I went home this weekend. I wasn't originally planning to leave after just 5 days, but I had some personal things to attend to, so I went home. It was a tough week, and a really tough weekend. And now I'm back at camp and my head is sort of spinning.
The first week living at camp was difficult for me. I had been so excited to come to camp, but once I finally got here, I was homesick and overwhelmed and struggled to adjust. It didn't feel comfortable, just unfamiliar and lonely. I missed my roommates. I wasn't settling in and I didn't feel home, even though this is home for the next 4 months.
And then I went home and even though the kitchen was a mess and the living room was a mess (which usually puts me on edge), I felt at ease immediately. I got to see my friends and my roommates and everything was the same as always. And I was SO relieved to be back.
But after a short amount of time, I started to miss camp, and wish I'd stayed. I spent a lot of the weekend thinking about the things I wanted to do at camp and the fact that I was home, but I wasn't home. I was in a weird in between place the whole time. I guess that's probably a good thing. I want both places to be mine, and I'm glad to see that is happening, but it still felt awkward.
Struggling between two sides isn't new. I'm living in two different worlds at the same time and I love both of them, and I am happy to have such a special life, but sometimes it can be an adjustment. I am comfortable living in a big city, paying a lot of money for coffee and gas and parallel parking. But I am also happy living at the edge of a lake in a tiny town "up north", knowing the grocery, hardware and coffee shop owners by name, and being hours away from any major malls or stores.
I am adjusting to my double life.
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