The Final Week

On Sunday I was excited for the campers to arrive. There were only 35 this week, which is small, even for us, and ordinarily, I would be disappointed by the low number. But I added that session in July and started out with only 7 kids who I'd moved from some of the flood weeks. I was REALLY nervous that we wouldn't have enough kids to run the week. At the end of each week, we've told the parents and campers about the new week and encouraged them to sign up for another week of camp. So I am thrilled by the number 35- this week it is not considered a small number.

By Wednesday, I'd hit a wall. As if I'd literally ran and crashed my body into a physical wall, that was how strongly I felt. I was exhausted- physically, mentally, emotionally- I felt like I was going to collapse. Even though closing down camp is the same as always and I knew it would get done, I felt paralyzed. M, M and A were rockstars- flying through the to-do list without stopping. I was doing my best, putting in all of the effort I had, but there were times when I was just sitting there, watching them, willing myself to move, but physically unable. I'm sure they were frustrated with me, although they didn't say anything (which I appreciated). I was so thankful that they were there and able to do what I wasn't capable of.

Camp ended today. I had slightly more energy today, but I was still dragging. I'm always tired at the end, but this was the hardest end of the summer yet. It's been a more difficult summer than I've allowed myself to acknowledge. The flood was hard, really hard- harder than I realized at the time. Not having my dad here was hard. Working with the consultant has been wonderful and productive, but so much work.

I've made a lot of progress at this camp over the past 5 summers and I am proud of how far we've come. But we still have a LONG way to go. My blind ambition, naive energy, and unyielding hope have faded a little. I still believe in this camp and want to see it succeed more than anything. I am still motivated to work hard and I am completely committed, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I am a little less shiny and new than when I started. It's not all sunshine and rainbow dreams. I'm ready to close the 2012 chapter and begin 2013.