Felony Arson

I’ve been very seriously considering felony arson for the past few days. Indian Point Lodge is a big historic building (built in 1923). It is located in the center of camp but we don’t actually use it for very much. It is insured for $600,000. If I burned it down, we could save camp. And since it isn’t vital to camp operations, we could figure out how to rebuild eventually, but in the meantime, camp is saved and we can live with a big empty space in the middle of the property.

I know there are a few issues with my plan-

The first issue I can’t quite figure out is the timing. I am getting married in one week. I don’t have time to go to drive 3 hours to camp to start a fire. The other issue is that I really don’t want to have a big mess in the middle of camp for the wedding. After the wedding would be much better, except that right after the wedding, ‘N’ and I are going on a mini-moon for a few days at a bed and breakfast. So I’ll have to wait until I get home.

Another big issue with this plan is that I haven’t run it by ‘N’ yet because he would not support his new wife delving into criminal activity. He’s way too pragmatic for that sort of thing. Which means I’m going to have to figure out how to sneak away without him knowing I’m at camp (because I can’t be at the scene of the crime when it happens or that will look suspicious).

I figure that I am going to have to sneak onto camp without any neighbors noticing me. Our property manager once told me that one of the neighbors has a security camera in his yard, so I’m not sure how I can drive into camp without anyone knowing I was there. I’m thinking maybe I could turn my headlights off once I hit the dirt road. It’s about a mile from the main road, down the dirt road onto main camp. Except that camp is on a peninsula, so there is water on both sides of the road for the majority of the mile drive, so I’m not exactly sure if I could make the drive without ending up in the lake.

Assuming I could sneak into camp (I’m imagining myself in all black clothes, sneaking across the property) and then into the building), there are more issues I will have to deal with. First of all, camp is super creepy when it’s empty and especially in the dark. I’m not sure I have enough courage to go into the dark building alone (I might not be brave enough to be a criminal). And then there’s the issue of starting a fire- I can start a campfire, no problem. But I am not sure how to start a fire that looks like an electrical fire or something legitimate (and not criminal).

So I’m going to have to start a fire that is strong enough to destroy the entire building. I probably have to stick around long enough to make sure my fire really catches. But I need to leave the scene quickly so no one knows I was there. I need to be 3 hours away from home without my husband knowing I’m gone.

And then I have to act really surprised when I “find out” the building burned down.

If I don’t execute this plan correctly, I could either hurt myself or someone else or end up in prison for arson.

It’s not a foolproof plan. But it would save camp.  

Change of Heart

This past weekend, the wedding team (A,M,B and I) spent the weekend at camp. We were walking through all of the details of the ceremony and reception, decorations, signs, etc. The weather was warm and sunny and I alternated between giddy excitement and utter depression. I’m SO excited for the wedding. But I can’t wrap my head around camp closing. All summer long, it was far in the future. It seemed forever away.

We’ve spent a month hanging out at the office- doing nothing, waiting for answers. It’s been nice to plan a wedding, but boring.

And now the end is almost here. ‘A’ will be without a job and I will be left in the office by myself with a camp to close, a foundation to create and absolutely no direction or answers about how to go about either.

As I walked around my beloved camp, I just kept thinking, “no. NO. THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING.” 67 years this camp has been here. And I’m the one who is going to let it close?!

It’s just such an amazing place. It can’t close.

And the thing is, it’s relatively simple, when you break it down.

Two years ago, we took out a loan and in October (like 2 weeks from now), we have to pay it back. But we don’t have $200,000 to do that. So we’re closing down.

Over the past 7 years, our enrollment has improved. Our fundraising has improved. Our reputation has improved. We’ve made updates to the property. EVERYTHING has improved. Not so much that we have enough to pay off the loan, but enough to step back and realize that closing camp now would be ridiculous. Camp has been WAY worse off. Why are we closing it now?!

In May, a neighbor approached camp and offered to buy the property. But he’s come back to the board and changed the deal several times. It’s not going to work out with him.

We decided to sell the property because it seemed like it was time. We’ve struggled for years, and while we are making improvements, it’s still a 67 year old camp in need of major updates. It’s hard to recruit kids. It’s hard to fundraise the amount of money we need each year. And we didn’t have a plan for the loan. And we had a buyer. And quite honestly, all of us are just tired. Many of our board members have been on the board for 20 years (some 30-40 years!).

But we’re really talking about $200,000, which is a lot, sort of. But there are organizations out there that raise that at one fundraiser, so in the grand scheme of things, it’s really not very much.

So I’ve been laying in bed, dreaming up ways to save camp. This can’t be it. I don’t have $200,000, but come on, that’s not very much money. It’s not “close a 67 year old camp” level money.

I don’t know what I’m going to do in the next 2 weeks, but I am fired up. I am re-energized. And I can’t let this camp close down.

Not Much to Do

Camp ended, I moved back to the city. I took 2 weeks to unpack, relax, get re-adjusted to life. And then I went back to the office, sat at my desk and just sort of stared off into space for a while.

I looked at some parent feedback forms, sent a few last emails from the summer, took care of some random odds and ends.

Usually this would be the time that I was planning the themes for next year and getting stuff ready for early bird registration in October. But camp isn’t going to be here. But we haven’t sold it. We haven’t come up with any ideas about the foundation.

I decided that we were going to keep ‘A’ on as a full time employee until October 1. The idea is to have her help me with all the end of summer stuff and the beginning of the foundation stuff. Except that there isn’t much left to do for the end of the summer and since we have no idea of what’s happening, we don’t have anything to do.

The board doesn’t have any answers for me. So ‘A’ and I have been professionally planning my wedding. We come into the office every day and are working hard. Camp is one giant event, or 10 week long events, or like, 90 days worth of events- however you want to look at it- so planning a wedding, even a whole wedding weekend, is what we know how to do.

I’m so excited for the wedding. I’m excited to marry ‘N’ and all the romantic, lovely, start our life kinda things.

But also, this is the ultimate camp event. And if camp has to end, this is the way I want to go out.

My family and friends- basically everyone I love the most in life are coming to camp to celebrate. Friday is the rehearsal, followed by a big cookout and campfire. Saturday will be the wedding. Sunday will be a brunch. Camp is going to look gorgeous. It’s going to be so fun. I am so excited. This has been my home away from home for 7 years. I am so happy that camp is part of this important day.

And so we’re planning a wedding with the same enthusiasm and creativity that we usually give to camp. I should probably feel bad about wasting company time, except that the “company” won’t exist soon. And the foundation will be great, I’m sure it will be great, but I don’t feel passionate enough about it yet to be concerned about the small amount of money our salaries are costing (and thus being subtracted from said future foundation).

The Last Day of Camp

Yesterday was the last day of camp. The last day of camp ever. It’s over; it’s done. 67 years and now it’s over. It’s actually a little hard to believe and it definitely hasn’t sunk in yet.

All summer, I thought about the last day and I assumed I’d be hysterical. I imagined myself falling to the ground and unable to function. But it wasn’t like that.

A, M and I got up early yesterday. Like, really really early, so that we could watch the sunrise. Every year, I always imagine myself getting up early every day to watch the sunrise and get a jump on the day. It has never happened. I’m always way too tired.

But yesterday we finally did it.

It was a little anti-climactic and a bit of a let down.

We took the golf cart and went down to the beach. All of us were exhausted. It was cold. So we huddled together and sat around waiting. I expected to feel nostalgic or emotional and maybe be a crying mess. But mostly I was just cold and tired and didn’t feel any emotions at all. It just felt like a regular day.

Sunset Beach is a beautiful place at camp and, true to its name, offers the most gorgeous sunsets. We were on the other side of camp at the swim beach. Apparently that wasn’t the right place, or maybe we weren’t there at the right time, or, I don’t know. But we never did get to see a brilliant sunrise to take our breath away and inspire our last day. Eventually it was just sorta brighter out and we all looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders and said, “so, do you think that’s it?” and then, “sooooo, are we done with this?” and then we went back to our houses to shower and warm up.

The last day of camp was like all last days of camp. It was bittersweet- sad to be done, but also kind of ready to go home after 3 months away. The overwhelming emotion that I expected (and felt many times throughout the summer) never hit me.

And then it was over.

This summer was difficult because only a few of us knew it was the end. There were rumors and people asked me about it. But A, M, B and I were basically the only ones who knew anything. And it was a big weight to carry on my shoulders. I have no idea what the future holds and I am tired, physically and emotionally drained.

But I also feel like I savored every moment. I enjoyed every campfire, really looked around, enjoying the moments. I sang my heart out and soaked in the sun. And surprisingly, I’m not hysterical or feeling crushed by depression or anything tragic.

I have no idea what is next. There are roughly 25 buildings, all of which have stuff (furniture, equipment, etc) in them. How do you clear out that much stuff?

It’s so weird to have absolutely no idea what comes next. I know I still have a job- it’s going to take a while to shut everything down and then once the sale goes through, the plan is to become a foundation and give out money. The board has told me I will run the foundation, which sounds sort of boring or maybe kind of fun. I don’t know- certain days I feel excited about it and certain days not so much.

I am mostly stressed out because A, S and T will not have jobs for much longer and all of them want to know what is happening. I have no idea. It’s hard to be responsible for people without having any control or ability to give them answers.

And oh yeah, I’m getting married… at camp, so there’s that to focus on. The board has promised me that we won’t complete the sale until after October 4, so the wedding can happen. So for now, that’s my focus. I’m being zen-like about the absolute unknown future. Well, okay, paralyzed with anxiety at times, but mostly zen-like.

Anyway, summer #7 was a success. A good end to a long history of a beautiful camp.

21 Day Happiness Challenge

We're taking the 21 day happiness challenge. Last weekend was our midsummer staff inservice. Every year, I try to make this day meaningful and inspiring and motivational so that the staff will be energized for the last few weeks of the summer.

I was really struggling with what to do, but my brother actually recommended this and I immediately knew that this would be perfect. We watched the video- http://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work?language=en

and it just so happens that 21 days from the date of the inservice is the last day of camp, so the timing seemed perfect.

The challenge is to do the following 5 things every day for 21 days. 

1.     Write down three new things you are grateful for each day.

Research shows this will significantly improve your optimism even 6 months later, and raises your success rates significantly.

2.     Write for 2 minutes a day describing one positive experience you had over the past 24 hours.

This is a strategy to help transform you from a task-based thinker, to a meaning based thinker who scans the world for meaning instead of endless to-dos. This dramatically increases work happiness.

3.     Exercise for 10 minutes a day.

This trains your brain to believe your behavior matters, which causes a cascade of success throughout the rest of the day.

4.     Meditate for 2 minutes, focusing on your breath going in and out.

This will help you undo the negative effects of multitasking. Research shows you get multiple tasks done faster if you do them one at a time. It also decreases stress and raises happiness.

5.     Write one, quick note first thing in the morning thanking or praising a member on your team.

This significantly increases your feeling of social support, which in my study at Harvard was the largest predictor of happiness for the students.

Prior to the inservice, M, A and I made little "happiness challenge kits" for everyone. It included an envelope with 21 pieces of paper for people to write notes to each other, a journal that had a page for each day with places to write down the three things they are grateful for and also a space to write for 2 minutes. Also in the journal were 2 charts to check off when you meditate and when you exercise.

The staff were really receptive and we made it really easy for them with the kit. I have been surprised and pleased with how focused on the positive that I have been. I like taking time to make a specific effort to thank and acknowledge people. I like reflecting on the good things from the day. It really seems to be working and I am proud of challenging the whole staff to do this!