A New Outlook

Yesterday was rough. I spent the whole day wandering between the activities and the staff working on projects. It was a busy, productive day at camp, but I felt miserable. I have a mile-long list of things I need to do this week, but I was so discontent that I couldn't sit still or focus on anything. Usually, no matter what is going on with myself, if kids are happy and busy, and staff are being productive, I feel satisfied. But yesterday, the more productive and busy everyone else was, the more frustrated I was with myself for being unable to focus.

Eventually the day ended and I fell into bed exhausted. Even though I was tired, I struggled to fall asleep, and I had a terrible dream that I had screamed at all of the staff, and I woke up feeling regret and dread. But once I was awake for a while, had some coffee and shook off my dream, I started to feel better.

Before I met with the staff this morning, I took a deep breath and decided that today was going to be a better day. I constantly tell staff and campers, "you can't always control what happens to you, but you can control how you react." Everything is going to be fine. Yes, there are some problems that need to be solved, but nothing is so major we can't overcome. I was feeling overwhelmed and tired, and might still be tired enough that I will get overwhelmed again today. But instead of allowing myself to be paralyzed by my feelings, I am going to be kind to myself, get some small things done, and try to enjoy my last few days of camp. The problems are not "blood or fire" level and thus, do not need to be solved (or even addressed) right this minute.

I will enjoy these last few days of camp. I will not be crabby at staff or campers because I'm tired or stressed out. I will remember how much I love this camp and that everything is going to be fine.