Crazy Dog Lady

Olivia is my baby. I question whether I will ever have a real baby because I'm not sure I could ever love another living thing as much as I love her. And if I do love a real baby as much, or even more, I think my heart might actually explode. In the nearly two years I have had her, I have spent a small fortune (I could have had a new car for what I've spent), shaped my life around her every waking need and pretty much gone completely over the edge of "crazy dog lady."

Olivia is very social and loves other dogs. At home, we go to play times, the dog park, I have friends over who have dogs, she goes to puppy daycare, and she gets lots of playing time. She loves camp and the attention from kids, but I can't help but notice her looks of longing when dogs pass by with their owners while out for afternoon walks.

In addition to looking lonely, even I can admit, Olivia is a spoiled brat. My darling precious baby angel, yes, but also a cliche only child who throws tantrums when she doesn't get her way. So obviously there is only one solution-Olivia needs a baby brother.

I have been talking with breeders and thinking about another puppy, however, I would also like to put in $4000 worth of insulation in my house this fall, and it's kind of an either/or situation. I could rescue a puppy from the pound, but my obsession with bullies is just too much to consider that.

Last week, one of the breeders I had been talking to called me and told me of another breeder (F) who had a 13 month old puppy who needed a home. F wanted to show the puppy but it wasn't working out. Additionally, F had gotten into a fight with the owner of the stud dog and she wouldn't sign the papers, so this puppy was a purebred, but couldn't be sold for full price because it didn't have papers. I love a bargain, so I called him up and we agreed to meet.

I wouldn't have made a special trip to the city just to see a puppy. I happened to be coming home to pick up four staff from the airport, so it worked out. BF came with me and we brought Olivia to meet the puppy.

Puppy needs eye surgery and needed some serious grooming, but was friendly, goofy and Olivia didn't hate him. By the end of the 30 minute visit, Olivia wasn't exactly jumping for joy, but she was crabby about leaving camp, tired from a long drive, out of sorts being in a new place, and I figured she'd be okay once we got home. F told me I could take the puppy for a few weeks and if it didn't work out, I could bring him back.

I bought my puppy a puppy.

I'm not sure I really want a second dog. Twice the money, twice the dog hair and slobber, twice the work... But I want Olivia to have a best friend, someone to keep her company and play with all the time. So if she likes him, I will gladly have a second dog. If not, I will have to take him back. We'll see how it goes once we get back to camp tomorrow.

A Three Hour Tour...

Yesterday, BF and I had a wonderful, perfect, magical day at camp. We started the day with pancakes, took a long boat ride around the lake and soaked in the sun, went to a very cute little wine shop and did a tasting, watched a few episodes of "Sopranos" on DVD (we've been making our way through the series for the past few months and still have two seasons left), relaxed, ate good food and enjoyed every minute of being together.

Today, we planned to do the same.

We weren't hungry when we woke up, so we decided to head out on the boat for a little ride and then come back and have a big breakfast. Our little ride ended up being a bit further than we'd originally planned, but the sky looked really gray and so we were trying to enjoy being outside before the rain came.

We had been in the boat about 30 minutes when it made a funny noise and shut off.

Um...

Weird.

Turn it back on.

*click*

Nothing.

Um...

Several thoughts went through my head.

1. I had just recently finished typing the "pre-trip" checklist staff are supposed to go through prior to taking the boat out. Why didn't I use that before we left? I'm quite certain neither of us checked the gas tank...

2. If in fact we are out of gas, what exactly is our emergency action plan? We are in the middle of nowhere, no other boats in sight and I didn't bring my cell phone.

3. WHY DIDN'T I BRING MY CELL PHONE??? I bring my cell phone to the bathroom when I brush my teeth, why didn't I bring it on a boat?!?!

4. Let's say I had my cell phone- who would I call? My dad is out of town and S&A, my two staff at camp don't have another boat, so what would they be able to do??

5. Stupid junky camp, stupid run down boat. What's wrong with this stupid thing now, I thought that our boat guy from in town checked this thing out before we launched it!! Obviously this is not my fault, I am a victim of a junky boat.

It turns out we did in fact, run out of gas.

The BF and I haven't been in a stressful situation yet. Past boyfriends would have yelled or freaked out. I was relieved and impressed that BF was calm and good natured through the whole thing. He was mad at himself for not checking the gas, but overall, we handled it in the same way- mildly amused, sort of annoyed that we were stuck and sort of unsure of what to do, but mostly just an easy going, "what are ya gonna do?" attitude.

We anchored the boat so we wouldn't drift into the weeds and then we sat calmly, discussing our options. We used his phone to call a mutual friend and ask him to facebook message my staff, explaining our situation and asking them to call BF's phone and help us. I wasn't sure if they would check their email and if they did, what exactly they would be able to do, but it was a start.

As we sat, hoping for another boat to pass, it started to lightly drizzle and that's when my patience for sitting around ended. I could see a dock, with a boat about 400 feet away. It was completely alone, no cabin in sight, and it looked sort of abandoned, but were pretty sure the dock must lead somewhere, like a road, so it was better than being stuck on the lake. There was also potential that the boat would work and we could borrow it.

BF didn't like the idea of me swimming. He offered to go, but I'm a lifeguard and he's not much of a swimmer, so I didn't like that idea either and we were at an impasse, neither of us wanting the other to go. At that point, it was raining and cold, so it was okay since neither of us was eager to jump in and swim to the abandoned dock without much of a plan.

When you pull the anchor up, the boat moves as you pull the rope, so I suggested that if we pulled in the anchor with force, the momentum would propel us forward and then we could throw the anchor out, pull it in, over and over until we go to the dock. BF was skeptical about the idea, but agreed to try.

30 throws, 30 pulls later BF was out of breath and exhausted, but we go to the dock. We grabbed the gas tank and headed into the woods and towards the sound of the road. We came out about 5 miles from camp and began walking down the highway. About 100 yards into our walk, a nice couple pulled over and asked us where we had come from and where we were going. When we told them camp, they let us know it was a ways away and asked if we would like a ride.

When we arrived back at camp, there was a power outage, so the staff had not seen our facebook plea for help, but it was probably better, because I still wasn't sure what they would have done. We filled the tank with gas and then they drove us back to the road we'd come out of. With a full tank of gas, the boat ran like a dream and we were back to the camp beach in no time.

Our 30 minute boat ride had turned out to be a three hour adventure, but it was a good experience to see how we deal with a crisis together. I have a tendency to get into situations like that- I don't try, but things like that just happen. So it was a good test to see how BF would react. He was wonderful, so I'll add that to the list of reason why he's a major catch...

BF Goes to Camp

My boyfriend is coming, my boyfriend is coming! Two weeks is a long time to go without seeing someone I adore as much as I do my boyfriend, but he's coming for a visit this weekend and I can't wait!

When we first started dating, some of his friends were excited to hear about camp. They encouraged him to date me at least long enough so that they could come to camp and hang out. So in late April, about 6 of us came to the woods for a weekend of fun. It was rainy and cold, but we still had a campfire, played some games, ate good food and enjoyed the weekend. Apparently I had made camp out to be rougher than it is because during that visit, BF shared his relief that it wasn't so bad after all and he was looking forward to more visits... a good sign for sure!

It has been sunny and warm and very summery these past two weeks, so I am looking forward to taking a boat ride, swimming and hanging out with my boyfriend. S and A (the Assistant Program Director) are excited to meet him because every other sentence begins with, "oh that reminds me of something my dreamy BF said..." Luckily I'm the boss and they have to smile and nod and enjoy my stories.

Now I will spend the next few hours bouncing around, driving my staff crazy and waiting, waiting, waiting....

One Week

Program Director S and I have been here a week and there is very little to write about.

Camp looks beautiful.

Organizing, programming and everything else is going well- smooth, easy, fun.

I feel confident about the summer ahead.

This is my third summer and S's fourth. She is one of only a few other people who truly understand how far this camp has come in that amount of time and just how difficult it has been.

Three years ago we spent every single day, all day, desperately attempting to make this place look like a camp instead of the backside of a trailer park. In my mind, I could imagine it beautiful, but hours and hours of hard work did little to actually make a dent in the workload. It is a pleasure to be able to work along side of her just three years later and be able to spend the days painting pretty, colorful signs and decorations, plan fun programs and get excited for a wonderful summer ahead.

I've been here one week and no tears yet- a promising start.

Camp+ Relationship=???

Camp is like a roller coaster- sometimes arms are up and you are lost in joy, elation, enjoying the ride, other times you are holding on for dear life, just praying to make it through. There's no time to think, to live your real life, for personal time or breaks- you must be completely present for the kids and the staff. It is a wonderful, exhausting, life changing ride, but it is also 3 month pause in real life, at the end of which I find myself shaking my head thinking, "was that a dream or did I really just live through that whirlwind???"

4 months ago I began dating a wonderful guy, and while I'm taking this relationship one day at a time, not getting ahead of myself or allowing the excitement of new romance to cloud my judgement, I will admit that I can very easily imagine a future together.

Which makes leaving for camp this summer a little scary. It's a 3 hour drive, but city life and camp are worlds apart. The BF and I have pretty much been together every evening since we started dating, so adjusting to seeing each other every few weeks will be different. If the situation was reversed, I'm not sure how easy going I would be about him leaving. Luckily for me, he is a much more understanding person than I am and he is not worried.

Camp is my life, so it's important that my relationship is able to fit in with my lifestyle. I know that if we make it through the next 4 months, our relationship will be stronger and the future I keep imagining will be a possibility. I also know that if it doesn't work out, as sad as I will be, it just means that it was never going to work out anyway. But I really like him. A lot. So the thought of that makes me anxious and sad and apprehensive about heading off to the woods. I'm trying to be zen-like, but I really don't want to lose my boyfriend this summer.

Catching Up, Moving Forward

For three years, I've been trying to catch up. "Catching up" is my least favorite thing. I am not the kind of person who falls behind; I don't procrastinate; I always get things done ahead of time.

When I arrived at camp that first year, I walked from building to building, making my "to do" list. By the end of my tour, I was overwhelmed, whimpering, crying and the list was so long I wasn't sure what to do. There were piles of broken furniture, garbage, the grounds were overgrown and covered in downed trees and brush. S, J and I cleaned 12 hours a day for a full month and we didn't even make a dent in the list. That whole summer, I had parent after parent make comments about how run down camp looked and everyone who came to camp had "helpful" suggestions about what I should do to fix it up.

Three years later, it's a different camp. It's still 63 years old and in need of some major remodeling. It's not perfect by any means, but the garbage and junk is gone, all gone. Everything has a place (with labels, shelves and bins), we've taken down random bushes and weeds and trees and moved the random piles of wood to orderly stacks. It's clean, neat, and taken care of. It's what it should have been three years ago.

Very few people can fully appreciate how far we've come. It took three years to get it to bare minimum (clean and safe). It's easy to take for granted that things are the way they are because that's the way the are supposed to be. If you look at a fire pit and it has big, heavy rocks that make up the circle, it's easy to assume it's always been there. That's how all fire pits are, so there's nothing special about it. But when you've personally moved every single rock, you understand the blood, sweat and pain that went towards creating it and you never ever take for granted that things just happen. I have personally touched every corner of this camp and every inch is the way it is because of long hours of thought, planning and effort. I am immensely proud of this camp, regardless of the fact that there are so few to share that understanding.

We've now begun the process of moving forward, improving and adding to camp. And that is so exciting, so rewarding and 99% why I pushed through the difficult times. We're adding new programming areas (a slingshot range last year, a tomahawk range and several other small things this year), building a stage at the fire pit, putting up colorful signs, new picnic tables and small touches that are beautiful, interesting and memorable to kids. Even without very much funding, the sky is the limit in how creative I can be in additions. My dad is incredibly talented and has been using a small amount of materials and tools to make major changes.

We are still very much in the process of turning this camp around. We still have a long way to go before I can stand with pride and say that everything is exactly the way it should be or the way I want it to be. But I feel like we've made it over some major hurdles and will be able to gain some significant momentum in the near future. It is an incredible feeling to have had a role in the progress and I am more excited for summer than ever before.

When I began my career, my mentor K asked me what I ultimately wanted to do. I said I eventually wanted to be the director of a well run resident camp. I wanted it to have a long and rich history, but I also wanted a challenge, wanted to be able to make improvements and wanted to have a role in helping it grow. I wasn't sure if there was a camp out there with that combination, but I have learned that I need to be careful what I wish for. I wanted a challenge...

Kayaking...

For some reason (maybe it has to do with center of gravity), males have a difficult time kayaking. I think I could probably stand up straight and bounce around in a kayak without issue, but every year, at least one or two of the male staff roll into the water.

The mission trip kids wanted to try out kayaking and so this afternoon, myself, 2 girls and 2 guys headed out to have a relaxing afternoon paddle. None of them had kayaked before, but after a short lesson they seemed ready to go... except D. D is a 250, 6'4 football player. He looked terrified and was so unstable I wanted to tell him to get out of the kayak and go do something else. But he really wanted to go, and after a little practice, he seemed to have the hang of it.

Until we got across the lake. Just as I started thinking, "wow! He's really got it!" I watched him, in slow motion, roll to the left and then into the water. It was a sunny day, but around 50 degrees and the water is still recently-thawed-ice-cold April temperature. I heard him gasp and could see the look of shock on his face as he bobbed in the water.

I managed to keep him calm as I attempted to talk him through re-entering the kayak. Unfortunately, between his SUPER long legs, heavy jeans and sweatshirt and frigid water, he was having a REALLY hard time. We were near the shore and so I had him swim to shore, as I dragged the swamped kayak back. When we got to shore, I had the other boy (a cross country runner in school) run the mile back to camp with the instructions, "don't freak everyone out. Just get my dad and have him come with the truck."

D took off all of his clothes (except his shorts) and ran back and forth. He was miserably cold, but I was reasonably sure he wasn't at risk for hypothermia. My dad arrived in under 10 minutes. D sat in the truck and warmed up while the rest of us loaded the kayaks and sat in the back while we drove back to camp.

I wouldn't have let him kayak across the lake unless I was reasonably sure he would make it- I really didn't think that was going to happen. But it all turned out okay, so I guess it was a good adventure...

49er Miner

My dad is the Pied Piper of children and teens.

He claims that he likes living alone at camp and that all these kids are loud and obnoxious. He likes to portray himself as a crabby old man in the woods. Except that kids always love him, flock to him and he is always ready with facts about rocks or stories or something interesting in his pocket.

At camp, kids refer to him as "the Handyman."

As in, "we have a problem with bees! Let's get the handyman, he'll know what to do!"

My dad also goes to Alaska every year to pan for gold and will talk to anyone he can about gold mining.

Sometime yesterday, chaperon C decided to hide a medallion somewhere at camp and today he gave the kids their first clue (it was rhyming verses, which makes him a natural camp person!). The kids were mildly excited and spent a little time discussing their theories about where it could be. That is until my dad found out there was a clue. My dad LOVES treasure hunting. When he heard there was something hidden, his eyes lit up and he literally ran to find the clue.

He was sure he knew where it was and went running across camp to figure it out. At which point the kids went from mildly interested to totally captivated. They followed him as he went to several areas of camp and named him 49er- miner.

When C gave out the second clue, my dad was not in the area. The kids looked at the clue, and then said, "we're gonna wait for 49er-miner before we go look! He'll know where it is!" And when he arrived, they rushed to him and eagerly gave him the clue.

No one has found the medallion yet, but he is convinced he knows where it is and all of the kids are sure he is right. We'll see if day light helps their search tomorrow...

A Lotta Living

The whole group was sitting around the campfire playing the game, "Would You Rather". Each card has questions that ask people to decide between scenarios and then explain why they answered that way.

The question was, "would you rather have 9 lives or 3 wishes (without being able to wish for more wishes or for more lives). The kids all answered 9 lives, while the other chaperon (C) and I both said 3 wishes.

One of the boys said, "hmmmm, that must be an age thing. Like, once you get to a certain age and have lived a lot, maybe more lives aren't that important anymore."

(Side note to this story, both C and I are under 30) We looked at each other and burst out laughing. "Yep, once you have lived as long as us old folks, it's just exhausting to think about having more lives."

My ten year high school reunion is this summer and apparently that's a lotta livin'...

Progress

This week, 8 students from my high school are spending the week volunteering at camp. It's only Monday night and already they have gotten SOOOO much done. I am in disbelief and totally thrilled at all they have been able to do.

3 years ago, I arrived to camp, fresh faced, excited and ready to live out my dream job. Instead, I found a run down, ghost town camp that was filled with garbage, broken junk and was a mess. Myself and two others spent the entire month, 12 hours a day, cleaning and trying to get camp ready to host campers.

The progress that we have made over the past few years, combined with their hard work makes me feel incredibly optimistic. We have awesome programming and great staff, but when camp looks beautiful, the care we put into the grounds is a good illustration of the quality of our camp. I am so proud of the turn around and this week will be even more movement in the right direction.

BF vs. Dog

My boyfriend doesn't like my dog. He thinks she is spoiled and bratty and it drives him crazy that she is so needy.

BF really likes dogs, he used to foster them. I think animals are fine, but generally speaking, I don't really like them. I don't get excited to see, nor do I have a strong desire to pet or interact with strange dogs. I love Olivia, but it's not because she's a dog- I love the role she fills in my life. BF can't relate to my connection with Olivia and I don't really understand his enjoyment of animals. I worry that this is going to become an issue between us. I'm not sure how we are going to find understanding and compromise when we have such different views.

I am the first person to admit that puppy could use a bit more discipline. I am aware that throwing tantrums and screeching until she gets my undivided attention is something I should train her to stop doing. I know that she should eat less bacon, shouldn't sleep with her head on my pillow and that every time she cries and then gets her way, it's reinforcing the bad behavior. I'm working on it, I really am. And I've gotten better- BF would have a heart attack if he knew how spoiled she used to be.

I have wanted a bulldog for years. After years of looking at pictures and dreaming about it, when I finally decided to buy one, it still took 6 months of thought, research, visiting breeders and preparation. I met, fell in love with and put a down payment on Olivia when she was 5 days old. I spent the next 6 weeks making weekly visits to watch her grow. Since bringing her home, I have spent a small fortune on her, devoted a ridiculous amount of time to her and have made her the center of my life.

You can call me a "crazy dog lady" or make fun or judge, but everyone I know has something that they love, spend a lot of money on and, if you don't also enjoy, you could judge as "unnecessary". My roommate spent several thousand dollars on a bike and spends hours and hours training, reading about triathlons and it's her life. I never ever judge people for their interests. If you find something you love and want to spend time and money on, if it brings you happiness, I think it's worthwhile. "Crazy Dog Lady" implies that I don't have friends, don't socialize with people, or don't have anything in my life besides the puppy. None of those things are true.

I love my puppy and she brings me a lot of happiness. I enjoy watching her- everything she does makes me laugh, entertains me, makes me happy. I like playing with her, holding her, and having her with me. I don't let her sleep with me because she's dominant or demanding, I sleep with her because I love waking up to her little face pressed against my cheek. I don't think there is anything wrong with loving a pet and while she is really spoiled, it's not because she controls me, it's because I enjoy everything I do with or for her.

Olivia should probably be more independent. She is most obnoxious and misbehaves mostly when she isn't the center of attention. I realize that isn't healthy and I have been leaving her alone more and more so she can get used to it and function like a normal dog. But because she hasn't spent much time alone, I worry about her when I leave her. I know she's fine, but she is a very needy dog and I am the center of her world. Maybe that's weird to say, but it's true. And, well, if I'm being honest, I like that I'm important. By nature, I am a caregiver. I like that I'm needed. I feel most worthwhile in life when I am helping others, being needed by others. It's why I enjoy camp so much- 3 months of constant, 24/7 being needed. It's exhausting and by the end, I'm ready for a break. But mostly, I feel content being able to give of myself.

BF is annoyed that Olivia is so needy. He gets super annoyed when I worry about her, when I call my roommates to check on her. He thinks that her neediness is something that is negative in my life and that I need to get her under control for my sake. He doesn't understand that she is a source of enjoyment, of purpose. I know she's a pet- I know she won't be here forever and I try not to put her needs ahead of actual people in my life. But being able to take care of something is important to me. It's why I'm a good camp director, a good friend, and why I will someday be a good mother.

I'm not sure how to fix this situation. I really like my boyfriend, can imagine myself with him for a long time. I definitely don't want to lose him because of a pet. But other than her having a little more training and obedience, I don't really have much desire to change the way that I act with her. I guess it will just continue to be a process of learning about each other and growing in our relationship.

The Lifeguard Plan

My general theory is that when you come up with a plan, no matter how challenging or far fetched, if you don't have a back-up plan, you leave yourself with no other option than to figure it out and make it work. So I will admit that I have a tendency to get an idea, proclaim its brilliance and then dive in head first without looking down, and without hesitation.

It is with this strategy that I have found myself across the globe in remote foreign countries, a homeowner, the clueless master of $3000 bulldog, an executive director, and many other things that I am pleased to say are wonderful parts of my life. I have found success in my strategy, and yet, there is always a point in every plan when frustrated, I throw my hands in the air, cry, shake my head and/or imagine/actually do lay down in the fetal position and think, "next time I have a brilliant plan, I promise promise PROMISE myself, I will think it through and work out the details first."

Maybe next time I will follow that promise.

The lifeguard plan is so brilliant, really, truly one of my best ideas yet. A few years ago, I went through Red Cross training to become a CPR/First Aid instructor so that I could train my summer staff. It's a HUGE pain and also really expensive to find an instructor to come out to camp, and trying to get them certified individually is even worse. So being able to have complete control over training them made my life so easy. Wouldn't that also be true for lifeguards???

Every year, we pay $250-300 per staff that is willing to get trained (usually 4-5 people). It is always a scheduling nightmare to find trainings to send them to that fit into their schedule, are near their school or home, that are completed before camp, and it is expensive. Additionally, it's a short term investment because there is no guarantee that they will return to camp the next year, hence, every year we have to go through the same stressful process. So my logic was that I should become a lifeguard trainer, cutting out the scheduling nightmare and the expense. Brilliant.

Except that I'm not a lifeguard. I can swim, but not well and actually, I don't really like the water that much. But my love of convenience and saving money won out over my distaste for the water and so last week, Monday-Friday, I spent the week in lifeguard class.

In preparation for the class, I spent a few days a week at the pool, but that was in the fall. In order to take the class you have to be able to swim 300 yards. I hadn't been swimming in several months when I went last Sunday. I think I made it about 60 yards when I gave up and went home, defeated, ready to postpone the class. Unfortunately, that was the only time in my schedule it worked, and without a back-up plan, there was no other option.

So I showed up Monday morning, more nervous than I have been for as long as I can remember. In college, I had to take a swim test for my scuba diving class. The instructor was a former Navy Seal who told us we were not to stop swimming unless he was dragging us out of the water. Adrenaline and fear allowed me to pass that test and that was one of my proudest moments in college. I thought about my college instructor as I swam on Monday. There might have been a few moments of dog-paddle/exhausted-just-stay moving flopping, but I made it through. And yes, I was incredibly proud, probably more than I should have been.

It was a long week. Running 3 miles a day keeps me in size 4 pants, but it turns out that it doesn't mean I'm in shape. Swimming is exhausting and my entire body, eyelids to toes was sore. Swimming to the bottom to perform rescues is scary, actually, every time I had to do something with my eyes open under water, I got a little nervous. But by the end of the week, I was 100% more comfortable, confident in my new skills and I actually started to have fun with it. I passed the test with ease on Friday and I am very proud of my new status as a certified lifeguard.

However, there is more to this plan.

• Because now I have to take another class- lifeguard instructor- and I have to be able to swim 550 yards for that class. I'm pretty sure I am going to need some private swim lessons prior to being able to do that.
• I can't find a class that fits into my schedule between now and May, although the Red Cross assures me more will open up.
• Assuming I pass that class, I also need to find a pool near camp to rent. When I first imagined this plan, I was thinking, "they guard in a lake, they can take the class in a lake" which is true. However, the lake water in May is still so cold that my dad wears a wetsuit for the 20 minutes it takes to put the docks in, so training in the water several hours a day isn't going to work out.

Assuming all of those things get worked out, I still have to actually conduct a class and train my staff. Which means that camper safety is 100% my responsibility. Not only is it my camp and I supervise the staff, I will also be the one responsible for training them in the first place. The responsibility of all of that is a bit overwhelming to me. There is nothing more important or scarier than water safety at a camp.

I still think it is a brilliant plan. I just wish I would have realized the magnitude of what I decided to take on. Typical of me, and yet, still surprising that I get myself into these situations.

Rally Day

It was Rally Day on Sunday. This is the second year we held this event to get families excited about camp. Last year went well. It was a small group, but everyone had fun and we got a lot of positive feedback. I was pleased with the result.

This year was even better. We had a ton of people come and everyone was really excited. It was fun to connect with kids and families that I'm getting to know more and more each year. Many of the families that were there weren't registered for camp yet, but were excited about it and planning to sign up. That was really great news because it means we still have a lot of registrations on the way.

My favorite part about the day was seeing campers from last year. Here is an almost verbatim conversation I had with a hilarious 8 year old:

“You’re lucky you don’t have kids! My teacher, says that she isn’t ever having kids.” –camper

“What’s wrong with kids?” –me

(‘it-couldn’t-be-more-obvious-you-idiot’ look, hands thrown up in the air) “They puke all the time!” –camper

“Is there anything good about kids?” –me

(laughs) (rolls eyes) “I’m studying mytheoloology [that’s exactly how he said it] in school. If you look into Medusa’s eyes, you will turn into salt. I had a nightmare last night because of it.” -camper

“If you look directly into Olivia’s eyes, you turn into skittles.” –me

“My counselor this summer, Justin, looked just like Will Smith.” -camper

“Justin is coming back to camp this summer and so are some of his friends. It’s going to be like a huge dance party all the time!” –me

*laughter*mumble*mumble* …distractedly walks away

It was like a tiny piece of the summer. I can't wait for camp!

Rhyming

My brother loves getting mail and whenever he orders something, he get so excited. He just ordered a trap-bar, which came in a 6 foot long box. Unfortunately for him, he wasn't home when it arrived. Instead of just bringing it inside and leaving it for him, I decided to hide it, write clues and make him find it.

The Tale of the Trap-Bar

He put in his order, then eagerly tracked,
Awaiting the trap bar, so he could get jacked.

Alas the arrival, was on a day,
When the D-Train would be, oh so far away.

And so he asked, his sis to watch for,
The package to arrive, at the front door.

“Suck my balls” she responded, for what else would she say?
Sisters are sometimes douche-y that way.

“Okay fine, I will help you,” she finally relented,
“But only if you play the game I’ve invented.”

“I’m hiding your package and making up rhymes…
You’ll entertain me, in exchange for my time.”

And so darling D-Train, here’s what you must do,
Go round the house, and follow the clues.

Once all have been solved, the trap bar you’ll find,
Use your bravery and strength and also your mind.

Lewis, Clark, Sacajawea, Magellan,
Joining that list, there’s really no telling,

The adventures ahead, surely you’re thrilled to start,
The wonders and such that you’re about to take part.

Good luck and god speed, time to begin your chase,
Clue number one, you’ll find in this place:

1-
This is a place with walls that are bright,
A tv, a hammock, a wii and some lights.
Look to each of these things, for they will give you,
Guidance for you to find the next clue.

2-
No phones are allowed, for they would distract,
It’s juiceheads who rule here, and that is a fact.
Soon this is the place the trap bar will be
Go there to find, clue number three.
3-
Clue number four, is what you seek,
Go to this place, where there is still a leak
This is a room, you use to poo,
There are two in this house, but only one with a clue.

4-
You’re getting so close, I’m sure you’re excited,
This is a place, you’re rarely sighted.
Up a staircase and down a narrow hall,
Pay attention to the pictures that hang on the wall.

5-
Patience dear friend, you’ll find what you seek,
Go to this place, where guests go to sleep.
Dig through the piles of socks, pants and such,
Finally you’re new trap bar, you’ll be able to touch.


Congratulations brave soul,
Despite being a pawn,
You’ve been a good sport,
Enjoy getting your swoll on!

Hiring

Yesterday I interviewed a young woman (AK) for a camp counselor position. She grew up as a camper, participated in the Leaders-in-Training and the Counselor-in-Training programs, as well as volunteered on the Work Crew; outside of camp, she has attended and volunteered at camp events regularly.

When I developed teen programming, this is exactly what I had in mind. Keep kids involved with camp through their teen years and eventually I would be able to grow my own staff of super committed, long time camper-turned counselors.

AK was part of my first batch of teens from summer 2008. She is the first to go on to apply for a staff position (sidenote- because teen programming was new in 2008, all ages were combined, meaning that the majority of those kids are a year younger than her and not yet old enough to apply. The program has been successful, even though with only one application, it would seem that it hasn't... I just wanted to clarify that fact.). I should be really happy and excited because this is the first fruit of my labor.

Unfortunately, this is a tough situation. Despite her dedication (see above list of camp involvement), for the past two and half years, she has spent a lot of time complaining, being distracted and overall making me question if she enjoys camp at all. I was actually sort of surprised to see her application as I can't really imagine her wanting to spend her whole summer at camp. I was hoping that her interview would blow me away and I would finally see passion or excitement or whatever it is that has kept her involved.

But I didn't. If she was just a random person I was interviewing, I wouldn't hire her- no hesitation. Her answers were okay, but the *spark* that I can't necessarily explain, but must be there for me to offer a position, just wasn't there. Camp staff don't have to have specific qualifications or skills. I can train them to teach activities, manage behavior, etc. But there has to be a *spark*. It's a combination of desire, passion, commitment, spirit, and energy. It has to be there naturally because it's not something I can teach and it absolutely necessary to keeping someone going through 10 long, exhausting weeks of what is sure to be the most intense experience of their lives.

This should be straightforward- she isn't hired. But it is difficult for me because I've worked with her for 2 years, I know her family, she's a product of my program and on a personal level, I am pulling for her to be successful. I know she was nervous and I know that this is something she wants. And I don't know how to tell her that despite those things, I don't think she has what it takes. But I don't.

I told her I would call her at the end of the hiring cycle and let her know. So I have a month to figure out what to say. I have a feeling that as more and more kids go through the teen programs, this is a problem I might have again. Yikes...

Blizzard

Last week, the East Coast got slammed with a blizzard. I flew right into the middle of it on Monday. I was pleasantly surprised that despite snow in my hometown and a blizzard in Baltimore, I wasn't delayed at all.

I've been in Baltimore all week, learning all about the Operation Purple program, making plans for the summer. Of 140 camps across the country that applied to be part of the program, only 68 were selected, so I feel very honored to be part of this wonderful opportunity.

On Tuesday night and all day yesterday, the snow began again. On the bus from the airport to the conference center on Monday, I had been sitting by a woman from Phoenix, a man from Hawaii and two guys from Louisiana, none of whom had ever seen snow. They were taking pictures and really excited. As a northerner, snow doesn't impress me, however, even I had to agree that in the last few days, the amount of snow has been impressive.

Everyone was supposed to leave today, but with the airport closed, nearly everyone is still here, flights rearranged. I am flying out tomorrow night, which was the absolute earliest option available. I'm trying not to complain as it could be much worse (ie, the snow could begin again, or I could be stranded at the airport instead of here), but I am ready to be home.

Smiles

Every year, I go to schools and churches and give presentations about camp. I show a DVD, talk about how cool it is and then answer questions. I have done about a million of these presentations and they are no big deal. I like public speaking, I love talking about camp and they are pretty much all the same.

This morning I had a presentation and I was dreading it. No reason in particular, I just didn't feel like going. But as I was standing in the auditorium, waiting for the kids to get seated, three of last summer's campers walked in, saw me and their faces lit up!

This happens all the time, and I'm always surprised by it. I'm just the boring old Camp Director. I don't expect the kids to think of me when they get excited about camp. The counselors are fun and silly, Olivia is incredibly popular, new friends and activities are what summer is all about. I'm just the person who makes all the rules... but apparently not.

There is nothing better than starting the day with kids reacting to seeing me in that way. I felt like a rock star or Santa Claus. This job has a lot of great aspects, but that is the best of all!

Cell Phone

I am not the type of person to rush out and get the latest technology. My computer is old (I bought it used, so it was old when I bought it) and my cell phone is as basic as I could find. When I bought it 3 years ago, I tried to find the most heavy-duty looking with the least features. I don't need my phone to take pictures, go online or download music. I need it to be able to bounce when it hits the ground.

Despite teasing from everyone who sees it, I had no intention of replacing my phone until I absolutely needed to. Which brings us to Friday... I walked into the bathroom, phone in the pocket of my sweatshirt, and just as I got near the toilet, my phone literally dove out of my pocket, landing in the bottom of the bowl. Heavy duty-yes, water proof- not likely.

I fished it out, dried it off and immediately put it in a bag of rice, which is what I've read you are supposed to do to take out the moisture. An hour later, it turned on and I was back to texting and talking like normal. But then it froze and wouldn't turn on and shortly there after, the screen went blank. I was pretty sure I was going to need a new phone.

Eventually it got to the point that I could both receive and make phone calls, but without the screen, I couldn't use my contact list.

My brother and I went to the cell phone store this afternoon. We had already researched phones and I knew what I wanted. The salesman was thrilled because I was the easiest customer of the day. As he was pulling up my account and getting out the paperwork, D-Train thought he was being funny and said, "I'll fix your phone" and then threw it on the ground attempting to break it. Except that when he picked it up, the screen was back! The colors were wrong, but otherwise, the phone was fine.

The salesman looked equally shocked and amused, and his shoulders fell as he saw his easy sale go away in the blink of an eye. I really wanted to walk out of the store and keep my old phone, but I was worried that after all it had been though, it wouldn't work reliably and I would have to go back to the cell phone store the next day. So I bought a new phone. And the salesman told me he wished he had more customers as amusing as me. I'm not excited to figure out everything on my new phone, but it's orange, and shiny, so maybe I will get used to it...

Monster

My puppy is a monster, a MONSTER. She's awful. I don't know what to do with her. I feel like I'm going to go crazy.

She's always been high maintenance, demanding, stubborn and so so needy. It's my fault. When I took her home at 7 weeks, I took the week off and spent every waking moment with her. After that, she came to work with me every day, sat on my lap all day, and had nonstop attention from me and the people in my office. So it makes sense that she's like this.

When I don't give her the attention she wants, she screeches, howls, and bites. She's not mean or vicious, but she's got a strong jaw and when she bites, it's powerful.

I walk her, I play with her, she has toys. But it's not enough. She continues to freak out.

Now she bites the crush too. When he comes over, she bites his feet. When we hang out, she jumps at us and tries to attack. It's my fault for not being the dominant one, for not having control of her.

She's been to puppy classes and I had a private trainer come to my house to give me advice. But I can't seem to fix it. So now I feel guilt for being a terrible pet owner and for not giving her enough attention and for making her be like this.

I'm so frustrated.

I want to shake her.

I am going to scream and cry and lose my mind.

The Journey

Six years ago, I reluctantly graduated college. I had a liberal arts degree, which meant I was well rounded but didn't have any specific direction. I had always been a great student, a great kid, a leader and was comfortable doing exactly what was expected. So without any clear expectations of what I was supposed to do next, I pretty much spent my senior year paralyzed in anxiety and dread.

The day after I graduated college, I met a guy (E). We spent every day for the next several months completely inseparable, fell in love, got engaged, and just like that, I had a life plan. I was going to be a wife. We were going to buy a house and I was going to pick out drapes and do wife-like things. My new life plan was TOTALLY out of character, but looking back, I think it was all about the timing. It's a scary, unclear time of life. Having a plan, even a really bad one, gave me security. I had a direction and a focus. It didn't necessarily matter what it was.

I hadn't dated in high school and only dated casually in college. I was independent, focused, had my own interests and goals and had never expressed any interest in "settling down" before. My family and friends were shaking their heads in concern and confusion. Later I learned that they all wanted to shake me and tell me to just go back to being myself. I'm sure it was a frustrating thing to watch someone do, but I wasn't interested in listening, so they were as supportive as they could be, waiting for me to snap back to reality.

Four years ago, E and I broke up and I was crushed. By the end, we had a terrible relationship and so part of me was incredibly relieved. But my entire post-graduation life had been based on that relationship. So when it went away, so did my daily life, my future plans and my identity.

After E, I dated "A" for about a month. He was a good guy to rebound with because we'd been friends forever and he had just broken up with his long term girlfriend. He taught me a lot of important lessons in a short time. After "A", I dated "B". He was one of the most obnoxious people I had ever met, but he gave me attention and he was there. When we broke up, everyone I knew said, "what were you thinking with him?" and I felt the same way. Was I so pathetic and desperate to not be alone that I would lower myself to that guy?!? I was disgusted with myself, embarrassed by my choices and overall just unhappy.

That was when I went on "dating sabbatical". I decided to take a year off from dating and focus on myself. Dating was too much of a distraction and I was making poor decisions simply to keep myself busy. Dating sabbatical was scary at first. I was lonely and had a lot of open time to think. The superficial validation that fueled my self esteem was gone and I felt lost.

Over the course of that year, I got really focused. I went to therapy a lot. I worked hard at my office, then switched jobs, landing my dream career. I bought a house. I went to Iceland and Costa Rica. I hung out with my family and friends. And most importantly, I made friends with myself. I had been really critical of myself, and in therapy, I learned to talk to myself like I would a kid- with patience, kindness and encouragement. That seemed really corny, but when I started being nice to myself, my self confidence increased and I was happy, really truly happy.

At the end of the year long sabbatical, I looked around at my new life, my new self image and realized that without the distraction of dating, I was amazingly productive. I stopped calling it "dating sabbatical" but I wasn't interested in going back to dating yet. I was pretty sure that with enough time, I could probably rule the world, so why distract myself with guys when I was just getting started.

Somewhere between then and now, everyone in my age group got married and meeting single guys became more of a challenge. I went on several first dates, but they were boring and I my life was awesome, so I didn't have any desire to make an effort at dating, I was too busy having fun on my own. If I had been lonely or sad, maybe I would have been more motivated to go out. But I was comfortable on my own. I wasn't feeling incomplete or not good enough because I was single. I felt strong, empowered and my relationship with myself was incredibly fulfilling.

I'm not going to lie- there have been times that I worried I would never meet anyone and my life would go by and I would find myself as a lonely old woman filled with regret. I've had many conversations with my girlfriends asking, "where are all of the good single guys??! There has to be a few left!?!" But mostly, I've made peace with the idea that if I am meant to meet someone, he would show up eventually and it wasn't necessary to worry or waste my precious time on mediocre guys in the meantime.

So it's been four years since I've dated. It's been a busy, productive, life changing, growth filled four years, and I am an entirely different person than the last time I had a relationship. Happy being single but also ready to share my life with someone.

Cue to the crush.

Fall/Winter

I was volunteering for my friend N's youth program and he was also a volunteer. "This is my last single friend..." was what N said to me before I was going to meet him. "Thanks anyway. I'm just here for the kids, I'm not looking for a guy" was my response.

Except that he was really cute... and nice... and funny... and had a great smile. I had a strong desire to kiss him pretty much the first time we met.

And then we spent four days volunteering and every time I saw him, my stomach did the tango. When I tried to be cynical, negative or pretend like I wasn't interested, I just couldn't be. Something about him made everything really sunshiny and sparkly. Rainbows-and-dancing-with-butterflies-in-a-field-of-flowers kinda feelings.

I did not see that coming.

A crush. It's been a long time since I had a crush. Actually, if I'm being honest, I was slightly concerned that something was wrong with me and I had lost the ability to have a crush because it had been so long. And then I got nervous because it's been a long time since I dated and I was afraid I wasn't going to remember what to do. Also, "I haven't dated in four years" sounds a lot like, "warning- something is really wrong with me" so I was really nervous about him finding that out about me.

Most people my age have had four years more dating practice than I have. The last time I actually dated someone I liked was 6 years ago. 6 YEARS. I was 21. Dating at 21 is MUCH different than dating at 27. I have spent the last four years finding myself, loving myself, becoming a well adjusted, stable person. I have inner peace and feel balanced and I'm successful and happy, but none of that included dating. I don't know how to dress to impress, where the cool "going out" places are, what to say, what to do. Adding to that, in earlier conversations with the crush, he let me know I wasn't like the previous girls he had dated. He usually dated prissy, made up girls.

Awesome....

My clothes fall into 5 categories- 1. stuff I got from the camp store, 2. fleece/sweatpant/ultra causal jeans and tee shirts, 3. painfully un-trendy (read- vests, old long sleeve shirts I stole from my brother, tie dye, etc.), 4. hand-me-downs from my much trendier best friend (X), 5. other (as in, clothes I have had since college, clothes X has picked out, dress clothes from before I worked at camp).

If he was expecting hair product, make-up, heals, or anything that's been featured in a magazine recently, he was going to be really disappointed.

In the last four years, I don't remember being as much of a basket case as I was before out first date. "I'm gonna puke. I'm gonna puke on him. I'm gonna puke and then die. I'm gonna pass out. I can't breathe. I don't have anything to wear. I'm not going..." it took long, painful phone calls to my four closest friends and there may have been some physical pushing by my roommates actually to get me out the door and into my car.

The first date was fun and much easier (ie less traumatically embarrassing vomit-filled) than I'd expected. We are opposite in many ways, but had so many things in common, I was actually concerned that he was going to think I was lying every time I said, "yes, me too." And despite my pre-date anxiety, something hit me the moment I walked into the restaurant to meet him and I decided that I was just going to be 100% myself. 4 years of loving myself wasn't going out the door because I wanted to fit into an image that would make him like me. No guy is worth that, even such a very attractive one. Even if it meant just one date, he was going to get genuine, honest, loud, goofy, nerdy, me, and he could take it or leave it.

21 year old dating is a game. When you don't know yourself, dating involves a lot of acting, saying the "right" thing, portraying the perfect image. I don't know if I would have eventually grown out of that if I had been dating these last few years or if I would still be playing a part. But taking away the need for approval has stripped away any desire to be anything other than myself. I don't need a guy in my life to be happy. I'm not looking for a husband, nor desperate to avoid being alone. If a guy is going to be in my life, it's because I like him and he likes me back and spending time together is enjoyable. No expectations, or intentions or creating goals based on the relationship. And no holding back because I'm afraid of rejection. No what-ifs, no drama, no saying one thing but meaning another.

Just be.

Live. Experience. Learn. Have fun. Be straightforward, and say what you mean. And with that see where life takes you. It's an adventure, a journey. Cliche? Maybe. But who doesn't enjoy an adventure?

Standard-with-every-outfit green shoes. Check.
4 years of self reflection. Check.
Gum. Check.
Clarity and balance. Check
Lip gloss. Check.
Self confidence. Check.

Ready for the journey... I couldn't be more prepared for whatever is to come...

One Week Later...

A week ago Wednesday, I was trying not to be nervous for my first date with the crush.

Following that date, we saw each other Friday, Sunday, Tuesday and will also be seeing each other tonight.

I'm trying to think of a cute/funny/interesting story to blog about him, but the only thing I can come up with is,

Dear Diary,
XOXOXOXO
hearts hearts hearts
smitten

So I guess I'll just leave it at that.

Good girls never kiss and tell anyway.

Camp Love

I've been out with the crush a few times now and as we get to know each other, I've been talking a lot about camp. Talking about it and attempting to explain it has been a good way to reflect on the importance and just how much it means to me. It's not just my job, it's who I am.


When I boldly and (over)confidently convinced the Board of Directors to promote me to Executive Director, I knew that I was an inexperienced 26 year old being given complete responsibility to run a failing camp. I knew how much work it was going to be, I knew it would be an uphill battle and that I would, repeatedly want to scream, cry and pull my hair out. But I knew the magic that was going on at camp. I've heard the kids, parents and my staff talk about their lives being touched. And I wanted to be part of something meaningful. I wanted my life to mean something.

I went into this challenge believing that if I just loved camp enough, poured enough of my heart and soul, energy, hard work and organizational skills into it, I could save camp and make it successful. I still believe that, although I realize now that change takes time. I think being so personally invested makes being patient difficult, but I know that the level of passion and energy that so many camp people (including myself) feel cannot be ignored by the universe forever. I'm happy to have something I feel so much passion for and that has become such a part of me.


I have been talking about camp these past few days to someone who hasn't seen it, hasn't felt the power. I like him a lot and I want him to like me back just as much. I feel strongly that for him to really know me, he has to understand the significance. Most people have jobs- I have a lifestyle. My life is "camp" and "waiting for camp" and when I'm waiting for camp, I ache for it. I dream about it. I long for it, dream about it. I don't know if that's healthy or normal, but camp is my truest love.

Hairflip, Giggle, Giggle, Swoon

I have a crush on a boy.

Just when I was getting comfortable with the idea of being a crazy dog lady spinster, this very cute, charming boy showed up and is totally throwing me for a loop. I've been on a handful of first dates in the last few months, but it has been a VERY long time since I had a real crush.

Last night we went out. Beforehand, I felt like a 15 year old on the phone with my four closest girlfriends, alternating between excitement and dizzy nervousness. The crush and I have already spent four days volunteering at a conference for kids where we spent hours and hours a day talking and getting to know each other. I shouldn't have been nervous, but he's just so cute. And nice. And I genuinely enjoy talking to him. And... I could go on. And on.... My cynical, blackened grinch heart is all mushy and growing ten times its size and there are hearts in my eyes. I have a very strong urge to buy new lip gloss and read Cosmo magazine.

I did not see this coming.

Last night, as I was heading into the restaurant to meet him, an older man (he was at least 70 years old) asked me if I was there for the rotary club meeting and talked to me about it as we walked. He was funny and nice and a great distraction since I was worrying I was going to pass out with nervousness. By the time we got into the restaurant, he was asking me for my name and information to put on the mailing list and I was laughing.

Crush boy was already there and gave me the most amused/quizzical look when I walked in with my new friend. It was a great way to break the ice and avoid any first few minutes of awkwardness. As we walked, the man had given me a "fun meter" button. It had an adjustable dial to indicate the level of fun you are having. I put it in the middle of the table and the waitress made sure we updated it as the night went on. It was cute and it made me laugh.

Today I am planning to forget about being an Executive Director, adult, heartless cynic, fiercely independent single woman and instead, dig out my old Trapper Keeper and write his initials in hearts all day. Yay for crushes.

Small Camp

We average about 75 campers per week of the summer. We have the space to double and I am optimistic about the future when we do increase in size. Being such a small camp has it's benefits though.

Yesterday I got a call from Grandma G. I knew it was her the minute she said hello. Grandma G is the grandmother of one of our repeat campers. She has a very gravelly smoky voice and she sounds like she is 90 years old. Her son, the camper's dad has been in and out of prison, working on and off and Grandma G is the one who has been sending Camper "A" to camp every year.

I think Grandma G is the first person I helped when I first started at camp. She is super religious and kept blessing me and calling me honey. There was just something about her that I liked and connected with and every time she has called since then, I have enjoyed talking with her.

This year, "A" is old enough to be part of the teen programs. Grandma G called for information on the volunteer crew, but as I started to tell her about the leaders program, she was excited about that too. As our conversation continued, she started to get confused and finally stopped me and asked if there was any way I could write it down and send it to her in the mail (she doesn't use the internet).

I spent some time organizing some materials, writing simple but specific instructions, highlighted and as easy to follow as I could make it. While I was doing it, I realized that I was lucky to be able to work at a small camp where I can have relationships with families and help them have the opportunity to send their kids to camp. Reason 7 million why I love this job.

Best Idea/Worst Idea?

I've started dreaming of the sound of tiny pitter pattering paws and snuggling... yes, my biological puppy clock is ticking again. It's hard to imagine I could ever love anything as much as I love and adore my Olivia. And I have been agonizing that a new baby would make her feel jealous, take attention away from her or that she would be in any way unhappy. But I've also been doing extensive research and trying to remember that she is a dog, not a real baby, and that by nature, dogs are pack animals. And so, while she may feel jealous and need to adjust at first, she would actually probably really love having a brother or a sister.

I'm not sure if I will get another dog. The dog I have has pretty much taken over my life and turned me into a crazy dog lady. But I'm thinking about it.

Pros-

• Olivia will have someone to play with all the time.
• If I start grad school in the fall, I won't have to worry about Olivia being home alone because she will have a buddy to play/snuggle/spend time with
• It will be good for Olivia- exercise, company and hopefully it will make her less needy of my undivided attention (she is biting my foot and barking at me as I type this)

Cons-

• I might need to take out a second mortgage, sell my car and give up using electricity to afford to buy and maintain another bulldog
• Twice as much hair, slobber, messes, cleaning, etc.
• The possibility that Olivia and the new puppy don't like/keep each other entertained and I could end up with two puppies demanding my undivided attention
• It will be more difficult to bring two to my office, out and about, etc.
• Another 6 months of puppy adolescence (which, if you haven't gone through, is, in a word, hell...)

I have consulted a breeder and have been weighing my options. I will keep thinking about it and we'll see what happens...

Christmas Reunion

On Saturday, I hosted the summer staff Christmas party/reunion. It was so wonderful to see everyone again and we had such a fun night. Several people updated their facebook status the next day with things like, "great to see the camp family again" and it's true, camp staff is like a family. When you spend 24/7 for 3 full months living, working, playing, being stressed out, having fun and everything in between, you cease being just co-workers.

When I planned the party and sent out invitations, I planned that we would be making gingerbread houses. Growing up we always used cardboard covered in frosting, which is a smart way to make a gingerbread house because you can tape it together and it is sturdy. But for this party, I wanted to make actual gingerbread houses. So I spent several weeks researching recipes, techniques and even made a test batch, as well as doing the same for royal icing. On Friday night, I made four big batches of gingerbread and was set for Saturday.

Luckily, one of my fabulous staff came early and helped me roll, cut and bake the dough. Each house required six pieces, and we had to make enough for 10 houses, so it took some time and effort. But it went well and by the time everyone arrived, my house smelled Christmas-y and we had a tower of gingerbread ready to be constructed into houses.

When everyone had arrived, my brother walked into the room and made the comment, "it's universal- if you're a camp person, you don't have an 'inside voice'" as the volume of all of us was making my little house shake. It made me laugh, but also made me feel more "at home" than I have since the summer. Those are my people. People who talk loudly while swinging around their hands, think a party with an elaborate arts and crafts project is the best thing ever, and who, at the end of dinner, all, every single one of them, immediately jumped up, cleared the table and fought over who would help with the dishes. I love camp people. I miss camp people.

Gingerbread house crafting was fantastic. The royal icing stuck like cement, the gingerbread was the perfect thickness and not too hard or soft, I had a variety of sprinkles and candy, and a surprisingly little amount ended up on the floor. By the time we were finished, we had constructed the most beautiful gingerbread village I have seen.

I had made lasagna and chicken, salad and bread for dinner, s'more bars for dessert and had lots of snacks to keep us going through crafting. It was a night of food, fun and laughter. My three favorite staff all stayed overnight and it was fun to stay up late chatting, talking about the summer and new plans for 2010. In the morning, we went to church and then had french toast and bacon. We sat around talking and planning the summer until the afternoon and I was sad to see them leave. It was a wonderful event and I look forward to making it a yearly tradition.

I'm Back

It's been a while since I updated and my fan called me to complain.

I returned from camp, settled back in and experienced the same bittersweet feelings that I always feel at the end of the summer. It's hard to be away from home, totally consumed by camp, out of touch from family and friends. But camp is magical and wonderful and fun that you never want to end.

2009 was such a fantastic, well run, fun summer that didn't experience the lag in productivity that I usually do in the fall. Usually when camp ends, I go through a period of time when I am so exhausted and burned out that I can't even think about camp. But this year, from the day camp ended, I have been busy tweaking the schedule, planning themes and programming and being excited for next summer. I find myself working all hours of the day, typing away in the evenings, falling asleep thinking about camp and jotting ideas constantly. It's a good feeling.

In September, I bought a car, which was more difficult that I'd expected. My old car didn't have heat, died randomly and didn't start in the cold. I wanted a car that had heat, started and didn't die. That doesn't narrow it down, so I had to test drive a million cars before I finally found one.

In October, my uncle tore my kitchen apart and remodeled, top to bottom. He took out a wall, replaced the cabinets, my mom and I installed ceramic tile, new electrical and after about a month of having my house in complete chaos, my kitchen is beautiful. I had no idea how stressful the whole project would be and I just about lost my mind, but it was something I'd wanted since I bought the house.

Other than that, life has been pretty uneventful. I don't know if there is anything interesting coming up, but you never know...

Remodel Stress

When I said I knew remodeling would be stressful, that was me, once again, having no idea what I was getting myself in to. Which makes sense- if a house could have a theme, mine would be, "absolutely clueless." It is amazing just how little you can know before you jump into major things.

I'm trying really hard to "go with the flow" and find my zen place, because there's really not an alternative since my house is in chaos and will be until the kitchen is finished, so I just have to deal with it. Also, I am really excited to have a new kitchen and I know this will go by quickly and so I'm trying not to complain, but rather, just be appreciative that it can happen.

But I feel like I want to SCREAM!! I have an oven, refrigerator, dishwasher and every other kitchen item in my living room. Puppy isn't dealing with the chaos well, so she's anxious and upset. My already messy roommates think that a little mess means that it is a free for all, so why not track mud through the house or leave dishes in every random corner. It's dusty and messy everywhere and I really want my life to go back to normal.

I know it will be worth it, but I feel like I am going crazy!

Brilliant Idea

I need to stop having brilliant ideas. Because usually "brilliant" can be substituted for expensive, painful and/or way more complicated than I realize.

The last brilliant idea I had was to become a CPR instructor so that I could train my staff at the beginning of each summer. Efficient, convenient, and cost saving. I am the smartest Camp Director alive. Which brought me to my latest plan- become a lifeguard instructor. It costs between $250-$350 to certify someone to be a lifeguard. Each summer, we pay for 3-6 staff to be trained. In addition to being a reoccurring expense, it is always a huge pain to find classes and get everything scheduled. So if I could train them, it would save money, I could train a big group on my own schedule and in the end, have lots of lifeguards. Brilliant.

You don't even have to be a certified lifeguard to become an instructor. You just have to be able to pass the lifeguard test, which I was assured by several people is relatively easy. You have to swim 300 yards, do a few other things, pass a written test and then you can go on to the instructor course. I have ample time, and it is a simple enough thing to do- BRILLIANT PLAN.

Which brings us to today. I decided it would be a good idea to get in the pool and see where I'm at with swimming. I figured I could swim a few days a week for the next few weeks and then I'd be ready to move on to the other lifeguard stuff.

I asked the lifeguard how far you have to swim for the test. 300 yards. Quick math in my head... that's only 15 laps in the pool. And it was a small pool. The two elderly women who were swimming were cruising back and forth. No problem.

Swimming is not like riding a bike. It does not come back to you if you haven't done it in a while. Running three miles a day might mean that you have a basic level of physical fitness, but it doesn't mean you can swim. Goggles and a swim cap make you look like you know what you are doing, but flailing around makes you look like an idiot that can’t swim.

So, it turns out, I can't swim. My arms and legs didn't move at the same time. I didn't know when to breathe and when to put my head under water, so I tried not breathing at all (fail) and then swam with my head above water (goggles on top of my head instead of on my face). I don't know if it was more agonizing to do or to watch, but the lifeguard had the distinct look on her face that said, "oh jeez! I'm going to have to jump in and save her at some point."

After 2 laps, the lifeguard interrupted me, saying, "I don't want to bother you, but..." She gave me some very helpful tips about breathing and kicking and encouraged me each time I tried one of her suggestions. It was helpful. I made it through 15 laps. I did not look like Michael Phelps, but I also didn't have to be rescued, so I'm calling it a success. After that, I switched to using a kick board so I could practice "kicking from my hips" which I couldn't seem to make my body do, but I spent 45 minutes making funny faces while concentrating deeply while attempting.

I think months of practice will eventually get me swimming kick board free. And after that, I can work on 300 yards of continuous swimming. This is going to be a long road of thrashing around, embarrassing myself and attempting to avoid drowning. Brilliant idea...

Annual Review

My annual review was scheduled for yesterday morning after the monthly Board meeting. I didn't find out that the Board President had a meeting and would need to push my review back to next month until the meeting started. Super annoying... and really disrespectful. J wanted me to argue with him or to say something. But I'm not going to and here's why.

For 9 months out of the year, I have complete flexibility. Sometimes I don't get to work until 10am. Sometimes I leave work at 2pm. Sometimes I arrive at 10 and leave at 2. When it gets too cold, or when putting on jeans and trudging the 7 miles into the office is just too much, I work from home- cuddled under a blanket on my couch in my pajamas with my laptop and a snack. The other 3 months is busy and exhausting, but the majority of my to-do list includes things like, "make jello, throw jello at kids, go swimming to wash off" or "go to campfire, eat s'mores, sing songs."

Even more important to me than the flexibility is the creative control I have. I have changed every single detail about this camp (and now that we are beginning our Capital Campaign, I'm even changing the layout of the camp). I run things by the Board and even ask permission sometimes, but mostly, I can do anything I want (which is how we ended up with "pirates and ninjas week" for next summer). I love being able to just let my imagination run wild.

These things, the fact that I make a great living, my dog comes to work with me every day and other than once a month when I have to grit my teeth and deal with a clueless Board (who are actually incredibly supportive, compliment me a lot and couldn't be nicer- they are just a bit out of touch with what it actually takes to run a camp), 99% of the time, I love every minute of my job.

I don't believe there is a perfect job that is never annoying or frustrating or stressful. I think the key is finding a job that is fabulous a larger percent of the time than it is annoying. And so, my 99% awesomeness ratio is probably the best I can possibly do. And I am very appreciative of that. So my review getting pushed back is something I can ignore. It's not like I can threaten to go get a better job with more flexibility, more creative control, or that's more fun.

And really, sometimes these little annoyances make me stop and consider the situation and in the end, I feel more appreciative of my situation than ever before. Even a really awesome review and a raise wouldn't have necessarily done that....

YOU'RE SHOUTING!!!!

I don't have any control over the volume of my voice. I never have. My dad is the same way, he literally SHOUTS everything he says. It's hilarious to hear him talk on the phone because he YELLS so loud you find yourself thinking, "he doesn't even need to phone, I bet whoever he is talking to can hear him from here." Funny except that I am the same way. People have pointed this out to me. My best friend X's dad asked her if I had a hearing problem because of the way I SHOUT everything. I don't think I do, and I really don't notice the level of my voice. I know that the more excited I get, the LOUDER and LOUDER and LOUDER I get. I also move my hands and arms around A LOT and it's fairly common for me to jump and fling my legs and arms and dance around. I can't remember ever being different than that and while I think upon initial meeting, people stare and whisper hushed, "is she on something?" "does she have a mental disorder?", once people get to know me, they get used to my "normal" and find it charming.

Perhaps that is why I work at camp. At camp, EVERYONE SHOUTS EVERYTHING!! Kids are loud and big groups of kids are REALLY LOUD and so when you're in the dining hall, it's deafening, or when you are trying to get kids pumped up at the campfire, SCREAMING and jumping around wildly is all part of it. And camp people are all EXTREMELY EXCITED about EVERYTHING, so even when the kids are gone and camp is quiet, you will find the whole staff SHOUTING at each other and flailing their arms and using a lot of exclamation points!!!!!

But I'm not at camp anymore and I'm not surrounded by SUPER EXCITED people all the time, and so I find more people staring at me or saying, "I can hear you, you don't have to yell." I want to respond, "I'M NOT YELLING! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH LOUDER I COULD BE!!!!!" But I don't. I just sit quietly and dream of going back to the woods, singing songs and telling kids, "that was pretty good, but you can be MUCH LOUDER!!!!!!!", flinging my arms and going to bed with a sore throat.

Fan Error

When I left the office yesterday, I brought my laptop home with me because I was planning to do some more work in the evening. But when I got home and attempted to turn it on, it said, "fan error" and then shut down. It did that all 17 times I attempted to turn it on. I assumed it meant that I needed a new fan and I didn't completely freak out and assume my entire life's work, photos, and everything was gone, but I was still a little nervous about that possibility.

This morning, I woke up and immediately went to the store and bought an external hard drive. This is the second computer I've almost killed and it's about time I learned to back my work up. Then I spent the entire morning on the phone attempting to find someone who had the part for my type of computer and who could fix it like, immediately.

By noon I had located a place (just 30 or so miles away) and rushed out the door to get my computer fixed. After 20 minutes, the technician came out and said, "good news, you don't need a new fan. I found a fly in your fan, but when I removed him, it went back to working like normal." Apparently a rather large fly (he brought it out to show me) had gotten inside my computer. After leaving the front door of the house open all summer and having bugs fly around and then die on top of my computer every day, I have had to pop a few of the keys off my keyboard to dislodge bugs already, but I didn't think any had gotten inside.

$75 for labor + $5 for "fan repair" later, I am bug free and my computer turns on without any issue. And next summer I will keep the door closed or cover my computer. Lesson learned.

City Livin'

Camp has been over for a week and I miss it, but I also I feel like summer was a million years ago. J, C, D and I drove home from the woods on Sunday last week and spent some time relaxing, eating out and going to the mall. They flew out on Monday and Tuesday and then I began my week of relaxation. I was reading back to posts at this time last year and I was surprised to see how HAPPY I was that it was over. This year, I was ready for the break, but sad it was over. I will miss my staff, camp, the adventure of summer. It is nice to be home though...

So far this week, I have enjoyed some quality time on the couch with Tivo, eaten pizza, steak, Thai food, and a lot of wonderful fruits and vegetables. I have been to Target 5 times, cleaned my house top to bottom, enjoyed cooking in my kitchen while blaring the Wicked soundtrack, eaten many healthy, entirely organic meals with my roommates, had burgers and malts with my mom, scrapbooked, and generally relaxed. The weather has been perfect and yesterday as I sat in my backyard, my feet up reading a People Magazine and eating cheese popcorn, I couldn't help think life couldn't get any better. I love my camp life but I also really love my city life. I am very lucky to have the best of both worlds.

On Monday, I shall return to the office and get to work preparing for summer 2010. I feel energized and excited and the only thing I am concerned about is figuring out which project I want to tackle first!

It's Over

Camp is over. Yesterday was our last day. It was totally bittersweet. I am exhausted and so are the staff. All week I have been losing motivation to do anything, other than hang out with staff and chat. But at the same time, summer has FLOWN by and I am not ready for it to be over. So it's bittersweet.

Once the campers left and we did or final staff meeting, everyone had about 30 minutes to complete last minute cleaning projects, final packing and then I checked everyone out. Last year, after I dropped staff off at the airport, I had to come back to camp and clean and pack for a full week. But this year, throughout the week we started packing and by the staff meeting, we were mostly done. Aside for draining water from buildings and other important maintenance things my dad has to do, we are ready for winter. I can't believe how easy it was this year. This summer has been awesome, start to finish.

Once everyone had turned in their clipboards, camp store money and end of the summer evaluations, and had loaded their cars, we all stood around, unsure of what to do next. We took a group picture in the same place we had at the beginning of the summer and afterwards, we had our first and only meeting of the Traveling Notebook Club. Program Director S had several friends working at other camps this summer and they had a traveling notebook that they would write in and then mail to each other. She decided we should do the same and so her and D created two, as well as a set of rules and membership cards. I think it is the cutest idea ever and I can't wait to get the notebook! This group of staff is so hilarious and creative!

After that, we all stood in a circle, no one ready to leave yet, but nothing left to do. Goodbyes are difficult. We've been together, 24/7, working, playing, living. For better or worse, we were family this summer and it is hard face saying goodbye to people who you have spent such intense time with.

Working at camp is like riding the longest roller coaster ride ever. Once you get on, you can't get off, you just have to ride, through the highs and lows, when it is fun and even when you are sick of it. There is no stopping once the summer has begun and it is the most intense thing in the world. Being isolated in the woods, with little free time and little contact with life outside camp is difficult to adjust to at the beginning of the summer, but once you do, it's difficult to adjust back to real life.

Today I slept really late, sat on the couch for several hours, played with Olivia for a long time and then started packing and cleaning and getting ready to drive home tomorrow. It is time to go back to the city, back to my office, back to real life. I think I will be excited when I get there but right now I'm still a little sad that it's over.

Best.Night.Ever!

Last weekend, the staff set up the big screen and projector and had an outdoor movie on the field. Several people said, "we should do this with the kids!" I am firmly against using movies in programming. Too often in kid's programs, a rainy afternoon or just a regular day, lazy, uncreative staff plop kids in front of a screen and waste the hours away. I could go on and on, citing sources and child development philosophy about the negative effects of that much time in front of media and why movie time will never be on my schedules. I don't care if it starts to rain at the last minute, or everything gets messed up and you are facing a group of kids with nothing up your sleeve. Play a game. Sing a song. Make something up. Okay, okay, I have to stop, that's not the subject of this post.

My goal this summer has been to plan creative, innovative and exceptional programming that fills kids with wonder and makes them feel as if they are in a magical place. I want them to leave saying, "I've never done that before!" or, "I could never do that at home!" So in addition to regularly scheduled programming, Program Director S and I have tried to come up with random surprises throughout the summer to keep both kids and staff on their toes.

With the wonderful memory of the outdoor movie fresh in our minds, we talked about it for the campers and decided that if it wasn't in place of regular programming and if we could make it special, it could be acceptable programming. We decided that after the talent show on Thursday, instead of showers, then bed, we would let them stay up late and we would turn on the popcorn maker and let them lay in the field under the stars and watch a movie. We decided on "Camp Rock" because of it's 'G' rating, it was about a camp and because neither of us had seen it but wanted to. We sent a staff into the nearest big town to buy it (2 hours round trip), and we decided to make it a surprise for not just kids, but staff too.

After the talent show last night, we stood up and had the following conversation in front of the group:

"Hey, S! You know how it's the last night?! Instead of taking showers and going to bed, we should do something fun" (that got their attention, you should have seen them hanging off our every word).

S said, "they could sweep" (groans from the crowd).

"Aren't you supposed to be the person in charge of all things fun?! Can you do better than sweep?!"

"What about a late night movie with all the popcorn you can eat" she said, as I pulled out the DVD from behind my back.

**DEAFENING screams**

The absolute best part of my job is when we can make an entire group of kids FREAK out and start screaming in excitement.

We sent the kids of to shower and change into PJs and get their sleeping bags and pillows. It had been raining for three days straight, so it was inside, rather than on the field. We popped popcorn and turned out the lights. The kids were so well behaved and totally focused on the movie.

The staff were not. After ten weeks of camp, the best term I can think of is "loopy". We danced in our chairs during the songs, we compared the movie camp to our camp, we joked around and laughed through the whole movie. It was one of the most fun experiences I have had at camp and during the next 8 months until I return to camp, I will think about it every time I am stuck in my office, doing some mundane task involving budgets or paperwork. It was the absolute best way to end the summer and one of the best nights of camp ever.

End of the Summer Anxiety

Right before I left for camp in May, I was anxious and dragged my feet packing and felt hesitant to come to camp. I was nervous about the summer ahead, didn't know what to expect, didn't want to leave my roommates, my house or my life. I got to camp and spent the month of May working hard with A, A and S and was enjoying myself. As staff training approached, I once again started feeling anxious and hesitant, not sure what to expect of the new staff.

And now it is the end of the summer, and that same anxiety, same hesitating to move forward, same nervousness of what to expect is here. It has been a fantastic summer and while I am exhausted, I don't want it to end. I spent the summer playing in the woods, but now I have to go back to the office where a messed up budget of a struggling camp, clueless board members and a mile long to do list await my return. Couldn't it just be summertime forever? Popsicles at the camp store, s'mores and songs by the campfire, sunshine, adventure, brainstorming sessions and constant laughter...

I will miss the staff terribly. We weren't peers and I worked hard to maintain a boundary between supervisor and friend. But they have become my family away from home and I will be sad to leave them. We have been together all day, every day, creating memories, sharing adventures, laughter and frustration. Each summer is a unique experience and only the people who were here sharing it with me can truly understand what summer 2009 was all about. It will be difficult to leave them and not have someone right there all the time, sharing inside jokes, understanding looks without words, and relating to the exact feelings and thoughts we all share because of our bond from the summer. I will leave, the same way I arrived, dragging my feet and sad to switch seasons.

Water Rescue

It was five minutes into lunch and the canoe group still wasn't back. No big deal, we started without them. Then it was 10 minutes into lunch and so one of the lifeguards went to check on them. Then it was 15 minutes into lunch and he wasn't back either, so Program Director S went to check on everyone. Then it was 20 minutes into lunch and the other lifeguard went to look for them. 25 minutes into lunch, I left and went to see what was going on.

When I got to the lake, I couldn't see anyone, so I got into a kayak and headed out to see if I could find them. It was a little bit windy, but there weren't whitecaps on the lake, and the waves didn't seem bad.... until I got about 40 feet from shore, at which point the lake turned into a wave pool and I stopped paddling because I was being pushed across the lake. I am a pretty strong kayaker, but I got nervous as I realized there was no way I was going to be able to turn around and paddle back to shore.

I could see the camp pontoon across the lake, rescuing the canoers I assumed, so I headed towards them. When I approached the pontoon, I could see all of the campers and staff safely inside, 3 kayaks stacked on top and dragging 2 canoes on either side. I climbed aboard and dragged my kayak on top as well and we all headed to shore. 8 campers, 3 lifeguards, 2 counselors, the camp director and my dad (who was waiting on shore)- the ratio of campers to staff was pretty excellent.

One last adventure before the end of the summer. It ended safely and life is good.

End of the Year Party

Last night, we had our end of the year staff party. It was such a wonderful night, and a great example of why the 2009 staff is so awesome!

We started the evening with Praise and Worship, during which I was able to thank them for their hard work this summer and it was a nice way to come together as a staff.

P&W was followed by dinner. Almost everyone had spent the entire day preparing for the evening in some way or another. Some were decorating, some were cooking- so when it was dinner time, we had everything ready to go and we just took it our of the over or refrigerator. We had planned to grill, but it had rained all day, so we moved the party inside. Instead of being in my house or the dining hall, some staff had set up the meeting room table. They set out the plates and silverware, put out candles, flowers, etc. It looked so nice. We had a great dinner and afterwards, I handed out memory books, staff photos, lead staff gifts and nice black fleece sweatshirts for everyone. Everyone was excited to get gifts and look through the memory books and it was wonderful!

This wasn't just a dinner party though, this was a multi-event evening. After dinner, we headed to the art barn, which P, S, and An had spent literally all day decorating. They had hung long pieces of fabric from the ceiling, completely covering the walls. Took out the big tables, and replaced them with comfy chairs and small round tables. They turned off the lights and filled the whole place with candles. Earlier in the day, some of us had made several pitchers of "mocktails" with blended drink mix, and so we enjoyed dessert and "drinks" in the lounge. They worked so hard and it looked beautiful, nothing like the art barn, and it was wonderful!

We eventually turned on the music and had a rockin' dance party. I was EXHAUSTED, but dancing was a blast and they had worked so hard to set up the art barn, that I decided to stay until everyone was done. In the end, it was just S, P, An, J and I dancing like crazy and sweating so much our clothes were soaked. It was so humid and hot, and so we decided to run down to the beach and jump, fully clothed, into the lake. The water was so warm and it was a great way to cool off.

They had planned a late night movie (also in the art barn) and I wasn't planning to go, but after I dried off from the lake, I went back, just to check it out and ended up staying for the whole movie. Olivia was also there, eating popcorn by the handful, which she enjoyed immensely. I didn't go to sleep until 1am, but it was a fantastic night. Everyone worked together to have fun and put together a great last night. I don't usually participate in weekend staff events. It is difficult to hang out and have fun as a peer and then transition back to being the boss. But last night was fun and carefree and I didn't have to be in charge and could just have fun. I am really going to miss this group of staff and I am sad the summer is coming to an end!

Camp Pranks

Last year staff thought it was funny to ambush other staff, pick them up, carrying them across camp screaming and throw them in the lake. That's not a funny prank for so many reasons I don't have enough room to type them all. So at training this year I let the new staff know that if they wanted to pull a prank, they had to get permission from me or Program Director S.

The staff this summer has been creative without being disrespectful, unsafe or destructive. The girls have decorated the boys' cabins with Jonas Brothers posters, replaced tables in the dining hall with canoes, and last week, one of the girls' groups got ready for bed early, snuck into a boys' cabin and hid under their beds. When the boys came in, the girls grabbed their ankles and scared them.

This week, the same counselor who pulled the ankle prank planned to do it again, however, her campers were a little younger and got so excited about the prank that night that they ended up telling the male counselors. I heard this story as they were getting ready for bed on Wednesday night and also found out they were going to wait until the next night to surprise the boys. So I ran over to Counselor J and told him what was going on and that if his boys could get ready quickly enough, I would stall the girls and they could pull the prank on them! I've never seen little boys get ready for bed that quickly! As the girls got ready to head back to their cabin, S and I ran outside and stood in the dark waiting to hear the reaction. Deafening screams followed shortly afterwards by a parade of victorious boys was absolutely priceless. We couldn't stop laughing. It was awesome!

On Thursday morning, the male staff bathroom (not to mention the entire downstairs) was filled with the worst smell I'd ever smelled in my whole life. The bloated, rotting carcass of an enormous dead fish was laying in one of the showers. The female counselors that put it there didn't realize just how much it would decompose in just one night. They also didn't realize that when you pull an unauthorized prank at camp, you end up spending your break scrubbing the bathroom with bleach. It was kind of hilarious overall though.

On Friday morning, my dad and I were heading to breakfast. The dining hall is about 100 yards from my house, maybe even less than that, but my dad is like a kid with a new toy and so he drives the 4 wheeler there every morning. He offered me a ride and just as we stepped out of the front door, there was the 4 wheeler, completely covered in plastic wrap. As my dad whined "Who would do that to my 4 wheeler?!?" I noticed that almost all of the surrounding staff cars had also been wrapped. And when we got to the dining hall, where chairs had been put on top of the tables and then tightly wrapped with plastic wrap. I couldn't stop laughing. I think that was the best prank yet. I knew right away that it had to be the Work Crew. S and I had attempted to plastic wrap a few different things at other times this summer. But the giant roll of plastic wrap is SUPER heavy and very hard to maneuver. The Work Crew is mostly teenage boys, lead by A, who is a strong guy, so it had to be them. I congratulated them on a great prank and they all looked very satisfied with themselves.

Yesterday, activities were running smoothly and I had nothing to do, so S, counselor P and I headed to the camp store to eat popsicles and hang out. We made plans for when the campers went home, to get all of the staff together and take the pontoon over to a nearby rope swing. That afternoon, as I teetered across a rickety balance beam, which jutted out of a hill covered in tree roots, 20 feet above the lake, I would have sworn places like that only existed in movies. Hanging onto the rope, jumping off the platform, swinging out and then dropping into the lake was one of the most terrifying/ fabulous things I've ever done. Afterwards, we celebrated our achievement by going into town and getting ice cream. A perfect end to a crazy week.

When I imagined working at an overnight camp (prior to actually working here) I thought it would be just like every camp movie I've ever seen, with funny pranks, crazy adventures and carefree summer days eating popsicles and swimming by the lake. Last year was 3 months of plunging broken toilets, cleaning up a junk filled property, answering angry phone calls and dealing with crabby staff. I still believed in the mission and loved camp, but I left the summer reminding myself that in the future, I would NOT make life decisions based on movie fantasies. This summer has been exhausting and a lot of work, and there have been a few bumps along the way, but overall, it has been an absolute dream come true. I am constantly, at least one a day, awestruck by something going on around me. I regularly catch myself thinking, "wait, is this real or am I in a movie?!" It has been an exceptional experience and I think one of the best summers I've ever had. It has flown by and I can't believe we have only one week left.