Nervous?

One of the alumni asked me if I was nervous for the summer. I thought it was an interesting question and I told him, no, I am excited. But it made me think for a while- am I nervous?

After a full summer of experience, I feel like I pretty much know what to expect and prepare for, which is an advantage I didn't have last year. After a year of building, fixing and preparing, camp looks beautiful, which is VASTLY different than last year. With my dad by my side, a bigger staff than last summer and a year of preparation behind me, I feel more prepared and more confident going in to this summer. Last summer was overwhelming, frustrating, disappointing at times, lonely, exhausting and the most challenging experience I have ever faced. Had I known what was in store for me beforehand, I don't think I would have accepted the challenge. But I lived though it without any injuries or mental trauma (to myself or to anyone else), so I think I can pretty much do anything.

I feel confident and excited, but I think there's always some level of anxiety. I am directly responsible for EVERY aspect of this camp, from people to programming to property. I have to know every detail, prepare for every situation, handle every problem- all at the same time and with patience, kindness and confidence. My staff is made up of mostly 19 and 20 year olds with limited experience and varying levels of commitment to this 3 month job. I have to train them, coach them, encourage them and lead them as they are challenged and deeply impacted by the experience, while also making sure they are doing the same for the kids they are responsible for.

My staff (and thus, me) will be responsible for keeping 600-700 kids safe and happy this summer, and if that doesn't happen, I will be the one to face the parents and deal with the fallout. In addition to the people I oversee, camp has 18 acres of property, over 20 buildings, a budget that's been messed up for several years, a 62 year old reputation to maintain (or repair- depending on who you talk to) and a fat puppy with adjustment issues. It blows my mind that I am the one who is the head of all this.

So am I nervous? No. This summer is going to be fantastic and I'm really excited. But I am fully aware of the enormous responsibility that lies ahead. In a job that is all about creating a magical, fun filled, lighthearted experience, that encourages silliness, laughter, and carefree days of bliss, I know that behind it, is a job that requires unyielding attention and seriousness. Finding a way to be fun on the outside and unwaveringly attentive on the inside is a tightrope I will walk all summer. And I'm looking very forward to it.