow dreams of the past five summers....

Ready or not, here we go again...

Let the summer begin!!!!

A New Chapter

Last summer, the staff house flooded and the lead staff moved in with me. The staff break area was split beween the Rec Hall and my porch. It wasn't ideal for the staff or for me. We all need our own space.

My house is 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, and makes the most sense to be the staff house. In February the board president had the idea to buy a camper as temporary housing for me for the summer (until camp could raise the money to build a new house). I was skeptical, but still believed we would eventually raise the money and rebuild.

In February, the BF and I went camper shopping. I almost cried when we walked through the first few. I couldn't imagine spending the summer in something the size of a closet. But eventually, we found one that was in our price range, had high ceilings, was spacious, clean, and even airconditioned. We purchased the camper and I started getting used to the idea of a new camp home.

This weekend the camper was delivered and I'm actually sort of excited. It is a cool little place and it feels like it might be sort of an adventure. Years ago, MTV had a reality show called Road Rules. Six 20-somethings lived in an RV and traveled around. I DESPERATELY wanted to be on that show. In hindsight, I'm not sure what about that appealed to me, but my younger self is finally getting that wish.

In addition to camper delivery, it was also work weekend. Work weekend is usually such a happy time. It's amazing to see so many people come together to get camp ready for the summer and over the course of just a day or two, watch as new projects get completed and camp is transformed. It was difficult to be positive this year, knowing that this is the last summer. I struggled to smile and talk about the future when I just wanted to shrug my shoulders and say, "don't bother, this is it."

No one else knows we are talking about closing. Deep down, I am hoping that something changes and when we meet in the fall, there's a surprise donation of a million dollars or someone steps up and decides to keep it going. But in the meantime, staying upbeat and happy for everyone is not easy. I feel like I'm lying, like I'm hiding something. I guess that's sort of true...

Besides the stress of putting on a good face for everyone, I also had to move the rest of my dad's stuff out of the house. Right after he died, D and I came up and took all of the important, valuable, sentimental things out. But the house was still his, still filled with his things. Most of it was stuff I didn't want, but also didn't necessarily want to leave behind. I struggled to throw away anything with his writing on it and had to calmly tell myself I couldn't keep every old to do list and post it note.

We boxed everything up and now my garage is filled with stuff I don't know what to do with. I'm sure it will get easier as time goes by and every year I will be able to get rid of a few more things.

I'm trying to stay positive and find gratitude for small amounts of closure. But mostly I just want to kick my legs and say, "this sucks" over and over and over again.

Failure

The more I think about camp closing, the more upset I get about it.

In the past few months, I've lost hope for the future of camp, but I was hoping that if I stepped aside, SOMEONE could save it.

My resume as Executive Director is impressive. In 5 years, the camp has gone from $300,000 in debt to debt free. Camper retention has increased from 20% to 65%. I created a year round marketing plan, a fundraising strategy, administrative systems, policies, procedures, an organized budget, developed programming... I could go on.

In the first year alone, we took 5 dumpsters worth of garbage out of the buildings (not to mention the piles of junk we burned). My only regret from this entire experience is not taking pictures the first year. I was embarrassed by the condition of camp, but I wish I had documented the transition.

The truth of the whole situation is that they should have closed this camp 6 years ago. Two years earlier, the board had met and discussed closing down, but brought in a consultant who came up with a plan to save camp. They hired a new director and recommitted to the future of camp.

When they found out he'd been paying for his gambling habit on the camp credit card, they fired him and asked me if I thought I could run camp myself.

At 26, I was fearless, naive and thrilled to have the opportunity to be in charge. At the end of the summer, I confidently set up a meeting with the board, had my speech prepared, and was ready to convince them to let me be the Executive Director. I walked out with the job and really thought it must have been my impressive professional skills that convinced them to hire me. In hindsight, I think they probably thought, "eh, give the kid a chance and we'll close it when she gives up."

And for almost 6 years, at every meeting, I've been optimistic, energetic and filled with stories about the good work we are doing. Money has always been tight, recruitment has been difficult, but I think they let me run with it because it's always all worked out and they didn't have to worry about it.

The board has let me live my dream. They let me run off to the woods every summer and play. It didn't matter that our budget was in the red- donations always seemed to roll in at the last minute and there was always the credit line to fall back on. I've lost a lot of sleep over the budget, desperate to get it to balance, but I think for board, they never really expected to get there, and in the meantime, they felt good about the work we were doing. They knew that the end was imminent.

And yet, I feel like I failed. I feel like it is my fault. I know it isn't. I know that I did everything possible to make this camp successful and that I kept it going for 6 years longer than it should have been. "Dug the organization out of a hole" isn't on my resume. "Kept a sinking ship floating for 6 years" isn't on my resume.

But still, if I heard about a camp closing after 66 years, my first reaction would be to blame the director.  Because if the director was good at her job, the budget would be balanced, the fundraising dollars would be rolling in, the campers would be registered, and the camp would be successful.

I'm afraid of what people are going to think. I don't want to be blamed. I'm more disappointed that anyone, I tried harder than anyone. And this sucks.

PART 2- It's Not You, It's Me... Except That It's Mostly You

I met with J&M (the board president and vice president). I had a speech prepared.

I told them I love camp and that for 6 years, I've had the unwavering belief that we could be successful. I told them that I am 100% committed to the summer ahead and that it was sure to be the best summer yet.

I told them that I have some major concerns about camp.

#1- After 66 years, we should have a strong, passionate community who cares about camp. But if we were to close tomorrow, I think that a few people would be sad, but there wouldn't be anyone who rose to the occasion to fight for camp. I feel like this camp is running mostly because I continue to show up every day, not because it is an important organization to a large group of people.

#2- I've done everything I can with paint, cleaning supplies, and a hammer and nails. My dad made some great improvements. But this camp is falling down. We need a million dollars (probably more) to actually update the buildings. I think we are a windy day away from cabins falling like dominoes. I can't run a camp that just waits around until things fall apart. Things fall apart when I am attempting to run programming which is unsafe and stressful.

#3- There's a lot of competition in the market- other camps but also summer sports, academic programs, etc. I am looking around at our struggling little camp wondering if, at some point, we ask ourselves, "can we compete?"

I told them that they have 4 months to find a new director. Not just someone who loves kids, camp, the outdoors, but a marketing/fundraising/business expert.

They told me they'd had conversations about what they would do if I decided to leave. They told me that they'd asked themselves for a long time how long we would keep camp going. They told me that they didn't think anyone else could have done what I did. They told me that they didn't think there was anyone else who could do any more than I've done and that without me, they don't think camp can go on.

Um....

I appreciated their kind words and assurance, but I didn't think my quitting was going to be the end of a 66 year old camp. I want to quit so someone more qualified can come in and fix what I couldn't.

So the plan for now is to have a normal summer and then in the fall, meet with the board and close camp. We'll see the property and convert the 501c3 into a foundation. They asked if I want to run the foundation. I said I'd need more details but that I'd think about it.

My head is spinning. I leave for camp in a month. I am not sure how I can just be normal for the summer, but I guess that's my only option at this point...

It's Not You, It's Me... Except That It's Mostly You

I used to get so excited about things I was working on for camp that I would work evenings, weekends,  and any free time I had. It didn't feel like a job- I enjoyed it too much to think of it as work. But for the past few months, I've had to drag myself to the office every day. I've not been sleeping well. I've been miserable. I've been feeling like a failure. I feel like I am terrible at my job.

When the consultant was at camp this summer, she had a lot of nice compliments for me. She told me I am a great camp director. Camp is doing amazing programming. I am doing great work marketing. The staff is outstanding. But there’s only so much you can do in a 65 year old camp that is run down and falling to pieces. We’ve done a lot of work in 5 years and I wish I had taken photos that first year because compared to then, we look like Club Med. We’ve done everything we can do with the updates my dad made, with paint, with the grounds work T has done- ultimately, we need a few million dollars and major renovations.

I appreciated her honesty, even though it hurt. Sometimes the truth hurts. I love this camp so much and I have such high hopes for what it could be. I didn’t realize how blind I was to reality. I didn’t think my perspective could change so quickly or so drastically, but her words were like putting glasses on for the first time and realizing that everything had been blurry because you are just seeing detail for the first time. All of a sudden, I’m looking around at my beloved camp, and for the first time, really seeing the age, noticing the disrepair. Much of it is covered in brightly colored paint, but this camp needs a lot of work. 

When I got back to the office this fall, I came up with a new, ambitious fundraising plan. I was beat down after a tough summer, but determined to throw myself back into the fight to make camp great. I raised almost twice as much money this year as last year. I've done more marketing than ever before. And yet, I feel like I am failing because I haven't been able to raise enough for the new buildings we need. 

So after months of telling myself, "no really you are a good camp director!" And after much thought and many conversations I have come to the conclusion that I need to find another job. I love this camp so much and I thought I would be here for the rest of my life. But I feel like I'm in a bad relationship and despite the love, I know that this isn't a healthy fit for my life anymore. I am a GREAT camp director. But this camp doesn't need a camp director.

This camp needs a fundraising expert. This camp needs a marketing expert. This camp needs someone with entirely different skills than I have. I've done everything I can do, but it's not enough.

So now I need to tell the board.... and then find a new job...

Community

Last week, the father of two of our campers killed himself.

I don't know every camp parent, but both he and his wife have come to camp the last few years to drop their girls off and I know them.

I sent a note and we had flowers sent to the house.

A day after the funeral, the mom called me. I was surprised to hear from her. She told me she was calling to say thank you for the flowers. I told her that wasn't necessary and I asked how she and the girls were doing. We talked for about 15 minutes. She sounded distraught and lost and sort of unsure of what she should be doing. I knew exactly how she felt. After my dad died, I had several long, random conversations with people- the words just tumble out and you find yourself just rambling on.

I hadn't expected to hear from her- you don't expect thank you calls after a funeral. I felt a little bit honored that she felt a personal connection to camp enough that we were on the call list.

I've worked really hard to build relationships, to make personal connections with families, to create a community. I am so proud of what this camp has become.

Update

I used to write all the time because even when it wasn't the summer, I had a lot to say about camp. But I have only written once since camp ended.

I went into the summer 6 months after my dad died. Those six months were an absolute blur. I have photos and facebook posts from that time period and when I look back, I look normal, life seemed normal. But off the top of my head, I can't remember anything from those months. Grief is all consuming. I had no idea how difficult it would be.

I was nervous about facing camp without him, but I headed off to the woods and everything was ok. The summer started and life felt normal for the first time in a while and I was happy.

And then camp flooded. I can't put into words what it felt like to watch this place that I love so much, have loved for five years, that I worked, side by side with my dad to fix, get swallowed by the lake. Camp wasn't destroyed, we were lucky, but the weeks underwater and of the unknown were agonizing.

I ended the summer exhausted. But not just exhausted like normal, but beaten down. I felt defeated.

In October, I hired a full time Assistant Director. "A" has worked at camp for 4 years and just graduated from college. She has been my right hand man for years and I couldn't imagine anyone else would be able to love this camp unconditionally and believe in, no matter what, the potential for the future. She has been an exceptionally hard worker and has impressed me every single day. She is mature and professional beyond her years and if she hadn't been by my side for the past few months, I am sure that I would have given up.

For five years, I've been saying, "give me 5 years to turn this place around." I was convinced that I could change the reputation, gain recruiting momentum, raise enough money and make enough updates on the physical property that this would be a successful camp. 5 years later, there is a LONG list of MAJOR improvements that I've made, but we are still a struggling camp.

And as we get closer to the summer, I find myself more stressed out, more anxious, depressed, unmotivated, despondent. We need more money. We need more registrations.

I have done and am currently doing everything I know how to do. My dreams of a beautiful, successful camp seem impossible.

The Straw That Broke the Camel's Back

For 5 years, I have worked incredibly hard to resuscitate this camp. And while we have had a lot of positive changes, and made significant progress forward, I think I am at the point of saying that all of the effort is no longer worth it.

Yesterday, the local news ran a 6 minute story about a child molester who is now being investigated with a child abduction. The first 3 minutes of the story were videos and pictures from Camp. This man had been a counselor in 1997. He had also been convicted of molesting kids at camp.

Seeing the images of my beloved camp used in such a terrible story was heartbreaking. I have used the same images to convey the exact opposite message of the story. They showed the big Camp sign my dad built, the tomahawk range, the message board- I have so many happy memories and have helped create all of those things. Seeing them used in the story felt so personal and so sad.

A few days after the story, M (board vice president) asked me if there had been any fallout. My response was this- “we haven't gotten any calls or emails and I don't expect to. The fallout happens when someone says, ‘Camp- I've heard of them. Weren't they just on the news? Yeah, there was some kind of abuse scandal there.’ They will not remember the detail that it was 20 years ago and actually has nothing to do with present day Camp.”

My dreams of a beautiful, successful camp are gone. I've been motivated by unwavering hope since the day I began. None of the challenges or setbacks along the way have discouraged me because above all, there has always been hope. 

Without that hope, I have lost my motivation, my desire to fight, my confidence. I feel like I am really bad at my job, but really, I can only be as good of a camp director as my camp allows. I feel like I’m not growing or learning or getting better professionally. I feel broken. I feel defeated. 

Paralyzed

Once again, I am paralyzed. I'm not sure why this keeps happening. I'm not a lazy person. I'm not depressed or tired. I'm organized and I know what I need to do. And yet, here I sit, blogging about how much I have to do, rather than actually DOING anything.

In the re-entry packet I give the summer staff, one of the things it tells them is that sometime between 3 hours and 3 days after you return home, you will get tired, really tired. It says to be patient with yourself and give yourself time to adjust to "normal" life. I am trying to remind myself of that because being frustrated with myself is not helping the situation.

For 3 months, I was "on" 24/7. Even when the kids weren't there, I was responsible for the staff, the facility and had to stay focused on camp. Even when I went home for a few days while the flood water receded, I was in "camp mode".  It's 3 months fueled by adrenaline.

I've made the comparison before- camp is like being on a roller coaster. You are excited and nervous before it begins. It starts and is the most fun, intense ride you've ever been on and you hope the fun will never end. Eventually though, the ups and the downs and the curves start to be too much and you want to get off the wild ride. But you stick with it and there are moments when you're having the time of your life and moments when you hate it, and it's amazing.

When you are on the roller coaster, no matter how hard you might try to multi task, it's difficult to think about anything other than the wild ride that you are on. And then it stops and you get off and being on solid ground feels weird. It takes some time to shake off the ride and re-focus on real life.

All of my clothes and random "stuff" are in a pile in my living room. My office is filled with boxes and loose papers and needs to be sorted and put back together into a useable work space.  My dad's stuff is overflowing from the two closets I jammed it all in right after he died. I couldn't sort through it at the time and I just wanted it out of the way. My boyfriend N is moving in, so we need to sort through my house and his house to decide who's furniture we are using and what we need to get rid of. Some of his stuff has made it's way to my house already, but I need to sort through the closets, the basement and every cabinet and corner to make room for his stuff.

I have made multiple lists. Lists of lists. Color coded, divided by project, divided by day... I know what I need to accomplish. And yet, here I sit, typing away. I might re-write a list or two when I finish this. I just can't seem to DO anything yet.

I should just choose one thing and try to accomplish it, but that's just not happening. So I'm being patient with myself and trusting that eventually it will all get done and life will go back to normal.

The Final Week

On Sunday I was excited for the campers to arrive. There were only 35 this week, which is small, even for us, and ordinarily, I would be disappointed by the low number. But I added that session in July and started out with only 7 kids who I'd moved from some of the flood weeks. I was REALLY nervous that we wouldn't have enough kids to run the week. At the end of each week, we've told the parents and campers about the new week and encouraged them to sign up for another week of camp. So I am thrilled by the number 35- this week it is not considered a small number.

By Wednesday, I'd hit a wall. As if I'd literally ran and crashed my body into a physical wall, that was how strongly I felt. I was exhausted- physically, mentally, emotionally- I felt like I was going to collapse. Even though closing down camp is the same as always and I knew it would get done, I felt paralyzed. M, M and A were rockstars- flying through the to-do list without stopping. I was doing my best, putting in all of the effort I had, but there were times when I was just sitting there, watching them, willing myself to move, but physically unable. I'm sure they were frustrated with me, although they didn't say anything (which I appreciated). I was so thankful that they were there and able to do what I wasn't capable of.

Camp ended today. I had slightly more energy today, but I was still dragging. I'm always tired at the end, but this was the hardest end of the summer yet. It's been a more difficult summer than I've allowed myself to acknowledge. The flood was hard, really hard- harder than I realized at the time. Not having my dad here was hard. Working with the consultant has been wonderful and productive, but so much work.

I've made a lot of progress at this camp over the past 5 summers and I am proud of how far we've come. But we still have a LONG way to go. My blind ambition, naive energy, and unyielding hope have faded a little. I still believe in this camp and want to see it succeed more than anything. I am still motivated to work hard and I am completely committed, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I am a little less shiny and new than when I started. It's not all sunshine and rainbow dreams. I'm ready to close the 2012 chapter and begin 2013.

Hugs

When homesick Camper M's parents arrived today, she completely ignored them. She clearly saw them, but made no attempt to run towards them or even acknowledge their presence. Considering that 5 days earlier, she'd told them she was going to die without them, I'd say we made a pretty good turn around. I watched them walk in, saw her ignore them and keep singing. I went up to them as I do all the parents as they arrive before the closing ceremony. I smiled and said hello and the mom wrapped her arms around me like we were old friends. I'm not a "huggy" person, but I was happy that she was satisfied with her daughter's experience.

A few minutes later, I walked up to a group of parents that I've known for a few years and I got hugged again! This was an affectionate group. After a summer of challenges, it felt good to have so much positive response.

After the campers left, we had our end of the summer staff party. This was supposed to be the last week, but I added another session to make up for the flood. It still seems early in the season and I am not ready for it to be over. Over half of the staff are leaving tonight or tomorrow morning and I am sad to say goodbye. I am happy we have one more week, even if there will be less of us.

Homesick Win

On Sunday, Camper M and her sister were dropped off at camp. M's sister has been a camper for several years and she joined the pre-camp group game right away, without hesitation. Camper M was not as excited. She stood by her parents with tears in her eyes and when it came time for them to say good bye, the tears turned into hysterical crying. They stayed while we introduced the staff and divided into cabins. I stood with them and gently let them know that the longer they stayed, the worse it would get and that most of the time, kids will snap out of it once the parents are gone. I promised I'd call them later to update them on how she was doing.

She cried on and off all of Sunday. When she was occupied, she was happy, but then she would remember that she was homesick and the tears would begin again. On Monday, the same thing was happening and in the morning, she was in my office, letting me know that she would like to go home. I made a deal with her that if she could make it to lunch, we'd call her parents and see what they thought.

She was satisfied with the deal and left. I called her mom and let her know that she was doing okay, but that we would be calling at lunch. I prepared her that no matter how much Camper M cried, if she told her they would not come and get her, she would be fine. 99% of the time, when kids hear that, without an "out" their survival mode will kick in and they will adapt to camp.

After lunch, we called her mom and she cried and told her "I've never been sadder". She went on and on for a few minutes, and I could hear the mom encouraging her but also remaining firm. When she got off the phone, she was a very sad little girl. I got out a camp journal and we started making a book for her mom of all of the best memories of camp. I told her she could come into my office any time she wanted to work on it.

As the week went on, she came in less often and eventually not at all. Tonight in chapel, when we asked for volunteers to come to the front of the chapel and lead the motions for a song, her hand was up in the air and there she was, in front of the whole camp, leading the actions and smiling.

Counselor D and I looked at each other and smiled with pride- we won that battle of homesickness and it felt good!

Camp Magic

There are moments at camp when you forget about the details and the logistics of the program you are running and get swept into the magic of what is going on around you. On Monday, we had an "opening Olympic ceremony" to kick off the week. Earlier in the day, the cabins came up with team names, cheers and painted flags.

M, M and I set up a fire using piles and piles of dry leaves covered in lighter fluid (not usually the way we start a fire) so that when could "light the Olympic flame". Property Manager T made us a torch (a back yard tiki torch spray painted gold). We downloaded the Olympic theme song and set up the big speakers on the field.

We had all of the cabins line up in a long line in the dining hall and I was in the lead with the torch. We marched down the hill, across the field, down the swim beach path and over to the fire circle. The campers carried their flags, cheering loudly the entire time. The music was blasting and every single person (camper and staff) was in the moment.

When we got to the fire circle, we circle around and all of the kids filled in. The music stopped and I gave a short speech about the Olympic games, good sportsmanship and then I yelled, "let the games begin" and used the torch to start the fire. The leaves caught fire quickly and everyone cheered.

Later, M and M commented that as the kids marched down the hill, they had tears in their eyes because it was such a powerful moment.

Consultant

Since October, I've been working with a camping consultant who has helped me improve camp marketing, recruiting, programming, etc. She was supposed to visit camp in June, but with the flood, her visit got pushed back to this week.

She and one of the board members 'M' came out on Monday and were here for an intense 24 hours. They toured camp, talked with kids and staff, met one on one with the media specialists, the program directors, with 'A', with me and then debriefed with the leadership team.

The consultant has been in the camping industry for a long time and has visited over 500 camps! She is no-nonsense and direct and I appreciate that about her because when she gives a compliment, it actually means something. Her feedback is so helpful and comes from experience. She and 'M' were at camp 7 years ago when the board brought her to in help save the camp, rather than close it. I was so pleased that during her visit, she took me aside several times to make the comment, "camp is SO different, you've made SO much progress."

On Monday night, we had an opening ceremony for Olympic week. We processed across camp and all of the kids and staff cheered and then we got to the fire circle and I used the torch to start the campfire. It was a great moment and I was really proud that J & M could be there to see it. Later, J told me that she doesn't often get emotional, but that she teared up while watching the ceremony. She's a very straightforward person so her compliments mean so much more because I know she is being genuine.

At the end of the visit, we sat down to debrief. She told me that she's had a difficult time with debrief meetings this summer because there hasn't been much "good" for her to go over. She said that being at camp helped renew her energy because it was such a great visit.

She was impressed with our programming and with the level of camper engagement. She was impressed by how much camp has changed. She acknowledged that our buildings are old and decaying and that is a major issue that needs to be addressed. I agreed with everything she said and I was happy to have her share my perspective. I feel like I've done everything I know how to do and everything I can do with limited funds and now I need some major support from the board to make some big (and expensive) changes.

I am eager to see her final report and hear her suggestions for the next steps. I feel a little overwhelmed by the "now what" part of all of this, but this has been such a beneficial experience and I know that camp is going in the right direction.

I'm exhausted after an intense 24 hours, but I feel really energized too...

Alumni

At the closing ceremony every Friday, I tell the kids that they are part of a bigger community than just the people who are in the room. I remind them that we've been a camp since 1947 and a lot of people have been here and know what it feels like to share the camp spirit. I tell them that I wear my camp tee shirts all the time and that I often meet alumni who have been to camp and tell me their camp stories. I know that the staff, who hear the same speech every week probably tune it out and think it's just a line I've made up. But the truth is, over the years, I've connected with a LOT of alumni and I love it when people stop by, call or email and want to reconnect with camp.

Our camp has done a TERRIBLE job of maintaining records or a database of campers and staff. We don't have an alumni mailing list or a way of connecting with them. It's unfortunate, because a camp like this should have a committed, connected community of people supporting the work we do with donations, volunteers and campers.

On Wednesday, the visiting priest introduced himself and told us that he'd been a camper in 1969. He told us that he watched a man walk on the moon for the first time on the porch of the lodge. It was a cool story and I was happy that he'd shared it.

Yesterday, we had a special guest at camp. Counselor K's uncle emailed me earlier in the summer and asked if I would be interested in having him our to camp to host a "star program". He has some giant telescopes and hosts a program for kids to teach them about the stars and constellations.

Not only is he Counselor K's uncle, he is also a former camper. He was so thrilled to be back at camp and he excitedly told us lots of stories from when he was here. He told us, "In 1969, I watched a man walk on the moon from the porch of the lodge." I smiled and nodded when he first started telling the story because he'd already told us... until I realized that wasn't who'd told me the story!

I got super excited and told him that the priest from earlier in the week had told the same story! What a crazy coincidence! What are the odds that we would bring back two former campers from so long ago who had been at camp at the exact same time?! Camp is magical like that...

Harry Potter Theme

Last year, I added a "Harry Potter" theme week. It was our most popular week and it was SO fun! We came up with so many little details that added to the "magic" (pardon the pun) of camp. There was a sorting hat that divided kids into cabins, a GIANT owl costume to deliver the mail, Hogwarts classes and a big game of Quiddich.

This week is Harry Potter and while it has been a good week, I've been a little disappointed because it hasn't been quite as exciting as last year. The sorting hat was cool, but didn't illicit the amazement of last year. The owl was back, but no one gasped in shock and excitement. There are little signs all over camp like "headmaster's office" for the Welcome Center and "chamber of secrets" for the door that leads to the staff locker room. The staff who made the signs did a GREAT job and were VERY clever. But overall, the week hasn't knocked my socks off.

Yesterday I sat down to make a list of the weeks and themes for next year. This is my fifth summer and every theme was a repeat from one of the previos years. And while "olympics" or "walk of fame" are always fun, next year, I am not going to repeat any themes we've ever done before.

Next summer I have "Christmas in June", "Inventors Workshop" and "Camp's Got Talent" to name a few. I don't just want the kids to be excited about the themes, I want to be excited too!