Paradise

Remember when I was so excited to be promoted to Executive Director and I bought really nice business cards and did a lot of fist pumps into the air while saying, "Yay! I'm in charge of all of this!"?

Be careful what you wish for....

My dad called me on Tuesday and said, "you need to get in touch with the insurance company." He didn't say it that calmly though. For those readers who are familiar with my father, it was more "#$@^&&*()^&%$%#pipes@%^&*(&*^&^ ^frozen%^$$^&insurance*(*)(*(*(9()%$ #@@@$%%^"

Ugh.

Apparently the pipes in the dining hall were frozen and cracked. I don't know the exact details of how he discovered this because, even now, they are still rock solid, but he figured it out and called the plumber who let him know it wasn't looking good. The two of them shut the water down and have had heaters inside for the last few days and on Monday, the plumber will be back to assess the damage. It turns out that two of the heaters had been disconnected when the Boss had brought in new ovens. Apparently he hadn't reconnected the heaters, so it was SUPER cold in the dining hall, leading to the frozen situation we have now.

Meanwhile, the staff house next to his was also frozen and he learned that the drain from the house to the septic hadn't been properly insulated and needs to be re-done. In discovering that fact, he learned that the drain field for the Director's cabin was also not installed correctly and should be re-done. And somehow, even though it's the opposite side of camp, we learned that the septic tanks in the dining hall are cracked and will have to replaced.

I had to have him explain the situation several times while I took notes because I wasn't sure exactly how it all connected. It doesn't- they are separate problems. The connection is that they are all going on at my sink-hole of a camp.

I felt really bad for my dad who took it as a personal failure. After he was done yelling about the %^&*$&^(!!@$#* camp, he just kept saying, "I'm sorry I let you down kid."

But here's the thing- he didn't let me down at all. It's not his fault. It's that we took over a camp that was practically run into the ground by previous Directors. I've spent the last 8 months cleaning up and we still have a long way to go. Between J in the office finding every mistake in the insurance, taxes, accounting, etc. and my dad at camp fixing every broken and run down building, and me somewhere in between mending relationships and trying to get us functioning as a normal camp, we've made DRASTIC, AMAZING progress. We've cursed the Boss' name over and over, banged our heads against the desk in frustration, vented, imagined walking out and telling the Board of Directors to burn this place to the ground, but mostly, we've just put our heads down and worked. Hard. It's like untangling a giant ball of yarn that is tied in knots. Every time you think it's almost straightened out, you find out about another hidden mess that's causing a bigger mess that you have to deal with NOW. It's so frustrating. I sometimes feel like a failure too.

The problems from this week are because the old Boss (and, in fairness to him, some people before him) didn't do things the right way. They were lazy or incompetent or tried to cut corners. And now we've inherited the mess. It's difficult to remain focused and dedicated when things like this happen. Was anyone paying attention?! Is anyone paying attention now? Does anyone care that our 62year old camp was abused by the guy that was supposed to come in and save it? What kind of magic do they expect me to work with this place? Does anyone realize what we are up against? Hello Board of Directors?! 14 months ago I was a Senior Coordinator. I had 3 levels of bosses above me. And now I'm in charge. By myself. I answer to a Board that is, on it's best day, mostly unaware of anything that is going on. And sometimes that's just a bit too much responsibility for me.

But I love this camp. I mean deeply, passionately love this place with unconditional devotion and unwavering faith that with hard work and stubborn perseverance, it can be the camp it's meant to be. I try to think about camp as it will be, rather than all of the problems there currently are. I believe in this place and I look forward to the future, standing with my dad, filled with pride, knowing where we started and how far we came. We've already come a long way. This little bump isn't the end of the world. Annoying, but certainly not the end of the world....

Leadership

I was very very clear with the staff this summer- Leaders-in-Training are high school students who are paying to come to camp. That means they are campers, even though they are close in age. You are NOT to hang out with them outside of camp.

Some staff struggled with this concept and will not be rehired. Yes, I am that strict.

My Leadership Development Coordinator (who is a rockstar and I hired without interviewing anyone else because I designed the position with her in mind) called me today and we had this conversation:

A: Hi. You know how we aren't allowed to hang out with LITs outside of camp? Well, H and R (two of the LITs from last summer) are getting married on May 9. I really want to go, but I don't want to get in trouble. Can I go to their wedding?

me: _________________________

A: Are you there?

me: (stunned) Married? How old are they? Aren't they graduating high school in May? Did you mean their graduation party? Married? What?

After I picked my jaw up from the floor and told her that, yes, she could go, this is obviously a little different situation, I went on facebook to check it out. Yes, graduating in May. Yes, married in May. And yes, expecting a baby (this is where I slammed my palm against my forehead)...

No no no. This is why we have teenagers in leadership development programs, so they don't get themselves into these situations. I am crushed. This isn't supposed to be happening to my kids. They are leaders. Last summer they were busy making lanyard bracelets and swimming. This summer they are going to be newlyweds and preparing for a baby. No. That's just not how it's supposed to go. They had their whole lives ahead of them, this is going to be so stressful and difficult and it's absolutely tragic. What about college? What about figuring out who they are? I'm so sad for them. Could we have done something different when they were at camp? I know that's naive- they were only at camp 2 weeks out of their lives, and they've been dating since they were freshmen, they're in love and blah blah... But still... A baby? They are babies...

Cautiously Optimistic

Date #2 went well.

As I said the first time- cute, funny, smart and able to hold a conversation. Still true.

He's also super nice, interesting, and agreed with my dislike of bowling, mini golf, zoos, etc. (and yeah, that made me like him even more). Really, if I'm being honest, there were a lot of qualities that made me like him even more.

We're seeing each other again this weekend and I'm looking forward to it. However, I am not allowing myself to be excited yet. I will only be cautiously optimistic and say that he has a lot of good qualities and we'll see where it goes. I'm not getting ahead of myself. Two dates is not enough to know anything yet.

In two dates, he does not yet know that I talk in baby talk to my dog entirely more than is socially acceptable. He doesn't know that I wear sweatpants 99% of the time. He doesn't know that I randomly burst into song often enough that my roommates think I might have tourette's syndrome (I don't, it's just a camp thing, ask any camp person). He also hasn't had time to get sick of hearing, "this one time at camp..." He doesn't know that my bookshelves are alphabetized or that the minute I get cold, hungry, or tired, I immediately turn into a 3 year old. These are probably not things that will change, and could definitely be deal breakers for any guy. Likewise, I'm sure there are things about him that might drive me insane.

So anyway, the point is, I'm not getting ahead of myself. I have too much work to do this week to be distracted. So I will not be writing his name inside hearts on my notebook. I will be directing a camp. And that's that.

The Dating Game

Dear Coffee-at-1pm-on-Saturday-Guy~

I'm not like a dating expert or anything, but I would venture a guess that the reason you're single is because you don't show up to dates you have arranged. Just a thought...

xoxox

Camp Director

Closer to "Cosmos"

Wednesday night usually means "Real World" and cuddling on the couch with the baby bulldog. Not interesting enough to blog about, but if I'm really being honest, it's my favorite thing in the whole world. Last night? No cuddling, no wonderful reality tv. Last night I went to a very trendy place downtown to see a concert with my friend MG. I feel like that's the kinda thing other 26 year olds are doing every night, but I was dreading it the same way people fret over a visit to the dentist.

Dimly lit, PACKED full of 17 year old emo hipsters, and so loud I was concerned that my heartbeat was going to be thrown off. Not exactly my scene, but MG and I have been friends since 7th grade, and over the years, I have dragged her to a great number of ridiculous situations, so I felt like I owed it to her to go. And so, out of love and friendship, I smiled and fought, with all my might to avoid rolling my eyes or yawning the entire night.

But, really, it was AWFUL. In addition to the aforementioned list of nonsense, the bands were so unbelievably cliche, I actually thought it might be a joke. There were 4 bands (which, was like 3 too many). All 4 bands had 4-6 extremely thin guys wearing tight black pants and a vintage tee shirt of some sort. A few of the guys also added a tie or a vest for that anti-establishment feel to the whole outfit. All of the guys had the same variation of the "I just woke up and my hair is messy, except that I have more product in it than most girls and it probably took a lot of effort to get it perfectly messed" haircut. Every single song from all 4 bands sounded exactly the same. I couldn't help but wonder if there is a guide to being a rock star that they all bought and read together. It was so contrived I was just blown away by the ridiculousness of it.

But I went. I was trendy. My friend is happy. And this morning, despite scrubbing in the shower, I have a stamp on my wrist proving that I am living a very cosmopolitan life... Is it time to head back to the woods yet?

Dating

Date number 2 was a vast improvement from the first guy. He was funny, intelligent, cute and could hold a conversation. When he said, "I like to travel" he had actual experience to back it up (I can't think of anything more annoying when people say they like to travel and then say, "well, I've never actually been outside the Midwest, but I would like to travel someday... dude, that is totally different than enjoying travel). He likes reality tv, and zip up sweaters (which are a close relative of the fleece vest). Anyway, I would definitely like to see him again, so we'll see.

However, I have a few unfortunate observations after my nice date.

1- Dating is going to be a challenge because I'm really lame. We hung out until 10:45pm and I was enjoying myself immensely. However, I am a 10pm bedtime girl, so it was a struggle to remain upright, engaged and witty while trying not to fall asleep. I am going to have to arrange afternoon dates from now on.

2- Dating is going to be a challenge because when I got home, I was told that my poor baby bulldog had been sitting by my bedroom door crying, refusing to do anything else for several hours. I can't even begin to describe the guilt I feel when I imagine that. Also, when she flopped down on my pillow and fell asleep with her chin resting on my face, I wondered if there would ever be a guy I liked enough to alter said baby bulldog's sleeping habits.

3- Dating is going to be a challenge because I hate fun. Okay, that's not entirely true, I'm fun. I made 50 gallons of jello and let kids throw it at each other this summer. I invented fun. However, the list of things I don't enjoy includes: bowling, darts, pool or other bar games, going to bars, frisbee, zoos, mini-golf, regular golf, and probably some other things I can't think of but that most people love. Unfortunately, that list could also be called, "things to do on a date" and so I'm either going to have to suck it up and feign interest in those things, or I'm going to have to give up dating and spare myself the torture. What kind of things do I enjoy? I like the theater, museums, and any interesting thing you would read about in the back of the community newspaper (that no one except me and the senior citizens read). A lecture on bees followed by a honey making demonstration- I'm in! A tour of Victorian homes- totally! If I was looking for a 60 year old to date, I would be set, but where will I find a 25-30ish guy like that?

Despite my concerning observations, it was a good time.

Beige

I went to coffee. It was uneventful. He was nice, but pretty white bread for my taste. There wasn't much there, just beige, boring, plain, no sparkle. It wasn't awful, but my mind felt a little numb afterwards.

Well, until I returned home.

At home I learned that a water pipe in my basement had frozen and cracked and in the warmer weather had turned my basement into a puddle. I returned home to find my brother trying to dam the water away from the carpeted area of the basement.

Naturally, I started freaking out and waving my arms around, screeching (which is always the best response in such a crisis). "It's fine. I already called dad, shut off the water and it's almost cleaned up" was his response.

Ugh, maybe this is a warning from the dating gods. Tonight I am supposed to have coffee with another guy, so if the roof caves in, I guess we'll know if Sunday was a freak accident or a message from above.

The truth is, I'm not really even interested in dating. My life is awesome, and I'm not in a rush to change that. I am completely fulfilled by my family and friends, my job, my fat bulldog, and I don't feel lonely at all. I have accomplished many life goals and continue to do so. I don't have a strong desire to get married or reproduce, and I am not patient enough (or desperate enough) to deal with any kind of drama that comes from boy meets girl interaction. But somehow, I feel stress over the idea that I should want to date. However, in two years of not dating, I managed to travel, volunteer, buy a house, land my dream job (and then get promoted to my dream dream job), develop true self confidence and find inner peace. What I should be doing is taking two more years off to conquer the world (or whatever else comes up).

Anyway, I've decided to meet at least 5 guys before I give up and dedicate my life to my bulldog. I'll keep you posted...

Coffee

I'm going out for coffee tomorrow, it's not a big deal, not worth writing about actually. I haven't mentioned it to my best friend or to my mom (who I tell everything), because it's nothing. Except that since it's nothing, it seems silly to lie about. Plus, other than Puppy First Grade, which started this morning, my life pretty much consists of laying around my house, or going to work. And I feel like my loyal readers (both of you) will get bored if I have nothing to write about (please pick up my sarcasm and laugh).

So I'm going to coffee with a guy. And as I said, it will probably not even be worth mentioning again. I plan on wearing my keen shoes and talking about my dog the whole time. I am not expecting to meet my soulmate, nor am I sure I really want to. I actually kind of enjoy my quiet, boring life and I feel like a guy will just mess that up.

But I'm going. And now it's out there.

Dating Formula

Practical shoes
+
Unfortunate haircut
+
Oxford dress shirt/sweater combo
+
Frequent use of the phrase "roommate" (which, apparently is usually code for girlfriend... who knew?)
+
I haven't dated in a long time
------------------------------------
"Is Camp Director, you know, into girls?"

This was the question my good friend B got asked by a colleague (who also happens to be gay, by the way) this weekend.

I think it's time to start dating again... Males, in case there was still a question.

Summer's On the Way!

Yesterday we had our first three registrations for camp. And over the weekend, I received the first staff application for the summer.

Summer will be here before you know it!

Retreat Success

The retreat was a success. The kids had fun, I had fun, and everyone was safe. The weather was warm and sunny but really snowy, so we went sledding twice and it was super fun. I haven't been sledding in a really long time, and I forgot how fun it can be. We did several team building activities and had some good group discussions about responsibility, caring, and self image. We played board games, and stayed up really late. The food was excellent and just about all of the kids' parents sent baked goods for us to snack on.

And the $800 bus was worth every penny. First of all, I didn't really consider just how much space all of the groceries and other supplies i needed would take up. I also didn't realize that for a weekend, kids would bring as much stuff as they did. I don't know if we would have fit everything into a van. And then, on Saturday night, we went 10 miles into town to attend Mass. It was a slow drive on the way there, but not too bad. On the way home, however, it was dark (as in, no street lights, really dark) and it had started to snow. The defrost wasn't working as well as it should, so I was partially blind. And 15 passenger vans really are lightweight and I sorta felt like I was flying the van rather than driving it. I was acting like it was no big deal, but it was absolutely death defying. $800 was a small price to pay to avoid doing that ever again.