Mark Wahlberg

Today was one of those days. The sun was shining and the lake was glistening, but I woke up on the wrong side of the bed (as they say). I was trying to be optimistic and happy and appreciate camp to the fullest, but I was crabby and everything was annoying me.

It is the time of the year that literally overnight, camp goes from mostly bug free to something resembling the rainforest in the Amazon. The mosquitos are so thick it is unbearable.

About 6 months ago, I went "chemical free" in all aspects of my life (cleaning products, toiletries, etc.) I have been making my own shampoo, lotion, deodorant, etc. And so naturally, I made my own bug repellant. It's actually working really well, but coconut oil is the base of it and so I spent the day glistening in oil. Everything I leaned my arm on or brushed against with my leg had oil marks on it. And then by the afternoon, the oil was covered in dirt, making my skin look about 10 shades darker, except that it was just dirt. I was determined to embrace my natural lifestyle so I refused to shower, but I was greasy, dirty, and had a swarm of bugs biting through my clothing and anywhere on me that wasn't oil covered. I was ready to scream in misery and then spray myself in a cloud of chemicals (I didn't do either, but I was really on the verge).

The weather is humid, my dogs were filthy (and covered in bugs), it was too hot to let the dogs go out to play for very long, so they were crabby too. Just overall, kind of miserable.

And then I got this email from my board president-

Ok crazy thought……reading an Esquire article this weekend about Mark Wahlberg. He has his own foundation that gives money to kids for camp. He is also very Catholic. What do we have to lose? Do you have any time to do this grant app? 

Let me take a deep breath before I toss this computer at the wall.

1. Thanks for the super wonderful suggestion. Anyone else see a connection between camp closing and your sense of reality and/or practical use of my time?

2. Either you don't understand the amount of work I have on my to do list during pre-camp OR you don't understand the amount of time a grant application takes OR you are being funny right now--- is this an attempt at humor?

3. I happen to love Mark Wahlberg and think he is the most dreamiest of all the dreamy celebrities alive. I would pay full price for a movie ticket just to watch him read the phonebook. And I appreciate him even more now that I know he has a foundation, but really? REALLY? SERIOUSLY?

I looked up his foundation on the off chance it supports obscure tiny camps outside of his home state and while it looks like the foundation does great work, and even factoring in my ridiculously high sense of optimism (often bordering on oblivion), I just don't see this as a helpful suggestion. In fact, I am going to add this email to the pile of other obnoxiously ridiculous, bordering on insulting emails I've received recently, with suggestions such as, "you should have a bake sale" or "have you tried having a fundraiser?"

This camp might have to close earlier than expected when I have a nervous breakdown from dealing with idiotic suggestions.

I appreciate that people want to help, but, like, for real, people need to give me some credit (yes, I have thought of having a fundraiser, thanks for the suggestion) and also, people need to jump into reality (ie- how many baked goods do you think I need to make to save a camp, and what do you think the odds are that Mark Wahlberg is going to give me a grant?)

Maybe all of this will be funny, or even sound more reasonable tomorrow. But for now, I've finally scrubbed off the oil and dirt, the air conditioning is on, the dogs are clean and I am taking deep breaths and trying to shake off the day....