What a Week

This has been the most intense week of camp I've ever lived through. Yesterday I got a voicemail from X, asking if I was okay because she'd noticed I hadn't written anything lately. At the time of the call, I hadn't eaten anything for I don't know how long, hadn't showered in 2 days, and was going on about 4 hours of sleep. What a week!

So let's start where I left off. Tuesday night, I am soaking wet, haven't eaten and the pontoon is across the lake. I am on my way to my cabin to change, and I get bombarded by three different counselors needing me to talk to their groups about being disrespectful to each other, about being too slow and not listening, about... ugh, we had a lot of issues going on. So I met with groups, one at a time. I listened patiently, worked through the issues, set out clear expectations (still soaking wet, and getting cold, but patient nonetheless).

Eventually I was able to eat dinner, change my clothes and take a deep breath. At 10pm, I was in my office, finally checking email and one of the kitchen crew girls came in. She was VERY unhappy with the other girl she works with. So I spent some time with her, talking it through, calming her down and trying to figure out what she can do to deal with the other girl's "annoyingness".

Wednesday-a lot of behavior problems, a lot of homesick kids, a lot of counselors not being as focused as they should have been. I spent the majority of the day in my office mediating conflict. I spent a lot of time with one child in particular, who started Monday with an attitude of absolute defiance, spent the majority of her time on Tuesday in my office, and finally got to the point of being unable to be in a group. I called her parents who let me know that they don't drive and I would have to deal with her.

Um, no.

So I let them know I would be driving her home that night.

I didn't want to have to send her home. I tried everything I could with behavior management strategies. I was patient, I was reasonable. I was firm, I was fair, but ultimately, she just couldn't function at camp. I felt like a failure that I couldn't get through to her, and I was frustrated with her stubborn attitude and opposition. That being said, she wasn't a bad kid. She was a little girl who was away from home for the first time. The two things she said to me over the course of all the time we spent together were, "you have to get up too early here" and "I really miss my mom." This was a kid who was tired and homesick and instead of crying like most kids, her pain manifested itself into bad behavior. I get that. I was trying really hard to remember that and be empathetic instead of just annoyed.

I wanted to leave at 4pm, but there were homesick campers and scheduling changes and counselor needs to attend to first. The Assistant Director had left earlier in the day to be gone for a conference, which meant I was leaving with no one to be the person "in charge", so I was trying to get everything settled. Finally at 7pm, we got into the van for the three hour drive back to the city. She slept the whole way and when we arrived, her older sisters were waiting to greet her with a hero's welcome. She was smiling and happy, and I had to once again, remind myself that she was just a little girl.

It was 9:30 when I dropped her off and I was not interested in turning around and driving back. I figured that by the time I got back to camp it would be after midnight and no one would be awake anyway, so it would be fine to just get up early and return the next day. So I drove 15 minutes to my house, watched some tivo-ed "So You Think You Can Dance" and went to bed early. Well, first I had to answer a phone call to figure out what to do about a camper who needed medication she didn't have, and then a phone call that started with, "HAS ANYONE CALLED YOU YET?" -J

"...no... what's wrong?"-Me

"We don't have any water in the main building." -J

It briefly crossed my mind to get off of my comfortable chair in my wonderful house and drive as fast as I could back. And then it crossed my mind to hide in a closet and never come out and never go back to camp. And then I took a breath and realized that there wasn't anything I could do at that time of night anyway, so I told them to get the big water jugs we use for the overnight, fill them with water and have the kids brush their teeth with that. Solved.

At 4am I was awake, 4:15 in the car, and back at camp by 6:30 the next day. I was EXHAUSTED. And frantic, because that building includes the kitchen, the showers, and the only bathrooms the kids will use. With no water, we had no working bathrooms, but we had kids using the toilets anyway. AHHHHH!!!!!! So I frantically starting calling around to find information about our utility company... Oh, um, we don't have city water, we have our own well (a very nice woman from a local utility company explained patiently the way things work), so then I started calling plumbers. There are no emergency numbers in Small Town Up North, so I sat and quietly panicked for a while.

At 8am, I finally got a hold of a local plumber who I convinced to come out ASAP. Ten minutes later, he was at camp, and about 20 minutes after that, we had water back. Crisis over.

That didn't mean that the trouble was over. Soon after the plumbing issue was resolved, I began a day long standoff with three kids. I had already spoken to all three of them several times, and Thursday it blew up. None of the counselors could handle them and so they sat in my office, except that they didn't sit quietly. They made noise and wouldn't sit and let me know several times that they hated camp, me and that they would be telling their parents how awful it was. We called their parents, who let me know they didn't drive and I would have to deal with them (sound familiar? Yeah, we have a large group of scholarshiped kids here this week and the nuns who sponsored them didn't have a plan for getting them back in case of behavior problems). I couldn't face driving back again, and yet, they just weren't listening.

In nine summers of camp, I have never felt as powerless and unsure of what to do as I felt on Thursday. I wanted to cry in exhaustion and frustration, and I felt like the whole camp was in chaos. At lunch, I brought the three trouble kids with me to the dining hall and sat them at a separate table. "Please just sit there and be patient" I asked them. Maybe I looked pathetic or they realized they broke me, or what, but they sat, quietly, and ate nicely.

At lunch I received a phone call from our Office Manager letting me know that J's mom had called her and yelled at her for 45 minutes. Apparently, according to J's mom, I had turned into Hitler since the Boss had left, and the reason he left was because I had worked hard to get rid of him. Also, how dare we have such inadequate facilities without water?

My first instinct was to go in and kick J straight in the head. It seemed like the best way to handle the situation. I TRIED TO GET RID OF HIM??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Yes, I totally wanted to deal with broken boats, angry kids, plumbers and never sleep, this was all part of my plan. Even typing this makes my blood boil. How dare she? I'm having a positive attitude, because that is what a professional does. But I am doing the work of two full time people right now. And it's not easy. And really, her timing couldn't have been worse, as I was in the middle of the behavior crisis, sleep deprived, and drained.

After the phone call, two of my staff (my absolute best staff) approached me to share a concern about some other staff who weren't doing their jobs. Apparently 3 staff had left their campers during an activity, hadn't been helping, etc. (one of those staff being the girl whose mom considers me Hitler by the way). And that was the final straw.

I walked the three trouble campers back to my office and said, "Thank you for turning your behavior around during lunch. You made a good choice and I am proud of you for that. Now let me level with you. We're going to have a grown up conversation right now. (You should have seen their faces change when I said that). Here's the deal. I think that you made some bad choices, but I also think that you got a bum deal because some of your counselors weren't doing what they were supposed to. I am sorry for that. Grown ups aren't supposed to make mistakes, but sometimes they do. And so you'll have to be patient with us. You are not going home. You are going to make better choices and stay here."

An hour after they told me they hated me and wanted to go home, all three asked if they could hang out with me the next day too. When I asked them why they said, "we really like you." And for the past two days, they have gone to activities and made good choices, but also been glued to my side every moment they have free.

Anyway, the whole group gathered at the flag pole to split up for the fourth period and I said, "Okay, we have a really fun surprise! All of the campers are going to go with S and S, for extra fun games in the field, and all of the staff are going to come with me." Everyone looked a bit shocked, but the shock worked well because everyone did exactly what they were supposed to.

"We're going to pause."

"Sometimes, when things start to get out of control, we just have to stop, take a breath and center ourselves. So that is what we are doing." I was whispering. They were captivated, or maybe just drained, but I had their attention either way. I acknowledged the challenges we had faced throughout the week and praised all of the things I appreciated. And then I let them know some of the observations myself and their co-workers had noticed. I pointed out expectations and then asked for feedback, other issues, advice for each other, etc. We had a good discussion and I could actually feel the energy go from chaotic to calm. It definitely helped me feel calmer and more in control.

After the meeting we went back to regularly scheduled activities. We had an all-camp game, evening prayer, and ended the evening with the weekly dance, which is always pure happiness and enjoyment for everyone. I was in the common area outside the showers as the youngest campers came down from the dance, and little John, who I have talked to at least 15 times because he is the most high maintenance, sensitive kid ever, said, "I just want to party all night long!" And gave me a thumbs up. If we can make that kid happy, clearly the dance is the perfect activity.

I missed most of the dance, as I was sitting with two little girls who were terribly homesick and inconsolable. I have spent quite a bit of time with both of them, chatted with both of their moms, and pretty much done everything in my power to make sure they were okay. It was actually a pretty relaxing night, because they were both fairly calm and good natured and we spent some time playing cards and chatting.

I went to bed feeling much more at ease about camp and the week as a whole. Today I have spent a fair amount of time with campers (behavior issues, homesickness and of course my three new shadows who would rather skip swimming and all of the fun kid activities to hang out in my office and watch me type), but there haven't been any natural disasters or catastrophes, so that's good.