Stand Up Paddle Boards

Stand up paddle boards are all the rage- all the cool camps have them. I have wanted to buy them for several years, but they have not been in our budget.

Last summer, I was walking around camp with a parent/board member/donor and I happened to mention my dream of paddle boards. Except that for some reason, I had a difficult time with the word paddle boards. I kept saying paddle boats. I didn't realize I was saying paddle boats, but in several conversations since then, I have made the same mistake over and over.

And so, the next day, when he excitedly called me and told me that he ordered 4 brand new paddle boats and they would be there within the week, I learned a very expensive lesson. $10,000 is how much he spent on paddle boats- that could have bought a LOT of paddle boards!

The kids have really enjoyed the paddle boats, so it's not the end of the world, but paddle boards continued to be my dream.

In early July, two of our washing machines died. Within 24 hours, I had seven offers to purchase new machines. We ended up with three new machines. I responded to the other offers letting them know we had the machines, but if they were still interested in sponsoring something, would they be willing to buy a paddle board. I found paddle boards for about the same price as washers (around $400).

Several people responded to my email and I was on my way to my dream! And then I got an email from a board member telling me that he loves paddle boards and that if I could get 7 sponsored, he would buy me 7!

I love a good challenge!

I had all 7 sponsored within 24 hours.

'N' connected me with someone who works for a company that sells them who was able to sell me paddle boards at cost, so I got them for $250 each! It left me enough for new lifejackets as well! I was nervous that I wouldn't be able to get them in time, but they were delivered yesterday, which means we can use them for the last 2 weeks of camp!

And the best part of all was that today, my mom was at camp and so I actually got to go out and play with the new paddle boards! There were about 9 of us and we all got together, assembled the paddle boards and took them out on the lake. The water was super warm, the sun was shining, the lake was like glass and it was PERFECT. It was SO fun to be able to go out on the lake and just play.

Paddle boards for the win!!

Power Outage

On Wednesday night, we went to bed like normal. At 2:15am, I got a call from the emergency system alerting me that we were under a severe thunderstorm warning. High winds meant that the power is going to go out and about 15 minutes later, it did. The warning was in effect until 3:15am and as if on schedule, the rain stopped and the wind calmed down and I went back to bed, hoping that the power would be back on before I woke up.

But the power wasn’t back on and we found out the storm had caused a lot of damage for about 100 miles and over 25,000 people were without power. I assumed that meant we would not have power most of the day, but hopefully by late afternoon at the latest. The power company’s facebook page said it might take days to restore power for everyone, but I am an optimist and I figured that meant someone else, not camp.

Wrong again.

At 3:30 in the afternoon, “A” and I went into to town because I wanted to buy ice for my breastmilk.. I figured if we went to town and bought ice, the power would be back on by the time we returned. But at the end of our road, almost to the highway, there was a huge tree down and it had taken a large section of powerlines down with it. That was when I realized that it was going to be longer than just a trip to town before we got power back.

I bought a block of ice for my refrigerator to try to keep it cool inside. I bought two big bags of ice to pack into a cooler with all of my frozen cubes of baby food. I bought a 5 gallon jug of water for my house. 'A' and I stopped at a nearby camp to see if they had a generator (and thus would still have power and water, and then our plan was to ask to use their hose to fill up water jugs). They didn't. We started making plans for an extended power outage. 

The biggest concern with the power being out is the cooler and the freezer. It has been 90+ degrees all week and the cooler only stays cool for so long. We realized we were going to need to plan for Thursday dinner, Friday breakfast and lunch and also Sunday dinner (and then a new food delivery would come Monday morning). We gathered all of the coolers around camp, shoveled all of the ice out of the ice machine into garbage bags, grabbed lanterns and closed ourselves into the freezer. We packed the coolers with ice and with the food we needed to save, knowing basically everything else would go bad and need to be thrown out. Food spoilage is actually covered by insurance, so it's not quite as devastating to think about throwing out thousands of dollars in food, but it is SUCH a waste and I hate it. So we saved all of the food we would need for the those meals. We went to the local resort that still had power to load up on drinking water. We filled buckets to manually flush toilets.

At the talent show on Thursday night, we brought out all of the ice cream and popsicles from the camp store and let the kids eat unlimited treats. I warned them to make good choices and let them know that this was a one time thing in the history of camp, but it was still pretty fun. Later we had all camp night swim for kids to "shower". 

Overall, the kids weren't affected and they had a great time at camp.

I, on the other hand, had a full blown nervous breakdown on Thursday night. It might have actually been the worst night of camp in the history of my 8.5 summers here. 

We've had power outages before, and in 2013, we had a multi day outage like this one. It sucks and it makes everything difficult and kind of stressful, but it's not the end of the world. Having a baby in a power outage added a whole new level of stress to the power outage though. 

It's a pain to go without hot water when the power goes out. But when you have a baby, it's an actual problem. I needed to wash bottles and nipples. I needed to give my hot sticky baby a bath. 

I don't turn my air conditioning on very often, and if it was just me, it wouldn't bother me to sweat it out. But with a overheated bulldog and overheated baby, I was losing my mind with anxiety. I put Olivia in my van for about 30 minutes to try to cool her down. When I called my husband in a panic, he suggested I sleep in the van with the two of them. Adding to the stress, we switched cars and somehow in all of the shuffling, I sent the carseat home and so 'M's dad picked it up from my house and was bringing it up with him on Friday when he was coming for a visit. But at about 10pm, my baby was hot to the touch, my trailer was HOT and filled with bugs from my attempt at keeping the door open, and I was desperately considering driving to the lodge with my baby NOT in a carseat. We didn't sleep in the van and I didn't drive my baby without a carseat- by midnight, it cooled down slightly and we were all able to sleep. 

When it was just me, losing power and having all of the food in my refrigerator go bad wasn't that big of a deal. But I have several bottles of breastmilk in the fridge at all times, multiple bags of frozen breast milk in my freezer, and about 20 bags of pureed vegetable cubes of baby food. 

I am the one who is ultimately responsible for camp, the kids, the staff, the property, the food, EVERYTHING, and in the past, my entire focus has been on making sure all of those things were taken care of. But this time around, I found that my priority was entirely different. My immediate concern was personal. I went into town to buy ice and water for myself because all I could think of was keeping breastmilk cool, having enough water to not only drink, but also to wash bottles and bathe my child. The entire camp of kids and staff- once my personal needs were taken care of, THEN I focused on them.

If I'd had the carseat, I would have driven through the night to bring the baby and Olivia home. It would have been easier to focus on my job of leading a camp of people. But instead, I was trapped and so I called my husband in hysterics. 

Camp used to be a fun adventure. A multi day power outage was inconvenient and a little uncomfortable, but an experience that made for a great story. It's entirely different now- it was scary and stressful and didn't feel like an adventure, it felt threatening. Every fiber of my being was focused on the well-being of my tiny human and EVERYTHING about camp seemed to go against that. 

The kids left Friday and I had all of my stuff packed and loaded in the van so that the minute the staff meeting ended, I was able to get on the road and rush all of us OUT of there. Power came back on about 30 minutes after I left and everything was back to normal when we returned on Sunday. But I'm left feeling a little weary. A little uneasy about this place I love so much. Because I still love it, but I don't love it as much as my baby. And situations like the power outage make me feel like it is a choice between the two. 

Bowling

Everyone at camp went bowling tonight. I stood in the driveway as the organized themselves in cars and smiled, joked around and told them to have fun. And then everyone left and I sat by myself and felt like a sad little kid that got excluded on the playground.

The silly thing is, I don’t want to go bowling. There’s no scenario I can imagine where I would choose to go bowling. But the fact that I don’t have a choice and just can’t go makes it feel bad.

I love being a mom. I love that tiny human more than anything I can possibly put into words. Every time I even think about him, it takes my breath away and fills me with awe and joy. I want to hold him and snuggle him every second of every day. When he sleeps, I miss him and find myself watching videos of him. I tiptoe to his crib to watch him sleep. Even in the middle of the night, when I am so exhausted I question whether my body will move, when he wakes up and cries, I think, “oh good! I can hold him again!”

I love the way he smells, the sound of his little voice when he babbles. He has perfect tiny hands that fill me with happiness just to look at them. He has perfect chubby feet with the cutest toes I’ve ever seen. He is perfect in every way. He’s learning new things every day and I am in a constant state of amazement watching him learn.

I love every detail about him and just thinking about him makes my heart burst with a love that I didn’t know was possible.

So why am I upset that I can’t go bowling? Bowling?!  BOWLING… At a small town, run down, dirty bowling alley that I have ZERO desire to set foot in. Have I mentioned how PERFECT this little human is? His skin is gorgeous and smooth, his smile makes my heart explode. He has big blue eyes and just the lightest peach fuzz hair. He is pristine, like a doll. He is spectacular in every way.

Dirty bowling alley.

Perfect baby.

There is no debate.

And still, as they all drove away, I felt sad. My life has changed. I LOVE the change and I love my life. But change takes time to get used to and I suppose it’s ok to feel a little sad.

I’m actually not sure if it’s even sadness that I feel. No, as I think about it, I’m not sad. I think I’m uncomfortable, unsure, a little confused. This summer is so much different than the previous 8, that I’m trying to figure out where I fit and who I am. I feel like I’m riding a bike for the first time ever. It feels scary and unknown and sorta like I could fall over at any moment. It feels awkward and shaky. Before this summer, I felt confident and steady (rock solid actually). And so, to feel unsure feels uncomfortable. In the last 8 summers, I would have confidently skipped bowling, because, well, ick, I don’t wanna go bowling! I wouldn’t have felt sad or left out.

I’m trying to be patient with myself as I figure out who I am now that I’m a mom too. Eventually, I will feel comfortable and normal again. And I will look back and think about the time I felt sad because I couldn’t go bowling. Bowling. Seriously, bowling.

Fresh Eyes

Today was our re-accreditation visit by the American Camp Association. Two visitors came out and went through the paperwork and toured around camp. 'A' has been working on the paperwork for months and she is very organized. We are both visitors for the ACA and so we're both comfortable with the paperwork and camp follows all of the policies and procedures anyway, so I knew everything would go well and we would pass without any issues.

Over the weekend, we worked hard to do a little extra cleaning, pick up and put away all of the random things that seem to collect in corners, and camp looked fantastic. Both visitors are also camp directors and it was fun to show them around camp because they oohed and ahhed at several areas, asked to take photos of a few things and seemed generally impressed by camp.

Sometimes I forget how magical of a place it is. It looks like a camp out of the movies. It is filled with beautiful buildings with gleaming wood, bright signs that burst with color, beautifully built stages in several areas, new lights in several buildings, and lots of unique features that give it so much character. Sometimes all I can see is the dirt, the things that are broken, the steps that need to be repainted, and the random lost and found items or programming supplies that have been left out.

Sometimes too, even though it's been 9 years, I think about the garbage, the broken furniture, the buildings in disarray. And as we walked through each building and program area, I was so proud as we all looked at organized, labeled shelves, equipment neatly arranged, everything put in assigned places. I got to see camp through our visitors eyes and I was proud. This place is awesome and I know how much time and effort (and blood, sweat and tears!) it took to get there. And I was part of that. I have been a significant part of making camp what it is today.

Canoe Parade

Today we had a parade. Not just any parade, a canoe parade! Cabins decorated either a canoe or a kayak and then the counselors paddled them from the boating bay to sunset beach, where all of the kids were sitting to watch the parade. I miss out on so much programming, but I was excited about the parade because I was going to take Baby X and we were going to watch.

A little while before the parade was to begin, the counselors were getting boats ready, Lead Staff T came and said, "Olivia is going to be the grand marshal. I'm going to paddle her in my canoe." I said, "Ok, just be sure her life jacket is on tight." I was pretty sure Olivia would be fine in the canoe, but bulldogs sink so quickly and the water is deep, and it's been a few years since she's worn her life jacket, so after I agreed to it, I started to get a little nervous. And that's how I ended up in the front of the canoe, paddling in the parade.

It wasn't until we got about halfway to Sunset Beach that 'T' said, "I never thought you'd go for this!" and I said, "I didn't think you were asking!" 'T' doesn't realize that for years, I involved Olivia in everything at camp. And the more ridiculous, the better! Of course I would think putting her in a canoe would be a good idea. But he doesn't know me like that. He was just tickled that his boss was part of the parade and allowed the dog to be in it. And I was sad because I wanted to be like, "you don't get it. I have been the CENTER of fun and silliness and hoopla for YEARS!" Staff from a few years ago would NOT have been surprised to see Olivia in a canoe and me right by her side.

We paraded in the canoe and Olivia was perfect, regal, adorable- she's such an incredibly good dog when she's got a purpose. I wonder if she wasn't thinking the same thoughts I was- about how she always used to be part of things and at the center of the action.

I was so happy to be back in the role that I love. I like being part of the fun. It felt good to participate.

Washing Machines

We have washing machines in a few different places at camp- in the basement of the dining hall (for kitchen linens and the extra towels we lend to kids at shower time), the health center, the DC (for lead staff) and the staff laundry room (there are 2 washers, but there is space for 3). So we have 5 total washing machines and dryers.

Last week, the washing machine in the dining hall broke. The kitchen needs to be able to do laundry, so we decided to take one out of the staff locker room to replace it. And then yesterday, the washing machine in the DC broke.

In the past, we have asked for donations and gotten used washers donated. Used washers are fine, but you never know what you are going to get (there is usually a reason why someone is replacing their washing machine).

And so I found a decent washing machine online for about $400 and sent the link out to everyone on the mailing list asking for help. Help! 2 of our washers died, can you help us buy a new one?!

Within an hour, a camper dad called and offered to buy 2 washers. Shortly after him, another person emailed back and said they'd like to buy one. By the end of the day, I had 7 offers for new washing machines.

I think people like to help fulfill a specific need. I think that $400 is a reasonable donation (significant, but not extravagant- manageable for many people). I wanted to say yes to all 7 and just stack up some back ups, but I didn't. I also wanted to ask for the cash, since they were willing to spend it anyway, but of course I didn't.

3 new washers- a pretty good accomplishment for one day!

Left Alone

Sometimes when Baby X cries, and my hands are full or I'm in another room, it takes me a minute or two before I am able to pick him up and soothe him. I always feel like a terrible mother and think, "please don't let him be scarred because he was abandoned for a full minute."

'A' went home to the city after camp today and happened to be at the office shortly after the camp bus arrived to drop the campers off after camp. She checked in with the counselors who had ridden home and they were sitting with one of the CITs (which is one of our teen campers) who hadn't been picked up. 'A' ended up letting the counselors go and waited with him.

They called several people, multiple times and couldn't get in touch with anyone. Apparently no one was going to come pick up this kid. Eventually they talked to the step mom who said to call the uncle. The uncle said he didn't know where the office was (when 'A' offered directions he said no) and that he wouldn't come and get him. 'A' couldn't reach the nuns who sponsored him to come to camp. And so the sat in the empty parking lot.

She called me several times over the hour that they waited. We discussed options. Our policy says that staff can't transport kids in their personal vehicles. The policy also says that we can't leave kids alone. There is a city bus stop near our office, but the suburb our office is located in is a far distance from where he needed to go to get home and he didn't actually know where that bus went. He told 'A' to just leave him, but of course she didn't. Even though he is 17, he's still a camper.

This is the same kid who was sitting in the empty parking lot with all of his stuff at 10am on Sunday when I arrived. The camp bus doesn't actually leave until 1pm, so he was VERY early. I'd arrived early to do some work before bus check in. I couldn't believe he was already there. Who leaves their kid in an empty parking lot, all alone (the building is locked on Sundays, so he couldn't even get inside to go to the bathroom if he'd needed to)?! When I pulled up and saw him, my heart broke and I thought about how I feel when my baby cries and I don't immediately drop everything to scoop him up. Except this is worse, way worse.

Eventually 'A' drove him to the nun's house where he was able to catch the city bus to go home. And I have to assume that by now, he's home. His parents weren't waiting with open arms, gushing about how much they missed him while he was gone at camp. I doubt there was a special dinner waiting for him. And the whole thing BREAKS MY HEART. This is his life. It's probably not the first time he has had to wait alone, or not gotten picked up, or had to figure out something on his own that his parents should have done for him. I'm sad for him. I'm mad for him. I want to squeeze my baby a little tighter.