Catching Up

Where to begin?? It's been a busy fall season. Usually this is the quiet time, but this year, I've barely been able to keep up!

I haven't posted in a while, but I thought I should probably do a quick recap of what's been going on. The two of you who read this blog have been actively involved in all of these happenings, but, ya know, for personal record-keeping purposes, here goes-

Summer 2011 was a success. I got a lot of really positive feedback and there was a lot of good. 4 summers complete and I am proud of each one but even prouder that each summer has been better than the one before it.

The last week of the summer, Business Manager J resigned. She got a full time teaching position, which was a great move for her and after a summer of attitude and crabbiness, I was ready for her to move on. It took 2 months to actually hire a new person for the job, which was DRASTICALLY longer than I'd expected, but between me being busy and the board being difficult, it just took a long time. Office Manager S has been in place now for about a month and she is doing well. I like her, I think she is going to be a good fit and even though J has been here since I began, I was happy for a change. J knew a lot and did a lot of work, but her attitude was making my job difficult, so it's a good switch.

I wrote about the donation we received in September. It was life changing for this little organization. About a million people have asked what we are going to do with it and so far, we haven't really done anything. I am happy to be financially stable and not have to dig spare change out of the couch every time a bill comes, so for now, I'm just enjoying a fat bank account. I hired a camp consultant for $12,000 which was a really good investment and something I had wanted to do. She's been keeping me so busy I haven't had time to spend the money, so that's an added bonus.

I'm still in grad school and it is much more difficult to balance work, life and school than I'd expected. I am enjoying the classes and the work isn't hard, but going to the office all day and then coming home to homework is WAY harder than I thought it would be. I am going to be working on this masters degree for the next 20 years because I don't know how I will ever take more than 3 credits at a time. But I'm glad I am doing it and it's definitely keeping me busy.

In September, I was just getting used to having my house all to myself. I love my roommates dearly and miss living together, but it was time for us to go our separate ways and I was ready to live alone. I got back together with the BF and while I generally think couples that break up and get back together are bound for drama, for us, the break was incredibly helpful and our relationship is better than ever.

Just as I was adjusting to my BF and my empty house and pretty much doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, my dad got sick and moved in with me. It took us a while, but we adjusted to living together and October and November, my life revolved around taking care of his paperwork, doctor appointments and spending time with my new roommate.

Just as I adjusted to life with my dad, on November 25, he died unexpectedly and since then, I've been walking around like I'm in a dream. I can't seem to get on a schedule or figure out how to be normal. It's been a crazy month and I just keep shrugging my shoulders and saying, "I don't know" to everything. I just don't really know.

My dad was also my property manager of camp and so in addition to losing my dad, I also lost the only other full time staff member. With Business Manager J gone and now my dad, I am just as lost professionally as I am personally. I went to camp a few weeks after he died to work out an arrangement with the neighbor who will be watching over camp, plowing the snow and being my eyes until the spring, when I will probably hire him full time. I am mourning my dad, but camp continues to be my responsibility, so I have to think about the details even though I don't want to.

As of January 1, we are dropped from our insurance, so that's been a pretty major project and also a concern as well. My dad's injury was several hundred thousand dollars, and there have been a few other big claims over the years, so it wasn't a surprise to find out they didn't want to insure us anymore. The board was concerned that the cost of insuring camp could double, but it's actually only going to be about $1000 difference, so that's nothing (we pay roughly $30,000 per year).

And now it's almost the new year and I'm ready to start fresh. I am hopeful that 2012 will be the best summer yet.

A Quarter of a Million Reasons for Thanks

A QUARTER OF A MILLION... $250,000.... That's how many reasons I have to be thankful for today.

My tiny little camp has about a $500,000 annual budget. Do you know what happens when a check for $250,000 arrives? Um, the camp director pees her pants and then bursts into tears of happiness. And then does cartwheels and calls her mother screaming.

Okay, okay, other than the screaming phone call to my mom, none of those things happened, but it was close. It's possible when the shock wears off and it actually hits me that this happened, I might pee my pants and then burst into tears of joy.

Let me back up...

Yesterday was the Executive Committee meeting. I recapped the summer, we talked about next week's board meeting and then we looked at the budget. Camp has been on a tight budget for years. I joke around that sometimes we have to go through the couch cushions to scrounge around for change in order to make payroll. It's a joke, but it's not that far off.

The Executive Committee was impressed with my ability to cut costs this summer and while we all spoke optimistically about the months ahead, I was still nervous. I worry about the finances of camp more often than I worry about my own. When I first became executive director and really started looking at the budget, one of my first questions to them was, "am I going to have a job one year from now?"

They responded with, "the camp property is worth millions. In theory, we could take out that many loans against the property and we'll run camp until we are flat broke." I'm not a budget expert, but it seemed like a scary outlook. But they were confident about our ability to stay in business and so I try not to lose sleep after each time I see our budget. If they aren't panicking, neither will I.

This semester, the class I am taking is financial management for nonprofits. I HATE talking about financial stuff. My mind goes numb and I immediately start day dreaming about glitter and rainbows and unicorns. I understand that the MAIN job of an executive director is the budget, but given the choice, I would prefer to clean the bathrooms over looking at the budget.

So I presented a 2012 budget, which they liked, but it's sort of more of a theory than an actual budget because in it, I need to recruit roughly 150 more kids next summer. Some days I think that is possible, but some days I think that I might as well have budgeted for a million more kids, because either way, it's never going to happen. But overall, I walked out of the meeting feeling good. This is my dream job and I love every minute of the day and it seems like it will still be my job for at least the next year, so that's a great thing.

On the way into the office this morning, the board president (BP) called me. He told me about some fence materials he had and we chatted for a few minutes. And then he said, "I have good news and bad news." The bad news was that an older gentleman named George died. George was a caretaker of camp years ago. I spoke with him on the phone once. He didn't know who I was or why I was calling and he told me he didn't have any money and that he wasn't dead yet, and then he hung up on me. Connecting with camp alumni is not something I'm very good at.

He passed away in July. The good news- this morning, a check for a quarter of a million dollars arrived to camp. It took me longer than I should admit to translate "a quarter of a million" into actual numbers... $250,000.

"WHAT?!?!" I didn't know what to say or to think and I almost fell over. For a camp of our size and on as tight of a budget as we are, this is like winning the lottery. Over three years of cutting out coupons, scrimping, saving, going without, "making do", debating whether we should call an electrician or just let that building be dark for awhile, wondering if I should offer to skip a paycheck so we can make it until next month when kids register, wondering... no- AGONIZING that the time and effort and love I have poured into this organization was going to end in nothing. And after all of that, to have something so incredible as a quarter of a million dollars drop into our bank account... I still don't believe it.

I've already been asked by several people what I am going to do with the money. My brother suggested personal hovercrafts for all staff, which seems like a really good investment, so I'll probably do some googling on that later. But other than that, I am going to just enjoy being able to pay our bills on time. I am going to take advantage of all of the investment bankers on our board and let them turn that money into more money. I want to be stable, not worry that a broken down camp van or a few too many art supplies are going to push us over the edge. I am so thankful today.

Camp Crud

About six years ago, a very cute 4 year old came to camp with whooping cough, which I caught. I spent several weeks that summer with a deep, constant cough that sounded like an old man who had smoked his whole life. My best friend X, who was in charge of art that summer, ended up with pink eye two or three times, which, in my opinion was way worse. So by comparison, I got off easy in the category, "gross things you can catch from kids".

At the beginning of this summer, Counselor B came to ask if I had any idea what the pink bumps all along her belt line might be. I quickly identified them as bed bugs- easily recognizable since I'd had the same thing last summer and the three bites in a row are fairly distinct. Diagnosed in the same way this summer- poison ivy, poison oak, chiggers, and spider bites. All of these ailments are pink and itchy, but once you've had something, you know the difference between that and the other itchy things it could be. By the third diagnosis, I realized we don't need a camp nurse when I can identify crud based on personal experience.

So in my ongoing quest to gain first hand knowledge of every disgusting camp ailment... bring on lyme disease...

About 2 months ago, I felt a lump near my groin when I was washing in the shower. Naturally I assumed it was a deadly and horrific tumor and with death imminent, my reaction was to ignore it and pray that it would go away without requiring surgery or extended treatment of any kind. And it did. But only for a month. And then it came back. I was also feeling terrible exhaustion (more so than the normal camp exhaustion). I went to the doctor, who let me know that it wasn't a tumor, it was a swollen lymph node and I had another in my armpit as well. He did some blood tests and everything came back normal, so he said it was probably a virus and it would go away eventually.

The swollen lymph nodes went away, but the exhaustion and overall "blah" feeling didn't. I didn't have any specific symptoms except that I didn't feel 100% well. So I made an appointment with my doctor as soon as I got home and she took more blood tests. And on Monday called to let me know I had lyme disease.

Naturally my first thought went to the Real World Seattle when Irene went crazy due to her lyme disease. Lyme disease can be serious if it goes untreated- you can have neurological problems, develop issues with your joints, and many other serious things. But when it is caught early, 2 weeks of antibiotics will clear it up and life can go back to normal pretty quickly.

I didn't see a tick on me any time this summer and I didn't get the bulls-eye rash that usually indicates lyme disease. I'm pretty disgusted that I got such a gross disease from a bug, but it's not the worst thing that could happen, so I guess I should be thankful that's all it is.

Out With a Bang

What an end to the summer! Friday was a wonderful last day and went smoothly. After the kids left, we had one final staff meeting, a few last minute projects we needed lots of hands to complete and then everyone headed to the staff locker room to finish packing and check out with me. There were lots of hugs and a few tears, but check out was pretty quick and everyone except PDS and APDA were gone by 4:30. They were both scheduled to leave the next day which was great because it allowed us to go out to dinner one last time. We went to the golf course and had a nice dinner and then returned to camp to pack and hang out.

When we returned, we found that there was no water in my house, their house or the health center. Those three buildings are on the same well and so it made sense that if one didn’t work, none of them would, but it didn’t make sense why they weren’t working.

I flipped the breaker and tried the few tricks I know. I called my dad who was in the city for a doctor’s appointment and he didn’t have any ideas. So the three of us went to the art barn and made some end of the year crafts and I waited for my brother and H to arrive (they were visiting for the weekend). When they arrived, he tried a few things, but ultimately, none of us could figure it out. We filled some jugs of water to brush our teeth and went to bed.

PDS and APDA left Saturday morning and I was very sad to see them leave. I have enjoyed working with them and I consider them not just employees, but friends too. My mom, aunt and grandma arrived at the same time the plumber I’d called arrived. My family has been planning a week of camp fun nearly the whole summer and I was really excited to see them, but I wasn’t excited that we didn’t have water in any of the buildings they would be staying in.

The plumber did everything he could but eventually figured out that it wasn’t a problem with the water, but something electrical, meaning that I needed an electrician.

I was discouraged by that news, tired, and the end of the summer blues was starting to hit. I headed up to the dining hall to eat some lunch. My mom and aunt had taken the other golf cart to fill water buckets because they were planting. I arrived just in time to watch the parked golf cart roll backwards down the hill and crash into the giant propane tank. At that point, I was ready to burst into tears and I didn’t have a reaction left in me. I calmly walked into the kitchen, made myself a sandwich, ate lunch and by the time I was done, my brother had dislodged the cart (which had a few scratches but was fine). A few scratches on the propane tank, but that was fine too. I went to take a nap and pretend that camp wasn’t falling to pieces in front of me.

I couldn’t sleep, but the rest must have helped because by dinner time, I was feeling much better. I was really happy my family was at camp and I appreciated all of the work they were doing. We had a FABULOUS steak dinner and I was really enjoying myself. Right before dinner, Griffin vomited his entire dinner, but he had eaten pretty fast, so I wasn’t too concerned. He had vomited earlier in the week, and so I was keeping a close eye on him, but his appetite was still good, he was going to the bathroom normally and he was running and playing without hesitation. On Saturday night, we played cards, ate nachos and had some drinks and it was SO fun and a great way to relax right after the summer.

Sunday morning I woke up to Griffin vomiting. I was getting more nervous about him, but he begged for breakfast and after he ate, he was ready to play again, so I tried not to worry. My brother and H left, my mom and aunt were keeping themselves busy with projects and I was even able to get some things done.

Monday morning, once again, Griffin woke me up by vomiting and at that point, I was worried. I called the vet who told me to bring him in. I was planning on staying at camp until Friday to finish up some projects and relax, but clearly he was sick. I was so tense with anxiety, I was ready to snap, but he didn’t have any other symptoms- he didn’t seem to be in pain, he was going to the bathroom and eating normally. I worked hard to get as much done as I could and pack all of my stuff. I planned to see how he was doing on Tuesday and decide what to do then.

At that point, we still didn’t have water because despite the struggling economy, apparently electricians are a busy group. We couldn’t get anyone to come out until Tuesday! I felt like I was in Little House on the Prairie because we had to fill buckets to keep in the bathroom to flush the toilets, bring the dirty dishes up the hill to the dining hall, walk across camp to the staff locker room to take a shower… Okay, yes, it could have been much worse (the whole camp could have lost water!), but it made everything just slightly more difficult and overall stressful.

Tuesday- like a new (disgusting) alarm clock, 7:07 for the third day in a row- vomit. I instantly felt like the worst mother in the world because it had been going on for several days and I couldn’t ignore it any more. I loaded my car, said goodbye to my dad and called the vet as I drove home. I didn’t have time to feel emotional or nostalgic or reflect on the summer. I didn’t have any emotions at all- just stress and worry over my sick dog.

We arrived home, I threw everything out of my car into my living room (including Olivia) and Griffin and I were at the vet by 12:30. A quick x-ray of his abdomen showed a stomach full of something foreign and within minutes I was signing a consent form, cuddling my sick baby as I said goodbye and then he was rushed off to surgery.

Apparently he’s been eating pieces of plastic ball when I wasn’t looking. I feel like the most neglectful dog owner because I should have noticed that, but he isn’t a chewer! He doesn’t eat or destroy things, so I never worried about it. When I picked him up the next day, the vet had a gallon size ziplock bag FULL of plastic. Luckily it hadn’t made its way to his intestines, so it wasn’t a full blockage, but it was still a major surgery!

Anyway, now I’m at home and re-adjusting to life in the city. My internet isn’t hooked up yet and aside from my dog, that’s been the biggest source of stress in my life. I feel like I haven’t had a minute to think or feel or process, so at some point, it will probably hit me that summer is over, but right now, I’m busy giving 4 different medications (each has a different schedule of doses) and caring for my baby as he recovers…

The End is Near

Camp is almost over (kids leave in just a few hours!) and I have so many emotions. I am physically tired, tired of the drama, and ready to not be responsible for people for a while. But I am also sad that we will be saying goodbye soon and that the adventure and craziness will be over until next year. I am nervous about going home for the first time in over 5 months. I am eager to start planning 2012, nervous for school to start, unsure of all the newness in my life.

This was a weird week. We only had 30 kids and the energy was low. I had several staff working on special projects and it was a full time job to manage all of their tasks. I had a long list of things for them to do and even a general idea of which days they could work on which tasks, but it still required constant checking in and giving instruction.

On Thursday, we took all of the couches, carpet and anything else made of fabric out of the stone house. It was a dirty, smelly, disgusting job and the couches were heavy! PDS and I moved those couches into the basement 4 years ago and it was just as terrible moving them out. However, once we got rid of all of the fabric, the basement smelled a lot better and we’ve opened several walls and while there is a lot of moisture, we haven’t found much mold at all, so I am starting to think (and pray!!) that most of the mold and smell was from the couches and maybe this won’t be as big of an issue after all.

On the positive side, I have been incredibly impressed by Counselor B all week. She was a great counselor all summer, but I didn’t think of her as potential lead staff until this week. She has been on special projects because her major is graphic design and she has been helping with some media projects. But she is also a really strong leader, takes initiative well and has stepped up and really blown me away. PDS said the same thing and made the argument that she would be a great program director next year.

M&M have also been great this week and both have worked hard to prove themselves because they both want to be lead staff next year. Actually, I read everyone’s feedback form and about 10 people said they wanted to come back next year as lead staff, so that will make hiring interesting. But I can see M&M in leadership positions for sure.

Nurse J continues to stir up trouble, well, okay, it’s not so much that she causes the trouble as if there is drama, it always leads back to her. She seems to always have a slightly different version of a story and someone is usually upset or causing trouble in it. It’s as if she enjoys the drama and seeks it out (or possibly causes it herself). I pulled M&M aside and asked them about Nurse J. I told them I trusted them to give me honest feedback and that the conversation wouldn’t leave the room. I didn’t lead them at all, I just said, “tell me your opinion about Nurse J” which lead to a flood of negative comments. No one has come to me about her, but as soon as I’ve asked anyone, it’s unleashed a FLOOD of information.

I sure now that it’s not just me having an issue with her and that she shouldn’t come back next year, but I am not sure how that is going to go over or how I will handle that situation. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t trust someone. I think maybe it was high school or junior high and a mean girl was starting rumors. But I truly just don’t trust the things that she says. I don’t think she lies intentionally, but she stretches the truth and seems to enjoy the drama. It is very difficult to work with.

But anyway, I am trying to stay focused and enjoy every minute of the last day. I am going to miss camp almost as soon as it ends! Summer 2011 has been wonderful and I am very proud of the work we’ve done.

A New Outlook

Yesterday was rough. I spent the whole day wandering between the activities and the staff working on projects. It was a busy, productive day at camp, but I felt miserable. I have a mile-long list of things I need to do this week, but I was so discontent that I couldn't sit still or focus on anything. Usually, no matter what is going on with myself, if kids are happy and busy, and staff are being productive, I feel satisfied. But yesterday, the more productive and busy everyone else was, the more frustrated I was with myself for being unable to focus.

Eventually the day ended and I fell into bed exhausted. Even though I was tired, I struggled to fall asleep, and I had a terrible dream that I had screamed at all of the staff, and I woke up feeling regret and dread. But once I was awake for a while, had some coffee and shook off my dream, I started to feel better.

Before I met with the staff this morning, I took a deep breath and decided that today was going to be a better day. I constantly tell staff and campers, "you can't always control what happens to you, but you can control how you react." Everything is going to be fine. Yes, there are some problems that need to be solved, but nothing is so major we can't overcome. I was feeling overwhelmed and tired, and might still be tired enough that I will get overwhelmed again today. But instead of allowing myself to be paralyzed by my feelings, I am going to be kind to myself, get some small things done, and try to enjoy my last few days of camp. The problems are not "blood or fire" level and thus, do not need to be solved (or even addressed) right this minute.

I will enjoy these last few days of camp. I will not be crabby at staff or campers because I'm tired or stressed out. I will remember how much I love this camp and that everything is going to be fine.

What a Day!

What a terrible day. I'm usually a silver lining kinda girl, but today was pretty miserable overall.

A few days ago, some of the staff casually mentioned that they felt sick when they were in the basement of the staff house (which has the laundry room and tv/couches). Four years ago, every building at camp got a brand new roof, except the staff house. The staff house needs MAJOR structural work on the roof (estimated cost $30,000) and in the capital campaign plans, that building will be torn down, so the board decided not to waste money on a building that needs major work and is coming down eventually.

I've known all along that the roof is sort of leaky and that the basement is always humid and damp. But I rarely go into the staff house, so it's one of those, "out of sight, out of mind" situations. It's an old, pretty run down house, but with 20 staff in an out all day, it's probably better that it's not super nice. 19 year olds aren't picky about the condition of the place they "crash" during their breaks. And so I haven't given much thought to that building. Until they mentioned they were feeling sick. And I went in the basement and saw the long lines of mold. I saw the damp floors and visibly wet walls.

A year before I started here, a group had put beautiful tongue and groove siding all along the walls. My dad started pulling it apart yesterday and found soaking wet insulation. Tomorrow we are going to tear apart the whole basement and try to determine the extent of the problem. We have to determine if it is something we can clean up or if the house is so bad it is un-usable. I'm not sure how to make that determination, but hopefully it's not as bad as I am imagining.

After the mold discovery, I received an interesting email from Business Manager J. She found another job and is resigning from camp. J has been working on her Masters degree in music education and we'd talked about her student teaching next Spring. This summer has been difficult with her, and I've been talking with my mom about how much J needs to move on but what a difficult discussion that would be. So this is actually a really positive thing. But it's earlier than I'd expected and I feel a little panicky.

I also woke up with a sore neck, and I felt overall really worn out and achy all day. We have only 31 kids this week and the energy is low, and I'm struggling to feel excited or interested in activities. Mostly, I've been wandering around aimlessly all day, unable to focus or be productive, feeling bad about my lack of focus (on top of all the stress I'm feeling about everything else), and overall just feeling bad for myself. Ugh. Not a great day at all.

Hanging Out

The end of the year staff party was last night. It was fairly low key- we had dinner, PDS and PDP gave a speech, we showed a slideshow of staff photos from throughout the summer, showed a few different videos, then I gave a speech, recognized the lead staff, gave end of the year staff gifts and then we were done. It was short, sweet and there was very little clean-up. Success.

Afterwards, PDS, PDP, APDA and I sat around in my house and chatted for several hours. S and I have worked together for 4 summer, A has been here three and this is P’s second year. We’ve come so far together, accomplished so much and they truly “get it”. That was the second time in a few days that we’ve been able to just hang out and talk, laugh, share stories and memories and really enjoy each other’s company.

After the hysteria of campfire cooking on Thursday, that evening, we did something I’ve never done before- after the kids and staff were finished with showers and tucked into cabins, the four of us jumped in the car and drove to the nearby bar to have a drink. The bar is only about 5 minutes away and we just had one drink, so in the event of an emergency, it wouldn’t have been an issue. We were there for about two hours, mostly talking about staff.

I wanted to ask them about Nurse J ad I was surprised to hear how negatively they all feel about her. I thought it was just me feeling weird, but all three of them had a LOT to day. They also had great feedback about the staff- who should be asked back, who would be good lead staff next year and who should be done with camp. I really value their opinions and the conversation wasn’t gossipy, it was very straightforward and professional. We discussed the facts, left opinion and emotion out of it and I appreciated their feedback.

I am going to miss them so much next year! I really can’t imagine camp without them!

Hanging Out

The end of the year staff party was last night. It was fairly low key- we had dinner, PDS and PDP gave a speech, we showed a slideshow of staff photos from throughout the summer, showed a few different videos, then I gave a speech, recognized the lead staff, gave end of the year staff gifts and then we were done. It was short, sweet and there was very little clean-up. Success.

Afterwards, PDS, PDP, APDA and I sat around in my house and chatted for several hours. S and I have worked together for 4 summer, A has been here three and this is P’s second year. We’ve come so far together, accomplished so much and they truly “get it”. That was the second time in a few days that we’ve been able to just hang out and talk, laugh, share stories and memories and really enjoy each other’s company.

After the hysteria of campfire cooking on Thursday, that evening, we did something I’ve never done before- after the kids and staff were finished with showers and tucked into cabins, the four of us jumped in the car and drove to the nearby bar to have a drink. The bar is only about 5 minutes away and we just had one drink, so in the event of an emergency, it wouldn’t have been an issue. We were there for about two hours, mostly talking about staff.

I wanted to ask them about Nurse J ad I was surprised to hear how negatively they all feel about her. I thought it was just me feeling weird, but all three of them had a LOT to day. They also had great feedback about the staff- who should be asked back, who would be good lead staff next year and who should be done with camp. I really value their opinions and the conversation wasn’t gossipy, it was very straightforward and professional. We discussed the facts, left opinion and emotion out of it and I appreciated their feedback.

I am going to miss them so much next year! I really can’t imagine camp without them!

Above and Beyond

At this camp, we go above and beyond. We don’t just do the bare minimum, we do our best to make activities different, add small details to make sure that the week is memorable, create magic. Sometimes it means we spend hours crafting or stay up late preparing programming, but that’s why our programs are awesome.

It’s “fun with food” week, so the theme activities have a food theme. We did an activity with different stations where kids could do different activities based on the food pyramid (dairy= create a milk mustache pose, protein= doing exercises to build muscle, etc), did some crazy Olympic relays that involved food, built towers using marshmallows and noodles and yesterday, we cooked over the campfire.

Last year, one of my favorite memories was campfire cooking with a group of 9 year old boys. We made bannock, which is basic bread that uses flour, water, baking soda and is deep fried in Crisco. It isn’t something I would want to eat every day, but I let them cover it in powered sugar and they loved it!

I was a little nervous when PDS and PDP decided to make this an all-camp activity. We talked about having each cabin group do the activity separately, but I was nervous that staff wouldn’t be able to safely lead it on their own. We also don’t have enough fire pits for each cabin to be separate, and the bigger the groups at each fire pit, the more dangerous. So we decided to have everyone together so that we could have a counselor show going at the same time we cooked so the kids would be entertained and not mess around by the fire.

We started a nice big fire with big logs creating a frame around it and some metal grates across it to set the giant frying pans on top of. It was a very nice set up.

The first grease fire was small- the fire was a little too high and the grease that was heating in one of the pans caught fire. I pulled the pan off the fire and dumped the grease into the dirt and the fire went out quickly. I attempted to make the fire a little smaller by pouring water on it, but some of the water got into the second frying pan and that was when the SECOND grease fire started. That one was a little bigger and while the kids were QUITE impressed (some even suggested I should have my own cooking show), I was slightly terrified that I was about to start a forest fire.

I got the second grease fire under control and although my adrenaline was pumping and in my head I was wondering what on earth we were doing, we forged ahead. PDS, APDA and I sat in the middle of the fire pit, squeezing bags of dough (each kid got to go through a line, collect ingredients and mix them in a ziplock) into the pans. The fire was hot and we were sweating terribly. The grease was flicking out tiny painful drips that were landing on our legs. The bread itself was not worth the effort- the outside was either charred or covered in char flakes, the inside was runny, with a sandy crunch every so often. There was little taste to it, even with powdered sugar and, considering we’d had delicious pancakes for breakfast and lunch was an hour off, most kids weren’t interested. The counselor show was a hit! Kids were very entertained, and had there not been a flaming distraction in the middle of the circle, I think they could have sat there quietly and peacefully entertained the whole hour.

10 minutes into the activity, I looked at PDS ad she had the same hysterical look in her eyes that I was feeling and I said, “what are we doing?!” Why aren’t we playing capture the flag or something easy? By an hour into it, we were both manically laughing, verging on tears of hysteria and by the time the kids left, we flopped down, sweaty and exhausted.

In 12 summers of working at camp, I think that was the worst experience I’ve ever had. Perhaps sometimes it is not necessary to go above and beyond.

Important Work

The energy this week has been so positive and with 74 kids (our second biggest week of the summer) there is a constant flurry of activity. Months from now, when I am longing for camp, it is THIS feeling that I will be thinking about.

This week we have five kids (a brother and sister and three brothers) who lost parents less than two weeks ago. The brother and sister lost their mother to breast cancer on the same day that the three brothers lost their father to lung cancer. I wasn’t sure if the kids would be able to come at all, and once I knew they were coming, I wasn’t sure in what condition they would come. But all of them have been smiling and happy and active. If I didn’t know who they were, I don’t think I would notice any difference between them and any of the other kids.

In what is sure to be the worst experience in life they’ve had thus far, there is nothing we can do for them. Nothing changes the pain they feel from losing their parents. But giving them a week of being normal, being a carefree kid and not thinking about anything except for the fun activities in front of them- that is the best we can offer. Every time I see one of them immersed in an activity, laughing, and running around, I feel like I could cry. How many times have I written about the importance of camp and how we are more than just a week of fun? But we are so much more than just a week of fun. That we can be a positive part of their lives during this time is so important. I am so proud to be able to do work that truly helps people.

More Drama

On Sunday, Office J called me to ask if her daughter could come to camp for the week. The bus had already left the city and was headed to camp, but her husband could drive her. I said no because it’s our second biggest week of the summer and while the cabins aren’t completely filled, it’s going to be a stretch in activities this week with the amount of kids vs. staff.

As always, Office J will not take no for an answer and will argue until she gets her way. If another parent had tried to add their child on a Sunday, Office J would have had a heart attack because she is a stickler for policy.

As she argued, she said that at the beginning of the summer, Nurse J had told her daughter she could come up and “hang out” in the health center. I told Office J that unfortunately, Nurse J didn’t have the ability to make that promise and that wasn’t a possibility. Earlier, Nurse J had told me a story of how Office J had come up with the plan for her daughter to stay in the health center as a guest.

Office J drives me insane because she is so argumentative and doesn’t seem to respect me as her supervisor, but that being said, she is always straightforward and I have never questioned her honesty. More and more this summer, the drama and the stories with two versions all seem to be coming back to Nurse J. In addition to the pushy-ness of Office J and overall annoyingness of this situation, once again, I was questioning Nurse J’s honesty.

Between Office ‘s arguing and my annoyed surprise that Nurse J had once again told me a different version of the truth, the staff that were coming in and out, the list of a million things to do and the impending busload of kids who were set to arrive in just a few hours, I didn’t have time to argue. Eventually I gave in; annoying, but not the end of the world and I needed to get off the phone. I added it to the list of things I will be discussing with her in the fall at her review and tried to shake it off.

When Office J began at camp, she was offered free camp for her three kids. There is not a policy about employees and free camp, but there should be. Office J has led the charge on getting policies written but so far, hasn’t touched that topic. I don’t think anyone should come to camp for free, but I haven’t made an issue out of it either because she only has three kids (one of who is now too old for camp) and it’s not a big deal.

Office J offered to pay for her daughter to come for the second week of camp. Again, without a policy in place, decisions are based on what I think is best, which is not a great way to run a business (hence, my shared love of policies), but I agreed she should pay for the second week.

So when she emailed to say she’d paid 50%, I emailed back to ask where that number had come from. She asked if I thought it should be the full amount. I told her that was what she had initially agreed to and that while we didn’t have a policy, it seems fair.

She wasn’t happy about my answer and overall, I’m so annoyed with her that every time I think about her, I feel frustrated. For four years, we’ve worked so well together. I don’t know what is going on this summer, but it is going to be awkward and stressful when I return and have to tell her that some things need to change. Ugh!

Dad is Back!

My dad is back!

It feels like just yesterday that I was standing in the rain, nervously preparing to lead my staff on a 9 mile canoe trip that no one (including me) was totally sure of, trying to mentally prepare to be a strong leader despite my own reservations. In those same moments, I was also terribly afraid that was the last time I was going to see my dad.

My staff were taking final bathroom breaks and loading the last pieces of gear into the canoes, anxious and in need of confident reassurance that it would be fine. I was supposed to be the person doing that, but instead, I was off to the side, crying and holding onto my dad, making him promise he would live and come home.

That moment was one of the most difficult experiences I have had at camp. My dedication to being a camp director, my nervous staff, my ability to separate personal feelings in order to be professional- none of that was enough to distract me from being scared daughter who was worried about her dad.

The canoe trip was a wild success and the summer has flown by, and now my dad is back. He took it easy, he had a great time, he stayed healthy and I’m glad he was able to go to the place he loves so much after being so sick just a few months before.

The Professional Development Project

Yesterday we had an all-staff in-service. I schedule two per summer and they are mandatory. Before staff are even hired, they know the dates, know they have to be available on those Saturdays and even though getting up early on a Saturday morning and working, when we have so little free time to begin with, is the last thing anyone wants to do, everyone was there and smiling (okay, well, everyone was there. The smiling part…).

I actually wasn’t even sure until Friday night what the in-service was going to cover. Sometimes I cover safety issues or review drills (missing camper, missing swimmer, medical emergency, etc), or go over programming that needs tweaking. But with over 80% of my staff returners from last year and this late in the summer, some of my typical topics might have been a little redundant.

With only 2 weeks of the summer left, my ultimate goal was to inspire them and encourage them to keep their energy high and stay focused. On Friday night, I was still struggling with the actual content of the in-service. I had a general outline, but luckily, PDS, PDP and APDA spent 3 hours brainstorming and helping me come up with an actual plan.

The in-service started with a power point presentation that highlighted emails I’ve received this summer from parents and feedback sheets the kids have filled out. There have been so many positive comments that I wanted the staff to see just how many people are satisfied by their work and hopefully feel as proud of themselves as I am of them.

At the end of the presentation was a list of professional skills that they can say they’ve gained. When people think about working at camp, they think of how much fun it is. They think about playing games and singing songs and roasting marshmallows over the campfire. It seems like the easiest job in the world. When I was 18, my main motivation for being a camp counselor that summer was to be able to be outside and get a tan while working- how hard could it be to lead a few kids to some activities at the same time?

But working at a camp provides staff the opportunity to develop an incredible amount of professional skills that will help them in any future career. At the end of the summer, I hand out a packet that includes pieces of a resume that they can use in the future. Rather than saying, “I played with kids and ran around in the woods” they can use phrases like, “Successfully guided campers in non-intrusive outdoor living experiences stressing the preservation of the natural environment.” Working at camp gives them an opportunity to develop skills like creativity, problem solving, leadership, confidence, communication, and so many more I could go on and on forever. Working at camp changes lives. The kids who come for a week- yes, but even more profoundly, the staff who spend three months growing and changing.

When I interview staff and also during staff training, everyone always says the same thing- they want to work at camp so that they can change kids’ lives, make a difference, have a summer job that really matters. But by the eighth week, they are tired, sick of archery, looking forward to going back to school, and the noble goals of changing lives are pushed aside.

So after going through all of the positive feedback and reminding them what a great job they are doing, the second part of the in-service was having them look at the list of skills they’ve gained and brainstorm specific examples of times at camp they’ve used those skills. For instance, instead of just saying, “I’ve gained the ability to problem solve.” they had to come up with an example of when they were faced with a problem and how they responded. I know they weren’t thrilled to be brainstorming but once they got going and started sharing examples, there was a lot of laughter, great stories and I could see them making the connection between hilarious camp stories and actual professional skills gained.

In the final part of the in-service, we had prepared an outline that they had to fill in.

“Dear Future Self, when I applied to camp, I wasn’t thinking about the professional skills I would gain, I was thinking about … (fill in the blank). But midway through the summer, I was surprised to find out there was more to camp, like… (fill in the blank). When I look back at my time at camp, I hope I never forget… (fill in the blank). But I also want to remember some of the professional skills I’ve gain… (fill in the blank).”

We created a “studio” in the handicap accessible bathroom, using a black bed sheet as a backdrop and an old floodlight that kept overheating and shutting off, leaving them in the pitch black in the middle of each recording. It was a pretty ridiculous project that will require some major editing, but the testimonies were incredibly powerful. I found myself getting tears in my eyes each time someone spoke. And even though they had dreaded getting up early on a Saturday morning and being forced to brainstorm, I could see that they were really moved, and inspired, as well.

Instead of saying the same old thing- “give it your all… dig deep… put on your counselor face” or threatening them to be professional and focus on the kids, reminding them of WHY they are doing this job and all they’ve accomplished was a way better motivator than anything else I could have said. They walked out of the in-service feeling proud, with a different perspective on the work they’ve done this summer and I think that the last two weeks are going to be awesome.

Vote

The jello fight is a once-per summer event and always one of the highlights. This is our fourth year doing it, so we should have perfected it by now. But that was not the case this week.

Despite the fact that we’ve been planning on having the jello fight on Thursday of this week since May (or really, since September of last year when I planned this theme week), we didn’t actually order the jello until earlier this week. But then there was an issue with the delivery and so it wasn’t here on Tuesday when we planned to make it.

We scrambled around and Cook G attempted to find extra packages at her school, but ultimately, we couldn’t scrounge enough. So we moved the jello fight to later on Thursday night. The food delivery was supposed to get to camp around 1pm, and if we were there waiting for it and could make jello as fast as we could, it should be enough time to set up for an evening jello fight.

Except that the truck was late and didn’t arrive until almost 3:30pm. PDS, APDA and I met the truck and made 60 gallons of jello in a record amount of time. And then we prayed that it would set so we could have a jello fight at 7pm.

But even prayer can’t make that much jello set. So our only option was to move the jello fight to Friday morning. The jello fight is the whole reason kids sign up for Ooey Gooey week. And we had 60 gallons of jello setting in the refrigerator, which is way too much to ever eat and expensive to just throw away. Friday mornings are busy with packing, closing ceremony and end of the week activities, so adding a jello fight (which is followed by jumping in the lake to wash off) not only would throw off the schedule, but would also mean that kids would be putting freshly sticky and wet clothes into their suitcases (which ordinarily would be packed and ready to go first thing in the morning).

Lead Staff and I sat down and re-worked the schedule. If we kept everything right on time, it would be possible to squeeze it in without losing anything. So right after praise and worship (which was supposed to be right before the jello fight), I took all of the staff with me and PDP went into the chapel to tell the kids the plan.

I explained the importance of sticking to the schedule, being organized, giving the kids clear expectations and let them know that each cabin would also have a Lead Staff member assigned to help get the kids from the beach, changed into dry clothes, finish packing, get their stuff out to the field, and stay on schedule.

Meanwhile, in the chapel, PDP went with a strategy I wouldn’t ever recommend- he let the kids vote. He told them an elaborate story of how we are all set to have a jello fight, but then someone offered us MORE jello, but it wasn’t ready yet. So we could have “a regular jello fight tonight, or we could have an EXTREME jello fight tomorrow”. And then he let them vote. They voted to play Capture the Flag last night and have an EXTREME jello fight today.

When PDP told me his strategy, I marveled at his gumption. “What was your back up plan if they voted to have the jello fight tonight?” I asked. He didn’t have one. Impressive. Or crazy.

But in the end, everything worked out. Our plan went perfectly today and we were even slightly ahead of schedule. Kids left camp still slightly sticky, but very happy. Success.

Staff Morale

The “coming to God” staff meeting didn’t work. In fact, it’s possible it even made staff morale even worse. I’m not sure what is wrong with everyone, but there just seems to be a gray cloud hanging over camp. Even Nurse J, who is usually my information source and a supporter, is out of sorts. Actually, she has been the weirdest of all. She came to me and told me that “everyone is unhappy and you’re going to have mutiny on your hands.”

Um… okay…?

She couldn’t tell me why or any details. When I asked who had talked to her, she refused to tell me. When I sad, “I could probably guess” assuming it was a few of the return staff, she said, “you probably couldn’t.” At that point, I got mad. Was she enjoying this? Was this a game?

I don’t enjoy drama. If there are problems, I want to fix them. I understand that when you take a group of 19 year olds and have them live together, work together and push them to the brink of exhaustion/frustration on a daily basis, there is inevitably going to be drama. And I am always prepared to deal with it in a calm, no-nonsense way, so that we can move forward and do the work we are here to do.

She claimed that there was nothing I could do unless they came and talked to me. I disagreed. They are 19 and more often than not, they won’t come to me. If I go to them, they will usually talk to me. And I am the adult, who wants to fix the problem, so I am direct.

Nurse J seems to enjoy the drama. And so I was mad. And I asked her about it. And she got defensive, asked if I wanted her to be here and then she cried. I wanted to tell her to go away, but instead, I calmed her down. I And eventually she told me which staff were unhappy.

I pulled in 6 staff for a meeting. I asked what was going on and how I could help. I told them some of the things I’d heard and listened to their concerns. Then I pulled PDP and PDS into the meeting and they listened.

I never really found one big problem. There were some little things and a lot of miscommunication. The counselors thought the lead staff were mad at them. The lead staff thought the counselors hated them. So every interaction was colored by a bad feeling, when really, no one was actually upset. After we cleared it all up, everyone seemed relieved and there’s a clear difference in feeling in the air.

I’m a little surprised by Nurse J. The whole incident showed me a side of her I’ve not seem before. Even though we resolved our issue and hugged at the end of the conversation, I can’t shake the uneasy feeling I have about her. It’s so weird and I am really not sure what is going to happen- hopefully it blows over and we can go back to normal.

Camp Visit

Yesterday I left camp for the day to go to another camp to be an ACA visitor. When I went through the training to be a Standards visitor, I was excited to be able to tour other camps, learn about how they do things and see camp in action. But when it actually came time to drive 2 hours early in the morning, when my own camp was filled with kids and staff, I wasn't excited. The camp I was going to is the same camp where we have all of our ACA training and education events, but I've only ever seen the main conference center building.

The camp is a girl scout camp on 1200 acres of land, with horses, a pool, and beautiful shiny buildings. I expected to be blown away by the amazing-ness. But I wasn't. This camp is part of an association of camps and each has to follow the same programming and same standards. As we toured, the director even pointed out the archery range, which had recently been re-painted because the first time maintenance painted it, it wasn’t the right shade of green. I can’t imagine being that limited in creativity.

It was a beautiful camp and I’m sure that kids have fun and staff have life changing experiences, but as we toured, it just felt so generic and impersonal. I didn’t leave feeling like my camp is inadequate (which is sometimes how I feel when I tour really impressive camps), or inspired with great ideas to bring back, or hopeful that someday we can grow to be at that level.

I often say to people (usually when I am showing them around my tiny, falling down camp)- camp is not about the buildings or the activities, it is about the connections that people make when they are there. At our camp, our focus is on relationships- staff connecting with kids, helping build friendships between kids, and an overall focus on the community. I believe this statement, but sometimes I wonder if I really believe it or if I HAVE to believe it because we have such old buildings and limited facilities. But as I left the gleaming, beautiful, impersonal camp, I was eager to return to a place that might not be spotless, but welcomes everyone who walks through the door with open arms and warmth that comes from being truly cared for. I wouldn’t trade that for all of the shiny buildings in the world.

Remorse

Camp Kid K is 14 and everyone's little brother. Last year, I think the staff were annoyed by him and struggled to include him on weekends when they just needed time off. But at the beginning of the summer, I warned them that Nurse J had been sick all year and Camp Kid K needed to have a fun summer and I would not tolerate them not including him. I don't think it was my threats that changed their relationship with him- they love Nurse J, are used to Camp Kid K, and this summer he gained a whole group of older siblings, who love him, nag him to go to church, tease him, hang out with him and are incredibly protective over him.

The majority of the staff were gone this weekend and so Camp Kid K and Counselor H were hanging out together. They asked if they could have a camp fire and I said yes, not even bothering to watch them.

Imagine my surprise when I opened facebook on Sunday morning and found a video of them and their HUGE fire. I saw them pour lighter fluid on it and then throw a pop can in it and watch it explode. I was surprised that they did it- they are both so quiet and responsible, and I've seen (and done) way worse. I didn't think what they did warranted a conversation- it wasn't that bad. If it had been unsafe or dangerous in any way, I wouldn't have hesitated.

But putting it on facebook was probably a dumb move and so I thought they deserved a little teasing. I joked with Camper K that if he was going to be unsafe on the weekends, he wasn't going to be allowed to stay. I was smiling and he knew I was joking.

Nurse J decided to tease Counselor H- making the same point. But Counselor H is not really the teasing type of guy. He's such an exceptional staff member- taking his job incredibly seriously, putting 100% effort into the kids and everything he does. He's still nervous around me and when I gushed over his great work during his staff review, he was awkward and uncomfortable.

I was scheduling on Sunday night when Nurse J started teasing him. Of course, he panicked and feared he was going to get fired. I was gone all day today, so last night, when I heard he was freaking out, I knew I had to go and calm him down and ease his fears so he would sleep through the night and not have the worst day ever today.

I walked down to the bathroom area where he was waiting for kids to finish getting ready for bed. "Nurse J was teasing you H" I told him. "If it was an issue, I would have talked to you." He told me he'd written me a letter. I told him I didn't even need to read it, I wasn't worried. He told me he wanted me to read it.

Here was his letter-

Dear Camp Director,

I am very, very, very sorry for my horrible decision making this past weekend. It was 100% my fault for how we acted and I am ashamed by what we did. I was being an atrocious role model for K and I forgot my place as a camp counselor. I failed to realize that even though K may seem like a little brother to me he is still a camper and I was his sole adult supervisor. I shall, from now on, maintain a more professional position at all times, including the weekends. As soon as I get a chance, I will remove the pictures and video from the internet. I am willing to accept any punishment that I deserve.

An ashamed counselor, H

My letter back to him was this-

Dear H,

If I didn't know what your letter was in reference to, I would have assumed you murdered a small village. If I had been concerned about safety or appropriateness of behavior, I would have discussed it with you. You were being a big brother, which is what Camper K needs. Please stop beating yourself up and relax, you know I think you are a fantastic counselor.

-Camp Director

I just keep shaking my head and smiling. My staff are so ridiculous and hilarious.

Sunday...

Have I mentioned that working at camp is a little bit crazy?

I had been told by more than one staff member that Counselor A had picked up a child last week. The camper didn't want to listen and so instead of talking to him or bringing in a Lead Staff to help out, he picked him up and carried him into the dining hall. As I didn't actually see it, I'm not sure if it was HORRIBLE or just a really bad choice.

Counselor A has been struggling this summer. He hasn't done anything terrible, he's just consistently kind of bad at his job. He doesn't appear to enjoy working with children, is terrible with details and cabin management, doesn't like any of the other staff and overall, unfortunately, doesn't have a lot of qualities as a counselor. So finding out he'd picked up a child, while possibly not grounds for termination (depending on the details of the incident) was the last straw.

He had been at home for the week and when I heard about him picking a kid up, I called and left him a message, asking if we could talk. He finally called me back last night and he admitted to putting his hands on the kid's shoulders, but not actually picking him up. Because a large group of staff was also out of town, I couldn't dig further into the incident until today.

Counselor A arrived back at camp earlier than the group of staff, so when he and I sat down to talk, I didn't have any more information than the night before, which made it a little harder because, while overall he is a bad counselor, there isn't one incident, even the picking up thing, that would make me send him home immediately.

We talked for a long time and he admitted that he struggled with some of the detail pieces of camp, but that he liked being here more than it seemed.

Eventually it all boiled down to this- the last three weeks of camp have low enrollment for boys and so I have more counselors than I actually need. He is leaving for a year in China the day after camp ends, so I suggested that maybe those two facts were more important than whether he was a good counselor or a bad counselor- maybe it was just his time to be done with camp. He never really connected with the staff and he'd said all along that he was just going to be at camp for one summer, so it wasn't devastating to think about leaving camp early (the way it would be for some staff).

Together we agreed that his time was done- it wasn't me firing him, it wasn't him quitting and we both still liked and respected each other. He shook my hand, told me it was really nice working for me and he would come visit next summer when he returned from China. I don't ever want anyone to leave on bad terms, so I was relieved that it all worked out. I told the staff that Counselor A was no longer with us and left it at that. Lack of details KILL them because they want to be involved in everything, but that was that.

A LITTLE WHILE LATER...

The meeting with Counselor A was enough for the day, but of course, that's not how camp works. As check in began and our new group of campers was arriving at camp, I got a call from the bus- they were going to be late because the bus had a flat tire! They were on the side of the road about 2 hours away from camp. The bus company was on the way to change it, but they were stuck.

Everyone was safe, and it just so happened that four of my best staff were riding the bus this week, so I knew they would be fine. However, without half of the group, we couldn't start camp like normal (dividing into cabins, touring and getting-to-know-ya games), so we would have to figure out a way to keep the group of campers we had at camp entertained and busy without actually starting camp.

Leave it to PDS and PDP- the greatest staff ever, to come up with an elaborate activity of relay games, complete with a special prize- for every game the kids won, they got a point. For each point the kids earned, PDS and PDP would dump something sticky on my head! We've done this before and kids LOVE to see someone get covered in mess, and what better way to start ooey gooey theme week?! I stayed in the welcome center and they told the kids I had no idea. Our group this week is younger- 7-11, so they were giggling and thrilled at being in on the secret.

When the games were over, they walkie talkied me and asked if I could come to the field, the kids wanted to meet me. I told them I was very busy and very important and didn't think I could be interrupted. The kids heard all of the exchange and that made it even more exciting when I finally came out and was introduced. "Hey, look! I have a blindfold" PDS said (in a very surprised and excited voice), "you should try it on." The kids were giggling and covering their mouths and leaning forward in excitement. I played dumb and asked why while they covered my eyes.

They told me it was starting to rain and then the chocolate syrup started pouring down, followed by whipped cream, pudding and a number of other yummy treats. They kids were roaring with excitement. They didn't seem to notice that I had changed my clothes from my uniform shirt- they were thrilled to see the spectacle.

Just as we finished up the act, the bus pulled up and I greeted the kids and staff, covered in sticky mess. I lead the entire welcome and introductions as if it was totally normal to be covered in chocolate, and so ooey gooey week began- about an hour late, but with lots of happy, smiling kids...

Coming to God

Besides the staff who I yelled at, overall, the whole staff was just having an "off" week last week. The kids were awesome and luckily they were the most low maintenance group we've had, because the staff were causing me to throw my arms in the air and pull out my hair and vent to lead staff, asking, "what's wrong with all of them?!"

So PDS, PDP and I sat down to go over our biggest frustrations and come up with an agenda for our end of the week staff meeting. I wasn't looking for staff input or feedback, rather, I needed to have a "coming to God" meeting with all of them.

PDS started and she reiterated the importance of being focused on campers and having a positive attitude/ counselor face.

PDP went next and let everyone know that the changes we make to the schedule are necessary and we are letting people know as soon as we do and to chill out (that's paraphrased, not exactly what he said).

I was last because, quite frankly, I wanted to leave the meeting having had the last word. My normal style is very open, collaborative, welcome to feedback and inclusive. But I put my foot down when I mean it and their faces showed that they were a little surprised, but hopefully taking me seriously.

1. This is a job. Yes, I care about everyone and want them to grow and develop and have fun. But if they don't remember that it is a job, with responsibilities, I will care about them from a distance, because they will not have a job anymore.

2. Opinions about the program, job performance of lead staff or co-workers- those need to stop. There is a person at camp whose job is to oversee everything and everyone. It's me. I'm good at it. I'm doing it. Staff only see a fraction of what goes on and so opinions are not based on all the information.

3. You are not allowed to be stressed about things that don't apply to you. Counselor N going on the camping trip at the last minute was stressful to him, and I worked with him directly. But the uproar and subsequent outrage/ stress that SEVERAL other staff had over the situation was ridiculous. You have to stay out of things that don't apply to you.

4. You will not always like your co-workers, supervisors, organization policies, decisions, etc. You have two choices- keep your mouth closed and deal with it or find another job. Voicing your opinion loudly about those things will get your fired in other jobs. Learn to deal with things- welcome to real life.

5. There's a difference between venting and group whining. I hear about the group whining and I know when you're crabby about something, but if you don't come to me directly, I can't do anything about it.

Camp is some of the staff's first job. Like asking them to understand the developmental stage of a 7 year old and not get frustrated when they lose their shoes, because that's what 7 year olds do, I know that I have to meet my staff where they are at. 19 year olds have a lot of opinions, don't fully understand what it means to be professional and don't realize that in future jobs, their boss isn't going to care about their feelings, well being or growth. I try really hard not to get frustrated with them, because all of this is normal and happens every year. It's not personal against me, it's just what happens.

I'm hoping that they are a little bit more focused this week, because I'm being patient, but I'm really over their neediness.

Real Stuff

Camp is supposed to be silly songs, fun games and roasting marshmallows. The magic of camp is supposed to protect us from everything out in real life. Kids get to come to camp and be themselves, get dirty, be goofy and never worry.

On Wednesday afternoon I got a call from a parent. Her three boys have been coming to camp as long as I've been here and they are a wonderful family. She is a huge camp supporter, coming to a lot of our events (the last one being Counselor J's memorial). The two younger boys are scheduled to come to camp next week. The oldest is here this week and back next week in the Leader-in-Training program. The mom was calling to tell me that her neighbor was on the way to pick him up and would be to camp in an hour. His dad was in the hospital and very ill.

I ran down to the beach as the pontoon was sailing away from the dock. I managed to yell as loud as I could and flail my arms around to get them to turn around. I tried to look calm as I said, "I'm sorry everyone. Camper M needs to come with me for a little bit, sorry to interrupt." All of the LITs protested because Camper M is popular and it was weird that he had to go with me. I told him we needed to call his mom and he didn't ask any questions as we walked back to the Welcome Center. He was calm as he talked to his mom and as sweet as ever when he got off the phone and told me he had to go home. He calmly told me his mom kicked his dad out of the house in March because he was having emotional problems, but then a few weeks ago, his dad got sick and had to go to the hospital. They didn't know what it was, but now they know it is lung cancer and he doesn't have very long to live. Besides the three campers, there is a 6 and 3 year old at home. They are the sweetest kids and despite the dramatic story, a very nice family who are going through a lot of tough stuff.

Camper M's dad died today. His mom called to let me know she wanted to boys to be able to come back to camp next week, but would have to figure out the details of the funeral first. I held back tears as I told Camper M's group the news. They all cried. It was awful.

A few hours later, I got a text message from a different parent telling me news of another death. The mother of two of our return campers (who are scheduled to come to camp in two weeks), has been battling breast cancer for months and she died today. Those kids go to one of the schools that sends the most campers to camp and so I know several of the parents in that community. They are all encouraging the dad to stick with the plan to send the kids to camp.

Besides these families, two other campers both lost their dads earlier this year and the13 year old sister of one of our CITs committed suicide earlier this year. Counselor J's death in December. Nurse J being sick... none of this is supposed to happen. It's summer. It's camp. Glitter, rainbows, laughter, sugar... not death.

I've worked incredibly hard for four years to create a community- building relationships with kids, parents and getting to know entire families. I know that bad things happen all the time and usually, we just don't hear about it. That families are calling camp to keep us involved in their lives is a sign of a strong community and for that, I am really proud and happy to be able to be here.

After four years, I know kids, families, I remember older siblings, know which kids go to which schools. Recruiting has brought me into people's homes and special events have helped me get to know people outside of just a few minutes at camp once a summer. I have worked hard to call and email people, following up on their registrations, finances, special needs of each child, learning details of each family in the process. This year I have sent out emails once a week, counting down from 4 weeks until camp. My photo is at the top of all of the emails and each week, I cover different topics, encouraging people to call or email me with any question. Because of that, I have had more interaction with parents than ever before, and the majority of parents who arrive at camp greet me by name, ask about my dogs (who are also pictured) and have a sense of familiarity that calms their fears about leaving their child for a week.

Every week I tell the kids that they now belong to the camp family and they will always have a home here. I am working hard to make this camp more than a one time experience, but rather a constant in their lives, summer after summer. I want every parent and every child to feel like this is a home away from home with people who know them and care about them as if they were the most important people here. It takes an extraordinary amount of effort to build a community, but each year I can see and feel the growth and i it is the most rewarding thing I have ever done.

But I would be lying if I didn't admit that a small part of me wishes I could go back to the easy, light, superficial interactions and temporary relationships that come in an average camp program. When a kid comes to camp for a week, one time, I smile politely and say hello at drop off and pick up, not knowing names, not recognizing parents, no pressure, no responsibility to interact in a meaningful way or put in any extra effort. A one-size-fits all, generic, anonymous, regular old program. It wouldn't be as rewarding, but it wouldn't be as much effort either.

Because right now, my heart is breaking for my kids and my families. Genuinely caring about people means more than shallow greetings and artificial warmth, it means opening yourself up for the good and the bad parts of life. And that's really hard and takes every ounce of my energy. This isn't a job, it is a labor of love that I'm pouring my entire soul into right now. I'm proud of that and I love that. And let's be honest, I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I clocked in and out and left work at the office and then went home.

Community is built on a foundation of relationships, and the more connections, the stronger the bond. And that's what I hope to wrap around the campers who come to camp- whether they are average happy kids looking for a fun week, or kids who just lost their parent and need a place to heal- either way, I hope that this camp can be something meaningful to them. Because that is where I get my meaning from.

Reading the Group

With a camp as small as this one, it is possible to make big changes to the schedule based on the needs of the group. I think it makes the program that much stronger and I am so proud of PDS and PDP for absolutely the best programming yet.

In pre-camp planning, we'd had a great idea for a canoe race around the island. It takes over an hour to get around the island usually, so racing it should take slightly less, but it's still a long distance. I was really looking forward to the race this week because it was a cool idea. However, this group of kids is not competitive at all and canoeing that long in a race was not going to work out.

PDS and I decided to change it and spent all day, literally the entire day coming up with the coolest program yet. It was active and challenging, but really different. Teams had to do different challenges that all lead to a final challenge. They had to dig in rice to find a pin, then they had to pass water balloons from neck to neck, use the pin and pop them into a bucket. They had to run to a pile of keys find one, and then run back and attempt to unlock a box. Inside the box was a squirt gun, which they used the water to fill. They had to use the water gun to squirt coffee filters, which we'd written different letters on in permanent marker and then colored over with washable marker. When squirted with water, the washable marker bled to reveal the letter. The letters spelled out a clue and so on and so on.... It was awesome.

At 4:30, which is the last activity before dinner (and the activity was planned for after dinner), the kids were just dragging. The kids who had been on the overnight were EXHAUSTED and the other kids were worn out too. So I walkie talkie-d PDS to the beach where I was life guarding and we decided that they were too tired to do the activity and so we switched around several things so they could do it in the morning today and have quiet time last night before the dance party. By the time the dance came around, they had a little more energy and had a blast at the dance.

The activity went super well this morning and I was thrilled with our ability to make changes to ensure the success of our programs and make sure the kids have the best time ever!

Difficult Decision

Last night was brutal.

Around midnight, it started to rain. There was thunder and lightening. It wasn't a terrible storm, but I had 24 teens and 5 staff in the middle of the woods, so I was wide awake, unable to sleep, knowing they were out there. I checked and re-checked the weather online and it wasn't severe weather, but I was still worried.

The problem with rain on the camping trip is that there is literally no place for them to go. They are in the middle of the woods and there is no shelter at all. If there was an emergency, I would personally hike in and get everyone out. However, when it's bad weather, but not an emergency, the best option is to leave them out there.

Attempting to get 30 people out of the woods in the middle of the night in the rain would be more dangerous than them braving the weather. The trail is narrow, curvy, uneven, hilly, and it would be difficult to maneuver in the pitch black (even with our biggest lanterns and all the flashlights). In addition to dangerous, it would be absolutely terrifying.

Once they got back to camp, we would have to try to find enough bedding for everyone, since we would have to leave all of their stuff behind. I don't think we have enough bedding in all of camp for that many people, so it wouldn't exactly be a nice warm, dry bed like they would need.

Again, let me be clear- if they were in danger, I wouldn't hesitate. But they weren't and so I made the tough decision, knowing they were most likely wet, miserable and not sleeping, to leave them out there. I hate tough decisions like that!

They returned this morning with a wet sleeping bags, bug bites, completely exhausted, but still smiling. They'd had a good time, minus the wet night. We're all exhausted today, but everyone is safe and still happy, and the sun is shining, so life is good.