Camp Counselor

13 years ago, I became a camp counselor. At 18, finding a job that would allow me to work on my tan and get a paycheck at the same time was a priority. Plus, kids are cute, and really how hard could it be?

At the end of the summer, I headed off to college. When asked if I would return for another summer, I confidentially said no. The following summer I would be getting a "real" job. Something serious that would help me in my future career.

Except that the following summer, I was offered a promotion to arts and crafts specialist and how could I refuse that? I got to teach arts and crafts- pretty much the most important job at camp. Plus, specialist was a much more prestigious position, so I was clearly moving up in the world.

That summer ended, and once again, it was my last summer. My "last summer" of camp went on for 4 more years after that until I got a full time job as a camp director.

13 years later, I am the executive director of a camp. The wooden name plate on my desk reads "Master of Fun". Over the years, I have trained and directly supervised over 150 summer staff and been the director at two different camps (three different camps if you include my time as assistant director at my first camp).

And now, it's time to take a step back...

This afternoon I will get on an airplane and head to a new camp to be a camp counselor for a week! I am more qualified than the last time I counseled, but I am also a bit more uptight. I am used to being in charge, making the rules and schedule, having an office and a private house to retreat to. I have never actually been an overnight camp counselor, and as a VERY strong introvert, I'm not sure how it will go, but I am excited to try.

At the end of last summer, I said to the lead staff, "if all I had to worry about was teaching arts and crafts and getting kids from one place to another on time, I would be in heaven." Camp counselors have a tough job, but a fun one, and I wished they would stop complaining. I was sick of listening to laughter and seeing the sun shining out my window, but being stuck inside answering emails, looking at the budget and dealing with all of the issues that kept coming up.

In October, I was at a camp training with a well known camping professional who was talking about starting his own camp. I didn't think anything of it- it seemed like a really cool thing and I was happy for him. When he actually got it started and put information about it on facebook, I looked at the website and saw that he was running just one week of camp this year and it happened to start AFTER my camp ended. Which is when I got the idea to be a camp counselor. I emailed him and asked if it would be weird if I applied. He responded right away and I got hired and I am SUPER excited.

I am excited to be at camp with a fraction of the responsibility. The clogged toilet, the crabby parent, the broken window, the malfunctioning ice machine- NOT MY PROBLEM!! I just get to hang out with kids, lead some activities and soak in the sun!

I am eager to see another camp run as I often think to myself, "I wonder how other camps do_____". I am eager to work for a well-known camping professional who I happen to idolize. I can't wait to see him lead staff training or day to day operations. I am eager to see camp from a different perspective. I am not even there yet, but I already feel like I can relate to my staff better.

I am nervous, but excited. I haven't given up my cell phone or not had access to my email for a full week in years. But I think it is going to be a good experience...

Re-Adjusting

On Sunday night, I arrived home in time for dinner with my boyfriend. He had flowers on the table and my favorite pizza on the way. I gorged myself on delicious food and red wine, unloaded everything out of the car, and was passed out by 9:30pm. I slept until 9:30am the next day, and when I woke up, I felt like I'd been in a coma, but also refreshed and energized.

On Monday, I spent the day unpacking, organizing, cleaning, went to Whole Foods, planned a week's worth of gluten free meals, made a healthy dinner and once again, passed out by 9:30. On Tuesday, I had a long list of plans, made a huge mess when I decided to re-organize all of the closets in the house and then exhaustion hit and I spent about 2 hours on the couch in my new camp snuggie. The end of summer exhaustion snuck up on me and I am trying to give myself time to relax, despite having several projects I want to complete.

Yesterday, I was up at 7:30, at my office by 8:30 and downtown to meet with the board president by 9:30. I ran a few errands afterwards, made a little progress with the closet organization situation, cooked an elaborate dinner, and then the BF and I met up with A and M for a semi-double date.

And then last night, I hit the post-camp wall that always inevitably hits. The BF moved in a year ago and we have been trying to combine two houses worth of stuff, re-arrange, re-organize and re-decorate for a year. Every single room in the house has a long list of projects that I want to do to make it "right" and I am overwhelmed. It has been like this for a year and so I'm not sure why I decided to be hysterical about it last night, but I was beside myself.

My response was to yell at my BF for not caring about the projects that are upsetting me. Then I burst into irrational, hysterical tears. BF never really knows what to do when I get like that, and inevitably he does something that I interpret as him not caring, which lead to more tears. And then I started thinking about my dad. I watched the memorial video from his funeral and cried until my eyes swelled shut. I thought about all of the things he did to help me with this house and irrationally thought, "if he was still alive, my house would be in order because HE would help me" and then I cried some more.

Feeling more rested and much saner than last night, I know I was being irrational and emotional and I wish there was an "off" switch that would shut my brain off and put me immediately to sleep for times when I get overly tired and upset. We have a lot of projects to do around the house and BF is not as excited about them as I want him to be. I vented to my bestie this morning and she argued that I shouldn't blame him- she wouldn't be excited about a million cleaning/organizing projects either, so I probably should cut him some slack. I argued that I don't need him to be excited, but I need him to care because it matters to me. She told me I probably needed to be a little more patient (with myself and with my poor BF).

I know that the bigger issue is not the to do list or anything my BF has done or hasn't done. Going from camp life to home life is always tough.

And here's why:

At camp, I control every single aspect of life. If I want a project done, I just have to point at it and assign a staff member to do it. Not only that, between Assistant Director A and Property Manager T and all of my wonderful, helpful, hard working, willing staff, I am surrounded by "yes" people. On a daily basis, I hear, "whatever you want, we'll make it work" MULTIPLE times, by multiple people. My staff respect and like me, they are comfortable giving me feedback or suggestions, but ultimately, I am in charge.

It's not like that at home. And it shouldn't be. I have a wonderful BF and amazing family who I love and I am glad they are different than my staff. But they have their own lives, own opinions, own priorities, own schedules and I have to re-adjust to fitting into the world around me, rather than being in charge of everything. And that causes me some anxiety.

My BF also has to re-adjust. He loves me and missed me while I was gone, but there are some positive aspects to the single life. His schedule was completely flexible all summer. He went to happy hour with friends whenever and as often as he wanted. He could make any plans and do anything he wanted. So going back to coordinating his schedule with mine, being home for dinner, and having someone take up so much of his time is also an adjustment.

I've only been home for 4 days, and tomorrow I am leaving again, so I know I should be more patient with myself and with him. I am happy to be home. And I am more thankful than I can possibly put into words for an amazing BF who I love and adore, a beautiful home, a neighborhood I love, a WONDERFUL life. I know it will take some time and some patience, but it is a privilege to have so much to be thankful for.

Fighting For Camp

A few weeks ago, I sent the board president and vice president an email telling them that camp was going well I really felt that we needed to have some conversations about keeping the doors open. Although the challenges (my reasons for why I wanted to leave camp) were still there, there is too much history and too much goodness to close the doors.

I wasn't sure how it would go over.

The only reason they talked about closing camp was because I said I was going to leave. Prior to that, they were willing to ignore the budget shortfalls and dependence on prayer as a method of survival.

I wasn't sure if they would tell me I was too late or that now that we'd openly talked about the problems, they were too much to ignore.

They came for a visit to camp on the last day. It wasn't the ideal day for them, but they got to see the kids and the staff and the beautiful well cared for grounds. They watched closing chapel in awe. The board president told me, "you were amazing! I wish I had video of that!" I have done basically the same speech and same routine for 6 years, but I was glad he enjoyed it and was impressed.

We didn't talk much about the future while they were at camp. They both said I was glad I had changed my mind about wanting to quit and we scheduled a meeting for when I returned.

Today I met with them and was 100% unsure of what they would say. I was less nervous than I expected, knowing that they might say, "it's over". I presented the budget through the end of the year. We will be about $80, 000 in the red by January. The board president jumped right into discussing ways we could cut here and there and also potential ways to fundraise more money than last year. And then the vice president chimed in and said, "wait, let's go back and tell us why you changed your mind."

I told them that last summer was more difficult than I'd expected. My dad had died just 6 months earlier and it was harder to be at camp than I had anticipated. And then camp flooded. We put up photos and video and had a "can do" attitude. I was positive every step of the way, but months later, I started to really think about all of the things that could have gone wrong, all of the responsibility I'd really had and I got scared.

And while having the consultant at camp had been a really positive thing, her stark dose of reality had really crushed my spirit. I've been fully aware of the challenges since day 1, but my idealism and optimism carried me through. My ability to focused on hope, rather than reality was what kept me going.

I told them that having such a positive summer was healing. And that speech that they were so impressed with- the one where I talk about our long history, what makes us so special as a camp and that the kids always have a place to belong at our camp- those words sunk in deeply this summer and I knew we couldn't give up.

I told them that I am still frustrated by the challenges and I am still just an "ok" fundraiser. I told them that I am still willing to step aside if they can find someone more qualified to save camp, but that if me being the director is what they want in order to keep camp open, I am in if they are.

Both of them shrugged, nodded and then the vice president said, "okay, well, our first board meeting of the year is in September. Let's never speak of the conversation we had in the spring- no one needs to know we almost closed camp. We've got $100,000 on our credit line. So we are okay for this year."

And that was that for now.

The little camp that could will continue.

The battle to find Catholic kids without support from the church continues. The battle to raise money continues. The battle to run a 66 year old falling down camp continues. I still don't really have any ideas for any of those challenges, but maybe this lucky #7 is the year I figure it out.

I couldn't be happier.

A Sweet End

About half the staff left last night, and the rest left throughout the morning today.

A, M, K and I got up and got to work right away. The group got most of our jobs done yesterday, but we still had to pack and organize the office, go through each building and finish little projects here and there. We were a well-oiled machine- flying around camp at light speed. The staff took more time than we expected completing projects yesterday, but as I went from building to building, I was blown away by what a thorough job they did.

This is the cleanest, neatest and most organized this camp has ever been in the last 6 years and probably longer than that.

When we finished cleaning and packing, the four of us looked around and I said, "well... we did it."

We hugged goodbye and agreed to get together for lunch this week. I thought maybe I would cry when they left, but I have been so joy-filled all summer and even though I am sad it is ending, I still feel so happy. There weren't any tears. I know I will see all of them again and maybe even work together next summer.

They left camp and I took the dogs out to the field to play. The sun was shining brightly and it was deafeningly silent. I looked out at the gleaming, gorgeous camp and didn't recognize it. I was overwhelmed with feelings of relief (we made it the whole summer without any crisis or anyone getting hurt!), pride, and happiness. 2013 was a great summer. That seems like kind of an understatement, but it was simply wonderful.

Before I came to camp, I reluctantly went to my doctor and told him I thought something was wrong with me. I had spent the previous few months bursting into tears regularly and I couldn't remember the last time I felt happy. I didn't want to admit anything was wrong- I went through a depression in college and I didn't want to go back to that, but pretending I was fine wasn't helping. I started taking a small dose of antidepressants before the summer began. Within a few weeks, I felt like a new person. Actually, no, not a NEW person- I felt like myself. I hadn't realized how un-like myself I'd been. A bad day turned into a bad week, and eventually, it just seemed normal.

My bathroom has a light on the ceiling and then three lights above the mirror. One of the lights burned out and I meant to replace it, but kept forgetting to buy a new bulb at the store. I got used to the slightly dimmer bathroom. And then a second bulb burned out and it was way darker. When I finally got around to replacing the two bulbs and the bathroom was back to full brightness, I couldn't believe how light it was. All of a sudden, I could see every little detail. I had gotten used to the darker bathroom and was surprised by how bright it was.

THAT is what it felt like to start taking antidepressants. I forgot what it feels like to have energy, feel motivated, be curious, get excited. All of that came back to me.

I also started an entirely different diet- cutting our gluten, yeast, dairy, alcohol and (most) refined sugar (I cheated a little bit). I've lost 25 pounds since May and I feel incredible.

I leave camp feeling healthier, happier and less anxious than I have felt in years. I am proud of the work that I did and that the camp did this summer. I know that the future is up in the air, but I feel surprisingly peaceful despite so much unknown.

Thank you 2013. It has been an incredible journey.

End of the Summer Party

Today was mandatory all-staff clean up day and then the staff party. From 12-3 this afternoon, it was a tornado of cleaning, organizing and moving stuff. Being a camp director is a career for anyone who also considered being a mover or a garbageman. There is just SO much stuff and so much garbage- and the management of both is unreal.

The staff were broken into 3 teams and given lists of buildings are areas of camp to clean and organize. They moved canoes, kayaks and picnic tables inside. They cleaned buildings, organizing supplies as they went. They pulled in the docks and buoys.

Afterwards, the lead staff and I took fast showers and then headed to the main lodge to grill steaks and set up for the party. We ate dinner, A, M, K and I all gave farewell/thank you speeches and then we watched a slideshow of photos from the summer.

I had thank you gifts for everyone and one by one, thanked Property Manager T, Assistant Director A, Program Directors K and M. And then I thanked the staff. We handed out group photos and then I said I had one more gift for them. The lead staff and I ducked behind a wall and then jumped out in BRAND NEW CAMP SNUGGIES!

The greatest gift I think I have ever gotten is the reaction that the staff had. I think I know what Oprah felt like when she gave away cars. Their eyes were wide, their jaws wide open. They were SO excited. It was FANTASTIC.

This group of staff has been the most camper focused, most easy-going, most fun-loving group I have ever worked with. The entire summer was simply fun. It was carefree and easy and fun. I kept waiting for drama or a disaster. But it was just simple, easy, fun.

I am sad to see them go.

2013- wow.

I was so negative coming into the summer. I have been so pleasantly surprised. Every day has been a gift.

A Wonderful End

Summer 2013- what a surprise. This was my first post when I arrived-

"I am apprehensive and a bit hesitant about this summer ahead. But I am trying to remind myself of the hope and excitement and rainbow dreams of the past five summers...."  

Despite crying and whining and practically making myself sick with dread leading up to finally dragging myself to the woods, within just a few days of being here, the "hope, excitement and rainbow dreams of the past" really did come back. And it has been an honor and a privilege to be at camp this summer. Summer #6 has been my best yet.

The counselors have all sung a song at the end of every talent show this summer. I nearly burst into tears the first week. They wrapped their arms around each other, Counselor M played the ukulele and they swayed as they sang. Last week, M, A, K and I agreed that for the last talent show, we should sing a song to them. The Cup Song has been HUGE this summer. Kids sang it every single talent show (sometimes twice). So we re-wrote the lyrics, dressed up in iconic counselor outfits and prepared to surprise them.

At the end of their song, I thanked them and started to conclude the talent show like always and then I said, "that is usually the last song, but this week, we have a song for you!"

When they realized that we changed all the words, their faces were PRICELESS! Their mouths were open in shock, they laughed and by the end, several of them were crying. It was perfect.

This morning, the board of directors executive committee came to camp to visit. They watched the closing chapel program and afterwards, the board president couldn't contain his enthusiasm. "That was AMAZING. Wow. You were SO animated. I wish I had a video of that! You were really incredible." Don't get me wrong, I don't mind having my bosses come to camp and give me compliments, but I just wanted to look at him and say, "I literally do this multiple times every day. THIS is what I do." They have always been complimentary of me, so this can only help.

We didn't talk about the future of camp. The board VP said, "what made you change your mind? It's not just nostalgia is it?" I told her no, I'd been discouraged by some of the challenges, but ultimately, there is too much good at this camp to close. We NEED to keep going- not for me, but because we've been here 66 years and it isn't time to shut down. She said, "when you said you were out, there was no question we couldn't go on without you, but if you're in, it's totally different."

That's all the further the conversation went. In between all the fun stuff this week, I was looking at the financials and they are pretty awful. Not the worst they've ever been, but not reflective of what a great camp we are. We scheduled lunch for Wednesday, so we'll see what happens then.

After lunch, the parents started arriving. I send out 4 weeks of countdown emails prior to camp and all include my photo. Often when parents get to camp, they greet me like an old friend because they feel like they know me from the emails. But this morning, one of the moms walked up and introduced herself (we'd exchanged emails but her daughter was new to camp this week) and then she wrapped me in a big hug. Nice to meet you too.

It was a perfect end to a perfect week and a perfect summer. Tomorrow is all camp clean up day, and until everyone is out of camp, I won't breathe easy, but I am pleasantly surprised by the ease of the summer. It was just so smooth, so fun, so carefree, so wonderful.....

Fancy Dinner

It was raining this morning, so lunch on the porch wasn't going to be much of a prize for the code breakers. Instead of lunch, we decided to do something for them for dinner. I told them to come dressed in their best, as if they were going on a date. They quickly replied, "I've never been on a date" and "all I have are shorts and tee shirts!" because they are 11 year old girls at camp.

However, by dinner, they'd raided the drama building and were decked out in fluffy prom dresses from the 1990s, lacy gloves, too-big heals, tiaras and hawaiian leis. They looked very fancy.

A, M, K and I had so much fun preparing their table. We started out with some table cloths we had in the office. We found some doilies in the art barn, some wine glasses in the staff house, some mason jars (which we filled with flowers) and then we made name cards and lacy bows for the backs of their chairs. By the time we were ready for dinner, it was a pretty fancy looking table!

We stopped the girls at the front door before they came into the dining hall. As they walked in we blasted classical music from the speakers.

They had quite the reaction! They ate their pizza and had a lemonade toast with wine glasses.

During dinner, they called me over and asked if they could make a request. They wanted to know if I could change the music from classical to Gangnum Style. I told them that wasn't very fancy, but that I would play it at the end of dinner.

At the end of dinner, we blasted their requested song and watched as the entire dining hall turned into an impromptu dance party. Campers and counselors danced joyfully, swept into the moment. I watched and laughed and threw my arms in the air saying, "it must be the last dinner of the summer- anything goes!" and danced along with everyone.

A Thoughtful Gift

A week ago, I brought our ACA visitors to the pole barn and while we were there, they admired the beautiful logs that were against the wall. My dad used to do projects with tree trunks and tree branches- he would clean off all the bark and then build beautiful things out of the wood.

There was an enormous Y shaped piece that they noticed first. I told them that my dad and I had discussed making a giant slingshot for the slingshot range. There is a huge arrow that is above the archery range, so we thought it would be cool.

This is my brother and my dad
installing the arrow in 2010

Property Manager T was standing there when I told the visitors about the wood and he commented, "I never knew that!"

Assistant Director A and 'T' have been up to something all week. They have spent a lot of time whispering and going off to work on things alone. I knew they were up to something and then I found out both 'M' and 'K' knew too.

Finally today during rest time, they all came and got me and said, "are you ready for your surprise?" They brought me to the range and there was a giant slingshot!

Possibly even better than the cool new addition to the range was 'T's reaction to the whole thing. He wasn't at the range when I got there and then we all saw him drive by, not looking at us while we were down there. He was super nervous/awkward about it. I am not sure if he was nervous that I would be mad he'd finished my dad's project or if he was just nervous I wouldn't like it. I went to the pole barn to find him and thank him and rave about how cool it turned out.

I think it is one of the nicest, most thoughtful surprises I've gotten at camp. I really appreciated the thought behind it. Plus, it's super cool looking and will make our slingshot range even better!

The Code

On Monday morning, we hung this enormous sign in the dining hall. Each symbol represents a letter and we planned to give two clues each day. On Monday, we hung the first symbol (the triangle with other lines) on a Tree and the fifth symbol (the 3 waves) on Indian Point Lodge. On Tuesday, for lunch, we served the Cookies pictured below and the last symbol (the five stars) was hanging on a Skychair. 

At dinner, 'A' wore a Hat with the second symbol on it.

The kids cracked the code and figured out that it spelled out 'The Five Cs" which are our set of values at camp.

So tomorrow, the girls cabin that solved it will be served lunch on the deck of the dining hall, so that will be exciting for them.

I was happy the code lasted as long as it did because Counselor M figured it out on Sunday without any clues at all. She is going to be an engineer, so she's good at puzzles and clearly much more advanced than the campers, but I was still nervous it would be too easy. Luckily it worked out well!

Glowing

On Sunday, when Carlo got off the bus, I handed him a clipboard and a staff tee shirt. He tried to act cool, but his eyes were glowing with pride. To introduce the staff, we have a song called sha-boo-yeah where we each introduce ourselves and say something about us. One of the counselors helped Carlo write his sha-boo-yeah and again, he tried to act cool, but it was clear that he was excited to be included.

On Tuesday, 'A' was painting the staff square in the dining hall. Years ago, I painted a giant grid of squares. Right now, there are six filled in with the design/color of our staff shirts from that year and the names of all the staff. The rest of the squares are white with the year that they are reserved for.

Carlo asked if he was going to be included on the staff square and I told him no, to get on the wall, you have to make it through the whole summer. But I let him sign his name on the 2016 square.

Every day of this summer has made me want to fight harder for survival. I want Carlo to have the opportunity to be a staff member. There are more kids too, who, like Carlo, want to be on staff. I want camp to be here for them.

I am hopeful. I have faith something will work out.

Thug Life Meets Camp Life

The nuns that send kids from the inner city each summer also send teens to be part of our leader-in-training and counselor-in-training programs.

Carlo has come to camp for many years and was in the leader-in-training program for the last two weeks. A few years ago, when Carlo was a middle school aged camper, I wanted to shake him. He had an attitude and was "too cool" for everything. I asked myself, "why is this kid even here?"

And then I realized perhaps HE wasn't the problem. Perhaps the problem is that 14 year old boys don't want to make a craft project out of paper plates or whatever it is that we were asking them to do. So I started doing a better job of meeting kids where they are. Instead of yelling at the to behave, I asked the cabin of teenage boys what they would rather do. They had some actual ideas and when I gave them more of a say in what they were doing, their behavior improved.

From then on, that group of boys (including Carlo) and I have had a connection. They are loud, obnoxious, teenage boys from the hood, but they LOVE camp, they love me and they are FABULOUS campers. They look intimidating, they sound like thugs, but they are the most well behaved, devoted campers we have.

I was thrilled to have Carlo return to camp this year as a LIT. He is a strong leader, connected with the campers and impressed me so much. At the end of the second week, he looked so sad. He didn't want to leave. He said, "Ima come back next week." To which I replied, "ok!" to which he replied, "no, like seriously, I'm just gonna get on the bus and show up on Sunday and you'll be stuck with me." to which I said, "ok!"We were both smiling and I appreciated how much he seemed to enjoy his time at camp but didn't think he was really being serious.

I was a little surprised by the voicemail I got on Saturday morning from Carlo's mom. She said that the first thing he said when he got home was that he was going back to camp on Sunday and she just wanted to check to make sure that was really true before she brought him back on Sunday. I called her back and told her how impressed I'd been by Carlo and what a great job he'd done and yes, I would be thrilled to have him back to camp this week. So Carlo is coming back today to be a volunteer. 17 year old, too cool for words, Mexican gangster thug/ wannabe camp counselor. I guess we all have multiple sides to our personalities.

So Much Magic

Each week, I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of excitement and spirit that comes from the kids and staff. The energy was palpable as the kids left breakfast- each group was singing their cheer as loud as they could. Every single child and counselor was singing, the groups were totally in sync with each other. I stopped walking and stood still, watching as each cabin marched past me. I let the energy wash over me. It was powerful.

At closing chapel, I ask the kids to share their favorite memory of the week. One of the girls said, "on Sunday, we didn't know each other, but this week, we have become closer than friends, we're like sisters."

Today I received this email-

After a week jammed packed you need some much deserved down time!  That said, I would just like to take one quick moment to say Thank-You....so, THANK YOU!   

You, along with your staff, made Jack's FIRST stay at camp a total success!

I was "eve's dropping" on Jack telling his sister (Audrey) all about his many adventures.  I think his cheeks hurt from all the smiling he has been doing.  This camp was a total game changer for Jack.  He is a changed boy for the BETTER.  Thank you!  

I spoke to Will (counselor) the day we brought Jack to camp and then again when we picked him up.  What a kind person--he gave me piece of mind. I sure appreciated that as a parent dropping their child off for the first time! 

Overall, this experience was just what Jack needed to boost his self-esteem.  He made new friends.  Most of all, he made positive memories centered upon our faith.  Nothing, nothing could beat that!  

Again, my many thanks for all your hard work, patience, dedication, patience, and even more patience!  

My heart is full.  My cup runneth over!

I can't get enough of emails like this! Jack was new to camp and he is definitely the kind of kid who gets picked on at school. He had styled hair, a week's worth of v-neck tee shirts and almost as soon as he met me, looked me up and down and said, "girl you are wearing that fanny pack [complete with sassy snapping of his fingers]." He will be great in college, but I'm guessing that middle school is going to be rough for him next year. At camp however, he was the life of the party. He rocked the dance party, he led songs better than the staff and he killed it in the talent show. I'm glad camp could be a positive experience for him. 

I hope our last week is as fabulous as each week before it has been!!

I Hate Nature

**Warning- this is a really sad post, stop reading if you don't want to be heartbroken**

In May, there was a crow on the ground by my house and he wasn't flying away. I have a VERY soft spot for animals and I don't like to see anything injured, so I yelled for Property Manager T to come over and please please do something. 

'T' is a tough, "guys guy" who also has a soft spot, so he picked up the crow, tucked him into his shirt and brought him home (he lives down the road from camp). For weeks, he fed it by hand and nursed it back to health (he came to work more than once with scratches on his hands and even on his cheek). When the crow was better, he let him go. Except, by that time, the crow had decided 'T' was his mom and he didn't want to go back into the wild. 

Each day that 'T' drove to work, the crow would follow him. He learned to land on the handlebars of 'T''s 4 wheeler (while T was driving!). He followed 'T' everywhere, landing on his shoulder. I said, "you should name him!" to which 'T' replied completely matter-of-factly, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "his name is Joe".

Joe the Crow.

As the weeks went on Joe got domesticated and he became more and more of a part of camp. He flew around camp, hanging out with the kids. He landed on the drinking fountain and would wait for us to turn it on so he could sip water. The kids and staff fed him snacks from the camp store, bread or worms from fishing. Eventually he was so comfortable, he would eat out of our hands.

He started sitting on the deck of the dining hall and waiting for 'T' at meals. Sometimes he would sit on the roof and peck at the skylights. 'T' or I or one of the staff would bring him pieces of whatever we were eating for dinner and he would eat while we did.

He started hanging out at activities, landing on the kids' heads or stealing the show from whichever of us was trying to lead an activity. At the campfire on Sunday, Joe landed on Abby's head, and was clearly showing off as I tried so shoo him away so the kids would listen to me as I talked at the campfire.

Each week, Joe had more and more personality. When Program Director K and I were cleaning up an activity, Joe grabbed the end of the rope K was rolling up and the two of them ended up playing tug o war. Later, we saw that he'd picked up a piece of balloon and both of us freaked out and tried to take it from him so he wouldn't choke. He didn't fly away like he could have- he hopped, we chased him, he hopped, we yelled. He was clearly teasing us. He knew what he was doing.

I fell in love with that bird. I know it sounds crazy, because he was just a bird and a wild animal at that, but he became part of camp. He got more positive comments in the parent feedback surveys than anyone else on staff. Kids LOVED that bird.

On Monday, M, A and K came to me and said that there was a dead bird on the health center roof. I knew it was him and I felt sick to my stomach. "Go and deal with it. I am going to burst into tears, just go deal with it" I told them. I felt shocked, numb, heartbroken. I didn't want to believe it was him. I believed them when they assured me they didn't think it was him. They didn't want me to have a breakdown. But it was him.

This whole week, I kept thinking about him and had to go to my house to burst into tears. I felt sick to my stomach when I thought about him being pecked to death by other birds. I hate nature. I eat meat and my dad was a hunter, but I think I watched too many Disney movies growing up, because I think about animals as little characters with personalities and feelings. I imagined him happy and friendly and part of our camp staff.

By the end of the week, I had blocked it from my mind and stopped thinking about it. Until this morning. 'T' and I were talking and Joe came up. None of us had yet mentioned to 'T' that they'd found him.

"I just hope he's happy, ya know? Isn't that silly?"'T' said. "I just hope that he's with other crows and he's happy and that's why he left." No matter how tough and gruff and manly 'T' is, everyone knew he loved that bird. But to hear him say that broke my heart into a million pieces. I'm sure, deep down, he knows that Joe is in bird heaven, but maybe for 'T' it's easier believing Joe is happy somewhere else. I don't think any of us will ever have the heart to tell him we found Joe.

I am so sad about Joe. I really hate nature sometimes.

I Can Put Up With A Lot of Crap, But....

"All of the bathrooms are overflowing with poop." -Counselor B

Counselor B is the least dramatic, more reasonable person on staff this summer, so when he came to me last night and said that, I knew that there was a problem. I followed him downstairs and he wasn't kidding. The 6 showers in the boys bathroom and the one shower in the handicap bathroom were filled with a liquid mixture of poop and mushy toilet paper. I wanted to gag and run away, but instead, I matched his calmness and said, "ok, why don't you go make a sign and grab some chairs to block off the door and I will deal with this."

He asked me what I was going to do to deal with it and I said, "well, I'm not sure yet, but I'll take care of it."

Sewage-filled showers is a new one- 6 years into camp and there are still surprises on a regular basis.

I walkie-talkied M, A and K. One of them responded back, "which of us do you want?" and I responded with, "all of you would be great."

It was 7:40 and the dance party was scheduled to start in 5 minutes. After the dance, kids would be taking showers.

I called our guy (yes, I have the mechanical guy's cell phone) and he told me it sounded like the septic tank was full and needed to be pumped. The tank has been full in the past and never OVERFLOWED into the showers. I left a message for the septic company we use, but they didn't have an emergency number.

M, A, K and I decided that since we had piles of standing sewage that we should try to figure out the source, so we turned on all of the faucets in the building, flushed all the toilets and turned on the showers. Everything seemed to be working normally and we couldn't figure out what might have caused the eruption.

I called Property Manager T to ask if we'd had that tank pumped the last time and we hadn't (which is what I thought). He asked why and I briefly explained the situation but assured him we had it under control. He arrived about 5 minutes later and also couldn't figure out what was wrong. I felt bad for bothering him at night when he was at home, but T sorta loves this kinda thing and loves being needed. He told us to leave the mess but I told him to go home and not worry about us. I can't put into words how much I appreciate his dedication, his care for camp and for all of us.

I got the dance party started with the kids and then the four of us went back to our houses to change into sewage clean-up outfits (a tee shirt you could throw away, rubber boots, a bandana for over your face and heavy rubber gloves). We dumped about a gallon of bleach on the floor and then used dust pans to scoop up the mess. We sprayed the whole bathroom down with a hose and then used a broom to scrub the floor with more bleach. We took down all the shower curtains and sprayed down the walls. Once we had scrubbed everything, we threw away the broom and dustpans and mopped the entire bathroom, as well as the entire floor of the basement (everywhere we had walked in our boots) with bleach water. Actually, it might be the cleanest that area has ever been.

We weren't sure if the sewage would return, so I made an announcement at the end of the dance that no one was allowed to use the showers that night. Kids and staff took their toothbrushes to the Rec Hall and brushed their teeth there. Some of the counselors complained, but when I said, "I literally just picked up piles of poop with my hands, do you think I am concerned that you can't take a shower tonight?" they kept their complaints to themselves.

Just a few hours earlier, camp had two visitors from the American Camp Association to re-accredit us. We'd toured through camp and they complimented how clean and lovely the camp is. The bathrooms looked great when we looked at them at 3pm. The visitors had so many nice things to say and even took photos of a few different things around camp because they were so impressed. We passed our accreditation with 100%.

I am not sure what my reaction had been if the sewage explosion had happened while our ACA visit was going on, but I was incredibly thankful the pipes waited until the visit was over to explode.

The guy from the septic company came to camp this afternoon. He couldn't find a problem. He said that sometimes pipes get clogged and then un-clog themselves. He said to call back if it happens again, but that everything looked fine. So, it's possible this could happen again in the next few days or it is possible this is just another experience to add to my list of insane things that have happened at this camp...

It's Not Just S'Mores and Sun...

I've spent the summer soaking in the sun while floating in a kayak, surrounded by laughing kids enjoying their adventure on the lake.

I've spent the summer leading silly songs as loud as I can until my voice gave out (and then I bought a megaphone so I could keep singing).

I've spent the summer surrounded by campers and staff cheering at the top of their lungs, watching them perform skits, dance, create art projects, hit bulls eyes for the first time- both kids and staff with wide eyes of excitement and discovery.

I've spent the summer being hugged by kids and parents, told that this is the best camp ever, receiving beautiful, moving emails of thanks from parents, hearing stories about how camp has profoundly impacted their lives.

Every moment of every day has been pure joy. This is my job, but being here is such an honor. It feels to good to be true.

And unfortunately, it is.

This is a great camp. But all of the challenges that I outlined as reasons for why I wanted to leave, and that the board used as reasons for why we should close down- those are all still there. We still don't have the enrollment or the fundraising support that we need to be financially viable. We still have 60 year old buildings that maintenance has been severely put off for too long.

I've changed my mind about giving up, but I am not sure if the board will change their minds back too. I got an email from the board president today. He hired a company to come in to appraise the land and the buildings. $3000. I could think of 3000 better ways to spend $3000 but if I am going to fight for camp, I think knowing the actual value of what we have will help us making the decisions we need to make. I know that beyond the fun and goodness of camp, we need to be realistic and business minded as we move forward. I'd like to stay here and sing songs forever, but that's just a tiny part of my job.

I'm hopeful. We've been "the little camp that could" since we started and I'm hoping that if we can make it for 66 years, that we can hang in there for a few more.

I Love Emails!

Camp Director-

A huge and heartfelt THANK YOU to you and your amazing counselors (and cook, and dogs, and Joe the Crow). If our kids develop some of the qualities of Will and Ben and Chelsea and Erin, we will consider it a huge success. Forget doctors, lawyers, teachers, executives ... Daniel and Ellie aspire to be Cool Camp Counselors!

D&E pronounced this the best camp week they've ever had (Daniel went further and proclaimed "Best Week EVER" -- but he tends toward the dramatic). Neither were ready to leave, which is music to our ears. Adventure Week was a hit, and the changes you make for the older kids make tons of sense (breakfast at 9 ... hurray!). Plus, we continue to appreciate how you make God come alive for a group that's pretty bored with traditional church routines. 

Thanks again to your crew. We love Camp!

-Camp Parent

Visitors

On Friday, my brother, his wife, their dog and my BF all came to camp to visit. We sat outside, grilling, talking, laughing, relaxing and then we had a campfire. I adore my brother and he is most definitely the funnest person I know, so it was great to have him visit.

Yesterday was a mandatory staff inservice and I had my brother do a speech at the end of the training. He spoke about professionalism and gave them three pointers for camp and for real life-

1. Make you job fun: some day you will be doing your job year round, so innovate, be creative and make it fun.
2. Always be having an awesome day: no one wants to be around a negative person. Leave your problems at the door and be positive. You will get ahead faster if you are likable and easy to be around.
3. Make your boss's life easier- If your boss could do everything, he/she wouldn't need you. Your job is to make them look good- do that and you will eventually be the boss.

My brother is a great speaker, funny, easygoing and it was great to have him at camp.

Earlier in the week, I had some other visitors- my best friend X, her dad and my baby nieces! I felt like a little kid at Christmas before they arrived!!

During the first week of my first summer, X came to camp. She and I stayed up late the first night trying to figure out a system for scheduling activities. She was there when my boss snapped at me for the first time. It was awkward, surprising, totally unprofessional, and the foreshadowing to my crazy camp journey. She is one of the few people who saw camp my first year, who has seen it every year and who truly understands what I've been doing all these years.

She has visited every year, and every time she is here, she has been part of memorable camp experiences- making tiny little envelopes for the elf, building an enormous owl costume, researching trailers after the flood. More importantly, she is the one who I have called to vent, share stories and stay sane while at camp. She has followed each summer as her own personal soap opera.

I wasn't sure if she would be able to make it out this summer due to the adorable, but time-sucking infants she is currently rearing. Why did I doubt? She and her dad made the drive and I was SOOOOO happy to spend the day with them and the babies.

We walked around camp, dipped their feet in the sand and the lake for the first time (as expected, the reasonable one liked it and my god daughter was VERY dramatic and unhappy with the newness of it). We took their photos in front of the mud pit, drove around on he golf cart and showed the babies the bulldogs.

It was a wonderful day- not just because I got to see my best friend and babies that I love, but just the simple act of being able to be unavailable for the whole day was kind of amazing. Camp is organized, well run, and able to run without me. It hasn't always been that way and I was fully aware of how amazing it was to be able to snuggle babies without worrying about camp.

I don't want camp to end, but I miss my life at home. I miss being able to see the babies regularly and so the end of the summer is bittersweet. Check out these adorable babies-

Perfect Week

This has been the perfect week. The kids were so fun, the programming was the best I've come up with yet, the counselors were engaged- I wanted to burst into tears of happiness multiple times this week. THIS week is what I dreamed about when I said I wanted to be a camp director. THIS week is what I think about when I imagine a perfect camp.

Counselors skipped their breaks so they could stay with their kids and be part of activities this week. Everyone- kids, counselors, lead staff- was completely wrapped into the experience of camp this week.

I am so sad it is over. I am so sad the summer is almost over. It has FLOWN by and it feels like a dream.

I am trying to appreciate every minute and soak it in. I don't want to waste any of the time we have by being sad about the end. The end isn't here yet.

Showing Off!

Because I love reality TV and all of our challenges are based on challenges I've seen on TV, we've been videotaping each challenge and making short youtube videos to show what we are doing. I have been emailing them to the camper parents, but also to a long list of my family and friends.

This morning, I got this email from a camp director friend of mine-

I’ve been showing my camp director the videos of your challenges this week. I really want him to see a well-run camp. I’m not sure if this is going to work out, but I was thinking of coming up either tonight or tomorrow morning just to see your last day of challenges. Would that be a total invasion of your camp?

Like me (and my other director friend from earlier this week), B was a YMCA Day Camp director who just took over a resident camp that has been mismanaged and was in poor shape. We had dinner a few times before camp and I gave her some of my programming and training pieces. She is experiencing several of the same challenges I went through but is hopeful about the potential of her camp.

I was thrilled to get her email- I'm not sure there is a greater compliment possible than her comments. I wrote back right away and said yes and then showed her email to A, m and K because I was so proud to have gotten it.

It feels like yesterday that I was new to this camp, pulling my hair out every other day at something else going wrong. Six years later, there are still challenges (there always will be), but so much has changed. The progress that I've made as a director and that camp has made is indescribable. There are few people who can possibly understand how drastically improved this camp is.

'B' is where I was 6 years ago and literally every story she tells, I can relate to 100%. It is such a weird feeling to be able to talk to her and feel like I am watching myself from the past. I am so excited for her because she is going to do such great things for her camp and hopefully, a few years from now, someone emails her to compliment her "well run camp."

She and her program director came to camp this evening and watched the challenge (this as the make up from yesterday's debacle). We set up a scene (it was a kayak with about 15 other items strategically on and around it). Campers had to look at the scene and then run back to their team and send them out to find those items around camp and then recreate the scene. We were sticklers for detail and it was a very fun and exciting challenge.

It was fun to watch them watch the challenge. I felt proud that they were impressed. Afterwards, we toured camp and once again, I felt so complimented as they asked to take photos of some of the areas of camp that they thought were cool or ideas they wanted to use for their camp. It feels like yesterday that I looked around at a dirty, disorganized camp and felt frustration, shame, and hopelessness at my pathetic little camp. To be able to walk around and "show off" my beautiful, organized camp felt good.

I listened to them talk about their camp and I just wanted to repeat, over and over and over, "yep! me too! it was like that here! YES! amen! I totally understand!!" I tried to hold back but it was amazing to be able to so strongly relate to someone else's experience.

For the second time this week, I was reminded, in a very powerful way, of how far we've come and what a wonderful camp this is. We can't give up on it.

I Didn't See That Coming

The challenge we planned for tonight was this-

We had four 50 gallon drums that we filled about 1/3 full of water. We tied ropes to them and then draped the rope over the soccer nets. The teams were going to have to pull the rope to life the buckets off the ground and hold it up for longer than the rest of the teams. While they held the buckets, three teammates would use smaller buckets to throw water into other the teams' buckets (making them heavier). We put two teams on each soccer goal.

I blew the whistle and watched two teams pull, lifting the buckets dramatically and then, in slow motion, the soccer nets simultaneously topple over, ripping enormous concrete footings out of the ground as they fell.

For a second, I stood there in shock and then I blew my whistle to halt the competition. M, A, K and I huddled together. I did not expect that. I did not have a back up.

After about 5 minutes of talking about other options while the teams loudly sang their cheers and relived the drama, I sent all the kids to the chapel to buy us some time.

We decided to quickly set up a balancing challenge we'd planned for the next day and by the time the kids were finished with chapel, we were ready for them.

The challenge was to balance a stack of dishes on top of a round cone. We announced each dish, one by one and whoever could make the tallest stack, would win. We did 4 rounds (three players from each team were in each round) and it was intense! It is amazing how exciting you can make something so simple as stacking up dishes, but we were all on the edge of our seats at the end.

When the second to last stack fell and the boy who had the tallest stack realized he'd won, the entire team of boys jumped in the air and then collapsed into each other in a pile of hugging, excited boys. You would have thought they won the World Series based on their reaction! It was amazing.

So in the end, tonight's activity was a success, despite our initial setback!

Being Away

Last night, the dogs and I left camp and headed home. This morning, I had to be a ACA visitor at a camp that is about 4.5 hours south of my camp, just 2 hours south of my house.

I have two entirely separate lives. I have my life at home and my life at camp. I love them both, but they are so different and it is so incredibly weird to switch back and forth. I had a difficult time pulling myself away from the fun of this week, but after being home for a few hours, relaxing with my boyfriend, I didn't want to go back.

Today, I visited a camp to re-accredit it for the American Camp Association. I am friends with the director. This is his second summer as the director of that camp. He was previously a YMCA Day Camp director like me and also like me, he came into the camp after the previous director had basically run it into the ground.

He and I had lunch when he started as the director and I gave him tons of programming and staff training materials. We talked after last summer and he'd had so many of the same challenges I'd had my first summer, so I was eager to see how he was doing the second year.

The camp was beautiful and I was a little awestruck. It was located in the bluffs and it was so picturesque that I was a little bit speechless. But as we toured, I started paying attention to the nooks and crannies and corners and I noticed that there were flaws and there was dirt and it wasn't perfect. And then I noticed that their arts and crafts area was just a little table in the corner of the basement of their dining hall. I noticed that their docks were old and crooked. I noticed that their bathrooms were dirtier than ours are! And I felt happy.

I wasn't being judgmental- I was not allowing myself to be blinded. Sometimes I am critical of my camp and sometimes I feel like we are so far behind other camps. It is easy to be blinded by a big climbing wall or gorgeous lakefront. But as I walked through I found myself thinking about my camp and how it was just as nice, maybe even nicer in some areas.

Last year and before coming to camp this year, I felt so hopeless. All I could see were the dirty nooks and crannies, not the beautiful parts of camp. But touring a beautiful camp that was so impressive and then comparing my camp and coming out ahead in some of the areas of comparison reminded me of how much I love this camp and how impressed I was when I first toured.

I don't want to give up. We have too much good to close the doors...

Reality TV

15 years of being obsessed with reality tv has inspired this week and I couldn't be more excited! A, K and I are all HUGE fans of the tv show Survivor and in May, when we were planning programming, we had so much fun talking about challenges that we could copy and use at camp. 

Yesterday we blew out eggs and then filled them with paint. When the counselors announced their cabins, they got to break the eggs to determine what color their team would be. And today, the challenge began.

The first challenge today went like this-

Cabins had to choose 2 campers to compete in each of the following challenges. The entire cabin had to travel as a group from challenge to challenge. Once a challenge was completed, the whole cabin could move on. The cabin to complete the course fastest would earn 100 points, second place= 75 points, third place= 50 points and for completing the challenge, the last team would earn 25 points. 

·     1.     Mud Pit- 2 campers must dig through the mud to find two puzzle pieces

2.    Boating Bay- two campers will canoe through the boating bay to retrieve two puzzle pieces floating in the boating bay

3.    Volleyball Court- 2 campers must dig through the sand to find two puzzle pieces

4.    Swim Beach- 2 campers must swim out to the floating dock to retrieve two puzzle pieces (only one camper per cabin can swim at a time)

5.    Knots- Two campers will untie a string of knots to release two puzzle pieces (this leg of the race will be located at the friendship circle)

6.    PUZZLE- One camper will assemble the puzzle while blindfolded. The second camper will be able to see and yell instructions at the blindfolded camper. No other campers are allowed to help! This leg of the race will be located at the field.

All of the cabins ended up at the puzzle (which was actually really difficult). The green team had been in last place the entire time, so when they finished the puzzle second, it was a genuinely exciting comeback. I found myself lost in the magic of the moment and jumped in the air with excitement when they won. I think it is going to be an intense week!

HOT Weather!

On Sunday, we planned an entirely new week of programming based on the expectation that it would rain every day.

I caved in and bought an $80 raincoat (I figured I would splurge since I work outside and it will get a lot of use).

It didn't rain a drop after Monday morning at breakfast. I think it is possible that for the rest of the summer and maybe for the rest of forever, it will not rain and I will have an $80 unwearable coat.

WORTH the money! I would spend ten times that amount to have a rain free summer.

Anyway, it didn't rain, but it was 90+ degrees every day. It was draining just walking from my house to the dining hall. We ended up swimming 3 times a day and then taking the hose out and spraying it into the air to let the kids run through it. I am sure that when the kids got home, all of their clothes were wet from the week.

Hot weather is preferable over rain though, so I'm not complaining.

This weekend, my mom, my aunt and my brother's mother in law are at camp. We have eaten lots of good food, gone out on the pontoon and tomorrow we are going out to breakfast. It has been a relaxing and wonderful visit. A great end to a great week!

Parent Feedback

This is the email that was waiting for me this morning-

I do not think anything could possibly warm a human heart more than a picture of a bunch of boys with big smiles playing in a mud pit.  You are a real treasure to these children and families from the good Lord!   Matthew talks of all his adventures at [camp] all year long!  You are creating so many special memories for these children that will last a lifetime.  Please know this family appreciates the efforts of you and yourself beyond words.  I cannot adequately express my appreciation to see the joy in Matthew's face given his daily struggles still with the loss of his father.  His father asked that I ensure he experience a happy childhood...thanks so much for helping me honor his final request.

This camp can't close. I am not sure how I will save it or what kind of fight I am in for, but I'm not giving up.

Cutest Camper of All Time

I have a lot of favorite campers, but this camper might just be my favorite of all time. On Tuesday, he brought be a letter and asked if I could email it to his mom. Parents can send one way emails to their campers through our registration system. We print them out every day and the kids get them at lunch. His mother had emailed and told him to have fun, be safe, get enough rest and make lots of friends. His response-

"Mom I will do that. Will you send 8 dollars for the next two days.
There is a really good thing."

He had started the week with $25 in his camp store account, but he went through it quickly. I told him I would email her and we would see what she said. I scanned his letter and emailed it to her. 

She emailed me back right away and told me that his letter had made her day and that she had put $16 into his account. 

I went to the camper and told him his mom had responded and we had the following conversation-

"She put $16 in your account."-me

"$16??!?!?" (absolutely dumbfounded)

"Yep, $16, she must really miss you." -me

"I just can't believe it. I mean, $16..." (shaking his head)

"Why are you so shocked?" -me

"I didn't want her to waste her money on me!"

"Well, maybe you can buy her a present with the extra money." -me

""That's what I wanted the $8 for!"

So cute. Just so cute.