Adjusting

Sunday was the first Sunday in 9 years that I wasn't at camp for the arrival of campers. Well, technically, last summer when my face swelled shut from poison ivy- THAT was the first time I missed the staff meeting and camper check in, but I was still AT camp that time, so this is the first time I've NOT been at camp.

Anyway, this was also the first time in 9 years that I was at the office to check in the kids who were riding the bus. It was similar to checking kids in at camp and overall uneventful.

Afterwards, I went home and hung out with my husband, baby X and my mom. We had a great afternoon and a lovely dinner at home. But it felt weird not to be at the first day of the session. The night before, 'N' and I had gone out to a fancy dinner to celebrate my grant and his promotion at work. We got dressed up and ate steak and lobster. We went out for ice cream afterwards. When we got home, we cuddled up on the couch and watched a movie. It was so relaxing and absolutely perfect. On Monday night, we went out to dinner again, this time for his birthday and this time with baby X. We ate sushi and had drinks while our cute perfect baby babbled happily at the table with us.

I love my life at home and I miss my husband, our house, our neighborhood, and our routine when I am at camp. It was nice to be home for a few days and be together as a family.

I also love my life at camp. And it is difficult to be away. It is weird to know that camp is in session and I am not there.

I have two parts of my life- both of which I love. It's probably a bit luxurious to complain about having too much goodness in life. I realize that. But it is really weird to have to split myself between the two.

I'm trying my hardest to fully enjoy both lives and not be stressed out. When I am at camp, even though I miss home, I am trying to focus on enjoying every minute of camp and not stress out about missing 'N' or being away. And when I am at home, I am trying to enjoy the fact that I have a fabulous life with a husband I love and not worry about not being at camp. A&M have camp under control and I don't need to worry.

And yet, when I got back to camp yesterday afternoon, I felt completely out of the loop. I hadn't met any of the kids and many of them didn't know who I was. There were already a million little jokes and stories from the 3 days of camp that I had missed. I feel disconnected and unsure of my role.

This week is weird. Not bad, just so different.