Proposal!

PDS arrived on Saturday and our fabulous lead staff foursome is now complete. I couldn't be more thrilled that she is here. Her creativity, easy-going way, kindness and sense of humor make her one of the most wonderful people I know. She's a slightly younger, more campy version of my best friend X, meaning that, as a human being, she is clearly exceptional. She has been with me since the beginning and I can't imagine camp without her!

Prior to her arrival, PDP, APDA and I have talked nonstop about the upcoming proposal- when, how, and all of the little details. PDP is one of the most girly men I have ever met. Ordinarily, that would probably be considered an insult, but I don't mean it in a bad way. He is sensitive, open with his feelings, incredibly thoughtful, romantic and genuine in everything he does. He doesn't hold back to try to be cool or put up a front.

He got excited every time she sent a text, glowed with happiness when he talked about her. He had several crafts he wanted to make to decorate for her arrival. He included us in all of his plans, asking for advice, sharing his ideas and letting us help. He wasn't macho or egotistic- just really open and genuine and expressive. It was really fun to be able to be part of such a special experience in two people's lives.

On Sunday, he took her to a nearby big city, they walked on the boardwalk, spent time together and eventually found a bench, where they sat and chatted and then he got down on one knee and asked her to marry him. Afterwards, they went to a fancy dinner. While they were gone, APDA and I hung decorations made chocolate covered strawberries, set out champagne and flowers and had the house ready for when they returned. I can't say enough how wonderful it was to be part of their day.

They are madly in love, completely devoted to each other, committed to their relationship and I am (at the risk of sounding really cheesy) actually inspired by being around them. If I hadn't already broken up with my (now ex) BF, I think it's possible I would have this summer.

Every girl deserves the amount of effort PDP puts in and the complete devotion he has for PDS. My exBF couldn't even manage to plan a date and over and over, I excused him, arguing that he "wasn't a planner" but it's not about ability, it's about desire. Watching two people who are so in love makes me realize just how empty my relationship was. I'm not sure I was even in love with him. I was definitely in love with the idea of being in love and with what I imagined he could be. It was nice having someone, but ultimately, when that someone has the emotional expressiveness of a brick wall, just having someone isn't enough. There was nothing really there and we were simply going through the motions, co-existing, but not actually connected. I wanted more. I deserve more.

Right after we broke up, I really struggled as I wondered if I'd made the right decision. I was stressed out and lonely, with little to keep me distracted while I lived at deserted camp in the woods. Time away has helped- I miss having someone, but I don't miss him. And spending time with PDS and PDP has shown me how beautiful and amazing a relationship can be. I feel refreshed and hopeful when I am around them and I hope with everything that I can find that kind of connection someday too.