Seriously?!?!...

11pm (Thursday night)- After a long day, I am finally getting in the shower. I can't even remember the last time I showered and I am breathing a sigh of relief when I hear my front door crash open and my name being yelled.

11:03- I turn off the shower and yell back, "Is someone looking for me?"

"Yes, please hurry, we need you in the main lodge."

UGH.

I dry off and put my sweaty clothes back on and hurry out to find Counselor B, slightly frantic. "Counselor Jn... prank... yelling... naked... upset... she needs you."

From what I was able to decipher, something went wrong in the prank Jn's cabin was trying to pull. Before heading to deal with the situation, I went next door to get S. With two cabins involved, this seemed like something I might need some extra assistance. Except that she was in the shower, so I had A come instead. Except that A has a tendency, in her 20 year old, first experience with power way, to get a little excited and react by screaming and being really impatient. I briefly considered waiting for S or making her get out of the shower, but I took my chances and hoped for the best.

I met with the girls in Jn's cabin and sent A to go get the boys they'd pranked. The girls' version went like this- they went to the boys cabin to hide and then jump out and scare them. When the boys discovered them, they started swearing and yelling and then threatened to take off their pants and "give the girls a show".

Jn, in her overly dramatic, way too intense way, made it way worse by screaming at the boys and riling up the girls. By the time I got to them, they were feeling like victims of a hate crime.

Ugh.

I talked with them for about 10 minutes, processing through their feelings and commending them on being mature and handling it well. I sent them to bed and headed upstairs to deal with the boys.

The boys' version was that they had no idea the girls were there and they were just innocently getting ready for bed. They were kind of a rough group who'd had some attitude and other issues through the week, so I was inclined to lean more towards the girls, but since none of the counselors had actually witnessed it, I never really got a clear answer. We talked about being good role models and appropriate behavior and blah blah blah... I just wanted to shower and go to bed.

I was super annoyed at all counselors involved and was doing my best to not take everyone aside and yell... like, really yell, a lot. E and Jo knew the prank was going to happen, knew their boys wouldn't react well, knew it was hysterical Jn's cabin and yet, did NOTHING to stop it. Apparently letting it play out and "seeing what would happen" seemed like the best option. They were quite a ways behind their boys on the way back to the cabin, meaning that they basically left the boys alone to go in and be surprised on their own.

One girl in Jn's cabin didn't participate, so despite 27 reasons not to (I could list them, but I won't), Jn stood outside the cabin, leaving her girls alone to pull this prank without any supervision.

I wanted to shake all of my staff. I was counting to 10 over and over and taking deep breaths, imagining margaritas and trying to get to a "happy place". Eventually I sent them to bed too since there was really nothing I could do without a clear story.

This morning I met with both groups and there was a mutual apology and agreement to put it behind us and blah blah blah, I might need to start carrying a flask in my fanny pack.

I decided that when this story was retold by the 12 year olds involved, swearing, nudity, etc was going to translate far more dramatic than it actually was and I should probably send a letter to the parents, letting them know I'd dealt with it and no one was the victim of indecent exposure.

As I sat down to write this letter (did I mention one of the groups included a board member's kid? Ugh!!!!), I got a call from Business Manager J, who was on her way up to camp from the city. Apparently the main highway leading to camp was literally being closed behind her (in both directions). I sent out a quick email alerting parents, but when 10 "out of the office" replies came back to me, I decided we needed to call them so as to avoid late, crabby parents and a delayed Parent Day.

With Closing Camper Ceremony supposed to have started 3 minutes earlier, I typed a script, showed A how to look up phone numbers, handed a Junior Counselor my cell phone and rushed off to closing. On a positive note, between S, A and two junior counselors, they called all of the parents by the time I was done with the ceremony and I didn't have to deal with it.

I went back to typing my letter, but J arrived and wanted to explain every piece of paperwork she'd brought, while simultaneously proofreading my letter, while telling 8 stories, while touching everything on my desk. The dogs were playing, loudly, in the middle of the office, as these bulldogs do regularly, so J kept getting louder to be heard over the barking and crashing. It was ridiculous and my head was starting to spin. Nurse J, S, A and I listened and followed along with her multiple trains of thought until a ROAR from overhead sent all of us rushing outside.

A giant helicopter was circling camp. It was so close that we could see someone lean out and wave at us. 8 times. That's how many times it buzzed by. Super cool the first time around, but by the end, I was just annoyed at the noise. At that point I was thinking, "is this day for real?!"

Still working on my letter, an email popped up from my brother. My stove and my dishwasher are both currently broken... I'm not sure how that happened, and I'm hoping "service plus" (which I pay an additional fee to my electricity company each month to have free service on my appliances) can fix both without any major cost or the need to replace them. Probably not a big deal, except that the timing was such that I finally threw my hands in the air and thought, "I give up!"

In the end, I finished the letter and, while purposely vague, did a good job of sounding professional, serious and business-y. Several parents came up to me after Parent Day to thank me for calling and helping them avoid the construction. Kids were sad to leave and vowed they'd be back next year, and I managed to avoid raising my voice at any staff. All in all, I'd call it a success.

Fight It or Just Flow With It

We spent yesterday fighting the rain. We rearranged the schedule, attempting to keep as many activities normal as was possible. In between programming, we rushed from building to building, covering our heads and complaining about wet feet. Our rain coats were no match for the downpour and everyone was damp, miserable and going stir crazy from being inside all day.

Activity period 2 was ending and I was listening to several kids complain about being stuck inside while attempting to rearrange period 3. Except that period 3 activities were swimming, archery, sports, fishing and drama. Which meant that approximately 70 of the 80 kids were supposed to be outside and pretty much everyone at camp was going to need to be re-programmed.

I felt a moment of utter desperation, defeat and briefly considered running and hiding. And then I felt something give in. At first I thought maybe the storm had pushed me over the edge and broke my spirit. But then I felt peaceful and realized that I wasn't going to fight anymore because it was a losing battle.

I put a few staff in charge of killing 10 minutes with songs, grabbed S & A and ran to the Welcome Center to make some high speed plans. 7 minutes later, S and I rushed back in to make the announcement, while A headed up to the dining hall to work on part 2.

"Are you bummed about the rain?!?" I asked.

Moans and groans from the crowd (campers AND staff)

I look at S with excitement (I am an amazing actress) and say, "we were too until we realized what the rain means! I've been at camp ans S has been here even longer and this has only happened a few times". I'm practically whispering, kids and staff are captivated, totally unsure of where I'm going with this, literally leaning in to hear what I'm saying.

"It is one of the oldest and most exciting traditions of this camp, but it only happens every few years." I'm totally making this up on the spot as I go...

"The Camp rain dance is one of the best and most privileged opportunities campers have. And when we realized it was rainy enough to do today, well, you can understand why we are so excited..." S looks ready to burst with excitement (she's also awesome at acting) and takes over the directions.

"I've been here a LONG time, but I've never been allowed to lead this, so today is extra special for me. So here's what you are going to do..."

At this point, she tells the kids that we are going out in the rain and to take off their shoes. If they didn't want to get wet, they could stay inside. But everyone else was going to get soaking wet, as wet as possible (otherwise it wouldn't be the correct way of doing it) and go through the ceremony.

77 campers and 18 staff crammed into a tiny room in the main lodge began tearing off shoes and talking wildly. In the 7 minutes of planning S and I had put into this "tradition" when we'd gotten to the part where we take them all outside, we couldn't think of anything, so we agreed we'd just improvise.

And so S ran to the field with a line of campers and staff following her. She threw her hands in the air, jumped, skilled, clapped, leaped, twirled and the whole line of people followed her lead. The rain was gushing, even my shower doesn't pour out that much water pressure. Everyone was instantly soaked, but it was a warm rain and no one seemed to mind. After a few laps around the field, we made a big circle and danced, cheered, bounced around and opened our mouths to drink as much rain as we could.

I talk about the magic of camp all the time. Every day is fun- kids are hilarious, staff creative, there's always something spontaneous and surprising. But there are moments when the power of that magic nearly knocks me over. I looked around at 100 people, kids and staff all blended into one group, every single person wrapped into the moment, soaking wet, arms up as they danced and screamed and bounced and laughed, their faces glowing with joy and the happiness just bursting out of them.

I was sick of planning activities and too tired to come up with anything else so in 7 minutes, concocted a story that, by the end, even the oldest campers were agreeing that they'd heard of the tradition and knew what we were talking about. From that we created an energy that took over in just a few seconds. It enveloped every single one of us and in that moment, we had an experience that was powerful and memorable.

Once everyone was completely drenched, but before anyone could get cold, whinny or struck by the lightening that was beginning, we led everyone inside where A was waiting with hot chocolate. We put on a staff show, complete with comedy improv, skits and stories that lasted until dinner. By the time dinner rolled around, I knew we'd made it. Everything else for the night was organized and planned (and indoors). Another successful day of camp.......

Sick Dog, Rainy Day, Kill Me Now...

In the past, I have claimed that even the worst day of camp is an AMAZING day by comparison to a non-camp day. I've claimed I would do this job even if I won the lottery and never had to work again or if they stopped paying me and I had to volunteer. Yeah, I love camp, but today I am having a difficult time having those same warm feelings. I keep imagining running away and never thinking about the woods again.

Griffin is sick again. He started vomiting on Sunday (always Sundays, never a day when my vet is open for phone calls) but seemed to get better throughout the day. Monday I called the vet first thing in the morning and left a message asking for more antibiotics, and then spent the day waiting as Griffin got worse and worse. By the time the vet called me back at 7pm, I had kicked into puppy crisis mode, using a plastic syringe to force tiny bits of pedia-lyte into his mouth to prevent dehydration, begging him to stay strong. This morning, I woke up at 6 am to him vomiting all over my bed (becoming a more common occurrence than I would like) and I knew we were verging on a trip to the emergency vet.

Did I mention that also upon waking up, besides vomit, there was rain pouring in my window and thunder clapping outside? All I could think was, "this is going to be an interesting day." 80 kids, 20 staff, pouring rain, Program Director S was gone at a job interview, Assistant Program Director A has been having some issues with patience (in that she snaps everyone's head off) so I managed to re-arrange the schedule, encourage everyone, be upbeat, keep A from yelling at anyone and then rush off to the pharmacy in between severe downpours.

I spent the entire day expecting the rain to stop (we never have rain last the WHOLE day), revising the schedule every few hours, creating fun indoor programming for crabby staff and bummed out kids, all while running back to my house every hour to a dog that was not moving except to shiver, not opening his eyes, and who sounded like he was breathing through a sponge. Also, because it was pouring, Olivia hadn't had a ball all day and was screeching, throwing her body against the ground and going on and on as if she were being held hostage.

I knew Griffin was really sick when he refused to eat the tiny bit of cheese I'd wrapped his pill in. He hadn't kept any food down for two days but cheese is his favorite thing. He also refused lunchmeat, so I decided just to take advantage of his weakness, open up his jaw, put the pill in his mouth and put a little liquid in so he would swallow.

By 6pm, he still hadn't moved or eaten, but when I attempted to give him some hamburger and rice, he ate tiny bits out of my hand. So I spent nearly 30 minutes feeding him a pinch at a time. It was still raining and I was physically, emotionally and mentally drained. At dinner, I announced that we would swap the campfire and the dance party, so as I sat feeding my helpless little dog, I tried to mentally pump myself up to go dance with a bunch of wound up children, when all I really wanted to do was cuddle my dog and possibly burst into tears.

The dance was fine but by the end I felt nearly drugged I was so out of it. However, when I returned to the cabin, Griffin was up and walking around and he was starving. He ate two big bowls of burger and rice, drank some water, took his second dose of medication and I breathed a sigh of relief that we'd all made it through a very long, wet, stressful day.

Weekend

My best friend X came to visit camp last Wednesday and stayed until Saturday afternoon. She has come for a week the past two years, so she knows camp well and it was fun to show off the changes and hear her perspective on schedules, staff and other random things that came up.

On Friday, my brother and roommate H came up to camp and along with X, we all hung out, went out on the boat, went to the winery and relaxed. The majority of the staff had gone home or off camp for the weekend, so it was like a vacation without actually leaving.

My boyfriend was out of town this weekend, next weekend I have a staff in-service and so I won't see him for several weeks in a row. I haven't seen my mom for several weeks either. The combination of seeing X and the roomies and not seeing my bf and mom is making me homesick.

Also, my dog Griffin was sick again this weekend, several staff are having conflicts and I'm just exhausted. All of those things are making me want to curl up into a ball and sleep for a week. I don't know if I am ready for the second biggest week of the summer.

All of that said though, when the campers began arriving today, there were SEVERAL repeat campers who I knew by name and who recognized me. Several parents as well. It is so wonderful to finally have these relationships with families. I worked at the same day camp for 6 years and by the time I left, I had watched several kids grow up. I knew their families, siblings and it was so fun to welcome them each year, excited to see them and knowing they were excited to see me. It's taken a few years to build, but this week in particular I have felt that connection very strongly. It has been helping me stay motivated and excited, despite being exhausted!

ACA

The American Camping Association is an organization that many camps belong to. Being certified by the ACA means that a camp follows the safety and organizational standards they have laid out. Camps get re-certified every 3 years. There are 10 different categories (programming, site and food, human resources, operational management, etc), each of which have about 30 individual standards that camps must follow. During re-certification, camps must put together written documentation of policies and then pass a physical inspection where visitors come out and see camp in action.

We are being re-accredited this summer and I have been working on the paperwork since March. 3 years ago, we passed and the paperwork was flawless. Unfortunately it was mostly smoke and mirrors as none of the beautifully written policies were actually put into a handbook or used. Program Director S was here for that and she said, "oh, I remember that day very clearly. Everyone was running around, hanging up rule signs and making camp look like it matched all of the standards." I have no idea why they would go to the trouble of doing that but not actually implement anything, but I've spent 3 years cleaning up the mess, so I know that's the situation.

The visit went well. Standards are weighed differently and the visitors don't know what the point system is, nor can they officially tell you if you passed. So technically I won't know our score until September. However, we got ALL yeses, so I know that we got 100% and passed!

Even more importantly, I know that we didn't make anything up and we are running according to the standards. The visitors were complimentary of camp and I am very proud of the product we are putting out!

Homesickness- Step By Step

We have an epidemic on our hands this week and it is spreading, infecting kid after kid... HOMESICKNESS.

We are in week 6 and so far, we've only had a few cases. None have been serious enough to require a visit to my office or a phone call home. But today, I called 4 parents and have plans to call another first thing tomorrow morning. The kids are from several cabins, different ages, female and male, new campers and returners... there doesn't appear to be a pattern or any way of predicting who is going to get hit next.

I have a very well planned strategy that is nearly almost always successful in dealing with this situation. When I was a camper, I was SUPER homesick- should have been sent home because there was no hope for me- level homesick. So I can totally relate and I have a special place in my heart for these campers.

Step one- calm them down, make them stop crying by asking lots of questions about their activities, what they are excited for, their pets, anything. Olivia and Griffin are also helpful in the distraction phase of the plan.

Step two- set small goals to break their day and week into manageable parts. Almost always, homesick kids are exhausted, so usually their first goal is to go to the health center and sleep for at least and hour. They don't have to focus on anything else except that. They usually agree to do that, regardless of how hysterical or adamant they are about going home.

Step three- while they sleep, I call mom or dad. I explain the situation and let them know that while I don't usually encourage kids to speak with their parents (even happy kids can turn hysterical if they hear a parent's voice), I like to keep them involved. In my experience, a parent's greatest fear is that their kid is miserable in some way and no one is paying attention and that at the end of the week, they will find out their child has been tortured the whole time. So I am very clear with parents that no news is good news but they will hear from me right away if something is wrong.

Step four- coach the parents. Sometimes a nap and being distracted can make homesickness go away. But if it continues and the child is demanding to be sent home, a call to the parents can help. Calls can go one of two ways. If a parent says, "try it out, but if you hate it, I will come and get you" there is little hope for that child. The child will know they have an "out" and they will not even attempt to make it at camp. The other option is if the parent says, "we're proud of you, you can do this, if you make it, you can have a reward at the end of the week, and [most importantly] there's no way we are coming to get you". 99% of the time, the child will be HYSTERICAL on the phone, begging, crying, screaming that they miss their parents, feel like they will die at camp and saying things like, "if you loved me, you would save me" and then, once parents put their foot down, 5 minutes after hanging up the phone, will be totally fine, laughing and having fun. Once they realize they are stuck there, they make the best of the situation.

I tell parents the two options. I assure them that while it is difficult to hear their child so upset, it is the best option. I also let them know that I will continue to call them with updates and if the child doesn't improve, I will let them know.

Step five- after the nap or short activity the camper has made it through in step 2 hasn't worked at distracting them, I usually make a new goal. The goal today was that they had to go to their activities and not cry until noon. At noon, we would meet again and if they needed to, they could call their parents at that time.

Step six- if being active and engaged in activities still hasn't snapped them out of it, it's time to actually call home.

All 4 parents I spoke with today were receptive. They thanked me for my call and appreciated being informed and said that if I called back, they would be prepared to be firm. When I called later, they talked to their HYSTERICAL children following my advice, even though I'm sure it was difficult.

Step seven- success (usually). All four kids, 5 minutes after they sobbed, begged and told their parents they were never going to make it, went off to their activities, bouncing and laughing and as happy as any camper you've ever seen. I actually considered video taping them and emailing their parents so they could see the miraculous recovery. It almost always happens like that and yet, I am always slightly amazed.

Step eight- follow up. I always tell parents that if, after talking on the phone, their child doesn't improve, I will call back and we can figure out the next step, but otherwise, I will call in the morning to let them know everything is fine. No news is always good news.

If they can make it through one bad day of homesickness, they will be fine the rest of the week. They are only at camp until Friday, and it's already almost Tuesday, so hopefully we won't have any more issues with those four, and hopefully the epidemic will stop spreading!

How Old Am I Again?

This weekend my entire staff left camp (the majority of them went to a Christian music festival 3 hours away in Program Director S's hometown). Ordinarily I try not to leave camp, but since they were all gone, I figured it would be fine. I went home to hang out with the BF.

On Friday night, we went out to dinner and then went over to one of his friend's houses. I was EXHAUSTED after a full day of camp and a long drive. I wanted to be in bed at 8:30, not socializing, but I went anyway. We hung out, had a few drinks and chatted.

There were two main topics of conversation of the night- the first was how much they all hate their jobs and wish they could go back to college. They probably earn twice what I do and when they leave for the day, they are done. I envy that part of their lives, but I can't imagine going on, day after day, and not loving what you do. While they lamented how awful working was, I couldn't stop thinking that I would do my job for free and that, while socializing with all of them was fine, I actually wished I was back at camp (my job).

The second topic of conversation was about their weekend adventures. As I was sitting there listening, I couldn't help but wonder about the safety of the van load of 19 year olds I'd sent off earlier in the day. I was thinking about how I hoped the 17 acres of property and 25 buildings I am responsible for were all okay without anyone there to keep watch. I was thinking about the hundreds of tiny humans I am responsible for keeping alive each week.

This is my dream job and I am honored to be responsible for all of the aspects of camp that require my care and attention. But because it is my dream job and the most important part of my life, the pressure to make sure it is safe is immense. I don't have a boss. There is no one else who I can defer to when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I have a board of directors, but their attention comes and goes, depending on what's happening in their own lives. And really, none of them know much about camp, so they aren't usually a source for advice or support.

At 28, I never imagined I would have this much responsibility and listening to BF's friends talk about their lives, I couldn't help but feel incredibly old. While they were texting other friends to come out and party, I was texting my staff, making sure that they weren't out in severe weather. Because while my staff are legal adults, their safety this summer is my responsibility. I worry about them driving, whether they will make the right choices. I was worried about Counselor A who is taking medication for an allergic reaction; Counselor N who is stressed out about her sick Grandma; Counselor J who is deathly afraid of storms... the list goes on and on.

On Saturday, BF and I went to a fundraiser one of my brother's friends hosted at a local bar. I was planning on having a few drinks and then heading home. I'm not sure at what point a few beers turned into 4 shots of tequila (about 3 1/2 too many for a 130 pound girl) and MANY beers, but that's what happened. I don't drink often and getting completely crazy only happens once every few months.

When I woke up Sunday morning, I couldn't walk or even stand. I was dizzy, sick, still wearing the same dress from the night before, and I had vomit in my hair. When I arrived home from BF's house, I was carrying my shoes, hunched over in agony and, as best summed up by my brother, "a hot mess". I felt like a freshman in college who makes terrible choices and needs to grow up and learn to drink socially.

I had warned my staff several times that they had to be on time and READY for the 1pm meeting on Sunday. I reminded them to get some rest over the weekend so they would be ready for the week.

I had to leave my house no later than 10:30 to make it back to camp in time. I had hoped to leave earlier, stop at the bank, get back to camp early and set up for the meeting. Showering, getting dressed and loading 100 pounds of squirming bulldogs into the car required more effort and breaks than I have ever put into anything. I managed to drive away by 10:35, but I felt like I was going to DIE.

A half hour into the drive, I had to pull over to put my head down and will myself not to be sick. An hour into the drive, as I drove past the exit for my mom's house, I realized that I was so dizzy and shaky (lack of food and water) that I wasn't safe to be on the road. I detoured to her house where I collapsed on the couch. I managed to eat a piece of bread and drink some water and then took a 45 minute nap. I knew I wasn't going to make it to camp in time, but I also knew that I wasn't going to make it safely if I didn't stop.

I called S & A and let them know I was sick. "Food poisoning" from the night before. I was on my way, but the drive was going slowly and they would need to do the meeting without me. When I finally arrived at camp (2:30pm), everyone was so nice, felt bad for me, and of course urged me to take it easy. I felt guilty for lying to them, especially since they were SO supportive, but I wasn't about to let them know what I'd done.

I was completely disgusted with myself. I am WAY past making bad choices and letting them get in the way of my responsibilities. Everything ended well. Camp can run without me supervising every minute and every detail and my hangover eventually went away and I went back to healthy, happy camp director.

A weekend of feeling really old and then very young, I'm not sure what "normal" 28 year olds feel like, but it was a strange combination...

Mean Girls

Counselor J is hilarious, has a strong desire to succeed at this job, works hard and is wonderful with the youngest campers. She's a bit awkward, but most camp people are, so that's part of what makes her awesome.

Counselors rotate between age groups and switch co-counselors. It helps prevent burnout, gives them the chance to learn and try new things. But sometimes it leads to hysterical sobbing...

This week Counselor J is with the oldest group of girls. She and her "co" Counselor D have 7 girls, all 14-15 years old. They all go to school together and are "BFF". When they arrived at camp, I made all 7 of them change their clothes. I am usually pretty lenient, but I have underwear bigger than the shorts they were wearing! They all brought their hair product and eye liner. They are the stereotypical pretty, popular, mean girls.

Girls can be awful. And every adult woman, whether you were popular and confident or not at all, has had an experience with mean girls. Everyone has felt judged, not good enough, left out... As a 19 year old, Counselor J is not yet far enough removed from those negative experiences and I was worried for her on Sunday when she called off that list of girls.

She made it until last night at the campfire. But they were laughing at her, making fun of her, and being disrespectful. She came and asked me if I could talk to them about respect and I could see she was really upset. I brought everyone together and we had a good conversation. They didn't necessarily agree that they were doing anything wrong, but it was a good start. I sent them back to their cabin to get sweatshirts and kept both counselors to talk more.

As soon as the girls were out of sight, J burst into tears. She felt like they hated her, felt like a terrible counselor, felt like she didn't know how to work with them. "Those girls are the same type of girls who made my life hell in high school and I can't even look at them. I can't find anything good about them and I feel like I'm back there all over again. I just want to go home."

She was sobbing.

Counselor D and I calmed her down, talked about how 15 year olds judge people on their looks and this is a good chance for them to develop relationships where it isn't based on the superficial and maybe they will go back to school and be kinder. We talked about how there are no bad kids, and that, like we said in training, when kids misbehave, they are doing their job as kids. They are testing their limits, learning right from wrong and doing exactly what kids do. So behavior isn't an obstacle, but an opportunity for us to help them learn and grow. These girls are doing what 15 year old girls do. And so this is our opportunity to help them gain perspective.

She needs to develop a tougher skin, but it's difficult to do. We want to be adored by every kid we work with. But the truth is, sometimes you have to enforce rules or tell kids "no" and they don't like that. I've been told I'm no fun or downright evil more than once.

I gave her the following example to try to help her- I wear a fanny pack and a glittery cell phone holder (a wonderful gift from my bff!). I talk endlessly about safety and good choices. I make people change their clothes into more modest outfits. It's all part of my job. But in real life, I'm 28. I don't wear a fanny pack when I go out. I have short clothing and I don't monitor my friend's safety.

Some counselors love me, some hate me. It's okay either way. Because, while a lot of who I am in my personal life is the same as when I am here, the truth is, none of the staff really know me as a person. They know me as the director who is responsible for everything. So if you hate me, it's okay, because you hate Camp Director, not me as an individual. I'm doing my job to the best of my ability and you don't always have to like it or even agree with it.

We talk a lot in training about "counselor face" and staying focused on kids, regardless of how you are feeling. It's like at Disney World- you never see Mickey Mouse with his head off. That would take away the magic. At camp, yes, you bring yourself into your work as a counselor, but they should never see you without your counselor face. No, you aren't always going to be excited about archery, singing songs and corn dogs for lunch, but the kids don't need to know that.

So when they look at you and roll their eyes and tell you that you are lame- smile, nod, ignore it, repeat your request for them to get in line and know in your heart that regardless of what they think, you are doing your job, you are great and you don't need approval from 15 year olds.

She eventually stopped crying and went back to her group. This morning I checked in with her and things were going much better. I spoke with the girls in the afternoon and they told me that they like her and they are having fun. I'm hoping that's they last of the drama for the week!

New Eyes

The main building at camp is the bane of my existence. The kitchen and dining hall are upstairs and the lower level are the staff bathrooms, camper bathrooms and showers and a big open area that is "general purpose".

When I think of that building, I shudder. I feel apprehension and dread before I enter the building.

My first year of camp, the Director had not hired a cleaning crew in order to save money. Each night, 30-40 kids would go through each bathroom, brushing their teeth, and showering. By the last kids, the floor would be covered in mud, paper towels, clumps of hair, and piles of paper towels. I remember walking into the bathroom, girls refusing to shower because the stalls were so filthy. I would kneel down and scoop piles of mud and yuck out of the shower with my hands in order to make it possible for them to stand in it. I stayed up late, night after night, exhausted, but doing my best to sweep, pick up garbage, get it to a basic level of functioning. Each weekend, once the kids left, my staff and I would spend hours cleaning. It was miserable, and while they were good sports about it, exhausted 19 year olds cleaning for hours is the most awful thing I've ever been part of.

Every time I walked into that building the first year, I felt overwhelmed and crushed by the magnitude of the mess. No matter how much work I put into it, there was nothing I could do. Likewise, the kitchen was filthy, the whole dining hall smelled funny and the bathrooms upstairs were filthy. The whole building was a disaster. I was embarrassed, frustrated and I didn't know what to do.

Last year I had the volunteer work crew cleaning and they did a pretty decent job of keeping it clean. I still felt overwhelmed and frustrated by how much of a mess the building was, but it was slightly better.

This year I hired a woman to clean for 30 hours a week. She is magical. I have not witnessed her cleaning, but somehow she got the dark orange, iron stained showers to be white, gleaming white. And every time I walk into the bathroom, it smells refreshingly clean, like lemons and rain.

This morning, the county inspector came to camp to test the water. I had to walk him around camp to several different locations. When we walked into the lower level of the lodge, he said, "wow! this is such a cool place." I thanked him and then I had a nearly out of body experience.

When I walked in, I felt the same sinking feelings of dread and stress that I have felt for the past three years. But when he said that, all of a sudden it was as if I was looking at it for the first time. I looked at the "shoe zone" which is an area we have designated for kids to leave their shoes so as to avoid the mud created by dirty shoes + wet floors. We have big, brightly colored shoe outlines decorating the wall and cubbies to store their shoes. Off to the left of that is the "chill zone". Rows of book shelves filled with fun kids books and games, surrounded by bright pictures and signs. The area is marked off by a bright outline with colorful footprints, has a nice carpet for kids to sit on, bright bean bag chairs and big pillows and Christmas lights decorating the ceiling.

The lockers are decorated by bright signs with camper names, and everywhere you look is well swept, organized, neat and looks like an inviting place for kids to hang out. It took us three years, but it's a whole new place. As I looked around, I thought, "whoa! He's right, this place is awesome! Why do I still feel stressed out?" I think I have post traumatic stress disorder from my first summer at camp.

When we walked upstairs to the dining hall, the light way pouring through the skylights in such a way that the whole room was glowing. The big colorful prayer signs were bright and made the whole room colorful. It smelled like cookies and it was spotless and clean. My cook this year is also magical and the kitchen is the most spotless, organized place I have ever seen.

As we walked through the building, I was in awe and it was like the first time I'd ever been there. This camp is becoming the camp I have dreamed about and believed it could be. I feel very proud and very hopeful for the future to come.

Real Job

When I started working at camp 11 years ago it was mostly because I would be able to work on my tan, but also because kids are cute and hanging out with a bunch of them seemed like an easy job. Singing songs, playing games, swimming... none of that seemed like a "real job" and thus, it was the perfect summer plan.

What they don't tell you is that managing a group of children requires an immense amount of organizational skills, the ability to multi-task, pay close attention to detail, maintain professionalism at all times (despite utter exhaustion), think on your feet, be flexible... the list could go on for pages and pages. Yes, there are lots of silly songs and fun games, but working at camp is the best place to learn real life skills that are applicable to any job that you go on to have.

As we begin our 4th week of campers (5th week being at camp), staff are realizing that this isn't just a summer of fun in the sun, but rather the ultimate lesson in professionalism.

If, for instance, you are an 18 year old junior counselor and you tell the 50 year old Health Director what's on your mind, complete with the "talk to the hand" and hair flip/walk away move, you will get a 10pm sit down with the Director for a discussion on communication and also a lesson on hierarchy.

If, for instance, you turn in your weekly paperwork and it is not done correctly, the Program Director will hand it back and expect it to be re-done... it doesn't matter that it's break time.

If, for instance, you request to lead a different activity than what is scheduled, because you "don't wanna do that activity" you will learn that, "thank you for sharing your feelings on this subject but you have to do what is scheduled" is code for, "suck it up and do what I say because I was working on schedules until 11pm last night and I don't care what activities you like- you aren't a camper."

There are times when I want to shake my staff, but mostly, I hope that this summer helps them grow professionally and prepare for a future career. And so this week is mid summer staff reviews. At the end of last week I handed out forms they had to fill out. I filled out the same forms and throughout the week, I will meet with each staff member and go over what we've both written. It is a great opportunity to check in, affirm their strengths and give them direction on what to improve. It is also good because it gives them a list of "real world" skills that they can use on a resume to explain their experience at camp. Also, this is the first time many of them have been through a review so it is good experience.

Despite my repeatedly telling them it would be painless and a good experience, the buzz around camp is that some people are desperately nervous. The second meeting I had today began with Counselor B bursting into tears, telling me she had been on the phone with her mom earlier in the week, crying because she was so nervous for this review. She is a very strong counselor and had a great review, but she'd had some previous bad boss experiences and is thus absolutely terrified of me. My hope for her this summer is that her confidence will grow and she will stop cowering whenever I walk by.

Ranting

I'm a pretty awesome boss. I'm super encouraging, give constant positive feedback. I push my staff to be creative, let their light shine, focus on their strengths. I genuinely care about their personal development and put a great deal of effort into professional guidance, as well as providing emotional support.

And despite the fact that sometimes I'm exhausted and don't want to deal with them, or I think they are being whinny, annoying or out of touch with the reality of what it means to be an employee, I am always very kind, patient and professional.

In exchange for being a rockin' boss, I expect that they are all going to do what they are supposed to do and limit the number of really dumb things they do to a minimum. And when they don't, I call my best friend X to vent and then take to my blog to rip them apart (completely anonymously of course).

Scene- 8:30pm. I'm on the way to supervise nighttime stuff.

Counselor K- "Can I talk to you about the July 31 in-service? I have a wedding that day and can't go."

me- "It's mandatory. What time is the wedding?"

K- "I'd need to leave the night before."

me- "Sorry, not possible."

The look on his face was something I would expect if I had personally insulted his grandmother or possibly made an inappropriate comment about kittens.

Operation Purple is a program that we have been accepted to for the second summer in a row. I realized recently that the money we take in from being part of the program is literally 1/5 of our operating budget. It is a SIGNIFICANT program- as in, saving this camp from closing, level of importance. Because of that, it is crucial that the week goes well. The activities, schedule, mission, everything is different. Also, because there are nearly twice the usual number of kids, it is important to prepare the staff for a high level of stress and exhaustion. The inservice is mandatory because I will be spending the day doing all of those things.

Before staff are hired, I mention that they need to be available for that week. If they are not, they don't get hired- it doesn't matter how wonderful they are.

When staff receive their new-hire paperwork packet, they receive a calendar of important dates, with that date clearly marked and also ***MANDATORY ALL STAFF IN SERVICE*** in bold.

At staff training, when we cover policies and handbook information, that date is covered in details. I also remind them a MILLION times to turn in their form with any dates they need off for the summer because, as I remind them, if they don't turn that in, they can't being it up later.

At the last mandatory all staff in service, we mentioned the July 31 date.

"I didn't know about it." -K

I have a pretty expressive face and sometimes lose control of it when I am surprised or annoyed, so I am sure that my face accurately conveyed, "like hell you didn't know." I patiently went over the list above, reminding him that I had mentioned it previously.

"I think it's unfair that Assistant Program Director A didn't have to come to the last mandatory in service." -K

LOL, do you think this is a democracy?!?! Fair?!? Um... okay...

What I actually said was, "She is a Lead Staff and helped plan that training, so it was okay for her to miss it. Lead Staff have different expectations and also different levels of responsibility. That is unrelated, so just worry about yourself. Also, that in service was mandatory, but not nearly as important as this one. This is non-negotiable.

"These are my best friends." -K

He's not actually in the wedding, and it wasn't important enough to mention earlier than 2 weeks before, but I'm sure it is important. I wanted to roll my eyes, but instead, I just stared back at his outraged face and said, "I don't know what to tell ya. In other jobs you have, you might have to work shifts that you don't want to. 'Requests' for time off are not always granted. I know you're bummed, I'm sorry. But you knew about this. I didn't hire anyone who couldn't work during that time. I like you, I want you here, but if I had known you couldn't work on that date, I wouldn't have hired you. You can't take that day off."

I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm evil.

I felt a little evil. I hate being a mean boss. But I put a lot of work into making sure they have all of the information up front and I make decisions based on facts, being consistent and fairness. So I'm not evil, he's just not doing what he's supposed to do.

I have a feeling I might hear from his mom later this week, I don't think this is quite over yet...

In Between

The BF was here this weekend. It was wonderful, he is wonderful. But it was difficult too.

I have 18 staff between the ages of 19-22 years old. They are filled with energy, angst, questions, ideas and overall are a needy bunch. Working at camp is a journey for them- they are away from their friends and families, working with kids 22 hours a day, having their patience tested, being challenged, and learning constantly. It's exhausting, exciting, overwhelming.

This job is life changing for them and I am honored to be part of that experience in their lives. Kids are the reason we are here, but the most meaningful part of my job is the effect that it has on the staff. Supporting them is the biggest responsibility I have throughout the summer. It is not just important for their own development, but it is also necessary for the good of camp to have them happy, healthy, energetic and focused.

From the moment I wake up in the morning, my front door is wide open. Every staff meeting, I remind them that if they need something, no matter what time of day, that they can come to me, even wake me up if necessary. And so they do. And I am happy to be here for them. I'm only 10 years older than them, but I feel very parental towards them. I want them to succeed and I feel great pride when they do. And so when they come to me to share their excitement and happiness, it makes me very happy.

The whole group went to the county fair on Friday night and when they returned, 6 excited, loud, happy 19 year olds showed up on my door, excited to tell me about the adventures from their night. BF and I were watching a movie and when their faces appeared in the window of the door, I paused the tv and waved them in. Talking all at once, interrupting each other, laughing, going on and on, I did my standard- smile, nod, listen and repeat, "awesome, I'm so glad you had fun." I know that BF had zero desire to hear them go on and on, and I appreciated his patience. But I felt so stressed out. I wanted to be present for my staff, but also considerate to my boyfriend. He understands that my job is 24/7 during the summer, but I know it's difficult for him too.

Early this morning, one of the counselors woke up with an allergic reaction to something. She wasn't sure what was wrong, but her body was covered in hives and her fingers were so swollen, the nurse eventually used a wire cutter to cut off her rings.

I had woken up early to let the dogs outside and then left the door open when I went back to bed. Nurse J came to my house (looking for a wire cutter and benedryl- the health center's was missing). She called for me, but I was deeply asleep and didn't hear her. She went to Program Director S instead who was able to find her everything she needed.

When I heard about all of that after the fact, I felt terrible- I should have been available. I worry that they didn't attempt to wake me because BF was visiting for the weekend and they didn't want to bother me. BF was encouraging- clearly they had taken care of it without needing me and everything was fine. But it is a difficult transition for me to not be involved in every detail of camp.

Jello!

We didn't have the jello fight on the schedule, it was a last minute idea from S & A. None of the staff or campers were expecting it. We decided that instead of just announcing it, we would have to make a production out of it.

Last night, after the kids went to sleep, we snuck into the kitchen and borrowed one of the 6 foot tall pan racks. We wrapped it in big paper and then cut up a cardboard box to make flaps on the top of it. We made an address label, giant stamp (with post mark), and then put cones around it to prevent curious campers from attempting to "open" the "box".

This morning, S & A got to breakfast first and made a big production of being surprised. They shouted and threw their hands in the air and demanded to know what was going on. "Where is Camp Director?!?!?" I was standing outside listening for my cue.

I marched in, yelling at the top of my lungs, "What is going on in here?! Why are they calling for me? Do you know what is going on? What's going on??" I was power walking in between tables, asking all of the campers what was going on. They were all pointing to the giant box in the corner. When I finally got to it, I started shouting again, "what is this??? Why is it here?!?!?"

S suggested I open it and so I climbed on the chair that was behind it and dramatically pulled open the two flaps on the top. I looked inside and then looked up at all of the campers, my eyes wide. "S! You have to see this!"

S climbed onto the chair, looked inside, eyes wide, she yelled for A to come and look. Once all three of us were wide eyed and excited, we jumped down and all three started pacing and talking at once. "We need to get rid of it! What should we do?!" The campers (and staff) stared at us, completely silent and intent.

"We've got to get rid of it!" -me

"We've got to get rid of it!" -S

"We've got to get rid of it!" -A

All three of us dramatically headed to our table to "discuss" what to do. The campers were literally hanging off their chairs, waiting to hear more.

At that point, I went back into normal camp director mode and said, "okay, let's stand for morning prayer."

We nearly had a riot as campers realized they weren't going to find out what was inside the box. I told them we had to think about it. Maybe we'd never know what to do... or maybe we'd know by lunch.

At lunch, I told them we hadn't figured it out yet, but maybe they could help.

Prior to lunch, we'd filled the top opening with some random things, and so as I stood in front of the kids, I said, "well, let's look at some of the stuff inside."

A pair of rain boots, an umbrella, goggles... silence from the crowd. They were interested, confused, waiting for something more.

I "reached" deep down, "all the way to the bottom" and "found" a bucket of jello! "This whole box is filled with jello!!! How will we ever get rid of all of it?!?!?!?"

Silence to deafening noise in a split second.

"JELLO FIGHT! JELLO FIGHT! JELLO FIGHT! JELLO FIGHT! JELLO FIGHT!"

I smiled and shrugged my shoulders as I walked through the dining hall, bucket of jello held high. "I guess it's the only thing we can do!"

The actual jello fight was pretty much the same as always. Fun, silly, sticky. When it was over, we marched everyone down to the lake to jump in and wash off. Annual jello fight complete.

"Scrambly"

I've been feeling really "scrambly" this summer. I asked Program Director S if she was feeling like we were running around, scrambling more than usual. She didn't think so. I was encouraged by that, but it didn't make me feel less scattered or anxious.

To be fair, the first week is always a little hectic. Staff are new and figuring out how everything works and we have new programming details to iron out. I made several changes to the schedule this year and on paper, everything was perfect. But when counselors led the activities, they found the flaws and we had to adjust. It was all minor and the new changes are a great improvement from last year, but I still felt a little out of sorts when we discovered the problems.

The second week of camp was worse because I was home for 4 days, alternating between hysterical crying over my dog and anxious pacing, stressing out over being away from camp. When I returned, I was happy to see everything was fine, but I felt totally "out of it" because I hadn't been present for anything.

Add to that my ongoing computer/internet/technological problems, which are so frustrating I want to scream. Also, I am relating more and more to senior citizens as I am left completely dumbfounded and unable to figure these crazy new-fangled things out.

This weekend was a nice break- we had both Saturday AND Sunday off because this week ahead is "sampler week" which is a shortened version of camp. But even with a break, I haven't been able to shake the feeling of needing to scramble around (even though I'm not sure to what I would be scrambling).

On Monday, I led a half day staff in-service. We went over activities and scheduling things they still had questions about. We talked about what was working and what wasn't. They did a really great team building exercise making videos around camp (a fun project for them and hopefully a useful tool for me in promotions). We also did several water safety drills, which always make me nervous because safety is so important. But they did very well and I was happy to see that they had improved since training.

I had packed more than I should have into the day, but everything went smoothly and we got through without going over the time limit. After training, I took S and A out to dinner for "lead staff" bonding. We went to the golf course (we've never been there) and while I generally think of this town as being a dirty little place filled with meth labs and poorly educated people lacking proper dental care, the restaurant was beautiful, had great food and it is possibly the first redeeming thing (besides camp) about this town.

And yet, I still feel agitated.

The week ahead is very low enrollment and many of the staff will be on "special projects" meaning that a long to do list of painting, cleaning, and random things we always mean to get to but don't, will be getting done. With fewer campers, I will have lots of time to sit in the office and answer long overdue emails, complete necessary paperwork that I've been avoiding and hopefully get myself mentally balanced. I desperately need to quiet my mind and find some contentment. Hopefully this is the week I can calm down...

Taking Care

The rest of the week went by with ease and I while part of me was sad to see the kids go home, I was also eager to close this week out and move forward.

After the end of the week staff meeting, I took the dogs to the beach to go swimming and cool down and then I spent several hours laying on my couch, soaking in the peace and quiet of healthy dogs, no one needing anything from me and an overall deserted camp.

Yesterday, my mom came to camp for a visit and brought me piles of all of my favorite snacks, made me an incredible steak dinner, brought treats for the babies, gossip magazines for me, cleaned my whole house, did my laundry and allowed me to relax completely. After a stressful and hectic week, it was the absolute best way to spend a Saturday. The weather has been hotter than I have ever experienced at camp, so we brought the dogs to the beach several times and also filled a kiddie pool for them in my front yard. I spend all summer taking care of my staff, the kids, and camp stuff, so having my mom come and take care of me is such a nice reprieve.

Today is Sunday, so ordinarily kids would be arriving, but it is 4th of July, so this year, we added "Sampler week", which is a shortened version of a regular week, so kids don't arrive until Tuesday. So today is a second day in a row of relaxing and doing nothing! Glorious!!!!

Back to Camp

After nearly 3 days of being away, last night, I finally made it back to camp. I had planned on being gone for less than 24 hours. I only had fancy underwear left in my drawers at home, had to go and buy more dog food, had to buy (and then return) a cell phone charger, and more than anything, I hadn't mentally prepared myself to miss half the week. Everyone was fine- staff stepped up and took on extra responsibilities, programming went well and camp was still standing when I returned, so I probably shouldn't have worried, but as the person who is directly responsible for every single aspect of camp, I get frantic at the thought of being gone for even a short period of time.

By the time I got back to camp at 8:45, I was completely exhausted. I was emotionally drained, sick of being in the car and just ready to collapse into bed. Olivia was bursting with energy, so I brought her and Griffin out to the field. He had been really groggy when I put him in the car after picking him up from surgery, so I was pleasantly surprised when he started running around too.

As I stood out there, a group of 5 staff who had their night off walked by. When they saw me and the dogs, they started bouncing around and ran over. It was wonderful and incredibly uplifting to see them get so excited. They filled me in on adventures from the week, told me stories about their campers, asked about Griffin (and had get well cards they'd crafted) and as we stood there, Griffin approached and attempted to hump Counselor J's leg. I felt complete, knowing everything was back to normal and life was going to be okay.

After they left, S, A and Nurse J walked down from putting the kids to sleep and all rushed up to me, faces bright. I felt so happy to be back and content, knowing that everything went well, but that I was still missed. Camp doesn't need me to survive, but it's nice to know that I'm important to a lot of people.

In the morning, I was at breakfast early and as I walked around to each table I was surprised at the reaction. I had only been at camp for a day before I left, so they really didn't know me well. I was nervous that they would act like, "who's this person taking charge all of a sudden [which is why I wasn't planning to lead anything, just mingle with kids and let S take the lead]?" But they were so excited to see me- tables of children yelling for me to come to them. They all wanted to know how Griffin was doing, tell me their adventures and once again, I felt like a hero being welcomed home.

There's only a day and a half of camp left this week, but I'm happy to be here and hoping that everything goes smoothly.