Cosmos... Er, Well... Pottery?

Now that I'm out of the woods and back at home, I guess this is the "cosmos" part of Cosmos and Granola. But other than living in a major city, I wouldn't say I'm living the life of cosmopolitans, clubs and craziness. It occurred to me recently that I probably should have titled this blog "Tivo and Granola" or maybe, "Sitting on the Couch and Granola" or something a little more reflective of the other half of my life. Or maybe I should take up drinking to try to live up to the title. Although then it might be "Drinking on the couch and Granola" which would lead to "Rehab and Granola", which would be sort of ironic since that is exactly what happened this summer with my Boss and I.

Last night I had my second community education pottery class. Okay, let me just start off saying that I didn't expect to be the pottery class valedictorian or anything, but I didn't know I would be the slow kid in class. The woman on my left was tossing pottery like a factory worker trying to make quota and the woman on my right (who, by the way was a pottery minor in college) had a full kitchen's worth of dishes by the end of the night. I, meanwhile, got my ass handed to me by a lump of clay. I wasn't successful, although I will say, I am enjoying it. I find it to be very calming as long as I don't look up from my own wheel.

My pottery teacher is an art teacher/ti chi instructor who speaks in a very quiet, soothing voice. He offers a lot of positive reinforcement and talks a lot about balancing your energy with the clay's energy, which I can't decide if I love or want to roll my eyes at. He is the kind of guy I would never notice on the street, but, in the context of pottery class, am now in love with. His positive attitude, calm, patient encouragement, and his inner peace all combine to create a glow that radiates from him and makes me want to follow him as a spiritual guru, or possibly kiss him, I'm not sure which. Usually, I look for emotional unavailability combined with a high likeliness of getting into a hockey fight when I develop an attraction to a guy, so this new crush is a bit of a surprise. That being said, the jittery feeling he gives me is making me a bad potter, so somethings gotta give. Last night he tried to help me and all of a sudden I was imaging that scene from "Ghost" and then, well, that bowl ended up getting squished and I had to start over (while the potting sisters to my left and right went on to create a full set of coffee mugs, whatever, I don't even like coffee that much).

So that's my crazy life outside the woods. I'm happy to be back but yesterday I outlined the weeks for summer 2009 and I got really excited (like pottery guru touching my clay covered hands excited), so bring on the granola...

Working

I have spent the past month on a communication rampage. I have been contacting alumni, former staff, camper parents, organizations and anyone else I can get to talk to me about camp. I am determined to get the word out about us, gain some support, publicity, funding, attention... I'm sick of hearing, "oh, you're still around?" (Yes, for over 60 years actually). And it's going well. The old directors have been excited to hear from me, alumni are quick to share their experiences and parents have a lot of opinions. I started the month feeling very alone and intimidated by the huge amount of work this organization needs. I spent the whole first week alternating between banging my head against my desk or shouting in frustration, "26, does anyone else think a 26 year old is a little young to put in charge of this mess? I can barely rent a car, but no, it's cool, I'll pull us out of debt in the midst of a collapsing economy. No worries."

I've calmed down since then and as I've reached out to the community, I've been AMAZED by how many people have reached back and offered their support. It's exciting to know there are so many people who share my passion for camp and want to see this place succeed. So I've stopped shouting, and, like this summer decided that the best thing to do is put my head down and work. Just put one foot in front of the other and move. No time for drama or nonsense. Don't talk, just do. And it seems to be working. I am still overwhelmed sometimes, but I am really optimistic too. Life is good.

Back to the Office

I'm officially back! After weeks of craziness and a week of chillin', I'm back to my office... well, actually, I have a different office. I have my Boss's old office. It's kind of funny, because all of the offices are the same size, so it's not like I moved to the corner office or something amazing. But my new office window overlooks a yard with trees, rather than the roof like my old office, so I guess this is what it means to be important.

It was nice having a week to relax and rest after a long summer. After the Board meeting on Thursday, I took myself to the Art Museum to look at a photography exhibit, one of my favorite Van Gogh's, and then wander aimlessly, soaking in the fact that I wasn't in the woods anymore. I went out to dinner with my mom and brother and then stayed up late watching tivo-ed reality tv (I am totally living the life!).

On Friday I literally bummed around all day. I slept late, laid on the couch and then took a nap. It was so lazy and so fabulous. My roommates were gone for the weekend, and I enjoyed the quiet alone time. On Saturday, I cleaned my house and did some scrapbooking and was a bit more productive, so it wasn't a completely wasted weekend, but I also relaxed a little more, which was nice. And yesterday, I went on a historic home tour with my mom. It was rainy and cold, but I enjoyed it. I have wanted to take a tour like that for a long time, so I was glad I got to do it.

It's so nice to be home. Every minute of every day has been a celebration of living in my favorite city, loving my life and absorbing the goodness of my surroundings. I couldn't be happier. And now today, I am back to the office, which I am actually really thrilled about. I like being on vacation spending my days lounging around. But I am really much happier when I'm on a normal schedule and better still when I am being productive. I love this job and I am SO eager to begin all of the fall projects I have been planning. Oh and today I ordered my new Executive Director business cards. They are bright green with a campfire on them, professional but not your average boring white- totally me, but with a fancy title.

And after that, I wrote in the biggest writing my big white board would allow, "9 MONTHS UNTIL CAMP! GET EXCITED, IT'S JUST AROUND THE CORNER!!!!!!!!!!" Because, well, I've been soaking in the city long enough to really appreciate and start to miss camp. Don't get me wrong, I am not interested in going back any time soon and I want every minute of my nine months in the city. But after a few more weeks, I know that I will begin to miss camp more, and soon after that, I will begin longing for the sounds and smell of the woods. And eventually longing will turn into an ache, which will turn into an almost painful NEED to go back. It happens every year and I can already feel it beginning. But for now, I'm back to city life and loving every second.

Board Meeting

We had a Board meeting today. I gave a report on the summer and we talked about the capital campaign. It was a very positive, upbeat meeting. After the meeting, the Board met without me and then the Board President came to my office to talk to me.

"I can't offer you a contract until we approve it in October, but I can offer you a handshake. And you should get new business cards printed."

Good enough for me.

Executive Director at 26. Not too shabby...

2 years ago, after watching a particularly inspiring episode of Oprah, I defined my dream job, detailed out and wrote it down. Two years later I am here. It is as close to my description as it could possibly be. "Overnight camp with rich history, but that has room to grow. I want to be able to use my creativity and ideas to shape a camp, but that camp should have traditions from years past. Camp should be traditional, rustic, but beautiful and interesting. I would like to be the boss."

I sort of expected to work my way up and maybe by the time I was 40 or 50 I would be at an Executive level. Never mind. I am not patient anyway, I'd rather just have my dreams come true now. I'm still a little dumbfounded by the entire situation, and the past three months, as well as the future ahead hasn't really sunk in yet. Maybe going in blindly is the best option. No fear or stress if you don't know any better...

Um, WTF

Okay, so camp has been over for a few weeks, and my life, well, the job part of my life, has been in a bit of a chaotic state as of late. Nothing bad, I think I blogged about my messed up schedule before. That plan has gone accordingly. I spent a week shuttling counselors to the airport- not really working, but definitely not relaxing. Then I spent a week at camp cleaning and packing. Definitely working, but since camp isn't in session and I'm not in the office, people seemed to think I was on vacation. Hello, camp isn't gonna clean and organize itself. I believe we tried that method last year and that lead to a hellish May (anyone remember my blog about me crying in the fetal position?!?!)

And now, after 4 months of NONSTOP work, I am on vacation. It's going okay. All 4 months, I spent my final waking moments of every day passionately fantasizing about being on vacation and spending every single day of it on the couch, watching tv and not moving. And so that's what I did this weekend. And it was glorious. For like, 2 hours. And then I decided to clean, which lead to crafting, which lead to... it turns out I don't "do nothing" very well. It's nice to have the option though. Today I spent the day digging fence post holes in my backyard. It was much harder than I'd expected, and I have another full day of landscaping tomorrow, but I am sure I will love and appreciate my new fence more because I helped in its creation. But that's not the point of this rant.

Anyway, because I've been off of a normal schedule for so long, combined with not being good at relaxing, I really just want to go back to the office and get on with life. But here's the thing. Remember that whole, "Interim Exec" drama at the beginning of the summer? Yeah, easy to forget but yes, I'm still the temporary boss and yes, I still know nothing about the future. Why bother to go back to the office when I don't know what my job is anyway?! The Board has said "September or October" is when they will figure out what to do. I have been very outspoken this summer and made it clear that this is my job and I want them to officially give it to me, like, NOW... I haven't used that phrase, but that's what I mean every time I have to say something patient, calm, collected or Executive-like. I want to lay on the floor and kick my feet and say, "just tell me already!!! I don't wanna wait!" My mother has advised me against that. Apparently not very professional. But, um, hello?! Isn't my life chaotic enough with weeks of in-between-ness? Do we have to add unknown future and temporary job title to this?! Let's also add in the now standard opening of every phone call and email I get, "SO... What have you heard about the job???" and pretty much, I'm going crazy.

What have I heard? NOTHING! Well, not nothing. Worse than nothing actually. And I'm trying to tap into YEARS of therapy to be zen-like and move with the wind, instead of playing the what-if game and hyperventilating like I am naturally inclined to do. The last time I talked to the Board President he said, "let's set up a conference call to set the agenda for the Board meeting. Normally I would have you do it, but since you've never done it before, I can teach you this time." I said, "yes of course" but in my head I was saying, "normally you would have the Executive Director set the agenda... does this mean I am the Exec?? Do you think of me like that? Or is this still temporary?! Are you teaching me forever or just so you don't have to bother until the new Exec is in place?!?!?!?!" UGH!

And then... this... today... email... um... WTF?!?! What does this mean??!???? Zen-like..., seriously, I'm trying... But, um, hello?!? Is this a passive way of telling me I'm in? But why wouldn't he call and, like, officially offer me the job... so maybe I'm not in yet. WTF WTF WTF??

What does this mean?!?! How can I causally enjoy my vacation and be Zen-like when my boss is communicating like a 15 year old passing notes??? Please read below and tell me what it means.

(His email was a response to an email our Office Manager sent him. One of my counselors wants to work for us full time and apparently is bypassing me in the process. Good plan kid, keep that up... not the point though. She sent him an email asking about where to send her resume. This is the first I've heard of it from her, making this email all the more confusing and annoying.)

[Camp Director],

What makes her think we have a full time position? Actually the best way to handle this (in the nicest and most cordial way possible) is to get a hard copy of her resume and inform her there are no positions at this time. I think it is cool she likes the camp so much but we are full up except counselors etc.

It really is something our Executive Director manages and not a Board or my issue. You are the boss now! If you want to hire someone outside of the normal sphere, you would make that consideration and submit to Executive Committee. Please verbalize this to [Office Manager]. I didn't want to share all the Exec details

thanks

[Board President]

Recognize

I walked into the grocery store on my corner yesterday and the checkout girl's face LIT up. "Do you remember me?!?!" She asked me.

"You went to camp!" I said enthusiastically, although it was sort of a shot in the dark. She looked really familiar, but I couldn't say with 100% certainty that she was a camper. I hate when that happens, and I wish i could remember every single camper and their name, but at least I played it cool this time.

She was so excited/baffled to see me. "What are you doing here? You are three hours away from camp!" I told her I had heard this was a great grocery store (ironic because my roommates and I have a bit of a passionate hatred for this store, but that was an inside joke with myself at that moment).

It was so nice to see her so excited to see me. I hope that every camper from the summer would react the same way. Because I was the rule enforcer, the disciplinarian, the person in charge of giving bad news all summer, I often felt like I was the meanest person alive. But clearly, at least one camper walked away with a positive impression of me and today I was lucky enough to run in to that kid!

I'm FREE!!

I'm free!!!!!!!!! I drove home last night and I don't have to go back any time soon. I have the rest of this week, weekend and next week off. I am planning to do some serious sleeping in, watching tv and doing nothing. Camp is clean and organized, and my dad has a month by month to-do list until summer. And I am off the hook! No more responsibility!

I shouldn't make it sound so dramatic. I will be back to camp probably within September. Now that my dad lives there, going to visit isn't an afternoon barbecue, rather, a weekend up north. And once I've had some time to chill out, I will begin to think about, plan for and strongly desire to be back to camp. Actually, last night, I had 2 really great ideas for training and then I had a really fun idea this morning for arts and crafts.... so really, it's never over really. And I'm glad. I love this job. Yes, I was excited for the summer to be over, but mostly because I have learned so much and can't wait to start over and improve everything. I feel incredibly blessed to have a career that I enjoy so much and I am looking forward to getting back into the office for my Fall, Winter, Spring projects.

But right now, I am doing several home improvement projects (I can hear drilling as I type this), getting ready to welcome a puppy to my life, I signed up to take pottery class every Monday night for the next 3 months, I am going back to the gym on a regular basis, I want to road trip to Iowa to visit my bff, go out to lunch with all of my girl friends... Whew, I might actually be busier now than I was at camp. But I am responsible for only myself, not kids, staff, parents or buildings that always seem to have plumbing problems. And that feels wonderful!

Life is good.

Back at Camp

After a week of shuttling staff, I am back to camp, ready to finish cleaning, organizing and packing. There is still a lot to do and unfortunately, after my taste of freedom, I am not particularly motivated to be back in the woods. It is COLD and raining here, and there is still a lot to do. I LOVE camp, but OHMYGOSH, I want to be done. By May (really, more like November or December, but for sure by May) I will be desperate to return and have the summer back, but right now, I just want out!

I scheduled myself to have the entire week here, but I think I will actually be able to leave by Wednesday night. I have already done a lot of work and even though I have much more to do, camp is in pretty good shape, so if I just stopped whining and started working again, I'd be done...