Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Paralyzed

Once again, I am paralyzed. I'm not sure why this keeps happening. I'm not a lazy person. I'm not depressed or tired. I'm organized and I know what I need to do. And yet, here I sit, blogging about how much I have to do, rather than actually DOING anything.

In the re-entry packet I give the summer staff, one of the things it tells them is that sometime between 3 hours and 3 days after you return home, you will get tired, really tired. It says to be patient with yourself and give yourself time to adjust to "normal" life. I am trying to remind myself of that because being frustrated with myself is not helping the situation.

For 3 months, I was "on" 24/7. Even when the kids weren't there, I was responsible for the staff, the facility and had to stay focused on camp. Even when I went home for a few days while the flood water receded, I was in "camp mode".  It's 3 months fueled by adrenaline.

I've made the comparison before- camp is like being on a roller coaster. You are excited and nervous before it begins. It starts and is the most fun, intense ride you've ever been on and you hope the fun will never end. Eventually though, the ups and the downs and the curves start to be too much and you want to get off the wild ride. But you stick with it and there are moments when you're having the time of your life and moments when you hate it, and it's amazing.

When you are on the roller coaster, no matter how hard you might try to multi task, it's difficult to think about anything other than the wild ride that you are on. And then it stops and you get off and being on solid ground feels weird. It takes some time to shake off the ride and re-focus on real life.

All of my clothes and random "stuff" are in a pile in my living room. My office is filled with boxes and loose papers and needs to be sorted and put back together into a useable work space.  My dad's stuff is overflowing from the two closets I jammed it all in right after he died. I couldn't sort through it at the time and I just wanted it out of the way. My boyfriend N is moving in, so we need to sort through my house and his house to decide who's furniture we are using and what we need to get rid of. Some of his stuff has made it's way to my house already, but I need to sort through the closets, the basement and every cabinet and corner to make room for his stuff.

I have made multiple lists. Lists of lists. Color coded, divided by project, divided by day... I know what I need to accomplish. And yet, here I sit, typing away. I might re-write a list or two when I finish this. I just can't seem to DO anything yet.

I should just choose one thing and try to accomplish it, but that's just not happening. So I'm being patient with myself and trusting that eventually it will all get done and life will go back to normal.



Friday, August 24, 2012

The Final Week

On Sunday I was excited for the campers to arrive. There were only 35 this week, which is small, even for us, and ordinarily, I would be disappointed by the low number. But I added that session in July and started out with only 7 kids who I'd moved from some of the flood weeks. I was REALLY nervous that we wouldn't have enough kids to run the week. At the end of each week, we've told the parents and campers about the new week and encouraged them to sign up for another week of camp. So I am thrilled by the number 35- this week it is not considered a small number.

By Wednesday, I'd hit a wall. As if I'd literally ran and crashed my body into a physical wall, that was how strongly I felt. I was exhausted- physically, mentally, emotionally- I felt like I was going to collapse. Even though closing down camp is the same as always and I knew it would get done, I felt paralyzed. M, M and A were rockstars- flying through the to-do list without stopping. I was doing my best, putting in all of the effort I had, but there were times when I was just sitting there, watching them, willing myself to move, but physically unable. I'm sure they were frustrated with me, although they didn't say anything (which I appreciated). I was so thankful that they were there and able to do what I wasn't capable of.

Camp ended today. I had slightly more energy today, but I was still dragging. I'm always tired at the end, but this was the hardest end of the summer yet. It's been a more difficult summer than I've allowed myself to acknowledge. The flood was hard, really hard- harder than I realized at the time. Not having my dad here was hard. Working with the consultant has been wonderful and productive, but so much work.

I've made a lot of progress at this camp over the past 5 summers and I am proud of how far we've come. But we still have a LONG way to go. My blind ambition, naive energy, and unyielding hope have faded a little. I still believe in this camp and want to see it succeed more than anything. I am still motivated to work hard and I am completely committed, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I am a little less shiny and new than when I started. It's not all sunshine and rainbow dreams. I'm ready to close the 2012 chapter and begin 2013.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Hugs

When homesick Camper M's parents arrived today, she completely ignored them. She clearly saw them, but made no attempt to run towards them or even acknowledge their presence. Considering that 5 days earlier, she'd told them she was going to die without them, I'd say we made a pretty good turn around. I watched them walk in, saw her ignore them and keep singing. I went up to them as I do all the parents as they arrive before the closing ceremony. I smiled and said hello and the mom wrapped her arms around me like we were old friends. I'm not a "huggy" person, but I was happy that she was satisfied with her daughter's experience.

A few minutes later, I walked up to a group of parents that I've known for a few years and I got hugged again! This was an affectionate group. After a summer of challenges, it felt good to have so much positive response.

After the campers left, we had our end of the summer staff party. This was supposed to be the last week, but I added another session to make up for the flood. It still seems early in the season and I am not ready for it to be over. Over half of the staff are leaving tonight or tomorrow morning and I am sad to say goodbye. I am happy we have one more week, even if there will be less of us.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Homesick Win

On Sunday, Camper M and her sister were dropped off at camp. M's sister has been a camper for several years and she joined the pre-camp group game right away, without hesitation. Camper M was not as excited. She stood by her parents with tears in her eyes and when it came time for them to say good bye, the tears turned into hysterical crying. They stayed while we introduced the staff and divided into cabins. I stood with them and gently let them know that the longer they stayed, the worse it would get and that most of the time, kids will snap out of it once the parents are gone. I promised I'd call them later to update them on how she was doing.

She cried on and off all of Sunday. When she was occupied, she was happy, but then she would remember that she was homesick and the tears would begin again. On Monday, the same thing was happening and in the morning, she was in my office, letting me know that she would like to go home. I made a deal with her that if she could make it to lunch, we'd call her parents and see what they thought.

She was satisfied with the deal and left. I called her mom and let her know that she was doing okay, but that we would be calling at lunch. I prepared her that no matter how much Camper M cried, if she told her they would not come and get her, she would be fine. 99% of the time, when kids hear that, without an "out" their survival mode will kick in and they will adapt to camp.

After lunch, we called her mom and she cried and told her "I've never been sadder". She went on and on for a few minutes, and I could hear the mom encouraging her but also remaining firm. When she got off the phone, she was a very sad little girl. I got out a camp journal and we started making a book for her mom of all of the best memories of camp. I told her she could come into my office any time she wanted to work on it.

As the week went on, she came in less often and eventually not at all. Tonight in chapel, when we asked for volunteers to come to the front of the chapel and lead the motions for a song, her hand was up in the air and there she was, in front of the whole camp, leading the actions and smiling.

Counselor D and I looked at each other and smiled with pride- we won that battle of homesickness and it felt good!

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Camp Magic

There are moments at camp when you forget about the details and the logistics of the program you are running and get swept into the magic of what is going on around you. On Monday, we had an "opening Olympic ceremony" to kick off the week. Earlier in the day, the cabins came up with team names, cheers and painted flags.

M, M and I set up a fire using piles and piles of dry leaves covered in lighter fluid (not usually the way we start a fire) so that when could "light the Olympic flame". Property Manager T made us a torch (a back yard tiki torch spray painted gold). We downloaded the Olympic theme song and set up the big speakers on the field.

We had all of the cabins line up in a long line in the dining hall and I was in the lead with the torch. We marched down the hill, across the field, down the swim beach path and over to the fire circle. The campers carried their flags, cheering loudly the entire time. The music was blasting and every single person (camper and staff) was in the moment.

When we got to the fire circle, we circle around and all of the kids filled in. The music stopped and I gave a short speech about the Olympic games, good sportsmanship and then I yelled, "let the games begin" and used the torch to start the fire. The leaves caught fire quickly and everyone cheered.

Later, M and M commented that as the kids marched down the hill, they had tears in their eyes because it was such a powerful moment.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Consultant

Since October, I've been working with a camping consultant who has helped me improve camp marketing, recruiting, programming, etc. She was supposed to visit camp in June, but with the flood, her visit got pushed back to this week.

She and one of the board members 'M' came out on Monday and were here for an intense 24 hours. They toured camp, talked with kids and staff, met one on one with the media specialists, the program directors, with 'A', with me and then debriefed with the leadership team.

The consultant has been in the camping industry for a long time and has visited over 500 camps! She is no-nonsense and direct and I appreciate that about her because when she gives a compliment, it actually means something. Her feedback is so helpful and comes from experience. She and 'M' were at camp 7 years ago when the board brought her to in help save the camp, rather than close it. I was so pleased that during her visit, she took me aside several times to make the comment, "camp is SO different, you've made SO much progress."

On Monday night, we had an opening ceremony for Olympic week. We processed across camp and all of the kids and staff cheered and then we got to the fire circle and I used the torch to start the campfire. It was a great moment and I was really proud that J & M could be there to see it. Later, J told me that she doesn't often get emotional, but that she teared up while watching the ceremony. She's a very straightforward person so her compliments mean so much more because I know she is being genuine.

At the end of the visit, we sat down to debrief. She told me that she's had a difficult time with debrief meetings this summer because there hasn't been much "good" for her to go over. She said that being at camp helped renew her energy because it was such a great visit.

She was impressed with our programming and with the level of camper engagement. She was impressed by how much camp has changed. She acknowledged that our buildings are old and decaying and that is a major issue that needs to be addressed. I agreed with everything she said and I was happy to have her share my perspective. I feel like I've done everything I know how to do and everything I can do with limited funds and now I need some major support from the board to make some big (and expensive) changes.

I am eager to see her final report and hear her suggestions for the next steps. I feel a little overwhelmed by the "now what" part of all of this, but this has been such a beneficial experience and I know that camp is going in the right direction.

I'm exhausted after an intense 24 hours, but I feel really energized too...

Friday, August 10, 2012

Alumni

At the closing ceremony every Friday, I tell the kids that they are part of a bigger community than just the people who are in the room. I remind them that we've been a camp since 1947 and a lot of people have been here and know what it feels like to share the camp spirit. I tell them that I wear my camp tee shirts all the time and that I often meet alumni who have been to camp and tell me their camp stories. I know that the staff, who hear the same speech every week probably tune it out and think it's just a line I've made up. But the truth is, over the years, I've connected with a LOT of alumni and I love it when people stop by, call or email and want to reconnect with camp.

Our camp has done a TERRIBLE job of maintaining records or a database of campers and staff. We don't have an alumni mailing list or a way of connecting with them. It's unfortunate, because a camp like this should have a committed, connected community of people supporting the work we do with donations, volunteers and campers.

On Wednesday, the visiting priest introduced himself and told us that he'd been a camper in 1969. He told us that he watched a man walk on the moon for the first time on the porch of the lodge. It was a cool story and I was happy that he'd shared it.

Yesterday, we had a special guest at camp. Counselor K's uncle emailed me earlier in the summer and asked if I would be interested in having him our to camp to host a "star program". He has some giant telescopes and hosts a program for kids to teach them about the stars and constellations.

Not only is he Counselor K's uncle, he is also a former camper. He was so thrilled to be back at camp and he excitedly told us lots of stories from when he was here. He told us, "In 1969, I watched a man walk on the moon from the porch of the lodge." I smiled and nodded when he first started telling the story because he'd already told us... until I realized that wasn't who'd told me the story!

I got super excited and told him that the priest from earlier in the week had told the same story! What a crazy coincidence! What are the odds that we would bring back two former campers from so long ago who had been at camp at the exact same time?! Camp is magical like that...

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Harry Potter Theme

Last year, I added a "Harry Potter" theme week. It was our most popular week and it was SO fun! We came up with so many little details that added to the "magic" (pardon the pun) of camp. There was a sorting hat that divided kids into cabins, a GIANT owl costume to deliver the mail, Hogwarts classes and a big game of Quiddich.

This week is Harry Potter and while it has been a good week, I've been a little disappointed because it hasn't been quite as exciting as last year. The sorting hat was cool, but didn't illicit the amazement of last year. The owl was back, but no one gasped in shock and excitement. There are little signs all over camp like "headmaster's office" for the Welcome Center and "chamber of secrets" for the door that leads to the staff locker room. The staff who made the signs did a GREAT job and were VERY clever. But overall, the week hasn't knocked my socks off.

Yesterday I sat down to make a list of the weeks and themes for next year. This is my fifth summer and every theme was a repeat from one of the previos years. And while "olympics" or "walk of fame" are always fun, next year, I am not going to repeat any themes we've ever done before.

Next summer I have "Christmas in June", "Inventors Workshop" and "Camp's Got Talent" to name a few. I don't just want the kids to be excited about the themes, I want to be excited too!

Sunday, August 5, 2012

$5000

A few weeks ago, I applied for a flood relief grant. I have only applied for a few grants in the past and I wasn't terribly optimistic about this one. It wasn't a long application so I figured it wouldn't hurt to apply and see what happened.

I received a congratulations letter earlier today letting me know I was approved for $5000! I am so excited!

I called the mold removal company and they are coming later today to give me an official estimate and start work on the stone house. I am hopeful that we will finally be able to fix this house!










Friday, August 3, 2012

Cabin Spirit

Yesterday when M&M and I walked up the hill to the dining hall, we could hear loud cheering from the campers. I love walking into the dining hall in the morning when the kids are so excited. I am usually not yet awake and sometimes I wish they would be quiet until I've had a cup of coffee, but camp spirit is the absolute best part of my job.

Yesterday wasn't just your typical loud cheering and banging on tables spirit. As we walking into the front door, the entire group of campers and staff were in two lines with their arms outstretched making a tunnel. It was a tunnel of hot teenage body odor and they were all shouting at the tops of their lungs, but as I ran through it, it was magical.

The counselors this summer have done such an exceptional job with cabin spirit. I am often moved, actually moved by the magic of camp.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Staff Reviews


As if this week isn't crazy enough with the modified schedule and me being gone two days for ACA visits, it also mid summer staff review week.

Mid summer staff reviews are a great time to check in with the staff, give them feedback and give them the professional experience of having a review. They have to fill out a review of themselves and then I fill out the same sheet. We meet and go over their comments and mine.

I don't always do a good enough job of giving staff positive feedback throughout the summer. Even when I am impressed by something they've done above and beyond, sometimes camp gets so hectic and I don't take the time to say, "you did a really great job with _____." I am quick to redirect people and give them feedback on things that need to change, but positive feedback is something I am still working on.

It's been really great to talk to the staff one on one this week and give them a lot of praise. This group of staff is exceptional. I am constantly impressed by their energy, enthusiasm, creativity and the work they are doing. It's actually been a little bittersweet because we only have 3 weeks of summer left and I don't feel ready for it to be done. They are just starting to be really confident and comfortable and let their creativity flow. I don't want them to leave yet!

Perhaps in 3 weeks, I will have had my fill, but I feel a little cheated by the summer. We are supposed to finish the summer exhausted because we've done so much. I'm exhausted and emotionally drained, but when it is because a flood takes away three weeks, it isn't as satisfying as when you have given everything you have to the campers.

I'm so impressed by this group of staff. Despite the flood, the clean-up, the lost stone house, and all the rest of the drama, they have been positive, hard working and have done exceptional work all summer. I hope that the last 3 weeks even better.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Adventure Race

On Sunday, Program Directors M&M and I created an "adventure race" activity. Based on every reality show that I have ever watched (which is MANY), it was pretty detailed.

Here's how it worked-

Campers 1 & 2 ran three-legged race style from the boys cabin area to the field. When they arrived a the field, they tagged off to Campers 3&4 who had to collect 9 puzzle pieces (of their team color) that were spread on the field and then complete the puzzle. Once the puzzle was complete, they ran across the field to the mailbox where they tagged off to Campers 5&6 who had to carry a canoe (and paddles and lifejackets) to the boating bay. At the boating bay, they tagged off to campers 7, 8, &9 who had to paddle out, around the lifeguard who was in a kayak and back to the swim beach. 
Once 7, 8 and 9 were paddling, Campers 1-6 had to run back to the welcome center where they retrieved an envelope with another puzzle, which, when put together was a map. The map led them across camp to find a box of matches, a ball of twine and two tent poles. Once they found those objects, they went to the fire circle to meet up with Campers 7-9, at which point, they tied the twine across the tent poles and had to build a fire big enough to burn the twine. The first team to burn their rope was the winner. 
We wrote the activity out and then drew a HUGE map of camp, labeled with each leg of the race and the numbered campers that would be running it. We hung it up in the dining hall so everyone could see it, talk about it, and get all the details worked out, as well as assign campers to each task. 
M & M were a little nervous. For the most part this summer, they've used programming that PDS and I wrote over the past 5 years. They haven't yet written their own programming and seen it come to life. It is scary to write programming- sometimes activities look great on paper and then are lame when you actually do them with kids. I've definitely had some failed attempts over the years. 
But the race was a HUGE success. The kids were really into it and running between stations, it was rewarding to see all of them engaged and excited. It was really fun to see M&M's faces because they were SO excited to see it work. It was camp magic in action!