Um, WTF

Okay, so camp has been over for a few weeks, and my life, well, the job part of my life, has been in a bit of a chaotic state as of late. Nothing bad, I think I blogged about my messed up schedule before. That plan has gone accordingly. I spent a week shuttling counselors to the airport- not really working, but definitely not relaxing. Then I spent a week at camp cleaning and packing. Definitely working, but since camp isn't in session and I'm not in the office, people seemed to think I was on vacation. Hello, camp isn't gonna clean and organize itself. I believe we tried that method last year and that lead to a hellish May (anyone remember my blog about me crying in the fetal position?!?!)

And now, after 4 months of NONSTOP work, I am on vacation. It's going okay. All 4 months, I spent my final waking moments of every day passionately fantasizing about being on vacation and spending every single day of it on the couch, watching tv and not moving. And so that's what I did this weekend. And it was glorious. For like, 2 hours. And then I decided to clean, which lead to crafting, which lead to... it turns out I don't "do nothing" very well. It's nice to have the option though. Today I spent the day digging fence post holes in my backyard. It was much harder than I'd expected, and I have another full day of landscaping tomorrow, but I am sure I will love and appreciate my new fence more because I helped in its creation. But that's not the point of this rant.

Anyway, because I've been off of a normal schedule for so long, combined with not being good at relaxing, I really just want to go back to the office and get on with life. But here's the thing. Remember that whole, "Interim Exec" drama at the beginning of the summer? Yeah, easy to forget but yes, I'm still the temporary boss and yes, I still know nothing about the future. Why bother to go back to the office when I don't know what my job is anyway?! The Board has said "September or October" is when they will figure out what to do. I have been very outspoken this summer and made it clear that this is my job and I want them to officially give it to me, like, NOW... I haven't used that phrase, but that's what I mean every time I have to say something patient, calm, collected or Executive-like. I want to lay on the floor and kick my feet and say, "just tell me already!!! I don't wanna wait!" My mother has advised me against that. Apparently not very professional. But, um, hello?! Isn't my life chaotic enough with weeks of in-between-ness? Do we have to add unknown future and temporary job title to this?! Let's also add in the now standard opening of every phone call and email I get, "SO... What have you heard about the job???" and pretty much, I'm going crazy.

What have I heard? NOTHING! Well, not nothing. Worse than nothing actually. And I'm trying to tap into YEARS of therapy to be zen-like and move with the wind, instead of playing the what-if game and hyperventilating like I am naturally inclined to do. The last time I talked to the Board President he said, "let's set up a conference call to set the agenda for the Board meeting. Normally I would have you do it, but since you've never done it before, I can teach you this time." I said, "yes of course" but in my head I was saying, "normally you would have the Executive Director set the agenda... does this mean I am the Exec?? Do you think of me like that? Or is this still temporary?! Are you teaching me forever or just so you don't have to bother until the new Exec is in place?!?!?!?!" UGH!

And then... this... today... email... um... WTF?!?! What does this mean??!???? Zen-like..., seriously, I'm trying... But, um, hello?!? Is this a passive way of telling me I'm in? But why wouldn't he call and, like, officially offer me the job... so maybe I'm not in yet. WTF WTF WTF??

What does this mean?!?! How can I causally enjoy my vacation and be Zen-like when my boss is communicating like a 15 year old passing notes??? Please read below and tell me what it means.

(His email was a response to an email our Office Manager sent him. One of my counselors wants to work for us full time and apparently is bypassing me in the process. Good plan kid, keep that up... not the point though. She sent him an email asking about where to send her resume. This is the first I've heard of it from her, making this email all the more confusing and annoying.)

[Camp Director],

What makes her think we have a full time position? Actually the best way to handle this (in the nicest and most cordial way possible) is to get a hard copy of her resume and inform her there are no positions at this time. I think it is cool she likes the camp so much but we are full up except counselors etc.

It really is something our Executive Director manages and not a Board or my issue. You are the boss now! If you want to hire someone outside of the normal sphere, you would make that consideration and submit to Executive Committee. Please verbalize this to [Office Manager]. I didn't want to share all the Exec details

thanks

[Board President]