Paralyzed

Once again, I am paralyzed. I'm not sure why this keeps happening. I'm not a lazy person. I'm not depressed or tired. I'm organized and I know what I need to do. And yet, here I sit, blogging about how much I have to do, rather than actually DOING anything.

In the re-entry packet I give the summer staff, one of the things it tells them is that sometime between 3 hours and 3 days after you return home, you will get tired, really tired. It says to be patient with yourself and give yourself time to adjust to "normal" life. I am trying to remind myself of that because being frustrated with myself is not helping the situation.

For 3 months, I was "on" 24/7. Even when the kids weren't there, I was responsible for the staff, the facility and had to stay focused on camp. Even when I went home for a few days while the flood water receded, I was in "camp mode".  It's 3 months fueled by adrenaline.

I've made the comparison before- camp is like being on a roller coaster. You are excited and nervous before it begins. It starts and is the most fun, intense ride you've ever been on and you hope the fun will never end. Eventually though, the ups and the downs and the curves start to be too much and you want to get off the wild ride. But you stick with it and there are moments when you're having the time of your life and moments when you hate it, and it's amazing.

When you are on the roller coaster, no matter how hard you might try to multi task, it's difficult to think about anything other than the wild ride that you are on. And then it stops and you get off and being on solid ground feels weird. It takes some time to shake off the ride and re-focus on real life.

All of my clothes and random "stuff" are in a pile in my living room. My office is filled with boxes and loose papers and needs to be sorted and put back together into a useable work space.  My dad's stuff is overflowing from the two closets I jammed it all in right after he died. I couldn't sort through it at the time and I just wanted it out of the way. My boyfriend N is moving in, so we need to sort through my house and his house to decide who's furniture we are using and what we need to get rid of. Some of his stuff has made it's way to my house already, but I need to sort through the closets, the basement and every cabinet and corner to make room for his stuff.

I have made multiple lists. Lists of lists. Color coded, divided by project, divided by day... I know what I need to accomplish. And yet, here I sit, typing away. I might re-write a list or two when I finish this. I just can't seem to DO anything yet.

I should just choose one thing and try to accomplish it, but that's just not happening. So I'm being patient with myself and trusting that eventually it will all get done and life will go back to normal.