Stressin'

I move to camp in a week. I am far from ready. My office is a mess; I still have a to do list with 500 tasks that are incomplete; I haven't packed, or even thought about packing; and mentally, I'm not ready yet.

To be at camp, I have to be in the "camp zone". I need to be prepared to eat, sleep, breathe, and live camp, every second of every day without rest. I have to be accessible for staff 100% of the time and ready at all times to drop everything and go where I am needed. Having a to-do list that I can check off one thing after the other is replaced by answering to the wind and being constantly flexible. I need to have endless patience, unyielding kindness, a sense of humor, a nonstop desire to guide, redirect and lead, and do all of this while low on sleep, having 15 things I need to get done, like, 5 minutes ago, and usually it's really hot/rainy/my allergies are attacking me. I have to be prepared to deal with crabby parents, stressed out staff or unhappy campers with enthusiasm, cheerfulness and a positive attitude, because ultimately, I am the cheerleader that has to keep this team pumped up (even if I don't feel it).

Talking on the phone with my family and friends, checking facebook religiously, even sitting quietly and gathering my thoughts are rare occurrences, and I will begin (almost immediately) to have lustful fantasies about sitting on the couch, watching mindless tv and doing absolutely nothing for a whole day (knowing it will be months before I can even pee in peace, much less just relax all day). I will miss my family, my house, my normal boring life, and I will count down the days until I can sit at my desk in my office and answer the phone and email all day.

I'm not ready for all of that yet. Where did April go? Time is flying by and I feel like I have too much to do in too little time. Meanwhile, I swear I have the Swine flu (my doctor disagreed, but gave me an inhaler and a referral to a pulmonary specialist... um, hello? Who has the time for that?); my dog has been sick, had an eye infection and continues to drain my bank account by the day; my house is a mess; the guy I went on a few dates keeps calling and wanting to go out again (which makes me feel bad but seriously, any free time I have in the next week is going to be spent on my couch... judge as necessary) and I feel like I'm on a speeding train I can't stop.

Don't get me wrong, I'm SUPER excited for camp! All of the above is minor compared to the feelings of love, excitement, passion and dedication I have for camp. I could write for days and days about those feelings, and I will, eventually, if I can get the rest of the nonsense in order. Which is maybe why I'm stressed- I know that ultimate fun is on the horizon but I can't quite get there yet.

Hopefully I will get there in a week...