Flying Kites

Finding the joy

Today was the first day of lifeguard training. I always complain and dread lifeguard training, and then it starts and I remember that I actually really enjoy it. ‘N’ has been at camp since Saturday and has been taking care of ‘X’ so that I can work. It is really nice having him here.

I’ve only been at camp 5 days, but the most difficult part of this summer so far, has been that I feel really isolated and lonely. When I first started at camp, it was difficult to be close in age to the staff, but not a peer. It’s been many years since I have struggled with that. I’ve gotten comfortable in my role as the leader. I enjoy my time with staff and love the bond I have with the lead staff team.

But this summer, I’m completely disconnected. Since I’ve been here, my schedule has revolved around X’s nap and bedtime schedule. I have spent a lot of time in my trailer by myself while he sleeps.

It’s not terrible, but the fun part of pre-camp is all of the random things to do around camp. No, I don’t enjoy the specific acts of cleaning or carrying random things, but I enjoy being part of a team, accomplishing things that need to get done and the camaraderie of doing dirty, hard work together. But I’m not doing any of that. Because even when he is awake, I can’t help with those things with a baby strapped to my chest. A&M have made it clear that they don’t NEED me, and I know they are doing a great job. But I miss being part of things.

‘N’ being here to take care of the baby has given me the chance to finally spend some time just hanging out, chatting, laughing and being part of the group. Tonight after dinner, I took Olivia to the field to play and a few staff came out to fly kites and a few just to hang out and watch the kite flying. Flying a kite is the ultimate act of leisure. And watching them fly kites was hilarious and fun and wonderful and I haven’t laughed that much in a long time. Olivia was running after the ball, kites were floating through the air, the air was warm, everyone was in a good mood, joking around and I finally found the joy in camp that I have been missing this year. Tonight was the camp that I remember and love and look forward to be able to spend my summers.

I know that once the nanny is on duty and once I find a routine, camp will go back to being fun and (somewhat) carefree. And in the meantime, I just have to be patient and ok with the change this year. This summer is going to be different than the ones before it, but I know it will get better.