Sunday...

Have I mentioned that working at camp is a little bit crazy?

I had been told by more than one staff member that Counselor A had picked up a child last week. The camper didn't want to listen and so instead of talking to him or bringing in a Lead Staff to help out, he picked him up and carried him into the dining hall. As I didn't actually see it, I'm not sure if it was HORRIBLE or just a really bad choice.

Counselor A has been struggling this summer. He hasn't done anything terrible, he's just consistently kind of bad at his job. He doesn't appear to enjoy working with children, is terrible with details and cabin management, doesn't like any of the other staff and overall, unfortunately, doesn't have a lot of qualities as a counselor. So finding out he'd picked up a child, while possibly not grounds for termination (depending on the details of the incident) was the last straw.

He had been at home for the week and when I heard about him picking a kid up, I called and left him a message, asking if we could talk. He finally called me back last night and he admitted to putting his hands on the kid's shoulders, but not actually picking him up. Because a large group of staff was also out of town, I couldn't dig further into the incident until today.

Counselor A arrived back at camp earlier than the group of staff, so when he and I sat down to talk, I didn't have any more information than the night before, which made it a little harder because, while overall he is a bad counselor, there isn't one incident, even the picking up thing, that would make me send him home immediately.

We talked for a long time and he admitted that he struggled with some of the detail pieces of camp, but that he liked being here more than it seemed.

Eventually it all boiled down to this- the last three weeks of camp have low enrollment for boys and so I have more counselors than I actually need. He is leaving for a year in China the day after camp ends, so I suggested that maybe those two facts were more important than whether he was a good counselor or a bad counselor- maybe it was just his time to be done with camp. He never really connected with the staff and he'd said all along that he was just going to be at camp for one summer, so it wasn't devastating to think about leaving camp early (the way it would be for some staff).

Together we agreed that his time was done- it wasn't me firing him, it wasn't him quitting and we both still liked and respected each other. He shook my hand, told me it was really nice working for me and he would come visit next summer when he returned from China. I don't ever want anyone to leave on bad terms, so I was relieved that it all worked out. I told the staff that Counselor A was no longer with us and left it at that. Lack of details KILL them because they want to be involved in everything, but that was that.

A LITTLE WHILE LATER...

The meeting with Counselor A was enough for the day, but of course, that's not how camp works. As check in began and our new group of campers was arriving at camp, I got a call from the bus- they were going to be late because the bus had a flat tire! They were on the side of the road about 2 hours away from camp. The bus company was on the way to change it, but they were stuck.

Everyone was safe, and it just so happened that four of my best staff were riding the bus this week, so I knew they would be fine. However, without half of the group, we couldn't start camp like normal (dividing into cabins, touring and getting-to-know-ya games), so we would have to figure out a way to keep the group of campers we had at camp entertained and busy without actually starting camp.

Leave it to PDS and PDP- the greatest staff ever, to come up with an elaborate activity of relay games, complete with a special prize- for every game the kids won, they got a point. For each point the kids earned, PDS and PDP would dump something sticky on my head! We've done this before and kids LOVE to see someone get covered in mess, and what better way to start ooey gooey theme week?! I stayed in the welcome center and they told the kids I had no idea. Our group this week is younger- 7-11, so they were giggling and thrilled at being in on the secret.

When the games were over, they walkie talkied me and asked if I could come to the field, the kids wanted to meet me. I told them I was very busy and very important and didn't think I could be interrupted. The kids heard all of the exchange and that made it even more exciting when I finally came out and was introduced. "Hey, look! I have a blindfold" PDS said (in a very surprised and excited voice), "you should try it on." The kids were giggling and covering their mouths and leaning forward in excitement. I played dumb and asked why while they covered my eyes.

They told me it was starting to rain and then the chocolate syrup started pouring down, followed by whipped cream, pudding and a number of other yummy treats. They kids were roaring with excitement. They didn't seem to notice that I had changed my clothes from my uniform shirt- they were thrilled to see the spectacle.

Just as we finished up the act, the bus pulled up and I greeted the kids and staff, covered in sticky mess. I lead the entire welcome and introductions as if it was totally normal to be covered in chocolate, and so ooey gooey week began- about an hour late, but with lots of happy, smiling kids...

Coming to God

Besides the staff who I yelled at, overall, the whole staff was just having an "off" week last week. The kids were awesome and luckily they were the most low maintenance group we've had, because the staff were causing me to throw my arms in the air and pull out my hair and vent to lead staff, asking, "what's wrong with all of them?!"

So PDS, PDP and I sat down to go over our biggest frustrations and come up with an agenda for our end of the week staff meeting. I wasn't looking for staff input or feedback, rather, I needed to have a "coming to God" meeting with all of them.

PDS started and she reiterated the importance of being focused on campers and having a positive attitude/ counselor face.

PDP went next and let everyone know that the changes we make to the schedule are necessary and we are letting people know as soon as we do and to chill out (that's paraphrased, not exactly what he said).

I was last because, quite frankly, I wanted to leave the meeting having had the last word. My normal style is very open, collaborative, welcome to feedback and inclusive. But I put my foot down when I mean it and their faces showed that they were a little surprised, but hopefully taking me seriously.

1. This is a job. Yes, I care about everyone and want them to grow and develop and have fun. But if they don't remember that it is a job, with responsibilities, I will care about them from a distance, because they will not have a job anymore.

2. Opinions about the program, job performance of lead staff or co-workers- those need to stop. There is a person at camp whose job is to oversee everything and everyone. It's me. I'm good at it. I'm doing it. Staff only see a fraction of what goes on and so opinions are not based on all the information.

3. You are not allowed to be stressed about things that don't apply to you. Counselor N going on the camping trip at the last minute was stressful to him, and I worked with him directly. But the uproar and subsequent outrage/ stress that SEVERAL other staff had over the situation was ridiculous. You have to stay out of things that don't apply to you.

4. You will not always like your co-workers, supervisors, organization policies, decisions, etc. You have two choices- keep your mouth closed and deal with it or find another job. Voicing your opinion loudly about those things will get your fired in other jobs. Learn to deal with things- welcome to real life.

5. There's a difference between venting and group whining. I hear about the group whining and I know when you're crabby about something, but if you don't come to me directly, I can't do anything about it.

Camp is some of the staff's first job. Like asking them to understand the developmental stage of a 7 year old and not get frustrated when they lose their shoes, because that's what 7 year olds do, I know that I have to meet my staff where they are at. 19 year olds have a lot of opinions, don't fully understand what it means to be professional and don't realize that in future jobs, their boss isn't going to care about their feelings, well being or growth. I try really hard not to get frustrated with them, because all of this is normal and happens every year. It's not personal against me, it's just what happens.

I'm hoping that they are a little bit more focused this week, because I'm being patient, but I'm really over their neediness.

Real Stuff

Camp is supposed to be silly songs, fun games and roasting marshmallows. The magic of camp is supposed to protect us from everything out in real life. Kids get to come to camp and be themselves, get dirty, be goofy and never worry.

On Wednesday afternoon I got a call from a parent. Her three boys have been coming to camp as long as I've been here and they are a wonderful family. She is a huge camp supporter, coming to a lot of our events (the last one being Counselor J's memorial). The two younger boys are scheduled to come to camp next week. The oldest is here this week and back next week in the Leader-in-Training program. The mom was calling to tell me that her neighbor was on the way to pick him up and would be to camp in an hour. His dad was in the hospital and very ill.

I ran down to the beach as the pontoon was sailing away from the dock. I managed to yell as loud as I could and flail my arms around to get them to turn around. I tried to look calm as I said, "I'm sorry everyone. Camper M needs to come with me for a little bit, sorry to interrupt." All of the LITs protested because Camper M is popular and it was weird that he had to go with me. I told him we needed to call his mom and he didn't ask any questions as we walked back to the Welcome Center. He was calm as he talked to his mom and as sweet as ever when he got off the phone and told me he had to go home. He calmly told me his mom kicked his dad out of the house in March because he was having emotional problems, but then a few weeks ago, his dad got sick and had to go to the hospital. They didn't know what it was, but now they know it is lung cancer and he doesn't have very long to live. Besides the three campers, there is a 6 and 3 year old at home. They are the sweetest kids and despite the dramatic story, a very nice family who are going through a lot of tough stuff.

Camper M's dad died today. His mom called to let me know she wanted to boys to be able to come back to camp next week, but would have to figure out the details of the funeral first. I held back tears as I told Camper M's group the news. They all cried. It was awful.

A few hours later, I got a text message from a different parent telling me news of another death. The mother of two of our return campers (who are scheduled to come to camp in two weeks), has been battling breast cancer for months and she died today. Those kids go to one of the schools that sends the most campers to camp and so I know several of the parents in that community. They are all encouraging the dad to stick with the plan to send the kids to camp.

Besides these families, two other campers both lost their dads earlier this year and the13 year old sister of one of our CITs committed suicide earlier this year. Counselor J's death in December. Nurse J being sick... none of this is supposed to happen. It's summer. It's camp. Glitter, rainbows, laughter, sugar... not death.

I've worked incredibly hard for four years to create a community- building relationships with kids, parents and getting to know entire families. I know that bad things happen all the time and usually, we just don't hear about it. That families are calling camp to keep us involved in their lives is a sign of a strong community and for that, I am really proud and happy to be able to be here.

After four years, I know kids, families, I remember older siblings, know which kids go to which schools. Recruiting has brought me into people's homes and special events have helped me get to know people outside of just a few minutes at camp once a summer. I have worked hard to call and email people, following up on their registrations, finances, special needs of each child, learning details of each family in the process. This year I have sent out emails once a week, counting down from 4 weeks until camp. My photo is at the top of all of the emails and each week, I cover different topics, encouraging people to call or email me with any question. Because of that, I have had more interaction with parents than ever before, and the majority of parents who arrive at camp greet me by name, ask about my dogs (who are also pictured) and have a sense of familiarity that calms their fears about leaving their child for a week.

Every week I tell the kids that they now belong to the camp family and they will always have a home here. I am working hard to make this camp more than a one time experience, but rather a constant in their lives, summer after summer. I want every parent and every child to feel like this is a home away from home with people who know them and care about them as if they were the most important people here. It takes an extraordinary amount of effort to build a community, but each year I can see and feel the growth and i it is the most rewarding thing I have ever done.

But I would be lying if I didn't admit that a small part of me wishes I could go back to the easy, light, superficial interactions and temporary relationships that come in an average camp program. When a kid comes to camp for a week, one time, I smile politely and say hello at drop off and pick up, not knowing names, not recognizing parents, no pressure, no responsibility to interact in a meaningful way or put in any extra effort. A one-size-fits all, generic, anonymous, regular old program. It wouldn't be as rewarding, but it wouldn't be as much effort either.

Because right now, my heart is breaking for my kids and my families. Genuinely caring about people means more than shallow greetings and artificial warmth, it means opening yourself up for the good and the bad parts of life. And that's really hard and takes every ounce of my energy. This isn't a job, it is a labor of love that I'm pouring my entire soul into right now. I'm proud of that and I love that. And let's be honest, I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I clocked in and out and left work at the office and then went home.

Community is built on a foundation of relationships, and the more connections, the stronger the bond. And that's what I hope to wrap around the campers who come to camp- whether they are average happy kids looking for a fun week, or kids who just lost their parent and need a place to heal- either way, I hope that this camp can be something meaningful to them. Because that is where I get my meaning from.

Reading the Group

With a camp as small as this one, it is possible to make big changes to the schedule based on the needs of the group. I think it makes the program that much stronger and I am so proud of PDS and PDP for absolutely the best programming yet.

In pre-camp planning, we'd had a great idea for a canoe race around the island. It takes over an hour to get around the island usually, so racing it should take slightly less, but it's still a long distance. I was really looking forward to the race this week because it was a cool idea. However, this group of kids is not competitive at all and canoeing that long in a race was not going to work out.

PDS and I decided to change it and spent all day, literally the entire day coming up with the coolest program yet. It was active and challenging, but really different. Teams had to do different challenges that all lead to a final challenge. They had to dig in rice to find a pin, then they had to pass water balloons from neck to neck, use the pin and pop them into a bucket. They had to run to a pile of keys find one, and then run back and attempt to unlock a box. Inside the box was a squirt gun, which they used the water to fill. They had to use the water gun to squirt coffee filters, which we'd written different letters on in permanent marker and then colored over with washable marker. When squirted with water, the washable marker bled to reveal the letter. The letters spelled out a clue and so on and so on.... It was awesome.

At 4:30, which is the last activity before dinner (and the activity was planned for after dinner), the kids were just dragging. The kids who had been on the overnight were EXHAUSTED and the other kids were worn out too. So I walkie talkie-d PDS to the beach where I was life guarding and we decided that they were too tired to do the activity and so we switched around several things so they could do it in the morning today and have quiet time last night before the dance party. By the time the dance came around, they had a little more energy and had a blast at the dance.

The activity went super well this morning and I was thrilled with our ability to make changes to ensure the success of our programs and make sure the kids have the best time ever!

Difficult Decision

Last night was brutal.

Around midnight, it started to rain. There was thunder and lightening. It wasn't a terrible storm, but I had 24 teens and 5 staff in the middle of the woods, so I was wide awake, unable to sleep, knowing they were out there. I checked and re-checked the weather online and it wasn't severe weather, but I was still worried.

The problem with rain on the camping trip is that there is literally no place for them to go. They are in the middle of the woods and there is no shelter at all. If there was an emergency, I would personally hike in and get everyone out. However, when it's bad weather, but not an emergency, the best option is to leave them out there.

Attempting to get 30 people out of the woods in the middle of the night in the rain would be more dangerous than them braving the weather. The trail is narrow, curvy, uneven, hilly, and it would be difficult to maneuver in the pitch black (even with our biggest lanterns and all the flashlights). In addition to dangerous, it would be absolutely terrifying.

Once they got back to camp, we would have to try to find enough bedding for everyone, since we would have to leave all of their stuff behind. I don't think we have enough bedding in all of camp for that many people, so it wouldn't exactly be a nice warm, dry bed like they would need.

Again, let me be clear- if they were in danger, I wouldn't hesitate. But they weren't and so I made the tough decision, knowing they were most likely wet, miserable and not sleeping, to leave them out there. I hate tough decisions like that!

They returned this morning with a wet sleeping bags, bug bites, completely exhausted, but still smiling. They'd had a good time, minus the wet night. We're all exhausted today, but everyone is safe and still happy, and the sun is shining, so life is good.

Yelling

It's possible I jinxed myself in that last blog post, because a cloud of craziness has descended over camp. The teens? Nope- they are still as laid back, easy going and wonderful as ever. They aren't competitive, haven't really been interested in all camp games, but are very content to just hang out with each other. They are well behaved, hilarious and I think if all the staff left, they would just carry on like normal.

No, the craziness has hit the staff and I am ready to look at about half of them and say, "GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER OR GET OUT!!" Okay, that's me venting, but I did yell at two counselors yesterday. It is RARE for me to yell. I'm more of a quiet, "I'm disappointed in you" kinda boss. But today I yelled.

This week we scheduled an optional camping trip that kids could sign up for. Usually this age group is automatically sent on the trip, but with all of them in the same age group and the theme of our week being "teens love choices", this time around it was optional. We only have one cabin of boys this week and all of them signed up for the trip. And yet, their counselors didn't think to plan, prepare for or acknowledge the trip, other than to tell the boys to pack right before they left.

They were getting ready to board the pontoon to be dropped off at the campsite (which is literally in the middle of the forest), all wearing shorts and tee shirts. I asked if they had packed long pants and long sleeved shirts and all of them said no. I sent them back to their cabins to change their clothes because the bugs are OUT OF CONTROL and they would have been eaten alive and absolutely miserable if they weren't covered.

That was the final straw after a lot of small things I'd overlooked all week and I called them over and yelled, actually yelled at them for not preparing their boys. What were they thinking? Even if they didn't care about the kids, wouldn't you think from a self-preservation standpoint that they wouldn't have wanted to go into the woods with 12 unprepared boys who would surely complain the whole time?

I warned all of the staff that our fun weekend should not come at the expense of camp. They knew that in order to be able to do their jobs, they need to be rested and prepared to be with kids. I'm not sympathetic to their "off" week. If they don't get their acts together, they are not going to have jobs soon...

Teens

This week is for kids who have completed 7th-10th grade- teen week! We have a small group, just 50 kids and out of that group, only 4 kids who are new to camp. It's only Monday night, so it's been a full day and Sunday afternoon, but already the week is AWESOME. The vibe is super laid back-these kids are here to chill. And because they are older, there's no homesickness, no problems with listening, no lost shoes, no random melt downs- they are just happily hanging out, excited to be at camp.

We changed the schedule, making breakfast an hour later, bedtime about 2 hours later and adding in a bunch of new activities. We did a mingle game on Sunday night to mix them all up and tonight was a late night (okay it started at 9:30, but usually they are done showering and in cabins by then) ice cream social.

Counselors routinely complain when we change the schedule, but I LOVE changing the schedule, so I've been excited for this week since last fall when I came up with the idea. I'm confident this is going to be the best week yet!

Fun Weekend

What a whirlwind weekend!

The kids left on Friday as usual, except that two of the kids' parents didn't show up. When I called their emergency contact, he said, "she's supposed to be there by 3." Our parent program starts at 1, ends at 2 and the entire staff was headed to a baseball game Friday night and needed to leave no later than 3:30 in order to make it on time. I'd been hoping to drive away from camp by 3pm at the latest.

I hate being on a tight schedule because you just never know about traffic or other factors, so I was stressed out to begin. The mother wasn't answering her phone, so I wasn't sure if she was actually going to be there by 3pm or not. I also felt bad for the kids. They were the only kids without a parent at the program and they kept asking me what time she was getting there, worried they were going to get left at camp. I felt bad for them and kept trying to reassure them, but in my head I was cursing the mother for being disrespectful to camp, a crappy mom and an all around bad person.

I gave PDS the keys to my house (the meet up place since a few staff were driving separately), the tickets and told her to go ahead. Nurse J and I stayed at camp with the kids. Luckily, the mom got there at 3:30 and we were able to jump in my car one minute later. We even beat the camp van to my house (they stopped for food). I'm not a fan of baseball, but the stadium is brand new and really nice. The suite was spectacular and the staff were so excited and awestruck. It was a long, exhausting day, but really fun too.

On Saturday, my mom picked me up at my house to drive me and Griffin to the vet. I wanted to leave my car for the staff who were staying at my house, so I appreciated her being willing to drive me. Griffin's eye has been looking kind of off, so I wanted his vet to look at him since we were home.

Speaking of home- this was the first time I'd been at my house in over 2 months, and it's been 4 months since I actually lived there. My mom has been going to my house every week to mow the lawn and get my mail. She's been taking care of my house and I really appreciate it. I've never gone this long away from home and it was weird to be back. I felt like a visitor, touching things and opening drawers. Camp has become home and I'm not sure what it will be like when I move back in a month.

Saturday afternoon, the whole staff went to Counselor H's house for a BBQ, and then some of us went to the mall and to Target to do some shopping. We went out for dinner near my house and then we went to see a comedy improv show that PDP is an actor.

Today we packed up the van and headed back to camp. It has been a weekend packed with fun things, but I don't feel like I've had a break. I knew that when we started planning it- these kinds of weekends are no different than camp- it's a lot of coordinating, details and organizing everyone. But I'm really glad we could get away from camp for a while and have a fun experience.

Not Running Away

MA came to me earlier this week and asked to talk. He told me he was putting in his two weeks notice. I wasn't surprised because nothing MA does or says surprises me. MA is one of the sweetest, most genuine 18 year old boys I've worked with. He is desperate to belong, has not been given enough guidance or support in his life and he is the most coach-able staff I've ever had. He takes in everything I say and genuinely listens and changes based on the guidance I've given him. But he is also immature, needs constant attention and his reaction to every issue is to run away.

He and APDM have been having a little romance, which I predicated was probably going to end in blood and flames, or at least tears, and as predicted, last week, MA lost interest. Instead of talking to M, he starting ignoring her. Camp is a small community and everyone is involved in everyone else's business, so the rest of the staff turned on him and now everyone is upset. Instead of dealing with it, MA decided he should quit.

I told him what I thought was going on and that he should just go have a conversation with M and deal with it maturely and then stay at camp. He tried to tell me he's been miserable for weeks but when I responded with, "this isn't prison, you don't have to stay here, you are free to leave tomorrow" his response was, "I have a lot to do before I leave. I would have to teach someone everything I do." I didn't mean to laugh, but I've been taking care of camp for 4 years and I taught him everything, so it was a cute/funny response.

I reminded him of the canoe trip from staff training. I told them that at some point, they'd be tired or frustrated and would want to quit, which is the same as the summer. But, like the canoe trip, they would have to find strength to continue on and not quit. This was that moment for him.

I also told him that whether or not he liked it, he was part of this crazy camp family and he needed to stop resisting it and understand that he is an important part of us who can't just quit when it gets hard.

With some more lecturing, eventually he agreed to think about quitting and also to go talk to M. The next day, his attitude was entirely different and when I jokingly said something about how much I would miss him in 2 weeks, he said, "I told you I would think about it, I haven't actually given my two weeks." I smiled and nodded and didn't say anything, but in my head I gave myself a high five for winning another victory with him.

On Thursday he asked to talk to me again. This time he was letting me know he couldn't go to the baseball game we had tickets for. A few weeks ago, some of the staff had asked if we could go into the city for a baseball game. I emailed the board of directors, asking if anyone had access to free or discounted tickets. One of them responded that he had a suite we could use (retail- $3000. Yay for rich board members!). The staff were all beside themselves with excitement, MA included.

Originally, MA had planned to stay with some of the other staff at Counselor A's house, but they are all 21 or older and wanted to go out on Saturday night. MA couldn't go with them because he is 18. Once again, instead of dealing with a tough situation, his response was to run away. He told me he'd made other plans and couldn't go.

Once again, I called him out and told him I could see through him- he was excited to go but then it got difficult, and he wasn't trying to figure it out. I told him he was going to stay at my house with some of the other staff and I wasn't giving him a choice in the matter. I reminded him that he was an important part of our family and that we wanted him to be there. And once again, his attitude changed and he went from sulky and "I don't even like baseball, I don't wanna go" to excited. He wants to belong so badly and struggles so much when he feels left out. But he also turns around quickly, which makes him really fun to redirect. The changes that he has gone through in just 2 months of being at camp are amazing. I am so proud of him and I know camp has been a life changing experience already. He's a high-maintenance Maintenance Assistant, but he's worth the effort.

Melting Down

It's so hot! Sunday of camp is always the same- kids arrive, we do a welcome and introductions, kids get divided into cabins and then spend the afternoon and after dinner touring camp, playing get-to-know-ya games and then we have an opening campfire. But it was so hot on Sunday, we actually added an all camp swim time right after dinner because we just needed to get all of the kids and staff cooled down. I don't remember it ever being this miserably hot at camp.

It's Operation Purple Camp this week, so all of the kids have a parent (or, in some cases, both parents) who are in the military. It's a great week and an honor to be able to run this program. Last Saturday I had a mandatory staff in-service to help prepare the staff for the week ahead. Even though kids are kids and it shouldn't be different, these kids are under a lot more stress, have a different set of worries, more responsibilities and therefore, different needs than most of our campers throughout the summer.

One of the kids I've been working with all week is a great example of why these kids are a little different. Hunter had been homesick all week. Homesickness is my specialty and I rarely send kids home because of it. Actually, I pride myself on how well I handle the homesick kids and my ability to turn them around to have a successful week at camp.

I used all of my strategies with Hunter and he was doing well until yesterday. Yesterday was military day and it was hot, he was tired and by lunch, his melt downs were unmanageable. I want kids to be successful at camp, but more than that, I want kids to be happy, and if camp isn't working, I am honest with parents and will sen a kid home if it is necessary.

Hunter had been at a camp all last week, home for the weekend and then come here on Sunday. Added into that mix, his dad was leaving for a year-long deployment on Tuesday while Hunter was at camp. I'm not sure what his parents were thinking. All of those factors set him up to fail and it wasn't at all surprising that he was struggling. I felt bad for him and I felt bad for his mom who had to drive all the way up to camp to come and get him. I want every kid to have the best time of their lives at camp, so I felt sad that it didn't work for him. There's nothing else I could have done to improve the situation, but it was still kind of a bummer.

Accessible

This camp is not wheelchair accessible. The paths are sand or wood chipped, the terrain is rocky and uneven, the dining hall and some of the cabins are up a steep hill, not to mention that all of the activities are set up for kids who can run and be active. 3 years ago, one of the OPC kids was in a wheelchair and we ended up carrying her, in the chair, everywhere around camp.

This weekend, I got an email from a family I'd just taken off the waiting list for this week of camp. The mom was following up because one of her three kids is paraplegic and in a wheelchair. I had emailed with her a few months ago and told her it might work out to have him come to camp, but that was sort of a lie, because he was on the waiting list and I thought I wasn't going to have to deal with it. I know- all of this makes me sound like a terrible person. It's not that I don't want to be able to bring every kid to camp, it's just that we are limited and I am realistic about it.

So I called her to say, um, this probably isn't going to work. But before I could, she told me how excited Danny was to be able to come to camp with his brother and sister and just be a normal kid.

As she spoke, all I could think was, "well played mom, you win this round..." Because really, what could I possibly say to that, other than, "we're really excited to have him." I told her I was calling to see what we could do to best accommodate him and be prepared. She told me he is a determined kid with a great attitude and not to treat him any differently than any other kid. His legs don't work, but he's normal.

But still, I was nervous. Normal or not, this camp is just not set up for a wheelchair. But his mom was so positive and wonderful and I was determined to make it work. I prepared his counselors that they would be carrying him and it would be a challenging week but we would have to make it work.

I was nervous, but his mom was right- he's an exceptionally positive, awesome kid. He signed up for swimming (he just crawls out of his chair into the water and then swims around with ease), sports and hasn't hesitated in anything. On Monday night, the all camp game involves running through the woods, collecting pieces of paper from different stations and then running back to the start. His counselor ran the entire hour, pushing the wheelchair at lightening speed, and Danny rocked the game! It was an amazing and wonderful thing to watch. Yes, it took a little extra effort from Counselor N, but Danny got to play, feel normal and it was wonderful.

Today was military day and once again, the soldiers came out with lots of activities (I got to drive the tank again too!). Counselor N and Counselor J put in a little extra effort and helped lift Danny up so he could climb the rock wall. He only made it as far as the counselors could boost him while he climbed with his arms, but he made it farther up than some able bodied people and it was wonderful.

I am so proud of my staff and so happy to be able to provide a positive camp experience to a kid who I wasn't sure we could serve. His mom was right about his positive attitude but it's a good lesson for me too- with the right attitude, anything is possible!

More Magic

I loved having my best friend X at camp, but it was hard to keep up blogging all of the great stories from the week because every free minute I had, I wanted to spend having fun with her. That being said, she pointed out that "I'm here and your mom knows I'm here, so your 'readers' understand why the blog isn't updated." [Shout out to my readers- Mom, X and, well... um... anyone else out there!].

Here are two stories from the week that I have to go back to.

1. Sorting Hat-

In Harry Potter, kids are put into their houses by a talking sorting hat. The sorting hat in the story sings a poem and then calls out the name of the kid and which house he or she belongs. For our week at camp, we knew we wanted to put kids into cabins with a sorting hat. Our plan had been to put a walkie talkie inside the hat and then have someone far away call them out. We were a little nervous that the walkie talkie wouldn't be loud enough if it was inside a hat, but we tried it out and it seemed ok. PDS and I both also carry walkie talkies on our belts, which we knew would amplify the sound, but we were still a little nervous about how the whole thing would work out.

As luck would have it, X was visiting and so we didn't have to have any of the staff skip the welcome/introductions. She hid behind some cars a little ways away from the field (where all of us were). I carried the sorting hat stool and PDS triumphantly carried the sorting hat, carefully balancing the walkie talkie inside. She sat it down and I said to it, "sorting hat, can you tell us where the kids go?"

Unbeknownst to me, X had done a little research on the sorting hat and found out about the poem that comes before the actual sorting (a detail I'd forgotten since reading the books). She wrote a camp version of the poem and began our ceremony. Apparently it wasn't obvious that the voice was coming from a walkie talkie, because kids mouths were wide open and I saw several staff actually say, "how is it doing that?" There is NOTHING better than when we do something cool enough to actually surprise or impress the staff.

After the poem, she read off the first cabin list. I asked, "which cabin is next?" and I turned to really talk to the hat, acting as impressed by the magic as the kids actually were. I didn't know that she couldn't hear me from where she was sitting, but luckily she could see me and so each time I turned, she started the next list and the whole ceremony was perfect.

2. Power Outage-

Nothing surprises me at camp anymore. Enough weird and unexpected things have happened that I just expect unpredictable things to occur and when they do, I'm usually pretty calm, knowing that it's just one more story to add to a long list of camp stories from my life.

So towards the end of shower time on Monday night as the last few kids were getting in the shower, and the power went out, I didn't even flinch. The bathrooms are in the basement of a building, so there are no windows and thus, it was COMPLETELY dark. Of course the girls immediately started screaming. I am the bathroom monitor so I was right there to tell them to remain calm and continue showering as best they could while I went to get flashlights. X and I stood in between the showers, holding flashlights while the girls finished. You can take normal showers at home, but you can only take showers by flashlight at camp!

The weather wasn't actually that bad, but the power was out until about 4am. It was probably the best time to lose power at camp since most of the groups were already in their cabins getting ready to go to sleep. It was weird going to bed knowing that we didn't have electricity anywhere at camp, but there wasn't anything I could do about it, so I checked the weather one last time and then went to sleep. Never a dull moment at camp...

Bestie

My best friend X has been at camp for the past 7 days. She has visited every year making her one of the few people who truly can see and appreciate the progress I've made. I love having her visit camp, not only because she's my bestie and we have a ton of fun together, but also because she jumps in 100% and helps with kids, staff, programming and doesn't have a problem staying busy if I have to work on something. It's also fun to have her here to witness the constant craziness, meet all of the staff who are the stars of never-ending stories I call to tell her, and give me her perspective on everything at camp.

Over the weekend, she, PDS and I took the pontoon out for several hours. The weather was perfect, the sun was shining and we drove around the lake just relaxing and getting away from work, staff and life. I don't often take time to do that- usually on the weekends I spend time catching up on emails, doing work for the week ahead, cleaning my house and doing laundry, so it was nice to have her there to remind me to have some fun.

This week's theme is Harry Potter and at the beginning of the summer, when we were programming, we'd talked about creating an owl of some sort to deliver the kids' mail. We had a few ideas, but never decided anything, so this weekend, PDS, APDA, X and I tackled the project. All of us love to craft, so it was fun brainstorming and trying to figure out what we would do. X is a master crafter and the person who inspires me to be the most creative, so I was thrilled that owl crafting happened to come at the same time as her visit.

What started as a small(ish) idea of a paper mache owl, of course got bigger and bigger until we had designed a full costume (think of a school mascot). It took four of us close to 12 hours to make and each of us felt overwhelmed or frustrated at some point in the crafting process, but overall, it was a great project with a super cool outcome. When we worked together at camp and in the years since, X and I have crafted many crazy things, so more than anything, it was just fun to get back to being together, creating something, laughing, and being crazy.

And when I swooped in to deliver the mail at lunch, the kids (and some of the staff) were amazed. Yes, sometimes I do things the complicated way and go above and beyond to make tiny details a big deal. It wasn't necessary to have a giant owl deliver the mail, but that's where the magic of camp comes from. I was happy my best friend could be part of the magic!

Staff

With only 4 new staff (out of 22), I predicted that my issues this summer would have more to do with interpersonal issues than job performance. And so far, I was right.

This morning I met with 4 of the return staff who had a long list of issues they had concerns and/or feedback about. They didn't like the nature program, didn't like the changes to the schedule, etc.

The positive side of this is that they love camp and care so much that they feel a high level of ownership. The annoying thing is that they don't have all of the information so they are resisting change because they don't see the big picture.

I had Program Director S come to the meeting as well, because I wanted her to offer some perspective. It's her 5th year at camp, so she has a good understanding of where they are coming from and also where I am coming from. Many of their suggestions were things we'd already tried and changed because they didn't work. I didn't want to shoot down everything they said and it helped to have PDS there to help me explain why we do things the way we do them. She and I have been through so much together and I am going to lose my mind when she's not here next summer.

Management

Ever since I was a little kid, I've wanted to be "in charge" and I have always assumed that managing people would be really fun and that having power would be really great. But managing people is not about being "in charge", giving people instruction or making sure they are doing their job, but mostly about making sure they feel valued, listened to and are happy. It usually requires me to bite my tongue, hold back my opinion/frustration and put a lot of effort into understanding their feelings in order to problem solve or motivate.

Business Manager J has been on edge lately. Every conversation I have with her I feel resistance and she seems to want to argue with everything I say. Everyone has a bad day or a bad week every now and then, but it seemed to be getting worse. It seemed like it wasn't a bad mood, but that something was going on.

And then there was the photocopy incident. I still feel annoyed every time I think about it. Twice a day at camp, we have praise and worship which includes lots of singing. We have a projector and power point slideshow which we use to project the lyrics for the kids. But there are several issues with this arrangement. In some seats, you can't see part of the lyrics. There are OFTEN technical difficulties with the projector or the computer and then we can't get the lyrics to show up. Some of the song lyrics are on two slides, so someone has to switch it midway through the song and the timing never seems to work out.

So we decided to print out the lyrics and make some song booklets to hand out. Simple solution. Perfect. So APDA typed and formatted it and I emailed it to J to print out. The copy machine in the office is much nicer than the one at camp and also has a very easy to use booklet making feature. It should have been a 10 minute project (at the most).

But her reply to my email was that she couldn't make the copies because we haven't paid the license fee for the copywrite. But here's the thing- we're talking about 12 songs that have been sung and passed down for years and years. We are a tiny camp. There's NO reason why we should pay for a license. I understood her point, but it was a risk I was willing to have our organization take.

So we emailed back and forth several times. My biggest frustration was that it's not her job to oversee the copies that I make. She doesn't get to have an opinion about every document I create. Her job is to make the copies. As the executive director, I am the person who decides what is best for the organization and I am responsible if there are consequences.

Ultimately, she refused to make the copies and I was livid. I've NEVER, not once in 4 years, ever had the attitude that "I'm in charge, you have to listen to me!" I have always treated her with respect, valued her opinion and created an environment of working together. But, to put it simply, I'm in charge and she needs to listen to me (for the record, I never phrased it like that when we were discussing this whole thing).

So between her growing attitude and my absolute rage over the copy incident, I decided I needed to drive 3 hours home to discuss the situation in person. I was not happy to drive 6 hours round trip and leave camp when there were kids and activity going on, but I felt like it was necessary.

On the phone with my mom and best friend, and talking to myself in the car, I was outraged and venting and shouted about how she had to listen to me and I was going to fire her if she kept fighting with me. Bosses on TV yell and make demands and don't listen, and I was feeling a bit like that cliche. But when I arrived and we sat down, my actual management style returned and I began the conversation with, "how are you doing? You seem stressed out. How can I support you?"

I listened, offered words of encouragement and affirmation and by the time we were finished with the conversation, her tone had changed completely. I ended up making the copies myself and we probably will never agree on that debate, but it wasn't a battle worth pursuing at the beginning of of a long, intense summer. I need her to do her job and I need to focus on camp. I need her to feel valued and motivated because when people feel good, they do good work. I'm still super annoyed by the whole thing, but being a manager doesn't mean I get to yell, it means that I have to set aside my feelings for the good of the situation.

Need

8:34 pm Saturday night- I was ready to go to bed because I was exhausted. I planned finish up some important facebooking and go to bed by 9:30. But at 9:15, Counselor J knocked on my door. She didn't want to bother me but asked if she could talk. She told me it wasn't a professional thing and said she was sorry for interrupting. I told her not to worry and that I was here for her, whether it is job related or just life. We talked for about 2 hours about her past eating disorder, current struggles with body image, her relationship with staff, etc.

My ex-bf was baffled by my relationship with staff last summer. He was so annoyed by their neediness and repeatedly commented that I was their boss and that I shouldn't have to deal with their personal issues. But this isn't a 9-5 job where they punch out at the end of their shift. If that was the case, yes, I would just be their boss. But they LIVE here. They spend every waking moment working and living here. Resident camp is more than a job, it is an experience and because I am leading them through it, it means I'm more than a boss. If I want them to be able to effectively work for me all summer (which is my goal as their boss), it's not enough to just expect them to be professional and work. I have to make sure they are both physically and emotionally able to make it through the intense summer. They come to me when they are sick. They come to me when they are stressed. And if I do a good job helping them get through the challenges, they will not only make it though, they will be successful staff. It is a necessary and important part of my job (and really, one of the things I enjoy most). It is my opportunity to make a difference in their lives, while also supervising their professional experience.

As Counselor J and I talked, Nurse J texted me and asked if I was still awake. I often text my best friend X that same thing, which is almost always code for, "you're never gonna guess what just happened and even though it is midnight, I need to tell you this story." But with Nurse J, I didn't expect an interesting story, rather, some kind of issue I was going to have to deal with.

She came over to let me know she was thinking about going to the hospital in the morning. Her feet and hands were swelling and her chest was really heavy. She said all of it with a smile and a "no big deal" tone of voice. With degenerative lung disease, cancer, and on the list for a lung transplant, it's not "no big deal" no matter how nonchalant she tries to be. I asked if she thought she should go right then and if she wanted me to go with her. She said she didn't want to scare Camper K (her 14 year old son) and didn't want him to be alone. I tried to convince her and she just kept telling me it was no big deal and she'd go in the morning.

But at 1am, when Camper K knocked on my door and asked if he could sleep in my house, I knew if had been a bigger deal then she'd let on. I forget that sometimes camp is creepy and even I sometimes am still afraid to sleep in my house alone. I forget that 14 is still young and just because he's a teenage boy, he's still really a little kid who is afraid because his mom is really sick. When he showed up, half asleep and wrapped in a blanket, he looked so young and my heart broke. I made up the bed in the spare room and texted Nurse J to ask if she was okay. She said she was fine and headed to the hospital and "no big deal".

Camper K went to bed and as I said good night, he asked me to leave the door open a little bit. I put a nightlight in the hall (because leaving the door open was pointless because my house is so dark) and went to bed. But I laid in bed, eyes wide open for a long time, not sure if I should have opened his window or of he needed a fan, or if he was okay. I was worried about Nurse J and wishing I'd insisted on going with her. This job is so much more than supervising staff and being a boss. There is so much responsibility that I never expected.

Earlier in the week, Nurse J had asked about my dad and I told her he was doing fine, enjoying Alaska. I'd been against the trip, but he's said it was his last chance and I had to respect that. She told me she understood and that when you find out life as you know it is over, you have to live as much as you can in the time you have. When you get to the point where you can't do anything- that's when it's over. She said she could be sitting on the couch at home, taking it easy. But she'd rather be here, watching Camper K have fun, doing whatever she can and taking it easy here. She can go in and out of the hospital just as easily being here as at home, so at least during the good days, she's doing what she loves.

At the hospital, she had 8 liters of fluid taken out of her lungs and by the time she got back to camp yesterday morning, she was completely exhausted and slept all day. I know she is very sick and probably not going to get better. It's difficult to watch and be helpless to do anything for her. I made her homemade chicken soup and updated her that Camper K was busy having fun with the rest of the staff. I wish I could do more, but there's nothing I can do.

Sometimes I wish I was just the boss. I wish I could punch in, work, and then at the end of the day, go off with my friends and live my life without being responsible for 50 year old buildings, 20 needy staff and an entire camp community. But I can't imagine my life without camp and there's no where else I'd rather be.

Leading

On Thursday, Counselor N asked if they could take the amp van into town to go to Target and the movie theater. PDS and PDP were both leaving for the weekend and so there wasn't anyone else who could drive the van so I told him that I could take them if they wanted to go. He hesitated and reacted awkwardly. I joked with him that I could drop them off a block away if they were embarrassed about hanging out with their boss. I knew it wasn't that, rather, he felt awkward about asking me to give up my day off to take them into town. But I didn't mind and they wanted to go, so this morning, we all gathered to venture into town for the day.

With 13 people, all of whom want to do something different, a day like this can be long and painful. It's difficult to organize a group that big and often with group dynamic, no one wants to take the lead and put themselves at risk of making the wrong decision. On the weekends, I try not to manage the staff as much as I can. I control every waking move of their lives during the week, so I don't want to boss them around all weekend too. But no one had a plan for the day, just a long list of places people wanted to go.

So I printed out the movie choices and times and suggested a plan for the day. We started at Target, which everyone wanted and then they were going to go see a movie. I thought everyone was going, until it was time to go and I said I wasn't going to go and then half of them decided not to go too. The problem with group dynamics is that most people will go along with the crowd, rather than speak up about what they'd rather do. My doing something different made it possible for those who didn't want to see the movie to have an alternative.

The movie-goers left for the theater and I wasn't sure what the rest of us were going to do. I asked what they wanted to do and everyone said, "I don't know... whatever..." I was hungry, so I said I was going to get lunch. When we pulled up to the restaurant, they were all talking about being hungry. Why hadn't any of them spoken up?! I know it is tough to be the leader of the group. But the truth is, most people don't want to lead, are happy to go along with the crowd, and happy to have someone else make the plans. I was happy I could be that person to keep the day organized, productive and give people choices about what they were doing.

Out of Sorts

This was a weird week. Okay, no, the week was fine- kids had fun, the weather was perfect, everything went smoothly- but I felt out of sorts for some reason.

The kids were well behaved, but the most entitled, annoying group of demanding children I've ever worked with. The staff were struggling with them and I couldn't seem to help. Misbehaving kids, homesickness, cabin conflict- I am great with all of those situations, but it wasn't any of those. These kids were just really snotty and the staff just generally didn't like them as people. There weren't any problems for me to fix and I couldn't seem to motivate them or put anything in perspective. It was all just really weird.

We also had a volunteer nurse who was new this year and she just didn't understand camp. She didn't like the dirt, thought I was too young, had opinions about the staff and overall, I didn't like her. I pretty much spent the whole week wishing for her to go away. I attempted to talk with her- we had a 2 hour conversation and she asked lots of great questions and I had a chance to explain many aspects of how camp runs. But she still didn't get it and didn't seem to like me and yet, she talked a lot about "next year" which I found surprising since she didn't seem to be happy with her experience.

The first week of camp was so rainy that the whole week's schedule was changed and everything was different. This week should have been smooth, but we made some overall schedule changes and it made things feel a little hectic. I think the changes are for the best and I was glad I made them, but between the schedule and changed staff positions, I started to feel like I didn't know what I was doing. I felt like I was coming across as if I was making things up as I went along, despite the fact that changes were for the best and came after a lot of discussion, planning and thought. I'm hoping that this weekend will be a good change to "re-group" and get myself feeling a little more grounded.

Getting Out

On Saturday, PDS, APDA and I drove an hour into town to go to Target. Pre-camp, to training, to the first week of camp- we've been "on" for a long time now. It was good to get away from camp, away from staff, and into the "real world" for a little while. We looked like tourists touching everything in the store and exclaiming excitedly over ordinary things we shouldn't have been so impressed by.

Later in the day, once we were back to camp, we joined the staff on the pontoon for a cruise around the lake. Last summer, between my sick dog, my boyfriend and just normal craziness of the summer, I never once "hung out" with the staff. I think they were a little unsure of what it would be like to chill with the boss, because when I got on the pontoon, I could see all of them sit up a little straighter. But it was a fun day and lots of joking around, so I think they eased up pretty quickly.

I think it is important to keep a boundary between staff and I- I am not their friend. I am the person responsible for making tough decisions, maintaining rules and supporting them through this experience. In order to remain professional, fair, unbiased and objective, I can't be their friend. But I also think it is important to be approachable, relate-able and for them not to be scared of me. So hanging out every now and then is important.

Connection

The Lead Staff have gone out for drinks a few times this summer and on Friday, we invited Nurse S who was spending an extra night at camp because she and her husband were going up north the next day.

Nurse S has been a volunteer nurse for the past four years. She comes up for a week each summer and has gotten to know me, camp and some of the staff very well. She and her family come to all of the camp events and she is a huge supporter of camp. I like her a lot and I didn't think twice about including her when we went out for drinks. Anyone can come with us, we aren't an exclusive group, it's just that most of the staff are younger and would prefer to hang out together, and not with their boss.

So I was surprised when Nurse J told me how touched Nurse S had been to be included in our outing. She really appreciated being invited. I think it is easy to forget, that even once people are grown adults, with families and lives, and not dealing with peer pressure or fitting in, that even then, everyone just wants to be included.

This year, more than ever before, I've watched staff (and volunteers) struggle with insecurity over their "place" at camp. Camp, more than any other job, is such an emotional connection. It's not just this camp either, I've heard this same thing at multiple camps, from other camp directors, at camp trainings, etc. I referred to the first camp I worked at as "my camp" for several years after I'd left. The connection that people make, the traditions, the feeling of belonging, and just the overall feeling of camp lead people to become very attached. And with that attachment can also come an insecurity. People want to make sure there is still a place for them.

I have worked hard to create a strong community and a "camp family" atmosphere. It's a great thing, but it also means that people get emotional about camp and want to make sure they matter. Part of my job is to manage people's egos, people's emotion and make sure they continue to feel valued, connected and part of the community.

For me, I NEED staff and volunteers- I couldn't do this alone. So in my mind, I think, "OF COURSE I still need you! Why would you question that?!" It never even crossed my mind that Nurse S wouldn't be included or have a place with us. If anything, I was hoping she would WANT to come with us. So hearing that she was so happy to be included was a good reminder to me that people need to be told they are valued, even if it seems obvious to me that they are. It's so important to share good, positive, happy feedback and never assume people know you are pleased.

Demotion?

First weekend complete. I consider that as much of a success as completing the first week of camp. The weekend is not a relaxing time for me- sometimes it is, but with twenty 19-22 year olds running around, enjoying their first freedom after a week, my job never ends.

Counselor J was hired as the Head Female Counselor/ Ministry Specialist. Counselor J is anxious and awkward, but very focused on whatever job she is given, organized and has a strong desire to succeed. Some of the staff were surprised by my choice because she is not the most popular staff member and she's a bit socially awkward. But jobs are not popularity contests and more often than not (people are generally really predicable), when you give someone a leadership role, they will rise to the occasion.

Unfortunately, that didn't happen in her case. Counselor J is a great counselor, a strong leader and really great at what she does when she is doing any of those things. But the minute she thinks about it, or feels like she is being watched, she gets so self conscious that it is literally painful to watch as she struggles and nearly collapses under the pressure.

Ministry was BAD this week. Staff and kids were complaining and while I care very much about each individual staff member and their development and growth, ultimately, if my program is suffering and we aren't putting out a quality product, something has to change. I planned to talk to her about it, basically taking away all of her responsibilities, but between the rain, her being sick and having to go to the doctor and be in the health center and just the craziness of the week, I didn't have an opportunity. And because I wanted to replace her with a "ministry team" (made up of several staff), I had to announce it at the meeting. I felt really terrible about the way I had to handle it, but there wasn't any other way.

So 5 minutes after the meeting, as Nurse J, PDS, PDP, APDA and I readied ourselves to go out for a celebratory margarita, I had to stop and have a conversation with HYSTERICAL Counselor J. She was so upset and I tried to talk it out with her, but she was too upset to talk. I told her to think about it for a while and we could talk later in the weekend.

We talked the next day and she had calmed down a lot. She was still upset and felt like she should quit. But after about an hour of talking, during which I explained that I still valued her and wanted to work with her, but that the pressure had been too much and I was actually worried about her, she was able to understand why I'd made that decision. She agreed to give it some time and see how the change goes. And by the end, she was smiling and happy and I am hopeful that it will be for the best.

I care very much about my staff and it is difficult to make tough decisions sometimes. I try very hard to keep the best interest of camp as my motivation in every decision, followed closely by the best interest of the staff. They don't always match up, but I am always hopeful that I do the right thing.

Sunshine and Honor

After the rainiest week I've ever had at camp, the sun finally came out on Friday and the parents were greeted by sunshine, smiling campers and happy staff. By Thursday night, I'd had 4 counselors break down and cry, and I'd had to deal with behavior or other issues with every single cabin. Kids and staff were tired, sick of being cold and wet, and ready for a break. But Friday was a perfect day and camp life was good again. I was actually really sad to see the kids go home- don't get me wrong, I NEEDED a break, but they were so fun and funny and cute and I always feel a little sad when we say goodbye.

One part of the closing ceremony is awards. Kids get awards for activities, one cabin wins the spirit award and we award counselor of the week to one staff member.

HP was a leader-in-training 4 years ago, then a counselor in training, then a junior counselor last year. Camp is his life. He is a triplet and his two brothers are athletic and popular. HP is quiet, kind of awkward, and before he came to camp 4 years ago, his mother warned me that he might not make it though the week because he is not socially capable. I was literally terrified of him when he got off the bus because his mother had built him up so much I was really worried he was going to be a monster. But he was quiet and sweet and nerdy and wonderful. So then I spent the whole week confused and still waiting for his terrible side to show.

Four years later, I have yet to see anything except an awkward kid who is desperate to fit in and be recognized as an individual. At camp, he is accepted for who he is, he is an individual and everyone loves him. And yet, when he applied to be a counselor this year, I struggled terribly with the decision. I knew how much camp meant to him and I knew if he didn't get the job, he'd be crushed. But I was REALLY concerned that he would be too timid and nervous to actually be in charge of a cabin of kids. His interview wasn't great- he was so nervous he could barely answer my questions. I really didn't know what the right answer was, but ultimately, I decided to give him a chance and see how it would go this summer. I knew he would be safe and kids would be safe, but I didn't know if I could expect much more than that. I planned to work with him this summer and give him a lot of guidance.

So imagine my surprise when, given a cabin of spacey little 7 and 8 years olds, he spent the week organized, calm, easy going, patient, and the kids were IN LOVE with him. He was exceptional. He was my vote for staff of the week, but not only mine, but won by a landslide.

When we announced his name at the award ceremony, he had the same reaction Miss America does- his eyes got wide, he took a shocked deep breath in while covering his mouth with his hand, he stood for a moment without breathing or moving and then came to the stage to shakily accept his blanket (the prize that they get). He went back to his seat clutching it as if it was a bar of gold. Later, when I congratulated him and told him it was a landslide, he said, "I just don't understand- everyone worked so hard and I can't believe it." I think it was the most adorable, satisfying staff of the week win I've ever seen. It means the world to him just to be here, but to be recognized for doing a good job was really meaningful to him.

For me, it is incredible to see an individual go from a quiet kid, grow into a leader and be so obviously affected by his experience with camp. I know camp makes a difference and changes peoples lives, but seeing it so obviously is incredibly rewarding and I selfishly hope to experience that level of pride and achievement with many more staff and campers to come.

First week complete. And, despite some drama and nonsense, I'm calling it a success...

Rescue

Today I got dragged off by the sheriff.

Not in handcuffs or anything- in a boat.

Around 11 this morning, I got a phone call from Counselor N, who was calling from the cell phone we keep in the boat in case of emergencies. The boat had gas, but had stopped working and they were stranded.

APDA and I called the police because last year, I had asked the DNR what to do if someone got stranded and they told me you could call 911 and be rescued. I knew we couldn't drag the pontoon with canoes or even our little rescue boat (which is a small row boat with a motor), so, with the police on the way, we ran down to the beach to get in the rescue boat to go out and let them know what was going on and to stay calm. Except that neither of us know how to use the rescue boat, so I had someone go get MA to help.

It was about 60 degrees outside, drizzling and the kids had all jumped in the water to go swimming off the pontoon, so they were wet and freezing. MA and I drove out to the pontoon and he attempted to fix the motor, but he couldn't get it to work either. The police were no where in sight and so we decided to take 4 kids at a time in the rescue boat to get them back to the beach. It took over an hour for him to go back and forth with the kids. I was impressed that the campers were so patient and positive, despite being stuck, having to be patient, and getting colder and colder. I gave away my jacket and sweatshirt, and so I was feeling pretty miserable as well.

Eventually we got all of the kids off the boat and it was just Counselor N and I. By that time, the pontoon had floated near a dock and was crashing into it, lifting the sections up and I was panicking that we were going to damage the dock or the boat. So Counselor N jumped back in the water to try to push the boat away and we tied onto a tree that was hanging over the lake from shore. In the process of that, I dropped the phone in the lake, so I couldn't call APDA on shore. We were wet, wondering where the police were and laughing at the ridiculousness.

MA came back and took Counselor N back to camp and the police showed up at the same time. An hour and a half after this whole thing started, they towed me and the pontoon back to the beach. I was wet and cold, but yet another crisis had been faced and solved. It's only Thursday of the FIRST WEEK!! If we keep going at this rate, it's going to be a ridiculous summer...

And Then More Rain...

After it rained all day Tuesday, I was hoping the sun would come out yesterday. But that was not the case. The rain continued, not letting up for even a few minutes.

We'd adjusted activities on Tuesday, but I didn't think we could make it through another day like that. So the Lead Staff and I sat down at breakfast and re-wrote the whole day. We planned several different counselor shows, a hot chocolate break in the afternoon, a carnival (complete with prizes) and readied ourselves for the day. It was EXHAUSTING, because lead staff led everything, so while some of us were leading one activity, the others were finishing plans and setting up for the next. We ran all day to be two steps ahead of the group. And it was a success, but really, so intense.

The first activity was all camp crafting- making carnival masks out of paper plates, feathers, glitter and fun stuff from the art barn. Counselor A was still struggling with his group of 14 year old boys and the idea of attempting to get them to make crafts for an hour was weighing on my mind.

I think one of the most difficult things I have to train staff is the balance between treating all kids the same, being fair and consistent, but also knowing when you have to treat kids entirely different. Expecting 14 year old boys to quietly craft was not going to work. So even though that's what everyone was doing, I decided to give them a different option. I met with them and asked them what their ideal day at camp would look like. They came up with a whole list of ideas and since we'd dropped the regular schedule anyway, I decided to re-write their whole day, customized to their ideas. Counselor A wasn't so sure- he expressed his concern that it didn't make sense to reward them with what they wanted when they weren't listening very well. But here's the thing- they weren't listening because they were bored. So my options were to be in a power struggle with them all day, attempting to force them to behave, while they expressed their boredom, OR, to set them up for success by occupying them with activities where they would behave.

So while everyone else crafted masks, they played soccer in the rain. After soccer, they had asked to swim in the rain. It was REALLY cold and pouring, but there wasn't lightening or wind, so I was fine with it and even agreed to lifeguard for them. Watching them jump into the lake, fully clothed, screaming as they hit the cold water and then repeatedly jumping off the dock as it poured made being wet and cold myself, totally worth it. Moments like that are what camp is all about. Kids remember the special things- the unexpected, the unplanned. They were so happy and completely swept into the experience. We weren't lecturing them about listening or telling them to follow directions. It was a perfect moment of camp magic.

The rain continued ALL day and by the end of the day, and even though our alternate activities were good, being cooped up inside was stressful. Kids and staff were all a little whinny and crabby by the end of the day, but we made it through.

Rain...

At 1:30am Tuesday night, I found myself standing in my living room with PDP and Counselor A. I vaguely remember them knocking on my bedroom door, myself and two alert bulldogs tumbling out of bed and then walking out to talk to them, but it was all very dreamlike.

Apparently his boys were being loud, obnoxious, refused to turn off their flashlights and he needed help. The boys cabins are a long, dark walk away from my house, so we got into my car and headed to his cabin.

I turned on the light and asked what was going on. I told them that they needed to quiet down, go to sleep and if I had to come back, we would be waking up their parents, regardless of the time. Having the director show up, half asleep and crabby, is enough to scare most kids into better behavior and it worked like a charm.

The middle of the night wake up call should have been a warning that yesterday was going to be interesting. It rained all day today. We made it through activities, sending the canoers into the lodge to build boats and having the fishers make cute fish crafts. It was a long day, but the kids and staff were doing well. We moved the dance party to last night, hoping today would be sunny and we could make s'mores over the campfire.

During the dance party, I was in my house, taking a quick break while everyone was occupied when Counselor HP ran in and said I needed to go to the health center because the fire alarms were blasting. It was POURING rain, so I threw on my rain coat and headed over. There wasn't a fire, but the whole building was SCREECHING and the fire lights were blinking. Nurse J and I flipped the circuit breaker, pushed on the smoke detectors, and even attempted to dismantle one of the alarms. Finally, we called the fire department and asked them to send someone out.

It was almost time for shower time, and Nurse S was already at the bathrooms, preparing to hand out medication. Except that she didn't have the medication yet. She had gone for the dance, and Nurse J said she would bring it. But we were waiting for the fire department, so I grabbed the two giant boxes, put them in my car and was about to drive there (keep in mind, it is still POURING at that point), but just as I backed out, Counselor HP runs up, directing the fire truck and so I told him to drive my car and drop off the medication. He responded with, "I don't have a drivers license." I asked if he knew how to drive and he said yes, but he struggled to get the car into reverse and I was panicking that he was going to end up in a ditch. He had to go around the backside of camp because the short path to the lodge was being blocked by the fire truck.

I ran back to the health center to talk to them (apparently a power surge from lightning can set it off and you just have to wait 20 minutes for it to re-set). A few minutes later, PDP came to the health center, looking for the medication and I said, "I sent HP in my car, isn't he there?"

We both went running out of the health center, ran through the pouring rain to look for him, my car and the medication. At that point, I was completely soaked, as if I'd fallen in the lake. When he came running towards us from the archery field, I feared the worst, as my car was no where in sight. He had gotten lost, didn't know how to turn on the de-frost and so he'd abandoned the car and come to find us. PDP went to get the car and we brought Nurse S the medication.

When I stopped to take a deep breath, I shook my head- this was not one of my finer moments of leadership. I'm not sure why I panicked and felt like the medication needed to be rushed to the lodge so badly that I put a staff who couldn't drive in my car. In the moment, it felt like a necessary response, but really, I could have waited a few minutes and drove them myself. I think the combination of the blaring alarm, the pouring rain and having to shout everything I said made it feel like more of a crisis than it really was. But everything ended up just fine and camp continues.

Changes...

Last year, three factors made the summer different than ever before

1. PDS and APDA were both return staff and I felt really confident in them so I let them take the lead on programming more so than ever before. In years prior, I led every single program, but last year, I led very few.

2. Part of the reason I didn't lead programming was because we were going through re-certification, so I had TONS of paperwork. I pretty much sat in the office all day, every day and just worked.

3. Almost all of the staff was new.

In my mind, I still thought of myself as very involved with staff (I always lead programming) but none of them had actually seen that and I made it through most of the summer without actually being involved. In hindsight, it's no surprise they were all nervous for their midsummer reviews and intimidated by me.

This year, I don't have the same intense paperwork, I have three lead staff, Nurse J and Counselor M (who worked in the office this year) has been out of a cabin this week and helping with programming. We had one too many counselors this week and since she already knows the computer system, she was a natural choice. But she is also doing an exceptional job taking initiative, being a leader and taking on extra work.

Which means that I have a lot more free time than ever before. I don't have to upload pictures and blog at midnight (two different people have those responsibilities). Programming is planned, responsibilities are all equally spread out and camp is fun. It is more fun than ever before, because I am not trying to run around like a crazy person and do everything myself.

I still have a constant feeling of anxiety, like I have a million things to do, even though everything is getting done. Delegating is the hardest skill I've had to learn, but it works.

This week, I am leading an activity called "survival skills". Today we built a fort, which was super fun and hilarious. At break time, PDP pulled out some buckets and drumsticks and lead an impromptu drumline. Later, I got involved in an intense circle game called "zumie zumie" with the 14 year old boys and it was several minutes before I realized that my job is to play... all day... with kids... How did I get so lucky?

Not So Smooth

Sunday was so perfect and I was charmed into thinking I was going to spend the summer basking in the sun and frolicking through fields of flowers.

The kids this week are all sponsored by a nun who has been sending kids to camp for 20 years. She raises all of the money, gives them sleeping bags and toothbrushes and everything they need for camp. Kids are kids and these kids are no different than the rest of our campers. Except that they are different because instead of parents calling and emailing me obsessively for every little detail, many of these kids come without any other preparation than what the nuns do for them.

We have twin 8 year old boys this week who both have severe asthma. Their parents didn't send the correct medication for them. Because so many of the medical forms were incomplete, it took Nurse J and our other nurse for this week two days to organize everything, call parents and sort out the information they needed. So it was Monday morning before the nurse called to ask about these boys, and even then, the mom said it was fine. But then the dad called back later to say he would drive it up to camp that evening.

But by Monday afternoon, the camper was wheezing and very sick and when I got a walkie talkie call from Nurse J saying she was heading into the local city (where the hospital is), my response was, "I will be right over [to the health center]". She took him to the ER and, as it turns out, he was even sicker than we thought and they were preparing to airlift him to the big city. Luckily they were able to get his oxygen up and didn't need to do that, but it took several hours.

The parents were headed up to camp to bring the medication, but by this time, it was 9pm. On the way, they hit a deer and messed up their car and so by the time they got to camp, they were really stressed out. It took a lot longer at the hospital than Nurse J had expected and so they eventually decided to go there. Except that they got lost and had to come back to camp. By this time it was 11:30pm and everyone was tired.

Nurse J got back to camp with the camper at midnight. The parents took him home and I collapsed into bed thinking, "It's only MONDAY!"

Meanwhile...

Earlier in the evening, I was sitting in the bathroom supervising the kids as they brushed their teeth and got ready for bed. The oldest girls were getting ready and chatting and I overhead one of the girls names. Except that it wasn't her name, it was her sister. I had received an email on Sunday saying that they had tried to convince the nun to let her sister come at the last minute and she'd said no. She wasn't sure if the right girl got on the bus, but the camper (and the parents) had said that was her, so unless they were lying to her face (a nun!), that was right.

All of the paperwork, including her activity sign up sheet she had filled out, said her sister's name. But when I heard that and asked if she was her sister, she admitted it. I didn't say anything to her- she's 12. Her PARENTS told her to lie.

I know they probably thought, "what's the big deal which kid comes?" But this discovery came at the same time I had just sent a kid to the hospital. If I had to bring her to the hospital, I would have NO information on her. Also, her sister is one medication, which, during health checks, she claimed not to have with her. But the problem is, if that medication had been here, and we'd given it to her (thinking she was her sister), she would have gone into cardiac arrest.

Paperwork is important and knowing which kid are responsible for is important.

I'm not going to send her home; it's not her fault. But I'm annoyed. What are parents thinking sometimes?!

I just keep shaking my head today and saying, "it's the third day!"

First Day!

As I clipped on my fanny pack and attached my walkie talkie, I excitedly said, "locked and loaded! Let's do this!" [I've gotta give my lead staff credit for smiling politely and humoring my nerdiness].

It's the first day of camp! Approximately 80 kids- 7-17 years old arrived on two buses, excited and ready for some fun! I was nervous, as I always am when the bus arrives, but there were so many return campers and kids running up to hug me, I calmed down right away.

One of the first things I saw was a little boy (7 years old), standing by the bus as staff unloaded luggage. He was saying, "I have to find my monkey" over and over again. I told him I would help him and eventually we spotted a big blue stuff monkey. He hugged it tight and I asked if he wanted to take the monkey with him to the circle of kids or if he wanted to leave it with his backpack. He put it down, looked at it and said, "you stay here" and then did that motion where you point your two fingers at your eyes and then at someone else's and said, "I'm watching you." I forgot how young seven year olds are.

The day was wonderful and exciting and the staff were filled with enthusiasm and I know that every day isn't going to be as smooth, but it was a great kick off to the summer.

A Break!

After 4 weeks of nonstop activity, I am free (sorta- it is the summer after all!). Training ended this afternoon and I feel very confident and happy with the staff and I know that we are going to have a great summer.

We ended training at 3pm and at 3:05, PDS, PDP, APDA, Nurse J and I were all in a car on our way to margaritas. It was great to have a chance to not be going from one thing to the next. And while I am still responsible for all of them, for the buildings, and, in about 48 hours, 80ish campers, I was able to relax for a few moments before the craziness of camp.

Canoe Trip

Success!

On Tuesday morning, after we announced the canoe trip the night before, we took a trip around the island to practice canoeing. It took us about an hour- it was sunny, calm, and a perfect day. We paired people up- strong canoers and more nervous people. Several people looked nervous when we began, but by the end, everyone was looking much more confident and feeling more excited.

When we woke up to rain yesterday morning, I was not feeling excited at all. We'd said "rain or shine" but I'm a wimp about these things, so I wasn't sure how it would be. But it wasn't storming, the water was calm, and despite the constant drizzle, it wasn't terribly cold, so we spent the morning packing tents, food, sleeping bags and clothes (bagging much of it in garbage bags to keep it dry).

After lunch, we gave everyone 10 minutes for final preparation and told them to meet us in the boating bay for departure. It was at that point that utter and complete panic overtook me and I couldn't breathe and I had to fight back the tears as I walked across the field (bursting into tears when I arrived at my front door). It wasn't that I was nervous about the canoe trip (although I was a little nervous for that too). My dad leaves camp (for his trip to Alaska) today. He and I have been fighting about this trip since he was in the hospital. He is still healing and definitely not back to full strength. I didn't think it was a good idea.

A few days ago we had a really emotional conversation where we both cried (and my mountain man, grizzly adams dad doesn't cry- EVER) as he explained that he needed to go back one more time. His health is going to continue to go downhill and he needs to go back while he still can. He said he would take it easy and promised he wasn't going there to die.

But as my staff packed the canoes, all I could think was, "this might be the last time I see my dad" and I was having a hard time directing staff (who were nervous about the adventure), in the rain, while my dad stood by and watched.

As they took one last bathroom break, my dad and I walked off to the side where I burst into tears. He and I stood hugging, both of us crying (me hysterical) and he promised not to die and told me he would be back soon. I didn't want my staff to see me cry and I knew I needed to focus on the major task ahead, but I felt like I was going to throw up.

I managed to get myself together, say goodbye and then, with all of the effort in the world, say in a confident, excited voice, "okay! let's head out!"

Paddling took MUCH less time than we'd estimated. The rain stopped about an hour into the trip and there was little wind to begin with, and when we'd initially planned, it was the worst case scenario, so we'd over-estimated the amount of time. So about an hour and half into the trip, we'd crossed the lake (which was, according to the map, halfway through our journey) and I pleasantly surprised but also sort of confused because we were going so fast. By that time, everyone was feeling much more confident, had found their paddling rhythm and there was a lot of joking, talking, singing and we were all really enjoying ourselves. I actually had to pause paddling several times because I was laughing so hard. It was a great improvement over the crying from earlier.

We arrived to the camp site in just under 2.5 hours. I was relieved, happy and proud of everyone. We set up camp, cooked dinner, played games around the fire, ate s'mores and had a fabulous night. Sleeping on the ground after a long day of paddling was a little rough- I woke up to the sound of APDA whimpering around 1am. I gave her advil and she managed to fall back asleep for a while. There was a very loud owl, and then a howling coyote as well, but overall, it wasn't a bad night of sleep.

We woke up the next day, ate breakfast, packed up and headed back to camp. We didn't have any rain or wind on the way back. We were really tired by the time we made it back to camp, but everyone was just bursting with pride and the camaraderie was incredible. We unpacked, ate lunch and then had the whole afternoon to nap and relax.

After dinner, we did a de-brief and staff shared highs, lows, etc. It was a little scary to hear all of them talk about how much confidence and trust they'd had in us, considering just how much doubt I'd had. But they accomplished a major feat because we said they could do it. I was very proud of them.

I'd told them before we left that the canoe trip was a metaphor for the summer- there will be times they are too tired, frustrated, annoyed and don't feel like they can go on. They will need to rely on each other and find strength from within to persevere instead of give up. It's a great lesson to learn. I was really happy we went through with it. If this trip is any indication, it is going to be a great summer.

Advanced Staff Training

This is my 12th summer of camp and I think the 10th time I have helped or fully led staff training. I love staff training. I love scheduling it, love leading team building, I love every part about it.

But this year has been a different challenge than I've ever experienced before. I have 17 return staff and 4 new staff. Of the four new staff, one was a counselor for several years (at a different camp), one was a volunteer missionary with teens all last year and the other two are just really "with it". We're not working with your average bunch staff. They have been humoring me- acting out scenarios, responding to my lectures, and participating, but it's clear that they are a little bit bored because they have done this before and know what to do.

So when PDP came to me and suggested that instead of just doing a normal staff overnight camping trip, we canoe (nine miles) to the site, I actually considered it. Two years ago, he took a group of 14 year old boys, so I didn't think it was an impossible feat. I knew it might be a challenge and some people wouldn't be excited about it, and also that I would have to change around the entire training schedule to accommodate it.

He, PDS, and I talked about it, discussed worst case scenarios, emergency procedures and every possible thing we could think of. We brought APDA into the discussion and she burst into tears- she was not excited, but even with that hesitation, we moved forward with plans.

A little while ago, we made the announcement to the staff- some cheered, a few cried. On a scale of one to ten (their feelings about the trip)- there were some tens, some zeros, some in the middle. I told them to think about it overnight, write down any questions they have, but not to spend the night panicking. I'm slightly nervous about this idea, but I think it will work out okay.

We'll see...

Training Day 1

"I know it is difficult to imagine that 2 weeks from now, these people (who you are just meeting for the first time today) will have become some of your best friends. 2 WEEKS! In real life, sometimes don't even know some people's names after two weeks but at camp, pretty soon, you will be reading each others' minds."

That was part of my welcome speech this morning. And it's true- the bonds you form at camp are fast, intense and produce life long friendships.

Being a camp staff member is a journey- I can sometimes see people growing before my eyes. I can't say enough how much I enjoy being part of that experience and what an honor it is to be able to play that role in these people's lives.

I have worked incredibly hard to build a community and create a "camp family". I want campers, staff, volunteers, even parents who aren't attending camp to feel a connection to camp and experience a sense of belonging.

All of that being said, makes this next statement difficult to say- I am definitely going to fire someone this summer. I am not happy about that and not looking forward to it in any way. I don't even know who it is going to be or why they will be fired. But I have a gut feeling and I know it is coming. I'm just hoping that it is only one person and it is not for anything too serious.

Today was the first day of training. Yesterday was CPR/First aid, and prior to that was 4 days of Life guarding. Some staff have been here for almost a week now, but today was the first official day. And already there was drama. Nurse J came to talk to me about two different people who were talking to her about other staff. Two staff were asking about going into town to buy cigars (um, hello, what part of "can you give up alcohol and tobacco for 10 weeks" didn't you understand in the interview??). With 16 of 20 staff are returning this summer, we are at an advantage in some ways- I don't anticipate nearly as many issues with cabin management, organizational issues or nervousness about programming. I do however expect more issues with staff drama- they already know each other and there's no honeymoon period where they are all nice, polite and getting along.

Despite being the first day of training, all day I couldn't escape the feeling that they were just a little out of control, a little too relaxed, and a little less under my control than I like. So we'll see...