Unnecessary Drama

Work Weekend is an annual event that camp has had for the past 3 years. About 100 volunteers come to camp for the weekend and help with raking, building and cleaning projects around camp. Camp provides the food and it's a great weekend. The Board member who has planned it for the past few years is a bit of jerk who I can't stand, so I try to put on a smile anytime he speaks and remind myself to be polite. So when he said, "I need you to arrange the keg and I will take care of the cigars" I smiled and said, "ok" although I was a bit taken off guard. I didn't know we were hosting a frat party, nor do I think it is appropriate for a camp that can barely make payroll to provide a keg.

He said it as matter-of-factly as anything else, and no one else seemed to react. I was both taken off guard and also not prepared to disagree with him as the entire table consisted of me, my assistant J and 13 men in their 50s wearing suits. I am still thrown off every time I sit down at the head of the table and say, "okay, let's begin the meeting" as I face all of them, knowing that many of them have children my age. And so I am not yet comfortable enough to be confrontational.

After the meeting, I had another meeting and so I had to practically run out of the room in order to make it on time and so I didn't have a chance to talk to anyone. However, when I got back to the office, J literally lunged at me and immediately starting rapid-fire ranting about how inappropriate a keg is and as a parent (her teenage son is a leader-in-training who will be at Work Weekend with me) she is completely unhappy to know we are providing alcohol... and then our part time helper who comes in once a week joined in, letting me know her mom was planning to volunteer and bring a group of kids and how unhappy she would be...

Calmly I said, "yes, I agree and I will deal with it" although what I really meant was, "chill out, I know, I know, I'm fully aware I have to email our 50 year old board president and scold him."

So I sent a nice email mentioning that I didn't think it was a good idea we serve alcohol (because, ps, it is a dry camp at all other times). And he responded with: "I understand everyone's feelings and expressed to [Board member] that a keg and cigar's around the fire might be a bit much and definitely should never be mixed with staff or children in their presence.

The other side of the issue is that we are asking a bunch of men up to do some extremely physical labor as volunteers. I am wondering if you would be willing to discuss that group, separated on their own away from all others, having a beer afterwards on their own."

To which I immediately typed out a 15 paragraph rant that boiled down to "oh no you did not..." Seriously, did he just attempt to justify with, "you're a girl, you don't get it?" Hello, am I the Executive Director or just a little girl he let's play pretend as long as I agree? And yes, I was just as huffy and outraged and throwing my hands around as it sounds as I typed my rant back.

And then I stopped, deleted it and waited for 2 days until I could respond without moving my head and neck in that super attitude way.

Eventually I responded with, "...We have all volunteers, staff and other guests (family camp, etc) sign a code of ethics, agreeing not to use alcohol, tobacco or drugs while at camp. It seems like a double standard to all those things during work weekend because it’s “a bunch of men up to do some extremely physical labor as volunteers”.

I always think through “worst case scenario” and in this case, if something were to happen, I am not sure how I would explain a decision to ignore our policy. There doesn’t seem to be a good reason to do so. I am thinking about the families, campers and staff I will have at camp that weekend, and I feel that it’s not in their best interest (nor any of the other volunteers who might not drink or smoke) to create this atmosphere.

If this is that big of an issue, I am willing to discuss it further, but I am just not sure why we wouldn’t be consistent and treat this situation the same as any other. I can’t think of any other scenario I would allow a group to bring alcohol and tobacco to camp, much less provide it for them. I feel like it completely undermines our policy and sets us up for trouble..."

To which he responded "Understood, I accept your logic and leadership on this issue. I will speak with [Board member] and communicate that the decision comes from both of us."

At which point I withdrew my fangs, took a deep breath and realized that I need to chill out and not get so defensive. I need to be more confident in my leadership ability because clearly other people see me as such and are respectful. And despite my initial knee-jerk reaction, I am actually pretty logical, calm, practical and know what I'm doing. I don't know why I feel so threatened and get so bent out of shape. I really hope that as I get older and feel more comfortable in my role, and stop seeing myself as a kid that's faking it, I will stop allowing emails like this to get me so worked up. Because, in the end, all of the ranting was pointless.