Lice

We've found lice on 2 different campers this summer. The second time, the mom had driven 3 hours to camp to drop her off, 3 hours home. Around the time she was pulling into her driveway, we discovered lice. Our policy is that we don't treat it- they have to pick the child up, treat lice and once they are clear for 24 hours, can return. So the mom drove back to camp and back home- around 12 hours straight in the car. I felt terrible.

So we changed our procedure from lice checking during the after-dinner health check to when parents are signing in (both at camp and at the bus stop).

We discovered lice for a third time yesterday. It's the same counselor who has found it all three times. So we jokingly said we probably need to check her. And then we found lice in her hair. Which made all of the other counselors FREAK OUT and demand to be checked too. Which I thought was crazy until I found lice on a second counselor. And then 5 more after that. And then M found it on me.

The nurse this week is a school nurse and sees lice a lot. And I've seen live enough times that I feel pretty confident when I've seen it.

So after dinner, instead of my typical bath/jammie/pepfest routine with my small children, M and I googled, called some lice removal specialists and FREAKED out while Nanny walked my overly tired children around waiting for me.

I was ready to book one company for the next day, despite the fact that it was going to end up being about $1500.

And then I spent some time facebook messaging with another camp director I know who talked me off the edge. He managed to calm me down and also empower me to feel ready to tackle lice removal on my own. I woke up mentally, emotionally ready for hours and hours of picking nits out of each head.

I spent some more time on the phone with a different lice removal company, learning a LOT of good information about lice. And the woman I spoke to was VERY helpful, but also VERY skeptical that it was lice. I didn't know how common it was for product build up in people's hair, but apparently it's really difficult to get thick conditioner out of your hair.

So after re-checking everyone, as in, looking at every square inch of their heads and combing through their hair with my fingers, the nurse and I determined that our lice outbreak was a false alarm.

I was a bit annoyed that we'd all spent 12 hours freaking out, but also VERY relieved that we didn't have lice. And now I know a lot more than ever before about lice, so that's probably a good skill to add to my resume!

Lesson

The day started with a text from M that let me know our cook had texted her with the news that the refrigerator broke and she was throwing away all of the food.  I called the repair guy we use and then drank some coffee while getting the boys ready for the day like I always do.

When I got to the dining hall, the cook had figured out breakfast and was working on lunch and we both shrugged our shoulders and agreed to wait until we heard what the repair guy had to say. I called the insurance company to begin a claim, ate a bagel and negotiated breakfast with two kids.

After breakfast, M came to my trailer and had a crying breakdown. She has been going nonstop for over a month. She doesn’t take breaks. She was tired and overwhelmed and was losing it. We talked for a while and then I told her to take the rest of the morning and relax and everything would be fine.

That last part, the part where I told her, “it’s going to be an easy morning, we’ve got it under control”- I take responsibility for jinxing us…

The refrigerator repair man, the health department and the mosquito sprayers all drove in like a caravan. I touched base with the mosquito guys (they knew where to go and what to do), then I chatted with the repair guy (he needed some time to check it out), walked around with the woman from the health department (all was looking good, even without a working refrigerator). I went to the mudpit to watch the kids jump in and make sure everyone was doing ok.

At lunch, I called the clinic to schedule an X-Ray for one of the staff who hurt her arm jumping into the mud pit. Nanny left right after lunch to drive the injured staff and I took the boys to our camper for rest time.

By the end of the day, the injured staff (and my nanny!) were back (just a sprain, she’ll be fine in a few days). We’re waiting on a part for the refrigerator, so that’s still up in the air. I had 2 calls to insurance, and paperwork for both the refrigerator situation and the workers comp injury. And M came back and seemed a little calmer and less upset.

I feel for her. But I also gave her some advice that I have learned after many years of sprinting across camp from early morning- late night. I told her that it’s ok to respond to someone with, “I’m dealing with something right now, but I will be there soon” and then take a few moments to brush your teeth, change out of your pjs, and get yourself ready for the day. There are only a few instances (very rare) where you actually need to run across camp. “Blood or fire” is my phrase, and when that happens, RUN. But otherwise, it’s ok for people to wait.

It’s also ok to not be available. Camp used to revolve around me and when I wasn’t there, everything would come to a halt. That’s terrible management. Instead, let’s empower every single staff member to step up and take initiative and run the program whether we are there or not. And if one of us isn’t there, others will step up and fill in.

It’s taken me many years to learn these lessons. And I still struggle with them sometimes. She cares so much about camp, and I get that, because I do too. But it doesn’t benefit anyone (including  camp) to run yourself ragged.

Running

What a day. I feel like I ran a marathon. I feel awesome actually.

Sometimes these days, I make it through the whole day without doing much. I answer emails and help out here and there, but it's not like the days before kids when I ran from one thing to the next from the moment I woke up until late at night. Today was a running day. And I loved it.

I spent the morning on the phone. We have some super needy parents of campers in the coming weeks and I talked to a few of them this morning. Then two counselors came to talk to me about another counselor who is difficult to work with and how much that is stressing them out.

I spent a long time on the phone with multiple kitchen equipment stores, learning about commercial ovens and trying to find one to buy. I need it ASAP, but also, I have NO money. Finding a cheap oven quickly is not going to be easy.

At rest time, M and I met with the counselor who is being difficult. She doesn't feel like she fits in. It was an hour long conversation and I hope it helped, but I think we will need to talk with her again.

A little boy has poison ivy on his face. So M and I spent the day going back and forth over whether to take him to urgent care or not, and trying to help him feel better.

A teen leader got mad and stormed off, so I met with her and then with her counselor.

I lifeguarded swimming class.

In between all of these things, I answered a million phone calls, emails, nursed my baby several times and tried to spend as much time as possible with a (VERY CRABBY TODAY) toddler.

I found myself running from one thing to the next. And while I never quite felt like I caught up and I was exhausted, it felt good to be useful and so fun to be in the center of the chaos of camp life.

Everything is Broken

Last week, outside of the dining hall, it smelled like sewage. Gross, but no big deal. That just means the septic tank needs to be pumped out. I called and scheduled them for today. Last week one of the ovens in the dining hall stopped working. I called and scheduled for someone to come out and fix it (probably just a part that can be swapped out). No big deal.

The septic guys came today. And the tank is EMPTY. Like, you can see the bottom. Considering it's been a while (like years) since it's been pumped out, and considering we're on week 3 of camp, that tank should be pretty full. Apparently the guy that pumps out septic tanks doesn't actually do anything else with them, so I had to call back to get a different guy to come out. He's coming tomorrow. He's going to tell me it's cracked and I need a new one and it will cost $20,000. Since he hasn't been here yet, I'm still holding onto hope that maybe, just maybe, there's a less expensive problem that is going on. 

About an hour after I found out about the tank, the guy who was out to fix the oven called back. He was waiting to hear back about the part that he'd ordered. The part has been discontinued. "So does that mean my oven is discontinued?" I asked. Yes. He's been fixing things at camp since I started and I know that if there was something he could do for me, he would. So I need a new oven.

I do not have any spare cash laying around for either issue. 

M and I were discussing this a little before it was time for the campfire. And then we got a walkie talkie call asking where more graham crackers would be. NOT at the dining hall was the answer. 

I felt a little like everything was falling apart and I couldn't do anything to help anything. 

We found some sugar cookies in the freezer. So we made sugar cookie s'mores. At least one problem solved for the day. 

At the campfire, all of the groups got up and sang their cheers. The Leaders-in-Training group is 10th graders- all of whom have been coming to camp since they were 9 and 10 years old. Their cheer was actually a song and as I watched them, I near burst into tears. It is AMAZING to watch kids grow up. I have memories of all of them over the years. And seeing them as 16 year olds.... I don't actually have words. It was a sweet moment that made up for a rough day. 

Jakob

Jakob started coming to camp when he was 8. He bit a kid once. He ran away from his counselor and hid in the woods (more than once). He fought with his brother in the cabin (many times). He was a weird kid. He didn't listen. His parents were clueless and unhelpful when I called. He and his brother came 2-3 times each summer. Whenever I saw their names on the registration list, I cringed. And I considered (several times) telling their mom that they couldn't come back to camp.

When he was 10 or 11, he got to camp and refused to get out of the car. I was already dreading having him at camp and I briefly thought, well, maybe he won't come...

And then his mother dragged him out of the car. Like, he was holding onto the doorframe screaming "I'm not going" while she pulled at his feet. I am laughing as I type this because I remember checking in campers, greeting parents like normal while he SCREAMED in the background. 

When she finally got him out of the car, she literally peeled out, tires spinning in place in the gravel before she was gone. He sat on the road and refused to move. 

I figured he'd snap out of it soon enough.

The counselors called out names and everyone left to move into their cabins. He continued to sit there. 

I figured he'd get bored.

Everyone went to the dining hall for dinner. He continued to sit there. 

I sat next to him and tried to reason with him. He started throwing rocks at me. I was calm. I reasoned some more. He threw more rocks. 

I finally picked up a handful of rocks and threw them back at him and told him to get up and go to dinner. Probably not one of my finer moments in youth development, but he did. And he made it through the week. And ever since then, we've had a strange bond. 

Jakob is 16 now and a Leader-in-Training. He LOVES camp. He's excited to be a leader. He wants to be a counselor. He's helpful in activities. He's awesome. 

And every time I look at him, I can't help but shake my head and laugh a little and think about what an awful little kid he was and how much he's changed in 8 years. 

Terrifying

There is a look that a person's face makes when there is an emergency. It is CHILLING. You know immediately, without words, that something is WRONG.

Today Counselor M ran into the Welcome Center and had that look, saying, "come quick. Nanny just passed out."

Apparently she walked into the DC, said, "get Camp Director" and then collapsed. When the nurse and I got to her, she was the whitest I've ever seen a person, laying on the floor. She said she'd been feeling nauseous earlier in the day, hadn't eaten much at lunch and then started feeling dizzy.

X was napping when she started to feel sick, so she walked to the DC for help and then promptly collapsed.

Luckily there were several staff there and emergency procedures kicked in quick as someone ran for help, the nurse was walkied, and within minutes, we were there with her. Someone ran to the trailer immediately to check on the baby and someone else had put her feet up on a chair and were with her the whole time.

Luckily baby X was safely asleep, and not in her arms.

Luckily she realized she wasn't well and went for help, so that she wasn't alone in my trailer when she passed out.

It was a bad situation with SO many things that went well. I think she made a smart choice and I have to give her credit for doing so, even though she wasn't feeling well.

When I was on maternity leave, I was COMPLETELY terrified that something would happen to me during the day. I had terrible paranoid, anxious day dreams about the baby spending all day screaming in his crib by himself if I passed out. Or that I would pass out and drop him and he'd be on the floor screaming all day.

I've never passed out in my life. I don't have any health problems. I had no reason to worry about passing out (other than being sleep deprived, postpartum, a bit terrified of the TINY newborn that I was responsible for, anxious, and did I mention sleep deprived?!). 'N' thought I was losing my mind and told me to stop allowing myself let my mind run with such terrible "what if" scenarios. But I had a TINY new baby that was SO delicate and needy. Everything about him was so tiny and fragile. And being responsible for keeping him alive all day was intimidating. But I was fine. He was fine. And eventually he got bigger and I calmed down (a bit) and the horror scenarios stopped running through my head.

But today was scary. Because THAT was exactly what I was so paranoid was going to happen to me. And I can't stop thinking about 'what if she'd been holding him?" "what if she'd been alone with him?" "what if anyone, ever, for the rest of his life that he's small enough to hold, passes out and drops him?" Maybe I should insist that he is NEVER alone with just one person. Maybe I should insist that no one (including me) ever holds him while standing up? Maybe I should wrap him in pads and get a helmet and cover our floors in pillows. And really, while I'm making safety rules, maybe he should never be in a car (because those are dangerous). And come to think of it, I've switched from pureed baby mush to actual food, but even really soft, tiny pieces are probably dangerous, so maybe we should go back to the mush... I wonder how long he could just have breastmilk (it's a complete source of nutrition)? Oh, and crawling? He's SO close, but that needs to be out. And forget teaching him to walk.

Except that life is filled with what ifs, and "it could have been worse" and "that would have been totally different if that one small detail was changed" and my imagination is WILDLY creative, coupled with terrible anxiety, makes for some scary thoughts. So I have to put up a stop sign and be thankful that even though today was scary, it was fine. He's fine. She's fine. I'm fine.

Power Outage 2

We lost power again today. It was perfectly sunny, not a cloud in the sky and not even a light breeze. And all of a sudden, the lights went out. Power was only out for 3 hours, but the memory of going without power for several days was still fresh in my mind and so I felt much more stressed out than I should have.

Once again, my concern wasn't about the 100 kids or 20 staff I'm responsible for. I wasn't worried about feeding them. I wasn't worried about making sure we had buckets of water to flush toilets. I wasn't worried about drinking water. I wasn't worried about hand sanitizer.

I was worried about how I was going to give my kid a bath. I was worried about keeping my house cool enough (without air conditioning or a fan) so that it wasn't hot when I put him to bed. I was worried about how to warm up frozen organic veggies that I feed him for dinner. I was worried about keeping frozen breast milk frozen and fresh breast milk cold.

I know that I have to let go of my uptight tendencies when it comes to this child. He doesn't need to take a bath every night. It has been uncomfortably hot, but not dangerous at any point. He mostly drinks breastmilk, so his dinner veggies aren't even necessary. And my refrigerator and freezer can both stay cool for many hours before I need to worry about milk.

Camp is a wonderful place to have a baby. He is surrounded by people who smile and wave and make silly faces at him. The kids and the staff love him. They enjoy watching him learn things and grow up in front of them, and he is learning so much by being around everyone. He is social and friendly and very easy going. Some of that is his personality, but some of it is growing up in a community. He is outside all day, every day. He gets to swim almost every day. He gets to breath fresh air and be in nature. His life is filled with music, laughter, love and sunshine.

I'm trying to remind myself that if he misses a bath a day here or there, or gets some bug bites or is hot on a hot day, he's still going to be happy, healthy and his life is still wonderful. I'm fighting the new-mom urge to get a giant plastic bubble and lock him away from dirt and germs. I know (in my brain) that in order to grow into a well-adjusted human, he is going to have to fall down, be uncomfortable, feel sadness or disappointment. In the camp brochure this year, I wrote, "we must prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child. It is not my job to make the road less bumpy, it is my job to teach him the life skills he will need to navigate future obstacles."

That's so true. So smart. I rock at youth development of OTHER people's kids. But my kid?! Nope. I don't want his precious feet to touch the ground, ever.

It's annoying to lose power- I've never enjoyed it. But I am trying to calm down so that it isn't a source of anxiety every time it happens.

Memories

My facebook timehop showed me a memory today. I had posted about a kid biting another kid. "How did he taste?" I'd asked him. "Sweaty" was the answer.

http://sunshineandrainbowdreams.blogspot.com/2010/08/sweaty.html

That was 6 years ago!

I thought I was going to have to send that kid home. He was NOT an easy kid. I called his mom at least 3 times through the week. And when she registered him the following year, I considered telling her he couldn't come back. But I didn't, and he came back and he was less obnoxious that year. He came back the next year and the next, and each year, he got less obnoxious and more enthusiastic about camp.

And now he's back (this week!) for his 6th summer of camp. He's back as a leader-in-training. He's been talking about "when I'm a counselor in a few years" for the past 2 summers. He is PASSIONATE about camp.

I laughed so hard when that memory popped up. I would NOT have predicted he'd be back six summers in a row and that I would be excited to see him!

We've Come a Long Way

I was standing on the dock, lifeguarding swimming today. Three staff came down to use the paddle boards while on break. The fishing group took out the paddle boats. There were about 15 kids in the canoes and kayaks. There were 20 kids in my swimming group. It was a LOT of people doing a variety of activities all at once. As I watched the crowd, I was filled with a sense of awe and pride.

When I started at camp 9 years ago, we didn't have paddle boards or paddle boats. Those are here because of me.

I started thinking about all of the things we didn't have- we didn't have slingshots or throwing tomahawks. We didn't have a gaga pit or 9 square in the air or carpet ball or the checker pit. We didn't have a stage at the fire pit, or in Indian Point Lodge or in the dining hall. We didn't have skychairs or hammocks. We didn't have the campfire cooking program. We didn't have a media specialist (I used to try to take photos while doing EVERYTHING else and then upload them at midnight before falling into bed!). We didn't have the welcome center (that building was FILLED with garbage (literally to the ceiling).

It's easy to feel overwhelmed by all of the things that we want to fix or change or need (but don't have).

But today I was focused on all of the things we HAVE and the major progress I've made over the last 9 years and I was so so proud.

Stand Up Paddle Boards

Stand up paddle boards are all the rage- all the cool camps have them. I have wanted to buy them for several years, but they have not been in our budget.

Last summer, I was walking around camp with a parent/board member/donor and I happened to mention my dream of paddle boards. Except that for some reason, I had a difficult time with the word paddle boards. I kept saying paddle boats. I didn't realize I was saying paddle boats, but in several conversations since then, I have made the same mistake over and over.

And so, the next day, when he excitedly called me and told me that he ordered 4 brand new paddle boats and they would be there within the week, I learned a very expensive lesson. $10,000 is how much he spent on paddle boats- that could have bought a LOT of paddle boards!

The kids have really enjoyed the paddle boats, so it's not the end of the world, but paddle boards continued to be my dream.

In early July, two of our washing machines died. Within 24 hours, I had seven offers to purchase new machines. We ended up with three new machines. I responded to the other offers letting them know we had the machines, but if they were still interested in sponsoring something, would they be willing to buy a paddle board. I found paddle boards for about the same price as washers (around $400).

Several people responded to my email and I was on my way to my dream! And then I got an email from a board member telling me that he loves paddle boards and that if I could get 7 sponsored, he would buy me 7!

I love a good challenge!

I had all 7 sponsored within 24 hours.

'N' connected me with someone who works for a company that sells them who was able to sell me paddle boards at cost, so I got them for $250 each! It left me enough for new lifejackets as well! I was nervous that I wouldn't be able to get them in time, but they were delivered yesterday, which means we can use them for the last 2 weeks of camp!

And the best part of all was that today, my mom was at camp and so I actually got to go out and play with the new paddle boards! There were about 9 of us and we all got together, assembled the paddle boards and took them out on the lake. The water was super warm, the sun was shining, the lake was like glass and it was PERFECT. It was SO fun to be able to go out on the lake and just play.

Paddle boards for the win!!

Power Outage

On Wednesday night, we went to bed like normal. At 2:15am, I got a call from the emergency system alerting me that we were under a severe thunderstorm warning. High winds meant that the power is going to go out and about 15 minutes later, it did. The warning was in effect until 3:15am and as if on schedule, the rain stopped and the wind calmed down and I went back to bed, hoping that the power would be back on before I woke up.

But the power wasn’t back on and we found out the storm had caused a lot of damage for about 100 miles and over 25,000 people were without power. I assumed that meant we would not have power most of the day, but hopefully by late afternoon at the latest. The power company’s facebook page said it might take days to restore power for everyone, but I am an optimist and I figured that meant someone else, not camp.

Wrong again.

At 3:30 in the afternoon, “A” and I went into to town because I wanted to buy ice for my breastmilk.. I figured if we went to town and bought ice, the power would be back on by the time we returned. But at the end of our road, almost to the highway, there was a huge tree down and it had taken a large section of powerlines down with it. That was when I realized that it was going to be longer than just a trip to town before we got power back.

I bought a block of ice for my refrigerator to try to keep it cool inside. I bought two big bags of ice to pack into a cooler with all of my frozen cubes of baby food. I bought a 5 gallon jug of water for my house. 'A' and I stopped at a nearby camp to see if they had a generator (and thus would still have power and water, and then our plan was to ask to use their hose to fill up water jugs). They didn't. We started making plans for an extended power outage. 

The biggest concern with the power being out is the cooler and the freezer. It has been 90+ degrees all week and the cooler only stays cool for so long. We realized we were going to need to plan for Thursday dinner, Friday breakfast and lunch and also Sunday dinner (and then a new food delivery would come Monday morning). We gathered all of the coolers around camp, shoveled all of the ice out of the ice machine into garbage bags, grabbed lanterns and closed ourselves into the freezer. We packed the coolers with ice and with the food we needed to save, knowing basically everything else would go bad and need to be thrown out. Food spoilage is actually covered by insurance, so it's not quite as devastating to think about throwing out thousands of dollars in food, but it is SUCH a waste and I hate it. So we saved all of the food we would need for the those meals. We went to the local resort that still had power to load up on drinking water. We filled buckets to manually flush toilets.

At the talent show on Thursday night, we brought out all of the ice cream and popsicles from the camp store and let the kids eat unlimited treats. I warned them to make good choices and let them know that this was a one time thing in the history of camp, but it was still pretty fun. Later we had all camp night swim for kids to "shower". 

Overall, the kids weren't affected and they had a great time at camp.

I, on the other hand, had a full blown nervous breakdown on Thursday night. It might have actually been the worst night of camp in the history of my 8.5 summers here. 

We've had power outages before, and in 2013, we had a multi day outage like this one. It sucks and it makes everything difficult and kind of stressful, but it's not the end of the world. Having a baby in a power outage added a whole new level of stress to the power outage though. 

It's a pain to go without hot water when the power goes out. But when you have a baby, it's an actual problem. I needed to wash bottles and nipples. I needed to give my hot sticky baby a bath. 

I don't turn my air conditioning on very often, and if it was just me, it wouldn't bother me to sweat it out. But with a overheated bulldog and overheated baby, I was losing my mind with anxiety. I put Olivia in my van for about 30 minutes to try to cool her down. When I called my husband in a panic, he suggested I sleep in the van with the two of them. Adding to the stress, we switched cars and somehow in all of the shuffling, I sent the carseat home and so 'M's dad picked it up from my house and was bringing it up with him on Friday when he was coming for a visit. But at about 10pm, my baby was hot to the touch, my trailer was HOT and filled with bugs from my attempt at keeping the door open, and I was desperately considering driving to the lodge with my baby NOT in a carseat. We didn't sleep in the van and I didn't drive my baby without a carseat- by midnight, it cooled down slightly and we were all able to sleep. 

When it was just me, losing power and having all of the food in my refrigerator go bad wasn't that big of a deal. But I have several bottles of breastmilk in the fridge at all times, multiple bags of frozen breast milk in my freezer, and about 20 bags of pureed vegetable cubes of baby food. 

I am the one who is ultimately responsible for camp, the kids, the staff, the property, the food, EVERYTHING, and in the past, my entire focus has been on making sure all of those things were taken care of. But this time around, I found that my priority was entirely different. My immediate concern was personal. I went into town to buy ice and water for myself because all I could think of was keeping breastmilk cool, having enough water to not only drink, but also to wash bottles and bathe my child. The entire camp of kids and staff- once my personal needs were taken care of, THEN I focused on them.

If I'd had the carseat, I would have driven through the night to bring the baby and Olivia home. It would have been easier to focus on my job of leading a camp of people. But instead, I was trapped and so I called my husband in hysterics. 

Camp used to be a fun adventure. A multi day power outage was inconvenient and a little uncomfortable, but an experience that made for a great story. It's entirely different now- it was scary and stressful and didn't feel like an adventure, it felt threatening. Every fiber of my being was focused on the well-being of my tiny human and EVERYTHING about camp seemed to go against that. 

The kids left Friday and I had all of my stuff packed and loaded in the van so that the minute the staff meeting ended, I was able to get on the road and rush all of us OUT of there. Power came back on about 30 minutes after I left and everything was back to normal when we returned on Sunday. But I'm left feeling a little weary. A little uneasy about this place I love so much. Because I still love it, but I don't love it as much as my baby. And situations like the power outage make me feel like it is a choice between the two. 

Bowling

Everyone at camp went bowling tonight. I stood in the driveway as the organized themselves in cars and smiled, joked around and told them to have fun. And then everyone left and I sat by myself and felt like a sad little kid that got excluded on the playground.

The silly thing is, I don’t want to go bowling. There’s no scenario I can imagine where I would choose to go bowling. But the fact that I don’t have a choice and just can’t go makes it feel bad.

I love being a mom. I love that tiny human more than anything I can possibly put into words. Every time I even think about him, it takes my breath away and fills me with awe and joy. I want to hold him and snuggle him every second of every day. When he sleeps, I miss him and find myself watching videos of him. I tiptoe to his crib to watch him sleep. Even in the middle of the night, when I am so exhausted I question whether my body will move, when he wakes up and cries, I think, “oh good! I can hold him again!”

I love the way he smells, the sound of his little voice when he babbles. He has perfect tiny hands that fill me with happiness just to look at them. He has perfect chubby feet with the cutest toes I’ve ever seen. He is perfect in every way. He’s learning new things every day and I am in a constant state of amazement watching him learn.

I love every detail about him and just thinking about him makes my heart burst with a love that I didn’t know was possible.

So why am I upset that I can’t go bowling? Bowling?!  BOWLING… At a small town, run down, dirty bowling alley that I have ZERO desire to set foot in. Have I mentioned how PERFECT this little human is? His skin is gorgeous and smooth, his smile makes my heart explode. He has big blue eyes and just the lightest peach fuzz hair. He is pristine, like a doll. He is spectacular in every way.

Dirty bowling alley.

Perfect baby.

There is no debate.

And still, as they all drove away, I felt sad. My life has changed. I LOVE the change and I love my life. But change takes time to get used to and I suppose it’s ok to feel a little sad.

I’m actually not sure if it’s even sadness that I feel. No, as I think about it, I’m not sad. I think I’m uncomfortable, unsure, a little confused. This summer is so much different than the previous 8, that I’m trying to figure out where I fit and who I am. I feel like I’m riding a bike for the first time ever. It feels scary and unknown and sorta like I could fall over at any moment. It feels awkward and shaky. Before this summer, I felt confident and steady (rock solid actually). And so, to feel unsure feels uncomfortable. In the last 8 summers, I would have confidently skipped bowling, because, well, ick, I don’t wanna go bowling! I wouldn’t have felt sad or left out.

I’m trying to be patient with myself as I figure out who I am now that I’m a mom too. Eventually, I will feel comfortable and normal again. And I will look back and think about the time I felt sad because I couldn’t go bowling. Bowling. Seriously, bowling.

Fresh Eyes

Today was our re-accreditation visit by the American Camp Association. Two visitors came out and went through the paperwork and toured around camp. 'A' has been working on the paperwork for months and she is very organized. We are both visitors for the ACA and so we're both comfortable with the paperwork and camp follows all of the policies and procedures anyway, so I knew everything would go well and we would pass without any issues.

Over the weekend, we worked hard to do a little extra cleaning, pick up and put away all of the random things that seem to collect in corners, and camp looked fantastic. Both visitors are also camp directors and it was fun to show them around camp because they oohed and ahhed at several areas, asked to take photos of a few things and seemed generally impressed by camp.

Sometimes I forget how magical of a place it is. It looks like a camp out of the movies. It is filled with beautiful buildings with gleaming wood, bright signs that burst with color, beautifully built stages in several areas, new lights in several buildings, and lots of unique features that give it so much character. Sometimes all I can see is the dirt, the things that are broken, the steps that need to be repainted, and the random lost and found items or programming supplies that have been left out.

Sometimes too, even though it's been 9 years, I think about the garbage, the broken furniture, the buildings in disarray. And as we walked through each building and program area, I was so proud as we all looked at organized, labeled shelves, equipment neatly arranged, everything put in assigned places. I got to see camp through our visitors eyes and I was proud. This place is awesome and I know how much time and effort (and blood, sweat and tears!) it took to get there. And I was part of that. I have been a significant part of making camp what it is today.

Canoe Parade

Today we had a parade. Not just any parade, a canoe parade! Cabins decorated either a canoe or a kayak and then the counselors paddled them from the boating bay to sunset beach, where all of the kids were sitting to watch the parade. I miss out on so much programming, but I was excited about the parade because I was going to take Baby X and we were going to watch.

A little while before the parade was to begin, the counselors were getting boats ready, Lead Staff T came and said, "Olivia is going to be the grand marshal. I'm going to paddle her in my canoe." I said, "Ok, just be sure her life jacket is on tight." I was pretty sure Olivia would be fine in the canoe, but bulldogs sink so quickly and the water is deep, and it's been a few years since she's worn her life jacket, so after I agreed to it, I started to get a little nervous. And that's how I ended up in the front of the canoe, paddling in the parade.

It wasn't until we got about halfway to Sunset Beach that 'T' said, "I never thought you'd go for this!" and I said, "I didn't think you were asking!" 'T' doesn't realize that for years, I involved Olivia in everything at camp. And the more ridiculous, the better! Of course I would think putting her in a canoe would be a good idea. But he doesn't know me like that. He was just tickled that his boss was part of the parade and allowed the dog to be in it. And I was sad because I wanted to be like, "you don't get it. I have been the CENTER of fun and silliness and hoopla for YEARS!" Staff from a few years ago would NOT have been surprised to see Olivia in a canoe and me right by her side.

We paraded in the canoe and Olivia was perfect, regal, adorable- she's such an incredibly good dog when she's got a purpose. I wonder if she wasn't thinking the same thoughts I was- about how she always used to be part of things and at the center of the action.

I was so happy to be back in the role that I love. I like being part of the fun. It felt good to participate.

Washing Machines

We have washing machines in a few different places at camp- in the basement of the dining hall (for kitchen linens and the extra towels we lend to kids at shower time), the health center, the DC (for lead staff) and the staff laundry room (there are 2 washers, but there is space for 3). So we have 5 total washing machines and dryers.

Last week, the washing machine in the dining hall broke. The kitchen needs to be able to do laundry, so we decided to take one out of the staff locker room to replace it. And then yesterday, the washing machine in the DC broke.

In the past, we have asked for donations and gotten used washers donated. Used washers are fine, but you never know what you are going to get (there is usually a reason why someone is replacing their washing machine).

And so I found a decent washing machine online for about $400 and sent the link out to everyone on the mailing list asking for help. Help! 2 of our washers died, can you help us buy a new one?!

Within an hour, a camper dad called and offered to buy 2 washers. Shortly after him, another person emailed back and said they'd like to buy one. By the end of the day, I had 7 offers for new washing machines.

I think people like to help fulfill a specific need. I think that $400 is a reasonable donation (significant, but not extravagant- manageable for many people). I wanted to say yes to all 7 and just stack up some back ups, but I didn't. I also wanted to ask for the cash, since they were willing to spend it anyway, but of course I didn't.

3 new washers- a pretty good accomplishment for one day!