"Scrambly"

I've been feeling really "scrambly" this summer. I asked Program Director S if she was feeling like we were running around, scrambling more than usual. She didn't think so. I was encouraged by that, but it didn't make me feel less scattered or anxious.

To be fair, the first week is always a little hectic. Staff are new and figuring out how everything works and we have new programming details to iron out. I made several changes to the schedule this year and on paper, everything was perfect. But when counselors led the activities, they found the flaws and we had to adjust. It was all minor and the new changes are a great improvement from last year, but I still felt a little out of sorts when we discovered the problems.

The second week of camp was worse because I was home for 4 days, alternating between hysterical crying over my dog and anxious pacing, stressing out over being away from camp. When I returned, I was happy to see everything was fine, but I felt totally "out of it" because I hadn't been present for anything.

Add to that my ongoing computer/internet/technological problems, which are so frustrating I want to scream. Also, I am relating more and more to senior citizens as I am left completely dumbfounded and unable to figure these crazy new-fangled things out.

This weekend was a nice break- we had both Saturday AND Sunday off because this week ahead is "sampler week" which is a shortened version of camp. But even with a break, I haven't been able to shake the feeling of needing to scramble around (even though I'm not sure to what I would be scrambling).

On Monday, I led a half day staff in-service. We went over activities and scheduling things they still had questions about. We talked about what was working and what wasn't. They did a really great team building exercise making videos around camp (a fun project for them and hopefully a useful tool for me in promotions). We also did several water safety drills, which always make me nervous because safety is so important. But they did very well and I was happy to see that they had improved since training.

I had packed more than I should have into the day, but everything went smoothly and we got through without going over the time limit. After training, I took S and A out to dinner for "lead staff" bonding. We went to the golf course (we've never been there) and while I generally think of this town as being a dirty little place filled with meth labs and poorly educated people lacking proper dental care, the restaurant was beautiful, had great food and it is possibly the first redeeming thing (besides camp) about this town.

And yet, I still feel agitated.

The week ahead is very low enrollment and many of the staff will be on "special projects" meaning that a long to do list of painting, cleaning, and random things we always mean to get to but don't, will be getting done. With fewer campers, I will have lots of time to sit in the office and answer long overdue emails, complete necessary paperwork that I've been avoiding and hopefully get myself mentally balanced. I desperately need to quiet my mind and find some contentment. Hopefully this is the week I can calm down...