Proposal!

PDS arrived on Saturday and our fabulous lead staff foursome is now complete. I couldn't be more thrilled that she is here. Her creativity, easy-going way, kindness and sense of humor make her one of the most wonderful people I know. She's a slightly younger, more campy version of my best friend X, meaning that, as a human being, she is clearly exceptional. She has been with me since the beginning and I can't imagine camp without her!

Prior to her arrival, PDP, APDA and I have talked nonstop about the upcoming proposal- when, how, and all of the little details. PDP is one of the most girly men I have ever met. Ordinarily, that would probably be considered an insult, but I don't mean it in a bad way. He is sensitive, open with his feelings, incredibly thoughtful, romantic and genuine in everything he does. He doesn't hold back to try to be cool or put up a front.

He got excited every time she sent a text, glowed with happiness when he talked about her. He had several crafts he wanted to make to decorate for her arrival. He included us in all of his plans, asking for advice, sharing his ideas and letting us help. He wasn't macho or egotistic- just really open and genuine and expressive. It was really fun to be able to be part of such a special experience in two people's lives.

On Sunday, he took her to a nearby big city, they walked on the boardwalk, spent time together and eventually found a bench, where they sat and chatted and then he got down on one knee and asked her to marry him. Afterwards, they went to a fancy dinner. While they were gone, APDA and I hung decorations made chocolate covered strawberries, set out champagne and flowers and had the house ready for when they returned. I can't say enough how wonderful it was to be part of their day.

They are madly in love, completely devoted to each other, committed to their relationship and I am (at the risk of sounding really cheesy) actually inspired by being around them. If I hadn't already broken up with my (now ex) BF, I think it's possible I would have this summer.

Every girl deserves the amount of effort PDP puts in and the complete devotion he has for PDS. My exBF couldn't even manage to plan a date and over and over, I excused him, arguing that he "wasn't a planner" but it's not about ability, it's about desire. Watching two people who are so in love makes me realize just how empty my relationship was. I'm not sure I was even in love with him. I was definitely in love with the idea of being in love and with what I imagined he could be. It was nice having someone, but ultimately, when that someone has the emotional expressiveness of a brick wall, just having someone isn't enough. There was nothing really there and we were simply going through the motions, co-existing, but not actually connected. I wanted more. I deserve more.

Right after we broke up, I really struggled as I wondered if I'd made the right decision. I was stressed out and lonely, with little to keep me distracted while I lived at deserted camp in the woods. Time away has helped- I miss having someone, but I don't miss him. And spending time with PDS and PDP has shown me how beautiful and amazing a relationship can be. I feel refreshed and hopeful when I am around them and I hope with everything that I can find that kind of connection someday too.

Serious Stuff

When I think of camp, I think about glitter, rainbows, sunshine, sugar, laughter, carefree joyful frolicking through fields of flowers. If you've read this blog for any amount of time, you know that camp actually involves a lot more dirt, crabbiness, and HR policies, but I rarely think about the serious stuff.

In September, Nurse J got sick. She thought it was just a cough and then thought it was bronchitis. Over the following months, she went to countless doctors, ended up in the hospital several times and eventually received a diagnosis of degenerative lung disease. She's on a million medications, oxygen, undergoing chemotherapy and is on a list for a lung transplant.

Every time I talk to her (which is multiple times per week), she is upbeat, laughing, asking for camp projects to keep her busy, joking and counting down until camp. She's very sick, but you wouldn't know by her attitude. I've only found out how serious it is because she will causally mention something and I will find myself, sometimes days later, asking, "wait, what was that about a lung transplant?"

I'm not sure if she is as upbeat and casual with everyone or if she is putting on a front for me, or maybe she's in denial and camp is thing she holds onto to keep her going. She is very open and honest when I ask questions and I know that what she is dealing with is incredibly serious. And yet despite knowing the seriousness, her attitude of "no worries! I'm coming to camp in a few months and everything will be fine" has been enough to distract me and keep me thinking that it's no big deal, everything is fine.

Today Nurse J went to the hospital for more tests. She's been struggling with solid food and speaking for a while, so the diagnosis of cancer of the esophagus (in addition to the lung disease) probably shouldn't have come as a shock. But once again, her email was casual, letting me know the doctors are hesitantly allowing her to put off more chemo for three months and that the time at camp will give her a break to find clarity to "decide if she will continue to fight this". I responded with, "what is the alternative to 'fighting'?"

Once again, I found myself thinking, "no big deal, it's gonna be fine". But the more I think about her words, I think, "wait, nothing about lung transplants, cancer and 'deciding whether or not to fight' is 'no big deal'". Smiles and telling me everything is fine has been convincing, but her upbeat attitude and her words don't match.

I'm not sure if she's in denial and she's hoping the glittery, carefree magic of camp will make everything better. Or if she knows there is no hope and she's wants to have one last hurrah in a place that she (and her son, who is the most important thing in her life) loves.

She is scheduled to arrive in a week. I'm waiting to figure out what's really going on until she's here. Deep down, I think I really believe camp is magical and being here will make her better and all of the serious stuff will be replaced by frolicking through fields of flowers. I know that innocence is probably ridiculous, but I'm holding onto hope for as long as I can.

Maintenance Assistant

2 weeks ago a kid (I know I'm old because 18 year olds are "kids") showed up on my doorstep out of the blue. I had just come back from a run and was sweaty, my hair was going every direction and I wasn't wearing cute exercise clothes, rather an unfortunate combination of paint stained sweats and a dirty tee shirt. I was covered in dog hair, the dogs were going crazy and I'm surprised he didn't run away from the craziness of the whole scene. I didn't look professional or even presentable, so when he asked if I was the owner, in my head I was thinking, "don't represent camp looking like this!!" Pushing my embarrassment aside, I told him I was the director and asked what he needed.

He asked if I needed someone to cut the grass or do maintenance work. I told him I could take him name and phone number and give him a call if I had anything for him. At first I didn't think I would need him, but even though my dad is feeling much better and back to work, he's not working full time and has been struggling to keep up. With 6 hours worth of grass cutting every week has been difficult to stay ahead of and the mosquitoes have been out in SWARMS.

So I offered him 25 hours a week, cutting grass, raking, clearing brush and keeping the grounds cleared. Maintaining the grounds takes so much more time than most people can fully appreciate, so it will be nice to have some extra help.

Maintenance Assistant(MA) lives right up the road from camp, so the added benefit is that we build neighborhood relations and add one more set of eyes to watch over camp. The more I have thought about him, the more benefits to employing him I have come up with.

A few weeks ago, we'd heard a rumor from another neighbor about a teenage boy who moved in with his grandparents nearby and was a bit of a troublemaker- breaking into barns and causing trouble. MA lives with his grandparents and is a bit rough around the edges (his two questions in our interview were- can he chew while moving the lawn and does he need to cover up his tattoos). I'm not sure if he is the hoodlum we've been hearing about, but perhaps this is a situation of, "keep your friends close and your enemies closer"- ie, let's give him a job and make him our friend so he doesn't break in to our buildings.

Rumors aside, I think MA is going to be a good addition to the camp team. You have to give him credit for taking the initiative to walk over and ask for a job. I like his ambition and so far, he's been working really hard.

During his interview he told me he'd grown up in a suburb near where I grew up. A few days after he began working, I was wearing one of my old YMCA shirts and he said, "you were a staff at the Y camp". Apparently he'd been a camper at my old camp and he recognized me. When he said that, all of a sudden, 10 year old MA popped into my mind and I remembered him. When I told my best friend X and my good friend M this story, (both of whom worked at camp) they recognized his name right away. I love when "what a small world" moments happen. Him being a former camper makes me pull for his success even more.

So camp has a new maintenance assistant. We'll see how it goes.

It Begins...

Lead Staff have arrived, which means summer has officially begun.

Assistant Program Director A is back for her third year. APDA is one of the loudest people I know. Her voice is sort of screechy and the majority of my family and friends who have met her find her to be really obnoxious. But there's something about her that I really enjoy and she's incredibly organized, hard working and helpful.

Program Director S won't be here until the weekend, but she is back for her 5th summer. She has been beside me for my entire camp journey and I can't imagine camp without her. The progress that we have made over the past 3 summers is unbelievable and last year at her mid summer review, I almost burst into tears as we reflected back on everything we'v done together. I am so thrilled she is back for another summer.

Program Director P was a counselor 2 years ago, missed last summer and is back to camp, this time as a lead staff. As a counselor, he was one of the most creative, most focused, most exceptional people I have ever worked with. I am thrilled that he is going to be a lead staff this summer.

In an interesting twist, about 6 months ago, PDS and PDP began dating! I was very surprised but very excited as I can't think of two nicer, more fabulous people. They are both very traditional and haven't dated much, and the moment I heard they were dating, I thought, "oh, they are going to end up getting married for sure!"

So when PDP asked me if I had a safe deposit box at camp yesterday and I asked why, I wasn't surprised at all when he pulled out a ring. Well, I was a little surprised because it's only been 6 months, but since PDS told me she was moving to Wisconsin at the end of the summer (where PDP has been accepted to grad school), engagement was clearly around the corner.

Two days into "summer" and already it looks like it will be action packed, filled with many interesting twists and I can't wait to see what is next...

Work Weekend 2011

This weekend was our annual work weekend. Usually it is at the end of April, but this year we pushed it back to give my dad some extra time to heal (and because registration was really low in April, so we were hoping more people would sign up).

Work weekend is always a WHIRLWIND. We had about 65 volunteers this year, which is slightly lower than in the past, and it rained all day on Saturday, and yet, we still got an amazing amount of work done. Everywhere I looked, people we cleaning, clearing paths, fixing screen doors, plumbing, doing electrical work and many other random things.

For 3 years, I've been annoyed that the light switch for the kitchen is at the back of the kitchen, meaning you have to navigate through a dark room before you can turn on the lights. A team of electricians did a variety of jobs this weekend, including putting a light switch outside the kitchen, adding outlets in places we've been wishing for outlets, motion sensors and timers on some of the lights as well as installing new, more energy efficient lights in the main lodge.

Possibly the best part of the weekend was a compliment I received from a man who was on the board of directors for almost 20 years and has been involved with camp since the 1980s. He told me he had never seen camp looking so well cared for. I appreciated his compliment because he has been around for a long time and has seen it at its best and worst.

By the time the last volunteer left today, I started feeling more ready, and excited for camp than I have for weeks. Summer is near...

Getting Through

Camp is not fun without staff, kids, programming, or sunshine. I thought being here would give me 2 months head start on organizing and getting ready for camp. But it has rained the majority of the time I have been here and all I have wanted to do is sit on the couch.

I broke up with my boyfriend shortly before coming to camp and even though I was the one who ended the relationship, I have been struggling to find peace with my decision. Endless days of nothing to do but think hasn't exactly helped and I think it's possible I've been close to losing my mind on multiple occasions.

For a few weeks, I was also fighting with my brother, which was actually worse than the end of my relationship. My brother is one of my most favorite people and not having him to talk to regularly and being mad, combined with endless hours of thinking... bad news.

I know that the gray rainy weather and my gray mood won't last forever- summer will be here soon. So I've just been trying to be nice to myself and patient and understanding that sometimes there are rough patches and I just have to get through it until it gets better.

I've spend endless hours on the phone with my best friend and with my mom. I've spent a lot of time with my puppies. I'm just getting through the in-between time right now. And I see glimmers of the sun, so I know that pretty soon, it will be better....

Final Paper

For my final paper for class, I had to choose a nonprofit organization to write about. The first five pages traced the history- from the beginning stages until present day. The last three pages analyzed the current position of the organization.

Founded in 1947, camp has been around for a long time. However, the history of the organization, photos, stories, artifacts, are limited. Over the past three years, I have heard stories, found things in drawers, met people who have filled in details, and little by little put together the pieces. It is sad that an organization that has been around for so long has not been preserved, but with the amount of turnover in leadership, it's not a surprise.

This paper was a great opportunity to really dig in and research the history. I interviewed several board members and two former directors. I read meeting minutes from 1949 until present. I made a chart of summer registrations, listed the names and dates of all of the previous directors, and by the time the paper was complete, I felt a new and deeper connection to camp than ever before.

I gained a new appreciation for the organization, the people who came before me and the fact that I am part of something that is much bigger than just the few summers I have been here. Camp has become my whole world, but really, I am just a small piece of a greater history. My perspective on my role at camp and camp overall has changed. Camp is not about me, what I want or my vision; rather, it is an honor to be part of and to take my turn leading this organization.

I received an 'A' on the paper and in the class overall. But by the time I submitted the paper, I had learned so much and felt such a deep connection to camp, that even the best grade couldn't possibly represent what I had gained.