Getting Out

On Saturday, PDS, APDA and I drove an hour into town to go to Target. Pre-camp, to training, to the first week of camp- we've been "on" for a long time now. It was good to get away from camp, away from staff, and into the "real world" for a little while. We looked like tourists touching everything in the store and exclaiming excitedly over ordinary things we shouldn't have been so impressed by.

Later in the day, once we were back to camp, we joined the staff on the pontoon for a cruise around the lake. Last summer, between my sick dog, my boyfriend and just normal craziness of the summer, I never once "hung out" with the staff. I think they were a little unsure of what it would be like to chill with the boss, because when I got on the pontoon, I could see all of them sit up a little straighter. But it was a fun day and lots of joking around, so I think they eased up pretty quickly.

I think it is important to keep a boundary between staff and I- I am not their friend. I am the person responsible for making tough decisions, maintaining rules and supporting them through this experience. In order to remain professional, fair, unbiased and objective, I can't be their friend. But I also think it is important to be approachable, relate-able and for them not to be scared of me. So hanging out every now and then is important.

Connection

The Lead Staff have gone out for drinks a few times this summer and on Friday, we invited Nurse S who was spending an extra night at camp because she and her husband were going up north the next day.

Nurse S has been a volunteer nurse for the past four years. She comes up for a week each summer and has gotten to know me, camp and some of the staff very well. She and her family come to all of the camp events and she is a huge supporter of camp. I like her a lot and I didn't think twice about including her when we went out for drinks. Anyone can come with us, we aren't an exclusive group, it's just that most of the staff are younger and would prefer to hang out together, and not with their boss.

So I was surprised when Nurse J told me how touched Nurse S had been to be included in our outing. She really appreciated being invited. I think it is easy to forget, that even once people are grown adults, with families and lives, and not dealing with peer pressure or fitting in, that even then, everyone just wants to be included.

This year, more than ever before, I've watched staff (and volunteers) struggle with insecurity over their "place" at camp. Camp, more than any other job, is such an emotional connection. It's not just this camp either, I've heard this same thing at multiple camps, from other camp directors, at camp trainings, etc. I referred to the first camp I worked at as "my camp" for several years after I'd left. The connection that people make, the traditions, the feeling of belonging, and just the overall feeling of camp lead people to become very attached. And with that attachment can also come an insecurity. People want to make sure there is still a place for them.

I have worked hard to create a strong community and a "camp family" atmosphere. It's a great thing, but it also means that people get emotional about camp and want to make sure they matter. Part of my job is to manage people's egos, people's emotion and make sure they continue to feel valued, connected and part of the community.

For me, I NEED staff and volunteers- I couldn't do this alone. So in my mind, I think, "OF COURSE I still need you! Why would you question that?!" It never even crossed my mind that Nurse S wouldn't be included or have a place with us. If anything, I was hoping she would WANT to come with us. So hearing that she was so happy to be included was a good reminder to me that people need to be told they are valued, even if it seems obvious to me that they are. It's so important to share good, positive, happy feedback and never assume people know you are pleased.

Demotion?

First weekend complete. I consider that as much of a success as completing the first week of camp. The weekend is not a relaxing time for me- sometimes it is, but with twenty 19-22 year olds running around, enjoying their first freedom after a week, my job never ends.

Counselor J was hired as the Head Female Counselor/ Ministry Specialist. Counselor J is anxious and awkward, but very focused on whatever job she is given, organized and has a strong desire to succeed. Some of the staff were surprised by my choice because she is not the most popular staff member and she's a bit socially awkward. But jobs are not popularity contests and more often than not (people are generally really predicable), when you give someone a leadership role, they will rise to the occasion.

Unfortunately, that didn't happen in her case. Counselor J is a great counselor, a strong leader and really great at what she does when she is doing any of those things. But the minute she thinks about it, or feels like she is being watched, she gets so self conscious that it is literally painful to watch as she struggles and nearly collapses under the pressure.

Ministry was BAD this week. Staff and kids were complaining and while I care very much about each individual staff member and their development and growth, ultimately, if my program is suffering and we aren't putting out a quality product, something has to change. I planned to talk to her about it, basically taking away all of her responsibilities, but between the rain, her being sick and having to go to the doctor and be in the health center and just the craziness of the week, I didn't have an opportunity. And because I wanted to replace her with a "ministry team" (made up of several staff), I had to announce it at the meeting. I felt really terrible about the way I had to handle it, but there wasn't any other way.

So 5 minutes after the meeting, as Nurse J, PDS, PDP, APDA and I readied ourselves to go out for a celebratory margarita, I had to stop and have a conversation with HYSTERICAL Counselor J. She was so upset and I tried to talk it out with her, but she was too upset to talk. I told her to think about it for a while and we could talk later in the weekend.

We talked the next day and she had calmed down a lot. She was still upset and felt like she should quit. But after about an hour of talking, during which I explained that I still valued her and wanted to work with her, but that the pressure had been too much and I was actually worried about her, she was able to understand why I'd made that decision. She agreed to give it some time and see how the change goes. And by the end, she was smiling and happy and I am hopeful that it will be for the best.

I care very much about my staff and it is difficult to make tough decisions sometimes. I try very hard to keep the best interest of camp as my motivation in every decision, followed closely by the best interest of the staff. They don't always match up, but I am always hopeful that I do the right thing.

Sunshine and Honor

After the rainiest week I've ever had at camp, the sun finally came out on Friday and the parents were greeted by sunshine, smiling campers and happy staff. By Thursday night, I'd had 4 counselors break down and cry, and I'd had to deal with behavior or other issues with every single cabin. Kids and staff were tired, sick of being cold and wet, and ready for a break. But Friday was a perfect day and camp life was good again. I was actually really sad to see the kids go home- don't get me wrong, I NEEDED a break, but they were so fun and funny and cute and I always feel a little sad when we say goodbye.

One part of the closing ceremony is awards. Kids get awards for activities, one cabin wins the spirit award and we award counselor of the week to one staff member.

HP was a leader-in-training 4 years ago, then a counselor in training, then a junior counselor last year. Camp is his life. He is a triplet and his two brothers are athletic and popular. HP is quiet, kind of awkward, and before he came to camp 4 years ago, his mother warned me that he might not make it though the week because he is not socially capable. I was literally terrified of him when he got off the bus because his mother had built him up so much I was really worried he was going to be a monster. But he was quiet and sweet and nerdy and wonderful. So then I spent the whole week confused and still waiting for his terrible side to show.

Four years later, I have yet to see anything except an awkward kid who is desperate to fit in and be recognized as an individual. At camp, he is accepted for who he is, he is an individual and everyone loves him. And yet, when he applied to be a counselor this year, I struggled terribly with the decision. I knew how much camp meant to him and I knew if he didn't get the job, he'd be crushed. But I was REALLY concerned that he would be too timid and nervous to actually be in charge of a cabin of kids. His interview wasn't great- he was so nervous he could barely answer my questions. I really didn't know what the right answer was, but ultimately, I decided to give him a chance and see how it would go this summer. I knew he would be safe and kids would be safe, but I didn't know if I could expect much more than that. I planned to work with him this summer and give him a lot of guidance.

So imagine my surprise when, given a cabin of spacey little 7 and 8 years olds, he spent the week organized, calm, easy going, patient, and the kids were IN LOVE with him. He was exceptional. He was my vote for staff of the week, but not only mine, but won by a landslide.

When we announced his name at the award ceremony, he had the same reaction Miss America does- his eyes got wide, he took a shocked deep breath in while covering his mouth with his hand, he stood for a moment without breathing or moving and then came to the stage to shakily accept his blanket (the prize that they get). He went back to his seat clutching it as if it was a bar of gold. Later, when I congratulated him and told him it was a landslide, he said, "I just don't understand- everyone worked so hard and I can't believe it." I think it was the most adorable, satisfying staff of the week win I've ever seen. It means the world to him just to be here, but to be recognized for doing a good job was really meaningful to him.

For me, it is incredible to see an individual go from a quiet kid, grow into a leader and be so obviously affected by his experience with camp. I know camp makes a difference and changes peoples lives, but seeing it so obviously is incredibly rewarding and I selfishly hope to experience that level of pride and achievement with many more staff and campers to come.

First week complete. And, despite some drama and nonsense, I'm calling it a success...

Rescue

Today I got dragged off by the sheriff.

Not in handcuffs or anything- in a boat.

Around 11 this morning, I got a phone call from Counselor N, who was calling from the cell phone we keep in the boat in case of emergencies. The boat had gas, but had stopped working and they were stranded.

APDA and I called the police because last year, I had asked the DNR what to do if someone got stranded and they told me you could call 911 and be rescued. I knew we couldn't drag the pontoon with canoes or even our little rescue boat (which is a small row boat with a motor), so, with the police on the way, we ran down to the beach to get in the rescue boat to go out and let them know what was going on and to stay calm. Except that neither of us know how to use the rescue boat, so I had someone go get MA to help.

It was about 60 degrees outside, drizzling and the kids had all jumped in the water to go swimming off the pontoon, so they were wet and freezing. MA and I drove out to the pontoon and he attempted to fix the motor, but he couldn't get it to work either. The police were no where in sight and so we decided to take 4 kids at a time in the rescue boat to get them back to the beach. It took over an hour for him to go back and forth with the kids. I was impressed that the campers were so patient and positive, despite being stuck, having to be patient, and getting colder and colder. I gave away my jacket and sweatshirt, and so I was feeling pretty miserable as well.

Eventually we got all of the kids off the boat and it was just Counselor N and I. By that time, the pontoon had floated near a dock and was crashing into it, lifting the sections up and I was panicking that we were going to damage the dock or the boat. So Counselor N jumped back in the water to try to push the boat away and we tied onto a tree that was hanging over the lake from shore. In the process of that, I dropped the phone in the lake, so I couldn't call APDA on shore. We were wet, wondering where the police were and laughing at the ridiculousness.

MA came back and took Counselor N back to camp and the police showed up at the same time. An hour and a half after this whole thing started, they towed me and the pontoon back to the beach. I was wet and cold, but yet another crisis had been faced and solved. It's only Thursday of the FIRST WEEK!! If we keep going at this rate, it's going to be a ridiculous summer...

And Then More Rain...

After it rained all day Tuesday, I was hoping the sun would come out yesterday. But that was not the case. The rain continued, not letting up for even a few minutes.

We'd adjusted activities on Tuesday, but I didn't think we could make it through another day like that. So the Lead Staff and I sat down at breakfast and re-wrote the whole day. We planned several different counselor shows, a hot chocolate break in the afternoon, a carnival (complete with prizes) and readied ourselves for the day. It was EXHAUSTING, because lead staff led everything, so while some of us were leading one activity, the others were finishing plans and setting up for the next. We ran all day to be two steps ahead of the group. And it was a success, but really, so intense.

The first activity was all camp crafting- making carnival masks out of paper plates, feathers, glitter and fun stuff from the art barn. Counselor A was still struggling with his group of 14 year old boys and the idea of attempting to get them to make crafts for an hour was weighing on my mind.

I think one of the most difficult things I have to train staff is the balance between treating all kids the same, being fair and consistent, but also knowing when you have to treat kids entirely different. Expecting 14 year old boys to quietly craft was not going to work. So even though that's what everyone was doing, I decided to give them a different option. I met with them and asked them what their ideal day at camp would look like. They came up with a whole list of ideas and since we'd dropped the regular schedule anyway, I decided to re-write their whole day, customized to their ideas. Counselor A wasn't so sure- he expressed his concern that it didn't make sense to reward them with what they wanted when they weren't listening very well. But here's the thing- they weren't listening because they were bored. So my options were to be in a power struggle with them all day, attempting to force them to behave, while they expressed their boredom, OR, to set them up for success by occupying them with activities where they would behave.

So while everyone else crafted masks, they played soccer in the rain. After soccer, they had asked to swim in the rain. It was REALLY cold and pouring, but there wasn't lightening or wind, so I was fine with it and even agreed to lifeguard for them. Watching them jump into the lake, fully clothed, screaming as they hit the cold water and then repeatedly jumping off the dock as it poured made being wet and cold myself, totally worth it. Moments like that are what camp is all about. Kids remember the special things- the unexpected, the unplanned. They were so happy and completely swept into the experience. We weren't lecturing them about listening or telling them to follow directions. It was a perfect moment of camp magic.

The rain continued ALL day and by the end of the day, and even though our alternate activities were good, being cooped up inside was stressful. Kids and staff were all a little whinny and crabby by the end of the day, but we made it through.

Rain...

At 1:30am Tuesday night, I found myself standing in my living room with PDP and Counselor A. I vaguely remember them knocking on my bedroom door, myself and two alert bulldogs tumbling out of bed and then walking out to talk to them, but it was all very dreamlike.

Apparently his boys were being loud, obnoxious, refused to turn off their flashlights and he needed help. The boys cabins are a long, dark walk away from my house, so we got into my car and headed to his cabin.

I turned on the light and asked what was going on. I told them that they needed to quiet down, go to sleep and if I had to come back, we would be waking up their parents, regardless of the time. Having the director show up, half asleep and crabby, is enough to scare most kids into better behavior and it worked like a charm.

The middle of the night wake up call should have been a warning that yesterday was going to be interesting. It rained all day today. We made it through activities, sending the canoers into the lodge to build boats and having the fishers make cute fish crafts. It was a long day, but the kids and staff were doing well. We moved the dance party to last night, hoping today would be sunny and we could make s'mores over the campfire.

During the dance party, I was in my house, taking a quick break while everyone was occupied when Counselor HP ran in and said I needed to go to the health center because the fire alarms were blasting. It was POURING rain, so I threw on my rain coat and headed over. There wasn't a fire, but the whole building was SCREECHING and the fire lights were blinking. Nurse J and I flipped the circuit breaker, pushed on the smoke detectors, and even attempted to dismantle one of the alarms. Finally, we called the fire department and asked them to send someone out.

It was almost time for shower time, and Nurse S was already at the bathrooms, preparing to hand out medication. Except that she didn't have the medication yet. She had gone for the dance, and Nurse J said she would bring it. But we were waiting for the fire department, so I grabbed the two giant boxes, put them in my car and was about to drive there (keep in mind, it is still POURING at that point), but just as I backed out, Counselor HP runs up, directing the fire truck and so I told him to drive my car and drop off the medication. He responded with, "I don't have a drivers license." I asked if he knew how to drive and he said yes, but he struggled to get the car into reverse and I was panicking that he was going to end up in a ditch. He had to go around the backside of camp because the short path to the lodge was being blocked by the fire truck.

I ran back to the health center to talk to them (apparently a power surge from lightning can set it off and you just have to wait 20 minutes for it to re-set). A few minutes later, PDP came to the health center, looking for the medication and I said, "I sent HP in my car, isn't he there?"

We both went running out of the health center, ran through the pouring rain to look for him, my car and the medication. At that point, I was completely soaked, as if I'd fallen in the lake. When he came running towards us from the archery field, I feared the worst, as my car was no where in sight. He had gotten lost, didn't know how to turn on the de-frost and so he'd abandoned the car and come to find us. PDP went to get the car and we brought Nurse S the medication.

When I stopped to take a deep breath, I shook my head- this was not one of my finer moments of leadership. I'm not sure why I panicked and felt like the medication needed to be rushed to the lodge so badly that I put a staff who couldn't drive in my car. In the moment, it felt like a necessary response, but really, I could have waited a few minutes and drove them myself. I think the combination of the blaring alarm, the pouring rain and having to shout everything I said made it feel like more of a crisis than it really was. But everything ended up just fine and camp continues.

Changes...

Last year, three factors made the summer different than ever before

1. PDS and APDA were both return staff and I felt really confident in them so I let them take the lead on programming more so than ever before. In years prior, I led every single program, but last year, I led very few.

2. Part of the reason I didn't lead programming was because we were going through re-certification, so I had TONS of paperwork. I pretty much sat in the office all day, every day and just worked.

3. Almost all of the staff was new.

In my mind, I still thought of myself as very involved with staff (I always lead programming) but none of them had actually seen that and I made it through most of the summer without actually being involved. In hindsight, it's no surprise they were all nervous for their midsummer reviews and intimidated by me.

This year, I don't have the same intense paperwork, I have three lead staff, Nurse J and Counselor M (who worked in the office this year) has been out of a cabin this week and helping with programming. We had one too many counselors this week and since she already knows the computer system, she was a natural choice. But she is also doing an exceptional job taking initiative, being a leader and taking on extra work.

Which means that I have a lot more free time than ever before. I don't have to upload pictures and blog at midnight (two different people have those responsibilities). Programming is planned, responsibilities are all equally spread out and camp is fun. It is more fun than ever before, because I am not trying to run around like a crazy person and do everything myself.

I still have a constant feeling of anxiety, like I have a million things to do, even though everything is getting done. Delegating is the hardest skill I've had to learn, but it works.

This week, I am leading an activity called "survival skills". Today we built a fort, which was super fun and hilarious. At break time, PDP pulled out some buckets and drumsticks and lead an impromptu drumline. Later, I got involved in an intense circle game called "zumie zumie" with the 14 year old boys and it was several minutes before I realized that my job is to play... all day... with kids... How did I get so lucky?

Not So Smooth

Sunday was so perfect and I was charmed into thinking I was going to spend the summer basking in the sun and frolicking through fields of flowers.

The kids this week are all sponsored by a nun who has been sending kids to camp for 20 years. She raises all of the money, gives them sleeping bags and toothbrushes and everything they need for camp. Kids are kids and these kids are no different than the rest of our campers. Except that they are different because instead of parents calling and emailing me obsessively for every little detail, many of these kids come without any other preparation than what the nuns do for them.

We have twin 8 year old boys this week who both have severe asthma. Their parents didn't send the correct medication for them. Because so many of the medical forms were incomplete, it took Nurse J and our other nurse for this week two days to organize everything, call parents and sort out the information they needed. So it was Monday morning before the nurse called to ask about these boys, and even then, the mom said it was fine. But then the dad called back later to say he would drive it up to camp that evening.

But by Monday afternoon, the camper was wheezing and very sick and when I got a walkie talkie call from Nurse J saying she was heading into the local city (where the hospital is), my response was, "I will be right over [to the health center]". She took him to the ER and, as it turns out, he was even sicker than we thought and they were preparing to airlift him to the big city. Luckily they were able to get his oxygen up and didn't need to do that, but it took several hours.

The parents were headed up to camp to bring the medication, but by this time, it was 9pm. On the way, they hit a deer and messed up their car and so by the time they got to camp, they were really stressed out. It took a lot longer at the hospital than Nurse J had expected and so they eventually decided to go there. Except that they got lost and had to come back to camp. By this time it was 11:30pm and everyone was tired.

Nurse J got back to camp with the camper at midnight. The parents took him home and I collapsed into bed thinking, "It's only MONDAY!"

Meanwhile...

Earlier in the evening, I was sitting in the bathroom supervising the kids as they brushed their teeth and got ready for bed. The oldest girls were getting ready and chatting and I overhead one of the girls names. Except that it wasn't her name, it was her sister. I had received an email on Sunday saying that they had tried to convince the nun to let her sister come at the last minute and she'd said no. She wasn't sure if the right girl got on the bus, but the camper (and the parents) had said that was her, so unless they were lying to her face (a nun!), that was right.

All of the paperwork, including her activity sign up sheet she had filled out, said her sister's name. But when I heard that and asked if she was her sister, she admitted it. I didn't say anything to her- she's 12. Her PARENTS told her to lie.

I know they probably thought, "what's the big deal which kid comes?" But this discovery came at the same time I had just sent a kid to the hospital. If I had to bring her to the hospital, I would have NO information on her. Also, her sister is one medication, which, during health checks, she claimed not to have with her. But the problem is, if that medication had been here, and we'd given it to her (thinking she was her sister), she would have gone into cardiac arrest.

Paperwork is important and knowing which kid are responsible for is important.

I'm not going to send her home; it's not her fault. But I'm annoyed. What are parents thinking sometimes?!

I just keep shaking my head today and saying, "it's the third day!"

First Day!

As I clipped on my fanny pack and attached my walkie talkie, I excitedly said, "locked and loaded! Let's do this!" [I've gotta give my lead staff credit for smiling politely and humoring my nerdiness].

It's the first day of camp! Approximately 80 kids- 7-17 years old arrived on two buses, excited and ready for some fun! I was nervous, as I always am when the bus arrives, but there were so many return campers and kids running up to hug me, I calmed down right away.

One of the first things I saw was a little boy (7 years old), standing by the bus as staff unloaded luggage. He was saying, "I have to find my monkey" over and over again. I told him I would help him and eventually we spotted a big blue stuff monkey. He hugged it tight and I asked if he wanted to take the monkey with him to the circle of kids or if he wanted to leave it with his backpack. He put it down, looked at it and said, "you stay here" and then did that motion where you point your two fingers at your eyes and then at someone else's and said, "I'm watching you." I forgot how young seven year olds are.

The day was wonderful and exciting and the staff were filled with enthusiasm and I know that every day isn't going to be as smooth, but it was a great kick off to the summer.

A Break!

After 4 weeks of nonstop activity, I am free (sorta- it is the summer after all!). Training ended this afternoon and I feel very confident and happy with the staff and I know that we are going to have a great summer.

We ended training at 3pm and at 3:05, PDS, PDP, APDA, Nurse J and I were all in a car on our way to margaritas. It was great to have a chance to not be going from one thing to the next. And while I am still responsible for all of them, for the buildings, and, in about 48 hours, 80ish campers, I was able to relax for a few moments before the craziness of camp.

Canoe Trip

Success!

On Tuesday morning, after we announced the canoe trip the night before, we took a trip around the island to practice canoeing. It took us about an hour- it was sunny, calm, and a perfect day. We paired people up- strong canoers and more nervous people. Several people looked nervous when we began, but by the end, everyone was looking much more confident and feeling more excited.

When we woke up to rain yesterday morning, I was not feeling excited at all. We'd said "rain or shine" but I'm a wimp about these things, so I wasn't sure how it would be. But it wasn't storming, the water was calm, and despite the constant drizzle, it wasn't terribly cold, so we spent the morning packing tents, food, sleeping bags and clothes (bagging much of it in garbage bags to keep it dry).

After lunch, we gave everyone 10 minutes for final preparation and told them to meet us in the boating bay for departure. It was at that point that utter and complete panic overtook me and I couldn't breathe and I had to fight back the tears as I walked across the field (bursting into tears when I arrived at my front door). It wasn't that I was nervous about the canoe trip (although I was a little nervous for that too). My dad leaves camp (for his trip to Alaska) today. He and I have been fighting about this trip since he was in the hospital. He is still healing and definitely not back to full strength. I didn't think it was a good idea.

A few days ago we had a really emotional conversation where we both cried (and my mountain man, grizzly adams dad doesn't cry- EVER) as he explained that he needed to go back one more time. His health is going to continue to go downhill and he needs to go back while he still can. He said he would take it easy and promised he wasn't going there to die.

But as my staff packed the canoes, all I could think was, "this might be the last time I see my dad" and I was having a hard time directing staff (who were nervous about the adventure), in the rain, while my dad stood by and watched.

As they took one last bathroom break, my dad and I walked off to the side where I burst into tears. He and I stood hugging, both of us crying (me hysterical) and he promised not to die and told me he would be back soon. I didn't want my staff to see me cry and I knew I needed to focus on the major task ahead, but I felt like I was going to throw up.

I managed to get myself together, say goodbye and then, with all of the effort in the world, say in a confident, excited voice, "okay! let's head out!"

Paddling took MUCH less time than we'd estimated. The rain stopped about an hour into the trip and there was little wind to begin with, and when we'd initially planned, it was the worst case scenario, so we'd over-estimated the amount of time. So about an hour and half into the trip, we'd crossed the lake (which was, according to the map, halfway through our journey) and I pleasantly surprised but also sort of confused because we were going so fast. By that time, everyone was feeling much more confident, had found their paddling rhythm and there was a lot of joking, talking, singing and we were all really enjoying ourselves. I actually had to pause paddling several times because I was laughing so hard. It was a great improvement over the crying from earlier.

We arrived to the camp site in just under 2.5 hours. I was relieved, happy and proud of everyone. We set up camp, cooked dinner, played games around the fire, ate s'mores and had a fabulous night. Sleeping on the ground after a long day of paddling was a little rough- I woke up to the sound of APDA whimpering around 1am. I gave her advil and she managed to fall back asleep for a while. There was a very loud owl, and then a howling coyote as well, but overall, it wasn't a bad night of sleep.

We woke up the next day, ate breakfast, packed up and headed back to camp. We didn't have any rain or wind on the way back. We were really tired by the time we made it back to camp, but everyone was just bursting with pride and the camaraderie was incredible. We unpacked, ate lunch and then had the whole afternoon to nap and relax.

After dinner, we did a de-brief and staff shared highs, lows, etc. It was a little scary to hear all of them talk about how much confidence and trust they'd had in us, considering just how much doubt I'd had. But they accomplished a major feat because we said they could do it. I was very proud of them.

I'd told them before we left that the canoe trip was a metaphor for the summer- there will be times they are too tired, frustrated, annoyed and don't feel like they can go on. They will need to rely on each other and find strength from within to persevere instead of give up. It's a great lesson to learn. I was really happy we went through with it. If this trip is any indication, it is going to be a great summer.

Advanced Staff Training

This is my 12th summer of camp and I think the 10th time I have helped or fully led staff training. I love staff training. I love scheduling it, love leading team building, I love every part about it.

But this year has been a different challenge than I've ever experienced before. I have 17 return staff and 4 new staff. Of the four new staff, one was a counselor for several years (at a different camp), one was a volunteer missionary with teens all last year and the other two are just really "with it". We're not working with your average bunch staff. They have been humoring me- acting out scenarios, responding to my lectures, and participating, but it's clear that they are a little bit bored because they have done this before and know what to do.

So when PDP came to me and suggested that instead of just doing a normal staff overnight camping trip, we canoe (nine miles) to the site, I actually considered it. Two years ago, he took a group of 14 year old boys, so I didn't think it was an impossible feat. I knew it might be a challenge and some people wouldn't be excited about it, and also that I would have to change around the entire training schedule to accommodate it.

He, PDS, and I talked about it, discussed worst case scenarios, emergency procedures and every possible thing we could think of. We brought APDA into the discussion and she burst into tears- she was not excited, but even with that hesitation, we moved forward with plans.

A little while ago, we made the announcement to the staff- some cheered, a few cried. On a scale of one to ten (their feelings about the trip)- there were some tens, some zeros, some in the middle. I told them to think about it overnight, write down any questions they have, but not to spend the night panicking. I'm slightly nervous about this idea, but I think it will work out okay.

We'll see...

Training Day 1

"I know it is difficult to imagine that 2 weeks from now, these people (who you are just meeting for the first time today) will have become some of your best friends. 2 WEEKS! In real life, sometimes don't even know some people's names after two weeks but at camp, pretty soon, you will be reading each others' minds."

That was part of my welcome speech this morning. And it's true- the bonds you form at camp are fast, intense and produce life long friendships.

Being a camp staff member is a journey- I can sometimes see people growing before my eyes. I can't say enough how much I enjoy being part of that experience and what an honor it is to be able to play that role in these people's lives.

I have worked incredibly hard to build a community and create a "camp family". I want campers, staff, volunteers, even parents who aren't attending camp to feel a connection to camp and experience a sense of belonging.

All of that being said, makes this next statement difficult to say- I am definitely going to fire someone this summer. I am not happy about that and not looking forward to it in any way. I don't even know who it is going to be or why they will be fired. But I have a gut feeling and I know it is coming. I'm just hoping that it is only one person and it is not for anything too serious.

Today was the first day of training. Yesterday was CPR/First aid, and prior to that was 4 days of Life guarding. Some staff have been here for almost a week now, but today was the first official day. And already there was drama. Nurse J came to talk to me about two different people who were talking to her about other staff. Two staff were asking about going into town to buy cigars (um, hello, what part of "can you give up alcohol and tobacco for 10 weeks" didn't you understand in the interview??). With 16 of 20 staff are returning this summer, we are at an advantage in some ways- I don't anticipate nearly as many issues with cabin management, organizational issues or nervousness about programming. I do however expect more issues with staff drama- they already know each other and there's no honeymoon period where they are all nice, polite and getting along.

Despite being the first day of training, all day I couldn't escape the feeling that they were just a little out of control, a little too relaxed, and a little less under my control than I like. So we'll see...

Homeless?

Four of the staff arrived today and there was lots of screaming and hugging and skipping around and laughter as they ran through camp, touching everything and celebrating their arrival. After dinner and the first day of the "Turtle Run Club" (PDS, PDP and I running while whining about being out of shape), I was chatting on the phone when my new maintenance assistant (MA) knocked on the door.

"Um, I was wondering if you had any empty cabins somewhere at camp that I could possibly stay in?" He was wearing a backpack and looking like a lost puppy.

I asked him to sit down and tell me what was going on. He told me his grandparents had kicked him out of his house and he didn't have anywhere to go. I asked if that happened often and he said yes. His dad lives in a nearby town and they have a difficult relationship, which causes tension with his grandparents. After a few days it usually passes and he can go home.

I knew he probably didn't have the ideal home life when he told me he'd moved away from home two years ago to live with his grandparents, so I wasn't shocked at all of this information. I asked what he usually does when this happens and he told me sometimes he goes to a friend's house, but that friend is out of town, or sometimes he sleeps outside. When I asked, "like in a tent?" he said, "no, just outside. You know where the docks are? Under those. I could catch the bus for school on the road nearby." My reply, "so, like a homeless person?" He's working two jobs this summer to try to afford his own place to live, and then he offered to pay rent if I let him stay in a cabin.

I told him that most of our staff live onsite and he could too, as long as he followed the code of conduct rules. I gave him a few choices for cabins and he decided to move in with the two male counselors that just arrived. I took him to the cabin, showed him the locker room, bathrooms, the dining hall, told him what time meals are served and then introduced him to the staff. MA is very quiet and looked a little nervous about the overly excited, giggling group, but he went with them to watch a movie and hang out.

When I returned to my house, it occurred to me that his small backpack probably didn't have any bedding in it, so I got out sheets, a blanket, a pillow, a towel, and then made a toiletry bag with soap, shampoo, a toothbrush and toothpaste. I'm not sure what he has with him, and while a bare mattress in a cabin is probably better than under a dock outside, the idea of him falling asleep with nothing is entirely too sad to even consider.

I should probably be more cynical, cautious and my response to a troubled 18 year old who just got kicked out of his house should be much more skeptical. But my natural instinct is to assume the best of people. And thus far, he's been a hard worker, taken initiative several times, been very respectful and helpful. He's been kind, had a great attitude and he smiles a lot. He hasn't given me any reason to hesitate to help him. He reminds me of an abandoned puppy, sweet and pathetic and every time I see him, I just want to offer him milk and cookies and tell him everything will be okay.

In the 5 hours the other four staff have been here, every single one of them has knocked on my door needing something (a sweatshirt, a scanner, several questions). Taking care of needy 19 year olds is a big part of my job. My exBF never understood this and it drove him insane. "They are staff. You are their boss. They need to be more professional." He didn't understand that camp is a much different job than anywhere else. They aren't just here for a shift and then go home. They live here, it's 24/7, it's intense and constant, and 19 is so much younger than anyone realizes. Yes, they are employees and they have to be able to do their jobs, but when you live at your workplace, your boss has a lot of influence on your life overall.

So MA appearing on my doorstep carrying a small backpack, with no where to go, no plan and apparently no family or friends to turn to was no different than all of the other needs of all of the other staff. He's less innocent, sheltered and Jesus loving than my typical staff, but he's still a kid, struggling to be independent but just as in need of a parent as ever. He's only worked here one week, so the fact that he felt like camp was a safe place and that I was someone he could go to for help means that either I've done a really good job of building a welcoming environment or I have "sucker" written all over me. I hope that living at camp is just what he needs to help him through this difficult time rather than this being a lesson to me about needing to be more skeptical.