The Last Day of Camp

Yesterday was the last day of camp. The last day of camp ever. It’s over; it’s done. 67 years and now it’s over. It’s actually a little hard to believe and it definitely hasn’t sunk in yet.

All summer, I thought about the last day and I assumed I’d be hysterical. I imagined myself falling to the ground and unable to function. But it wasn’t like that.

A, M and I got up early yesterday. Like, really really early, so that we could watch the sunrise. Every year, I always imagine myself getting up early every day to watch the sunrise and get a jump on the day. It has never happened. I’m always way too tired.

But yesterday we finally did it.

It was a little anti-climactic and a bit of a let down.

We took the golf cart and went down to the beach. All of us were exhausted. It was cold. So we huddled together and sat around waiting. I expected to feel nostalgic or emotional and maybe be a crying mess. But mostly I was just cold and tired and didn’t feel any emotions at all. It just felt like a regular day.

Sunset Beach is a beautiful place at camp and, true to its name, offers the most gorgeous sunsets. We were on the other side of camp at the swim beach. Apparently that wasn’t the right place, or maybe we weren’t there at the right time, or, I don’t know. But we never did get to see a brilliant sunrise to take our breath away and inspire our last day. Eventually it was just sorta brighter out and we all looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders and said, “so, do you think that’s it?” and then, “sooooo, are we done with this?” and then we went back to our houses to shower and warm up.

The last day of camp was like all last days of camp. It was bittersweet- sad to be done, but also kind of ready to go home after 3 months away. The overwhelming emotion that I expected (and felt many times throughout the summer) never hit me.

And then it was over.

This summer was difficult because only a few of us knew it was the end. There were rumors and people asked me about it. But A, M, B and I were basically the only ones who knew anything. And it was a big weight to carry on my shoulders. I have no idea what the future holds and I am tired, physically and emotionally drained.

But I also feel like I savored every moment. I enjoyed every campfire, really looked around, enjoying the moments. I sang my heart out and soaked in the sun. And surprisingly, I’m not hysterical or feeling crushed by depression or anything tragic.

I have no idea what is next. There are roughly 25 buildings, all of which have stuff (furniture, equipment, etc) in them. How do you clear out that much stuff?

It’s so weird to have absolutely no idea what comes next. I know I still have a job- it’s going to take a while to shut everything down and then once the sale goes through, the plan is to become a foundation and give out money. The board has told me I will run the foundation, which sounds sort of boring or maybe kind of fun. I don’t know- certain days I feel excited about it and certain days not so much.

I am mostly stressed out because A, S and T will not have jobs for much longer and all of them want to know what is happening. I have no idea. It’s hard to be responsible for people without having any control or ability to give them answers.

And oh yeah, I’m getting married… at camp, so there’s that to focus on. The board has promised me that we won’t complete the sale until after October 4, so the wedding can happen. So for now, that’s my focus. I’m being zen-like about the absolute unknown future. Well, okay, paralyzed with anxiety at times, but mostly zen-like.

Anyway, summer #7 was a success. A good end to a long history of a beautiful camp.