See Ya Next Year

A few days ago, one of the kids asked me if I was going to cry when camp ended. I told her that I would be sad because I would miss the kids and the staff and all the fun, but no, I wouldn't cry. There were several years in the 11 summers that I have spent August and September totally hysterical. You're only together 3 months, but the relationships you build with the staff are so intense. That, combined with exhaustion of having to be so energetic all summer, make for some emotional goodbyes.

Since this became my full time job, it's a little less emotional to say goodbye. I know that in approximately 310 days (but who's counting?), camp will begin again. It will include both new and old faces, and there will be new adventures (and challenges), but it will be essentially the same. So, no, I won't cry, but I am sad to see it end.

Last night, after the last staff had checked out and driven away, my dad and I went out to dinner. We ordered shrimp cocktail, steak and I drank a big margarita. Afterwards, I sat on the couch for several hours- content to do absolutely NOTHING and be responsible for NO ONE!

Camp is clean, organized, packed and mostly ready for the winter. I have 27 lists of things to do in the fall, but for the next week, I am on vacation! Today, I will lay in the sun and tan myself until I look like a football. At some point I will pack my room and my office, clean the house and walk around and touch every building one last time.

Tomorrow I will load 100 pounds of baby bulldog in my car and make the trek back to the city. I am excited to see my boyfriend regularly, hang out with my roommates, get my hair cut, and jump in to planning for summer 2011. Summer is over, bring on the fall!!

BAT!

11:15 knocks on my door always mean something interesting. Last night was no exception.

Counselor B, "We have a bat in our cabin! Don't worry, the girls are calm and I managed to get them to not scream, but WE HAVE A BAT IN OUR CABIN!"

I calmly put on my shoes and headed over to find all 10 twelve year olds with their heads under their covers. I realized about halfway between my house and the cabin that I had come completely empty handed, so I wasn't really sure what my plan was, but how difficult could it be to shoo out a little bat?!

I located the golf ball sized bat quickly and with confidence, climbed onto the top bunk, tee shirt in hand, prepared to grab him and toss him outside gently. But when I reached for him, he opened his tiny little mouth and went from being cute and harmless to something from all of the trendy vampire shows and movies.

I yelped, dove for cover and decided to re-think my plan, however, in doing so, I must have spooked the little guy and he started flying around the room. I attempted to throw the tee shirt on him mid-air, but I missed, and then he started swooping.

At breakfast this morning, several of the counselors told me they heard, "eeeeeeeeeekkkkk" followed by girls giggling, me shouting to Counselor B to "do something". As I cowered in the top bunk, hands over my head, I thought, "this is NOT how I saw this turning out!"

After a few warning swoops and laps around the room, he landed. Regaining my composure, I grabbed a bucket of markers, dumped it onto the floor (I wasn't trying to be dramatic, but probably was), and trapped him. Counselor B came with the dust pan and we managed to get him off the wall, into our bat-trap and then we carried him outside to be released back into the wild.

I will be adding "wildlife specialist" to my resume this morning.

Bannock

Because a few staff had to leave early for school, scheduling was a little creative this week. There is always a mistake here or there, so it wasn't surprising yesterday afternoon when we realized that we had scheduled Counselor E to be in 2 places at once this morning. "Who can we have teach his boys sports?" The answer was me. Me and ten 10 year old boys playing a sport...

I like to lead activities and I enjoy the opportunity to hang out with kids. But I'm not an athlete, I don't know how to play sports and I was totally at a loss of what I was going to do with them. I briefly considered googling the rules of soccer and then I decided I would rather rip all of my hair out than play that, so I came up with the best plan of all. I switched with Counselor N who was supposed to teach them fire building first hour. He taught them sports first and I took over plans for fire building 101. It was a win win since he was dreading that activity.

Instead of just building a fire, I decided we should cook something too. After all, what's the point of a fire without doing something with it? So I decided we would make bannock.

I've heard of bannock many times, but I can't say that I've ever actually made it myself. However, with google, self confidence and the right spirit, no one knew this was a first time thing.

3 cups flour, 2 tablespoons baking powder, a little bit of salt, a little bit of butter and some water. I decided to also have them add cinnamon too. I mixed the dry ingredients first and we divided them into ziplocks and then added water. I found a HUGE frying pan in the camping supply shed and grabbed a big container of Crisco from the kitchen.

Once the kids had mixed the dough in their ziplocks, we cut the corner off and squeezed it onto the frying pan. I'd also brought a big bag of powdered sugar, because I could pretty much eat anything covered in powdered sugar.

The bannock turned out sort of like a pancake, with more of a bread texture. I was SHOCKED that it actually tasted really good (I'd expected something like cardboard). The boys loved it and kept saying, "I'm so glad we signed up for this activity". The dogs loved it because they got to eat all of the scraps and I loved it because it wasn't soccer!

I have been in the office a lot this summer. Between ACA re-certification and Operation Purple paperwork, I feel like the summer has passed me by in a mess of paper and emails. I miss leading activities, doing special things with kids and actually having fun. I'm sad that it is the last week and this is one of the first times I have done anything active. I am going to try to make more of an effort to schedule those times into my day next year. And yes, I am already beginning the countdown to summer 2011.

Lead Staff

Being a Lead Staff means that you don't get scheduled breaks, you don't get a night off, you need to pay attention to every detail, every staff, every camper and do anything that needs to get done, whenever you see it. It also means that you have to be my sounding board for random ideas, take care of my dogs, and any other random thing that could possibly happen at camp.

And yet, for some reason, this position is COVETED. It has become glorified and mythical. I don't really understand, but all everyone can talk about this week is becoming Lead Staff, who will be Lead Staff, what it means to be Lead Staff... I want to pull my hair out and scream.

I don't talk about staffing next summer until February. Anyone who vows they will be back, probably will have something come up at the last minute. Anyone who walks out swearing they will never be back, around October, will change their minds. College students' lives change so much that there is absolutely no point in talking about this right now.

But I can't escape it! Staff keep cornering me, asking to meet to discuss next summer. Everywhere I go I hear rumblings. About half the staff have plans of returning as Lead Staff next year. It's driving me insane!!!!!!

Crying

I had heard rumblings that some of the staff were feeling stressed out. Boy/girl problems, stuff from home, end of the summer burnout... I wasn't exactly sure, so I pulled Counselor A, then Counselor Jo, then Counselor Ju, then Counselor N. Each had the same response to my question of, "how's it going?" "AWFUL".

They all have the same personality of wanting to help, wanting to fix things and of taking on other people's stress. So it wasn't just that they were dealing with personal things, it was much bigger than that.

Several people had ridden the bus home this weekend, and when it returned on Sunday afternoon, the staff all looked rough. Each time I asked how they were doing, the response was verging on tears. After a long, tear-filled conversation with Counselor M, I decided I needed to bring them all together.

I told Assistant PD A that I was going to have an emergency staff meeting during evening chapel and she would be on her own with the kids. She looked a little panicky and I missed S a lot at that moment. But she made a plan and acted confident and did well.

I took the 12 staff I have left and we sat in a circle and talked. 10 weeks ago, they were strangers and when I told them they would be a family by the end, they looked skeptical. It is difficult to adjust to being with people 24/7, but now, 10 weeks later, they don't know how to be alone. They just spent 10 weeks being challenged, pushed to exhaustion, having fun and going though a life hanging experience. Their friends at home won't understand and won't really care about their stories. As they looked at each other, they know that these are the people who know exactly what they are thinking and feeling without words. They share so many inside jokes and memories, there is no comparison to anything else.

As I described what they were feeling, one by one, they burst into tears. They were holding hands, sobbing, clinging to each other. I reminded them that no one was dying and that they would see each other again. That their relationships would change, but it would be okay. I also reminded them that they have a whole week together and that the best thing would be to throw themselves into it and live it up! Don't spend the week dwelling on the end- have as much fun as possible.

As we stood together and said a prayer, literally every single one of them was crying. I know the feeling, I have mourned the loss of summer many years in a row. I hugged a few of them, once again reminding them that it isn't over yet. I am not surprised by their reaction. And I am happy to see they have had such a powerful experience. Camp is a life changing experience. I say it all the time, but then there are moments like that and it is so clear how much of an affect camp has.

Employment Contract

Hunter is a 9 year old camper this week. We were at the beach and he told me he wanted to work for camp. I told him he could come back as a staff in 2020. He asked me if I could guarantee it.

I told him I'd draw up a contract and bring it to him.

And so I did.

EMPLOYMENT CONTRACT

August 13, 2010

Re: Hunter J. M - Employment Status

This contract between Hunter J. M and Camp guarantees employment beginning June 1, 2020.

As per agreement, Mr. M must meet the following conditions to remain eligible:

• Mr. M will continue to do well in school, try his hardest and graduate from high school.
• Mr. M will be kind and helpful to all members of his family.
• Mr. M will be a responsible and productive member of his community (including church, school, neighborhood and anywhere else he spends time).

If the above conditions are met, Mr. M will be hired by Camp.

I agree to the conditions of this contract:

________________________________ _________________

Hunter J. M Date

________________________________ _________________

Executive Director- Camp Date

________________________________ _________________

Witness Date

The contract was on camp letterhead and very official looking. I had him sign 2 copies- one for him (which I put in an official file folder and let him take home) and one for me. His counselor signed it as the witness.

In our dining hall, we have a "staff hall of fame" wall. Program Director S made a giant grid of 2x2 squares. The years we have been at camp, she painted with the tee shirt logo and bright colors and then filled in the staff names. The ones for the next 20 years or so are blank except for the year in the middle. I let Hunter sign his name on the 2020 square.

My ultimate dream would be to be at camp long enough to see kids move from the youngest group of campers, all the way through to staff. It's a long shot that Hunter will continue coming to camp, but how cool would it be if he ends up as a staff and sees his 9 year old signature on the wall? I plan on letting many more kids sign contracts and sign the wall. Eventually one of them will end up as a staff member.

Program Director S

Program Director S (PDS) graduated from college in May and has spent the entire summer, every free moment she gets, applying for jobs. Her degree is in elementary education, and teaching jobs can be difficult to get as there is so much competition. She has literally applied for 10-20 jobs per week, all around the state, different grade levels. The summer is almost over and she has been getting more and more anxious about what she is going to do in the fall.

On Tuesday, she had an interview for a 3rd/4th grade combined classroom in a tiny private school in a very small town. When she got back to camp yesterday, she had just gotten a call from the principal and got the job! She was glowing. She couldn't stop smiling and I was so happy for her. Except that she starts Tuesday. So Friday is her last day.

Her leaving a week early isn't going to hurt programming- A and I can handle it. At this point in the summer, staff know what is going on, activities are planned and the last week will fly by. So it's not professional- I'm sad because she is so fun and I am going to miss her terribly.

PDS is one of the most wonderful people I know. She is kind and fun and a hard worker, one of the calmest people I know and sets the tone of camp in a very peaceful, kind, gentle, yet fun way.

At mid-summer staff reviews, we sat together and reminisced on the last 3 summers. I always try to give staff feedback and areas to grow. But with S, there was nothing to say. Organization? Yep, every building at camp has been personally organized and labeled by her? Programing? Um, she pretty much planned or had a hand in planning everything we do. Initiative? Considering she's 10 steps ahead of me on EVERYTHING, I would say she's pretty much got that mastered too.

Together, we have spent the last 3 years changing every single thing about camp and I could not have made it without her. The journey has been filled with high highs and low lows, but so much hope and progress that it's amazing to look back. It is difficult to say goodbye to someone who has played such a key part in my time at camp.

I am excited for her and happy for her getting a teaching job. She is going to rock that school. But I am very sad to say goodbye.

BF Comes to Camp

My boyfriend has been to camp just about every other weekend this summer. I appreciate all the driving back and forth because it's been a lot! He has put a lot of effort into our relationship this summer.

Early on in our relationship, I told all my friends that I wasn't going to fall for him or get serious with him until the end of the summer, because I wasn't sure if he would make it through. We had been dating 4 months when I left and by the time summer is over, I will have been gone for four more months. That's a big deal in a brand new relationship.

If the situation was reversed and he left me, I'm not so sure how I would have coped. Camp is a weird lifestyle- perfect for a single person who can run off and play for four months, but when you have someone at home, it's a little less carefree to just disappear into the woods.

But the summer has gone well so far. He is incredibly easy going and understanding. He is patient when I don't answer his phone calls or emails or when I have to end calls early to "deal with a situation". He is wonderfully understanding when he comes for visits and groups of screaming 19 year olds pile into my house to tell me a story in the middle of us watching a movie.

I can't say enough how wonderful and patient and amazing he is. I have really wanted him to stay for a few days during the camp week, but I've been trying to ask nicely and not be demanding, even though it is REALLY important to me.

Camp isn't just a location with buildings, and when he comes over the weekend, it just isn't the same. When kids arrive and there are a million things going on all over the place, camp comes alive. I can describe my job, tell him stories every day, he can even look at pictures, but until you hear the ROAR of campers cheering in the dining hall, or have a hilarious conversation with an 8 year old, or see the whirl of kids and staff in activities, you just can't possibly understand.

Camp isn't just my job, it is my life, my love, my passion, and I desperately wanted him to experience it. I am falling in love with this man, but I needed him to see this piece of my heart before I he could really understand me and know that part of my life.

BF came to visit this weekend. I was EXHAUSTED after a busy and draining week. We spent a lot of time relaxing, sitting around, eating, just being. It was a perfect weekend. But the BEST part was that he stayed! Sunday and most of Monday, he was here, right in the action, following me around, seeing camp in all of it's glory, talking with kids; he even sung along with the songs at the campfire (which he had vowed he could NEVER do). It was one of the highs of my summer so far.

I don't think he really understood how much it meant to me, but it literally meant the world. I needed him to experience what I do. I know he doesn't fully understand, and that's okay, he doesn't need to. He is supportive and wonderful (he was before this), but I wanted him to be hot, sweaty, physically drained, laugh in that way that only kids can make you laugh, and be absorbed into this crazy world... even if it was just for 24 hours. And he did. And I am thrilled.

Sweaty

Scene- Dining hall. Campers have been at camp approximately 1 hour. Counselor N walks up to me, leading a VERY unhappy looking 8 year old.

Counselor N- "He bit Thomas."

Me- "Bit?! Like, with his teeth?"

Counselor N-"yep"

Me (turning to the tiny scowling man with his little arms folded across his chest)- "Hey dude, what's the deal? You bit someone?"

Camper J- "I have to share a locker and I HATE sharing and I HATE him and I HATE this camp and I HATE everything and he bumped me and I HATE being touched."

Me- "So you bit him?"

Camper J- "Yeah, because I HATE him and I HATE this camp and I HATE..."

I could see this was going to go on and on. He was looking very unhappy. So in an attempt to distract him and perhaps build some rapport to try to work him through this, I asked him:

"How did he taste?"

(SCOWLING, ANGRY face, arms crossed, grinding his teeth as he grunted) "sweaty"

At that point, Counselor N had to turn his back and burst into laughter.

Me- "Yep, that's why we don't bite people at camp."

Drained

Thursday night, in the midst of phone calls to the sheriff and attempting to file a report with child services, I also spent some extra time with Camper Jack. I talked to Jack SEVERAL times throughout the week. Not listening to his counselor, not doing what he was supposed to do, arguing with other campers, and on Thursday night, throwing sand in another camper's eyes were just a few of the reasons we chatted.

Jack is 13 and didn't want to be at camp. He got tricked into coming and his attitude and lack of enthusiasm reflected that.

One of the times we talked, I told him, "you're a good kid, but you're making some bad decisions." He laughed and said he'd never heard that before. I asked if he was being sarcastic and he said no. The conversation we had made me think he's been told that he's bad in the past.

I am well known for really liking the naughty campers. I enjoy a little sass. I know that their behavior is a form of communication and that it has to do with something going on in their life. Usually they just need to have someone listen to them, be nice, not yell and take some time.

What Jack didn't know (and neither did I until later), was that while he was away at camp, his mom was being deployed for the next year. His family decided to deal with it by not telling him. When I found out that he wasn't going to be able to say goodbye, wasn't going to find out she was gone (for a year), I was just crushed.

Obviously, considering his behavior and attitude, he's got some issues going on. And now his mom is gone for a YEAR, without giving him any warning.

I can't stop thinking about him, wondering if he's okay.

This week has been so emotionally draining, I am so thankful it is over.

Child Services

Every year at training, we talk about what it means to be a mandated reporter (which we are). If a child tells us that they are being hurt, or if we witness evidence of a child being hurt, we are required, by law, to report it. In 11 years of working with kids, I have never been in this situation.

Until yesterday.

One of the campers got picked up a day early by her mom and grandma. She had a meltdown, as is common with tired 8 years olds. Grandma responded by hitting her several times, pushing her to the ground, grabbing her by the face and screaming at her.

I didn't witness any of that. I was at the talent show, listening to a very painful rendition of "Party in the USA" by a 7 year old, when Counselor A came running, looking frantic and whispered the situation to me. S &A were both gone, so I grabbed the closest counselor to me, handed her the list of acts and told her she was in charge.

When I walked out to the front of camp, one of the MFLCs (both of whom are licensed therapists), was calming the mom down and the other one explained the situation to me. Nurse J took the child into the Health Center to examine her and we listened to Counselor A's description again.

The mom assured us that the child never sees the grandma and it never happens and blah blah. When Nurse J came out, she let us know the child had marks on her face. AWFUL.

Eventually we let them go since we legally can't hold them and we made the decision the child wasn't in immediate danger. I spent the next few hours on the phone with the sheriff, talking to the National Military Family Association, calming Counselor A down, and reassuring all the staff that nothing was going on and everything was fine (despite my mid-talent show exit).

This morning, I was on the phone with child protection and filed a report. I hope that it was a one time thing and they go out and visit the family and find nothing. I have a difficult time imagining the alternative. I know families are under a lot of stress when one parent is deployed, and I know that children are abused every day. But this is the first time I have had such a close encounter with it and it makes me sick to my stomach. I'm ready for this week to be over, I'm exhausted.

Getting Tired

With only 1 break a day instead of two, no night off and no co-counselor, the staff are getting to the point of exhaustion. Their tone of voice is much less patient and their faces are showing the stress.

I understand how they feel but I am also annoyed that they can't dig a little deeper and just be nice. Be patient. Stop snapping.

But we're doing okay, we're making it through...

TANK!!!!!!!!!!

Military Day!


As part of the curriculum this week, we are hosting military day. This is an opportunity for kids to learn about the military. It is also supposed to be super fun.


Last year, we had a helicopter land (on the correct day), had an obstacle course, face paint, etc. This year, the soldier assigned to help plan it came out to camp to meet with me and make plans. I work in camping, so I know a LOT of enthusiastic people, but this guy blew everyone out of the water. He was SO excited. He had so many things planned, I was slightly overwhelmed, but very excited!

Last night, we had 10 soldiers come early to stay overnight. I knew that today we would have 20+ soldiers,lots of equipment and many activities, but I didn't even think about the fact that they would be bringing it all with them. My jaw about hit the ground as giant trucks, humvees, and a HUGE truck/flatbed trailer thing (I think there is a military name for it, but I didn't catch it) rolled up to camp.

Today was an AMAZING day. The soldiers were incredibly wonderful. They were awesome with the kids, really friendly, stayed really enthusiastic all day (despite being in long, heavy uniforms in the sun). There was a climbing wall,night vision goggles, face paint, MREs (meal ready to eat), chemical detecting trucks, compasses, a giant wrecker truck, and oh yeah, a TANK!

I got to ride in a tank! Ride.in.a.tank!!!!!!!!!!!! And then pose for my picture in a tank. And play in a tank.

When I offered to drive, I was kidding. I bang my car into things on a regular basis, clearly I'm not qualified to drive a tank. But 5 minutes later, I was wearing the helmet, getting a quick lesson on which button and which pedal did what and off we went.

I got to drive a tank... I. GOT. TO. DRIVE. A. TANK.

Riding in a tank= AMAZING, awesome, incredible.

Driving a tank= EPIC...... no words can describe........

We did a big loop, probably 100 yards total. I was thinking he would let me pull it up a few feet. Nope, I DROVE A TANK!!!!!!! Pedals, steering, the whole thing. The soldier in charge was riding on top, but I was DRIVING a tank!

Not only did I get to do something absolutely amazing, but my mom and aunt had come up for the day and my dad is back from Alaska, so both my parents got to see me drive a tank. Amazing.

BEST DAY EVER!!!!!!!!

Surprises!

A day of surprises!

Last Friday, the helicopter flew over camp, checking out the landing. So this morning, when it flew over again, I assumed it was the same thing. No big deal.

And then it got louder.

And louder...

And as I ran out of the Welcome Center, I could see it hovering over the field, about to land.

110 kids and 25 staff all came running and all were looking at me, asking, "what is going on?!?"

I was frantically throwing my arms in the air saying, "it's not today, it's tomorrow! It can't land!"

But of course it did land, because camp directors have very little power to stop a landing Black hawk helicopter.

I wouldn't have expected the US military to make a mistake and mix up the dates, but apparently it happened at the other two camps this summer as well, so I rolled with it.

The pilots were wonderful and as they talked to the kids, Program Director S and I frantically re-scheduled the whole morning. S was a ROCKSTAR, never hesitating, never even batting an eyelash as she jotted out group rotations, activities, lifeguard schedules and helicopter time.

Kids were excited, but it was a HOT day and they kept asking when they got to go swimming. I kept saying, "there's a HELICOPTER in our field!" But by lunch, every kid and staff had gotten their picture taken in the helicopter, everyone had gone swimming and it was as if we'd had it planned all along.

After lunch, I was ready for regularly scheduled programming and hoping for no more surprises. But when Fed Ex arrived, I was in for another surprise, but this one was SUPER WONDERFUL.

My darling boyfriend had sent me flowers. He wanted to give me some encouragement during a crazy week. My favorite flowers. He is truly wonderful and amazing. And it was the best surprise of the week (even better than a helicopter!).

OPC

Operation Purple Camp provides a week of camp, free of charge to kids whose parents are currently deployed in the military. Run by the National Military Family Association, there are 63 camps across the country that have been selected to be part of the program this summer. This is our second summer with this program.

This week we welcomed 110 campers from this and surrounding states. Our biggest week this summer has been 80 kids, so this is a bit of a stretch for us, but we're doing it.

As a struggling camp, having 110 kids who are fully paid for (actually even a little more money than average campers), is LIFESAVING. It was a HUGE deal when we got accepted last year and a RELIEF when we got chosen again this year.

I am excited because it is a cool week, with lots of special events and many visitors.

It is an exhausting week though, with kids who come from families under more than average stress. Of 110 campers, 78 are on medication. We have kids whose parents are divorcing, kids who have suicidal tendencies, kids who are used to having a great deal of responsibility at home, and kids who are worried about mom or dad away at war. It is a much different group than our typical campers.

But it is an honor to be able to provide a week of fun to kids who so need it. I am excited for the adventures ahead!

Mental Health Breakdown

Day 1 of craziness... and we begin with insanity, like true mental health issues.

As part of the Operation Purple Program, each camp is provided a mental health consultant (MFLC). The idea behind OPC is to provide an opportunity for military kids to connect with other military kids, have fun, make friends, share their experiences, etc. Some of the curriculum is created to get the kids opening up about their feelings, and so the MFLC is on hand to support the kids and the staff if serious issues arise.

Because we have over 100 kids, we are provided 2 MFLCs. The MFLC from last year contacted me in March and the new one contacted me over a month ago. So I was a bit surprised to receive an email yesterday afternoon from a woman asking me when she should arrive.

I was completely completely confused and when I called her, it didn't make it any better. Eventually I got in contact with her supervisor who let me know there had been a mistake and we were registered under two different categories, so we were assigned another MFLC. She apologized for the confusion and asked me if I wanted her to come anyway since she was already paid for.

I was a little annoyed to be dealing with this during the 15 hours of free time I had, so I agreed. This morning she arrived bright and early. I was still in my pajamas, drinking coffee on my couch. I was not excited to see her. Within the first 10 minutes of meeting her, I knew she had just kicked her 17 year old daughter out of her house, she hates gay people, was a devout Christian, has a poodle.... whoa, whoa... WAYYYYY too much for me before my coffee was still in my cup and not circulating in my veins.

By the time camp actually started, several (5 or more, I stopped paying attention) staff had come to me to let me know she was weird, like really weird. Ugh, not what I want to deal with in an already BUSY week.

Right before dinner she came to me and said, "by the way, I'm glucose and lactose free."

"Um, yikes, sorry, but we don't accomodate special diets for staff. This might be tough."

Not to mention that I just found out about you 12 hours ago.

She smiled and told me not to worry, she'd be fine and she'd probably be eating at the local coffee shop a lot.

35 minutes later my head cook came to me, stressed out and let me know that the crazy lady had been to the kitchen to let her know what dietary needs she had and what we would be required to provide.

I don't think so.

You don't get to lie to my face and go behind my back within the first hour you are here.

So I called her supervisor and let her know it wasn't working out.

Hopefully the week will go a little more smoothly from here....