Memorial Day

This past weekend, my brother and my aunts came to camp for an overnight stay. My dad lived at camp for 4 years and his fingerprints are everywhere. He had a very distinct artistic touch and I often look around and feel like he’s still here when I see all of the things he made. My aunts haven’t been to camp and they wanted to see it.

As usual, it rained the day they arrived (it seems to rain any time anyone comes to visit) and I was nervous that it was going to be cold and wet the whole time they were at camp. Camp is a great place to be when the sun is out and the weather is mild, but it’s not such a fun place to be when it’s raining.

Luckily, shortly after they arrived, the rain stopped and we were able to walk around and they got to see everything. Dirty, buggy, and deep in the woods, camp isn’t the type of place they are most comfortable, but they were really positive, complimentary of camp, and I was impressed by how many details they asked about- they remembered a lot of stuff from stories my dad had told.

On Saturday night, after we’d eaten and hung out for a while, we headed to Sunset Beach to spread some of my dad’s ashes. My dad often said to let him go to the four corners and into the wind, so my brother and I decided to spread his ashes at camp, and eventually some at our old cabin, Alaska and probably a few other places too.

I was surprised, months ago when I picked up his ashes at his funeral, because the box was bigger and heavier than I’d expected. I opened the bag and the ashes were soft and powdery. Since that time, the box sat in my dining room for a while, in the closet for a time, and when it came time to pack for camp, I said, “come dad, we’re going back to camp” and then the box sat on his kitchen table for a while.

I wasn’t emotional when we spread his ashes. I reached in a took a handful and let the wind blow them into the lake. I thought maybe I should say something or read something or it should be more ceremonial, but I was pretty numb. The emotion has been there on and off, but it usually strikes at random odd times. It also helps that I’ve been at camp for nearly two weeks and multiple visits before this, so it doesn’t feel as raw and painful to be here. We ended up spreading about a fourth of his ashes. Some of them cried a little and I think it was more difficult for them than it was for me. The difficult times will come once camp starts without him here.

It was a nice visit and I’m glad they got to see camp. Staff training is around the corner and the summer is almost here.