I move to camp in a week. I am far from ready. My office is a mess; I still have a to do list with 500 tasks that are incomplete; I haven't packed, or even thought about packing; and mentally, I'm not ready yet.
To be at camp, I have to be in the "camp zone". I need to be prepared to eat, sleep, breathe, and live camp, every second of every day without rest. I have to be accessible for staff 100% of the time and ready at all times to drop everything and go where I am needed. Having a to-do list that I can check off one thing after the other is replaced by answering to the wind and being constantly flexible. I need to have endless patience, unyielding kindness, a sense of humor, a nonstop desire to guide, redirect and lead, and do all of this while low on sleep, having 15 things I need to get done, like, 5 minutes ago, and usually it's really hot/rainy/my allergies are attacking me. I have to be prepared to deal with crabby parents, stressed out staff or unhappy campers with enthusiasm, cheerfulness and a positive attitude, because ultimately, I am the cheerleader that has to keep this team pumped up (even if I don't feel it).
Talking on the phone with my family and friends, checking facebook religiously, even sitting quietly and gathering my thoughts are rare occurrences, and I will begin (almost immediately) to have lustful fantasies about sitting on the couch, watching mindless tv and doing absolutely nothing for a whole day (knowing it will be months before I can even pee in peace, much less just relax all day). I will miss my family, my house, my normal boring life, and I will count down the days until I can sit at my desk in my office and answer the phone and email all day.
I'm not ready for all of that yet. Where did April go? Time is flying by and I feel like I have too much to do in too little time. Meanwhile, I swear I have the Swine flu (my doctor disagreed, but gave me an inhaler and a referral to a pulmonary specialist... um, hello? Who has the time for that?); my dog has been sick, had an eye infection and continues to drain my bank account by the day; my house is a mess; the guy I went on a few dates keeps calling and wanting to go out again (which makes me feel bad but seriously, any free time I have in the next week is going to be spent on my couch... judge as necessary) and I feel like I'm on a speeding train I can't stop.
Don't get me wrong, I'm SUPER excited for camp! All of the above is minor compared to the feelings of love, excitement, passion and dedication I have for camp. I could write for days and days about those feelings, and I will, eventually, if I can get the rest of the nonsense in order. Which is maybe why I'm stressed- I know that ultimate fun is on the horizon but I can't quite get there yet.
Hopefully I will get there in a week...
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Work Weekend
Work Weekend is complete. When I left for camp on Thursday, I was DREADING it. My phone had been ringing off the hook all week with board members making last minute requests and asking dumb questions. I was worried about the weather, all the drama from weeks before and I was getting nervous about being the new Director in front of all of those people (many who had been at last year's weekend with the old director).
Friday was chilly and eventually kind of rainy. The first group of volunteers who arrived started in cleaning cabins that had been re-roofed in the fall and had layers of dust and grime all over everything. Those cabins were where people were supposed to stay overnight, so it was important to get them clean. Vacuum, sweep, wipe down the mattresses- I assumed it would take 2 hours or so. Wrong. The group wanted to wipe down wooden bunk beds, scrub plywood floors and I thought I was going to have to shoot myself in the face. Camp is all dirt, cabins get dirty.
Before I lost my mind and started screaming, I grabbed a vacuum and broom and started cleaning one of the cabins on my own. It helped me feel more focused and less likely to yell, and eventually, the cabins were clean and life was good.
Saturday was a PERFECT day. Sunny, not too hot and not too cold, the 68 volunteers were like animals, attacking every project without mercy. It was amazing to walk around camp and see the whirlwind going on. Someone needed something from my dad every 2 minutes, and so he literally spent the day running around camp, and I (although to a slightly lesser degree since I don't know where any tools are or anything about any of the projects) had a similar experience. People seemed very receptive to me as the Director, despite the fact that nearly everyone was my parent's age and it had to be strange to see me in that role. I felt slightly odd when I spoke to the group at dinner, thanking them for their hard work and talking about camp. But I ignored it and everything was quite lovely.
In the end, the ENTIRE list of projects was complete. I was a little surprised (in a good way) that we were able to do SO much, since last year we seemed to do so little. But it was a blessing and I couldn't be more thankful for everyone's hard work and generosity with their time and kindness. I left the weekend more excited for camp than ever before and I can't wait to go back in a few weeks for the summer!
Friday was chilly and eventually kind of rainy. The first group of volunteers who arrived started in cleaning cabins that had been re-roofed in the fall and had layers of dust and grime all over everything. Those cabins were where people were supposed to stay overnight, so it was important to get them clean. Vacuum, sweep, wipe down the mattresses- I assumed it would take 2 hours or so. Wrong. The group wanted to wipe down wooden bunk beds, scrub plywood floors and I thought I was going to have to shoot myself in the face. Camp is all dirt, cabins get dirty.
Before I lost my mind and started screaming, I grabbed a vacuum and broom and started cleaning one of the cabins on my own. It helped me feel more focused and less likely to yell, and eventually, the cabins were clean and life was good.
Saturday was a PERFECT day. Sunny, not too hot and not too cold, the 68 volunteers were like animals, attacking every project without mercy. It was amazing to walk around camp and see the whirlwind going on. Someone needed something from my dad every 2 minutes, and so he literally spent the day running around camp, and I (although to a slightly lesser degree since I don't know where any tools are or anything about any of the projects) had a similar experience. People seemed very receptive to me as the Director, despite the fact that nearly everyone was my parent's age and it had to be strange to see me in that role. I felt slightly odd when I spoke to the group at dinner, thanking them for their hard work and talking about camp. But I ignored it and everything was quite lovely.
In the end, the ENTIRE list of projects was complete. I was a little surprised (in a good way) that we were able to do SO much, since last year we seemed to do so little. But it was a blessing and I couldn't be more thankful for everyone's hard work and generosity with their time and kindness. I left the weekend more excited for camp than ever before and I can't wait to go back in a few weeks for the summer!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Puppy Love
- Puppy starts coughing...
- $300 later, puppy has allergies...
- 4 days of vomiting in a row (one of those times, in my lap while I was driving to work, which brings new meaning to the term "casual dress at work")...
- It turns out, puppy is allergic to allergy medicine...
- Now puppy is on a bland diet and hopefully she will stop vomiting...
- As has happened every time she's gotten sick, I have to go out of town in a few days, so I am STRESSED out and hoping she gets better, like, 5 minutes ago...
I am remembering back to the 6 months my puppy biological clock ticked uncontrollably as I waited for a breeder to have a bully available for me to adopt. I had a full bank account, hair-free floors, vomit-free clothing, but I desperately wanted a puppy. Now I have a puppy who I love and the adventures that come with that. Stressful, but worth it. I have to remember that...
Camp Fun
Last night I went to the convent to meet with the Sisters who send us 100 campers each summer. There were several kids who went to camp last year, so it was really fun to see them and get excited about camp together. One of the kids that was there was a girl who I spent quite a lot of time with while she was at camp.
CJ is a bigger girl- not fat, just big. Tall and build like a linebacker, she wore baggy jeans, an over sized black sweatshirt and a hat turned to the side. She had just completed 8th grade, but could have easily passed for a high school senior. Her brother had been killed just weeks before camp, and her glare pretty much said, "I am going to mess you up if you get near me." She happened to be in a cabin of prissy blond girls with short shorts and full make up. I was prepared for trouble the minute the cabin group got together.
It took about two days before everything blew up. I don't know what started it, but I know that by the time I got there, she had threatened to kill all of them and they were demanding a new cabin because they didn't want to be near her. Ordinarily with a threat of violence, I would have erred on the side of sending her home, but there was something about CJ that I immediately liked. I think I surprised both of us by not sending her home, but coming to her defense. I sat with that group of girls for over an hour, doing my best to imitate my therapist, saying, "okay, what I hear you saying is..." and "and how does it make you feel when she says that..." and such things.
I can't say they were best friends by the end, and I won't take credit for changing any lives, but the whole cabin was able to exist in harmony for the rest of the week. At the end of the week, I hugged CJ goodbye and told her I hoped she would come back to camp next year and I was glad she had been there. And I meant it. She was a sweet kid who was dealing with a screwed up life.
I was excited to see her last night, and surprised when she bounced over, smiling and happy, saying, "do you remember me?" I chatted with her and her friend (who had been at camp a different week last summer), talking about which counselors were coming back and listened to them talk about happy memories from the summer that I didn't know had happened (I mostly get to be part of the drama, not so much the fun stuff). I left feeling motivated and excited for the stacks of work I have waiting for me, because I was reminded that what we do at camp really matters to kids. Even the glaring, sullen, miserable kids who threaten to kill the rest of their cabin can be enjoying themselves when we aren't looking. It was a good refresher during this busy time.
CJ is a bigger girl- not fat, just big. Tall and build like a linebacker, she wore baggy jeans, an over sized black sweatshirt and a hat turned to the side. She had just completed 8th grade, but could have easily passed for a high school senior. Her brother had been killed just weeks before camp, and her glare pretty much said, "I am going to mess you up if you get near me." She happened to be in a cabin of prissy blond girls with short shorts and full make up. I was prepared for trouble the minute the cabin group got together.
It took about two days before everything blew up. I don't know what started it, but I know that by the time I got there, she had threatened to kill all of them and they were demanding a new cabin because they didn't want to be near her. Ordinarily with a threat of violence, I would have erred on the side of sending her home, but there was something about CJ that I immediately liked. I think I surprised both of us by not sending her home, but coming to her defense. I sat with that group of girls for over an hour, doing my best to imitate my therapist, saying, "okay, what I hear you saying is..." and "and how does it make you feel when she says that..." and such things.
I can't say they were best friends by the end, and I won't take credit for changing any lives, but the whole cabin was able to exist in harmony for the rest of the week. At the end of the week, I hugged CJ goodbye and told her I hoped she would come back to camp next year and I was glad she had been there. And I meant it. She was a sweet kid who was dealing with a screwed up life.
I was excited to see her last night, and surprised when she bounced over, smiling and happy, saying, "do you remember me?" I chatted with her and her friend (who had been at camp a different week last summer), talking about which counselors were coming back and listened to them talk about happy memories from the summer that I didn't know had happened (I mostly get to be part of the drama, not so much the fun stuff). I left feeling motivated and excited for the stacks of work I have waiting for me, because I was reminded that what we do at camp really matters to kids. Even the glaring, sullen, miserable kids who threaten to kill the rest of their cabin can be enjoying themselves when we aren't looking. It was a good refresher during this busy time.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
I Might Get Violent
Dear Board Members-
Can we be real for a minute? I'm sick of smiling and playing nice-y nice. I'm not interested in telling your positive things about this run down crap hole camp you expect me to magically revive with little money or support. If my dad wasn't by my side, I would be out the door. So thank him next time you see him. Or don't, because here's how I really feel about you:
I think you are all idiots. You have let this place fall into financial ruin for years and you don't seem to have a plan or even much of a desire to change that. For being Investment Bankers and Vice Presidents of companies, you are idiots. Considering the state of the economy today, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I am 26, I have a degree in political science, and I routinely spend my money on bubble gum and hair scrunchies, but I can say, with great confidence, that I have done more for this organization's finances since October than any of you have done for YEARS. Sometimes that makes me proud, but mostly it makes me crabby, because it's clearly not rocket science... hello?! DON'T SPEND WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE. MAKE DUE WITH LESS. PAY ATTENTION. Hey Mr. Fancypants Vice President, do you want me to come to your bank and fix that too? Oh, and PS, the main job of the board is to fundraise, and you SUCK at that. Mostly because NONE of you put ANY effort into it. That's the other reason this suck-hole is in debt. Get off your asses and talk to some of your rich friends.
Also, you know how we're, like, a business? We should run like one. We should have some policies and procedures and... wait, we DO have those things! Yeah, as it turns out, on paper, we look like a well run, organized business. You know what would be a good idea? FOLLOWING the policies! We don't allow alcohol at camp because it's not a good idea with a big group of random people. And just because you're a board member, doesn't mean we should bend that rule when you're there. And when you tell me I'm out of line and then pout, it makes me want to kick you, instead of being calm and reasonable. I'm 26, you're 56 and have kids my age. Why am I explaining basic concepts like this to you? And you other board member, yeah, your three kids don't get to come to camp for free. $1215 may not seem like a lot, but keep in mind, in December we didn't have any money in the checking account and had to use money we'd raised for a capital campaign to cover payroll. So $1215 is significant when we're talking about a camp that sucks.
And for you, dear board member who called me today to let me know that you wanted a free week to give to your church's auction and when I said, "sorry, we have a policy that says we only give out 5 free weeks per year and only to churches that support us, and that church hasn't donated any money, and won't let us give a recruiting presentation" and you said, "I'm a board member, I wasn't asking for permission, I was telling you to have a certificate ready for me." I have no words. None. Because there's really no argument to that. I see how it is.
You all want me to talk about the budget and answer questions about why it's off. Again, I'm not like an expert in finances or anything, but I think the reason we suck is because of YOU! And I'm not sure why I work longer and longer hours, and put all of my energy and passion and commitment into a camp that is going no where. I must be an idiot. Because I really do believe I can turn this place around, and make us successful. I have short term goals and long term goals and I envision what we will be 10, 20, even 30 years from now. And I'm crazy enough to imagine myself here for all of it. And even when it's frustrating or there are challenges, I persevere, because I love and believe in this camp. But today, my mind is one long swear word, interrupted by visions of violence. Uh huh, I said it. Violence. As in, me kicking you in the face. All of you. Because you're idiots and I can't deal with it.
So here's the deal- I declare war. On you. Me versus you, to the death. Okay, not death, but until one of us quits. But just be clear, I think it should be you. Because you're a volunteer. Don't get me wrong, I love volunteers, I honor volunteers. But you come to a 2 hours meeting once per month (that is when you actually show up) and spout off your opinion and then do nothing until the next month. I, on the other hand, spend all day, every day, nights, weekends, even in my dreams, thinking about and planning for camp. So I think I should win this battle. And when I do, I will replace you with board members that know how to fundraise, want to be involved, who know and follow the policies and who would never, ever have the nerve to say, "I think it's a good policy, but not in this situation."
So here we go friends, you're gonna be sorry you started this.
Can we be real for a minute? I'm sick of smiling and playing nice-y nice. I'm not interested in telling your positive things about this run down crap hole camp you expect me to magically revive with little money or support. If my dad wasn't by my side, I would be out the door. So thank him next time you see him. Or don't, because here's how I really feel about you:
I think you are all idiots. You have let this place fall into financial ruin for years and you don't seem to have a plan or even much of a desire to change that. For being Investment Bankers and Vice Presidents of companies, you are idiots. Considering the state of the economy today, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I am 26, I have a degree in political science, and I routinely spend my money on bubble gum and hair scrunchies, but I can say, with great confidence, that I have done more for this organization's finances since October than any of you have done for YEARS. Sometimes that makes me proud, but mostly it makes me crabby, because it's clearly not rocket science... hello?! DON'T SPEND WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE. MAKE DUE WITH LESS. PAY ATTENTION. Hey Mr. Fancypants Vice President, do you want me to come to your bank and fix that too? Oh, and PS, the main job of the board is to fundraise, and you SUCK at that. Mostly because NONE of you put ANY effort into it. That's the other reason this suck-hole is in debt. Get off your asses and talk to some of your rich friends.
Also, you know how we're, like, a business? We should run like one. We should have some policies and procedures and... wait, we DO have those things! Yeah, as it turns out, on paper, we look like a well run, organized business. You know what would be a good idea? FOLLOWING the policies! We don't allow alcohol at camp because it's not a good idea with a big group of random people. And just because you're a board member, doesn't mean we should bend that rule when you're there. And when you tell me I'm out of line and then pout, it makes me want to kick you, instead of being calm and reasonable. I'm 26, you're 56 and have kids my age. Why am I explaining basic concepts like this to you? And you other board member, yeah, your three kids don't get to come to camp for free. $1215 may not seem like a lot, but keep in mind, in December we didn't have any money in the checking account and had to use money we'd raised for a capital campaign to cover payroll. So $1215 is significant when we're talking about a camp that sucks.
And for you, dear board member who called me today to let me know that you wanted a free week to give to your church's auction and when I said, "sorry, we have a policy that says we only give out 5 free weeks per year and only to churches that support us, and that church hasn't donated any money, and won't let us give a recruiting presentation" and you said, "I'm a board member, I wasn't asking for permission, I was telling you to have a certificate ready for me." I have no words. None. Because there's really no argument to that. I see how it is.
You all want me to talk about the budget and answer questions about why it's off. Again, I'm not like an expert in finances or anything, but I think the reason we suck is because of YOU! And I'm not sure why I work longer and longer hours, and put all of my energy and passion and commitment into a camp that is going no where. I must be an idiot. Because I really do believe I can turn this place around, and make us successful. I have short term goals and long term goals and I envision what we will be 10, 20, even 30 years from now. And I'm crazy enough to imagine myself here for all of it. And even when it's frustrating or there are challenges, I persevere, because I love and believe in this camp. But today, my mind is one long swear word, interrupted by visions of violence. Uh huh, I said it. Violence. As in, me kicking you in the face. All of you. Because you're idiots and I can't deal with it.
So here's the deal- I declare war. On you. Me versus you, to the death. Okay, not death, but until one of us quits. But just be clear, I think it should be you. Because you're a volunteer. Don't get me wrong, I love volunteers, I honor volunteers. But you come to a 2 hours meeting once per month (that is when you actually show up) and spout off your opinion and then do nothing until the next month. I, on the other hand, spend all day, every day, nights, weekends, even in my dreams, thinking about and planning for camp. So I think I should win this battle. And when I do, I will replace you with board members that know how to fundraise, want to be involved, who know and follow the policies and who would never, ever have the nerve to say, "I think it's a good policy, but not in this situation."
So here we go friends, you're gonna be sorry you started this.
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