Sad

Thursday night. Staff A- "Can we talk?" (sad, sick, stressed out... I can't tell, but this is not going to be a good conversation).

We decide it is best to walk and talk. We're not out of my driveway when she says, "Counselor T is dating K (K is a 17 year old who was in our Leader-in-Training program and then came back later in the summer as a volunteer)." I wish I would have worn my running shoes because this is going to be a long walk.

I started the teen programs last year and encountered a lot of questions about rules and expectations, and so before this summer, I created a VERY long list of what was allowed and what wasn't. I revised the code of conduct, the staff handbook, and created a detailed training to make everything clear to the staff. These are kids we are responsible for. Yes, they are 16-18, and staff are 19+ but they are kids, whose parents sign them up. Staff are representing the organization and ultimately responsible for the kids. No dating. No friendships even. KIDS= OFF LIMITS.

So we walked and we talked about teen programming overall. We came up with some things we want to change and improve and I used the brainstorming session to calm down and figure out what to do with the information I'd just received. When we returned to my house, I got out the staff handbook, code of conduct and paperwork from training. I couldn't have been more clear unless I'd actually used his name.

In real life, a 19 year old dating a 17 year old wouldn't be a problem. At camp, it is a huge problem. We have these rules in place for safety. What if she was 16? What if he was 20? What if her parents called me and freaked out. The bottom line is, staff can't have relationships with kids. He broke the rule. Details don't really matter.

But Counselor T is one of my best staff. He's a great leader, takes initiative, kids love him, he is fun and wonderful and I see him coming back to camp for several years. There are two weeks left and next week we are already stretched thin in staff because of high enrollment.

So I called my old boss K and asked for advice. I like being in charge of camp and being able to have complete creative freedom. However, times like these are not fun at all and I just needed someone to tell me what to do. I explained the situation. She asked what I was struggling with. I said, "I really like him... Hmmm, that's probably not a good answer." She agreed. Ugh.

Firing someone at an overnight camp is not a simple thing to do because we all live here, so there's an issue with transportation and moving stuff and timing. I was so thankful to have K to talk to because I didn't know when or where or how to talk to him and she was able to not just answer my questions, but give me the language and process to use. When our conversation ended, I felt prepared, but absolute sick with dread. I knew he would be sad, that the staff would be sad, and I was really sad too. As Director, I'm not one of their peers, I'm not a friend, and it is my job to uphold the policies of camp, maintain a safe environment and represent the organization in all decisions. But I'm still a person who has connected with these people and I knew it would be difficult to say goodbye.

On Friday morning, Program Director S and I met with him. It was a relatively short meeting. He admitted to having a relationship with her and was pretty much silent as I handed him the highlighted copies of everything he'd already received in staff training. He had tears in his eyes as I explained that he would have to pack his stuff and find a ride. He quietly said he was sorry and then left to pack. It was AWFUL. In some ways I wish he would have thrown a tantrum, insulted me, argued with me, anything to make it easier to see him go.

We had lunch, parents arrived and I put on a happy face as I lead the closing program and then the staff gathered for our weekly meeting. I went through usual announcements and then I reminded them that safety is my number one priority at all times. That with two weeks of summer left, if they needed to review their handbook or code of conduct to do so. I told them that I make all decisions based on the policies of camp because they are there for the safety of campers, staff and the organization. And regardless of my personal feelings, my job is to represent the best interest of camp. At the end of the day, my decisions might not be popular, but my hope is that everyone can agree that I am consistent, fair, and follow the rules.

After I said that, I told them "Counselor T is a very valuable member of the team. His work this summer has been outstanding. I consider him a leader and I have great respect for him as a person and the work he's done. Today is his last day at camp. I will be sad to see him go and he will be greatly missed."

I told them I would bring him in and they could say goodbye. Once he was in the meeting room, I left. I had said all I needed and didn't want them to feel awkward. Later, he came back to my house to apologize again. He had been crying. I felt so sad for him. It's been a fabulously fun summer, and I forgot that my job isn't all about singing and games and laughing and being goofy. I think that this will be a good lesson about professionalism for him. I think that this story will be repeated by staff for years to come and that I've set a precedent that breaking rules will not be tolerated, regardless if you are a great staff or if there's only a few weeks left. I think there's a lot of positive that will come out of the situation. But it feels terrible right now.

T left and the sky was gray and I felt drained. S came to my house and told me I'd handled it well and it would be okay. I asked her if everyone hated me and she said she didn't think so. I felt slightly better. Later, Counselor J, who was T's closest friend, came to my house and just stood awkwardly at my door. I asked how he was doing and he said sad. I told him I was sad too. We talked a while and it was good. He understood. He doesn't hate me. He knows that I still care about T. When he left, I felt better. Counselor D came by a little later and apologized for not saying anything even though she knew. I told her it was okay, it was a tough situation.

I think we will feel his absence in the next two weeks, but I think we will be okay too. It's not a fun situation, but he didn't die or anything terrible. He's only missing two weeks. Camp is still fun. Life will go on.