Yesterday was the last day of camp. The last day of camp ever. It’s over; it’s done. 67 years and
now it’s over. It’s actually a little hard to believe and it definitely hasn’t
sunk in yet.
All summer, I thought about the last day and I assumed I’d
be hysterical. I imagined myself falling to the ground and unable to function.
But it wasn’t like that.
A, M and I got up early yesterday. Like, really really
early, so that we could watch the sunrise. Every year, I always imagine myself
getting up early every day to watch the sunrise and get a jump on the day. It
has never happened. I’m always way too tired.
But yesterday we finally did it.
It was a little anti-climactic and a bit of a let down.
We took the golf cart and went down to the beach. All of us
were exhausted. It was cold. So we huddled together and sat around waiting. I
expected to feel nostalgic or emotional and maybe be a crying mess. But mostly
I was just cold and tired and didn’t feel any emotions at all. It just felt
like a regular day.
Sunset Beach is a beautiful place at camp and, true to its
name, offers the most gorgeous sunsets. We were on the other side of camp at
the swim beach. Apparently that wasn’t the right place, or maybe we weren’t
there at the right time, or, I don’t know. But we never did get to see a
brilliant sunrise to take our breath away and inspire our last day. Eventually
it was just sorta brighter out and we all looked at each other, shrugged our
shoulders and said, “so, do you think that’s it?” and then, “sooooo, are we
done with this?” and then we went back to our houses to shower and warm up.
The last day of camp was like all last days of camp. It was
bittersweet- sad to be done, but also kind of ready to go home after 3 months
away. The overwhelming emotion that I expected (and felt many times throughout
the summer) never hit me.
And then it was over.
This summer was difficult because only a few of us knew it
was the end. There were rumors and people asked me about it. But A, M, B and I
were basically the only ones who knew anything. And it was a big weight to
carry on my shoulders. I have no idea what the future holds and I am tired,
physically and emotionally drained.
But I also feel like I savored every moment. I enjoyed every
campfire, really looked around, enjoying the moments. I sang my heart out and
soaked in the sun. And surprisingly, I’m not hysterical or feeling crushed by
depression or anything tragic.
I have no idea what is next. There are roughly 25 buildings,
all of which have stuff (furniture, equipment, etc) in them. How do you clear
out that much stuff?
It’s so weird to have absolutely no idea what comes next. I
know I still have a job- it’s going to take a while to shut everything down and
then once the sale goes through, the plan is to become a foundation and give
out money. The board has told me I will run the foundation, which sounds sort
of boring or maybe kind of fun. I don’t know- certain days I feel excited about
it and certain days not so much.
I am mostly stressed out because A, S and T will not have
jobs for much longer and all of them want to know what is happening. I have no
idea. It’s hard to be responsible for people without having any control or
ability to give them answers.
And oh yeah, I’m getting married… at camp, so there’s that
to focus on. The board has promised me that we won’t complete the sale until
after October 4, so the wedding can happen. So for now, that’s my focus. I’m
being zen-like about the absolute unknown future. Well, okay, paralyzed with
anxiety at times, but mostly zen-like.
Anyway, summer #7 was a success. A good end to a long
history of a beautiful camp.
